Abused

Title: Abused.

Author: Nita Riddle

Feedback: Oh for the love of god, PLEASE! Send feedback. God that sounded desprete. Send it to sireofangelus@yahoo.com

Rated: R for adult themes.

Pairing: Harry/Draco

Disclaimer: Nothing in the Harry Potter universe belongs to me They belong to other people who have the sense not to let me own them. Summery: Draco has a little problem facing the truth because, he doesn\'t want to believe it.

A/N: I\'d like to dedicate this fic to all the men and women who have ever been in an abusive situation for their strength to escape out of it and to the people still in abusive relationships, may they find the strength to move on.

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I don\'t know when it started exactly. I don\'t think I\'ll ever be able to keep that time apart.

You know the funny thing is, the school still thinks I\'m lying about the whole thing?

Professor Snape was right, no one does wants to punish the Gryffindor\'s, especially not the school\'s Golden Boy, their own personal fairy tale.

It\'s always been this way. Even in the past. I\'ve heard the rumors about the thing with Sirius Black, Professor Snape, and the Werewolf.

Some Slytherin\'s will even re account tales they were told from the older ones of crimes commited to fellow Slytherin\'s in the past. Some things sound like fantasy from a Muggle fairy tale, the only difference is, this wasn\'t fictional. Now my story will probably be added to those tales, dragged out unwilling of its safe and cozy bed, kicking and screaming into the open.

Since this whole thing has started I don\'t think I\'ve ever suffered worse than I have these past months. Draco Malfoy being treated like that, who would believe it? A Slytherin and a Death Eaters son letting himself being treated like that by someone else. It\'s unheard of.

Everywhere I walk, the whispers rush by me. None of them true. I hate these lies told behind a cupped hand. Even when I walk down empty halls in this school I can hear them mocking me, jeering me, and haunting me.

Nothing I try can help me escape from these voices that follow me. I\'m going insane from this. Am I really hearing haunted echoes of the school or am I imagining it because I don\'t want to forget these last few days?

A wind, a whisper, I can hardly tell the difference anymore. Both are cold and wild and unpredictable. They can being such terrible pain. I\'m trapped in a hurricane of lies and rumor\'s.

I can\'t tell the difference in anything anymore, all I know was I thought He loved me. This is the part the wrongly named Prince Charming enters in the fairy tale.

He sweeps you off your feet and turns your peasant garments to silks and gold in fantasy.

In the real world, my Prince Charming turned my gold, silver, and green riches to rusted waste, he turned this aristocrat into something lower than a servant, a servile.

I\'ve paid for my moments of happiness. I\'ve paid for my pleasure with pain four times over.

Every wrong I have ever commited has been repaid with my blood and my tears. What i received in return lov love, I think.

A love I do not understand.

My world has crumbled around me and you expect me to explain this to you, Headmaster in words? Since this began I\'ve changed completely.

I\'ve lost myself in the fairy, I\'ve lost my self in the lies and the truth. I\'ve lost trace where the real world ends and, my imagination begins. I can\'t tell whether I wanted this so bad I imagined it or if it\'s real. it has to be real. I don\'t know how I would take it of it wasn\'t.

I walk into your office, trying desperately to cling to my last edge of sanity and you tell me to write my problems down. Then you turn your back to me and leave. You leave me here, alone, in your office with a parchment and a quill.

Don\'t you see me as important as all your other students? I don\'t even know what you are going to do when you return with this parchment. The thing that seems most likely is you pick it off your desk and dropping in the wastebasket for the house elves to dispose.

If you can\'t even bother to listen to me and my story first hand, how can you be bothered to read this?

Then again, you\'ve always been blind to anything involving your Golden Boy but I can\'t blame you for that. The last thing I want to be is a hypocrite. If you are the one blind to his actions, I am blind and deaf. It doesn\'t help matters that I think I wanted it this way.

I think I\'m going mad. It helps to just write out my thoughts on paper. He said me loved me. I don\'t understand anymore. I just don\'t understand anything anymore.

It began...a while ago. I can\'t remember when. A part of me constantly wonders if I can\'t remember because I don\'t want to remember.

We were so diffrent and we still are. He still laughs in the sunlight with his friends. He still studies in the library. he still worries about his N.E.W.T.\'s and shops in Hogsmeade for Chocolate Frogs.

I\'m the one who\'s changed. I spend less and less time with my house mates. My grades have slipped. I quit the Slytherin Quidditch team. McGonagall\'s told me twice that if I don\'t get my grades up fast, I might not graduate. Professor Snape\'s even tried to get me to agree with tutoring to bring up my grades.

None of it seems to matter now. It\'s all faded into the background.

Things change. The world we live in would see two bitter enemies, trading verbal spars, but when it was just him and me, it became something diffrent. We became friends in a way. From friendship, there came something more.

Then for the first time he kissed me and I was shocked speechless even. He hadn\'t even told his friends he and I were getting along when he does this.

After a small rocky start, it turned into something of an odd relationship that turned out diffrent than anything I thought it would.


I can\'t believe I\'m writing this. It feels so good to write it, it feels so good to confess this so some one, to something. To finally let everything out.

I couldn\'t understand why he didn\'t want people to know about us, why we kept up old masks. He would whisper to me that he wanted everything to be a secret.

It only made the insults he would fling at me in public hurt more because those were the times I couldn\'t tell if he meant it or if he was faking it. He didn\'t see that when he would turn his back to me and walk off with Weasly and Granger the tears I would refuse to let fall.

It must have gone on for a year and a half, our little tryst, and I never let him see the tears fall from my eyes. I was too proud to let him see. The love I had for him grew and kept growing even as our relationship took a turn for something worse.

The kisses grew uglier over time, I would go back to my dorm with a fat lip and nasty bite marks on my neck that would stay for days yet he still said he loved me. He acted just like he always did. Telling jokes and flying his broom like always. Still the worlds little Golden Boy.

Every time I would try to confront him about it, he\'d get mad and hit me. I\'m not a good fighter. He\'d apologize afterwards, looking horribly sorry and I\'d always forgive him. he never hit me anywhere people would see, but I used to look at those marks. I would stand in front of my mirror when no one else was around and trace my finger around the black and blue hues brandishing my skin.

I need you, he would say. I love you, he would say.

I couldn\'t bring it in myself to say no. His friends may have been with his during the day but we had our moments together. They couldn\'t make him happy like I did. He would never look at them the way he looked at me. I envied Weasly and Granger for what they got everyday. I envied them for the hugs and smiles they took for granted.

Our relationship went at a fast pace. Pretty soon He demanded we go all the way. I told him no, I resisted him for as long as I could but it was pretty futile, we made love any ways. It wasn\'t rape. It couldn\'t have been rape.

He would kiss my stomach and whisper to me the things we could do together when he told his friends about me and when we could go public. It didn\'t matter that he had taken me dry and ridden me so hard my lip bled from biting on it to hide my screams.

It was never rape, it was always love.

He would stroke my sides and coo to me how much he loves my thin waist, my slim form. I wanted to stay that way for him. I would eat less. Not much less. just, smaller portions. Maybe skip lunch one or twice, nothing drastic. He would be sitting in treatreat Hall as if it didn\'t matter any ways. He would notice I wasn\'t there but he didn\'t comment on it.

It didn\'t matter that I hurt for days afterwards, that was the first time we made love. He gave me a charm to wear as a gift for being so good. A boa constrictor on a silver chain for me to wear to show I was his. He said it represented a beginning. Of what, he didn\'t say. It didn\'t matter he never gave me presents for any holiday or for my birthday, the charm was good enough for me, I didn\'t deserve gifts any ways.

Over the month things got worse. He would kiss me but they starting feeling ugly. He would hit me a lot more. I can\'t even remember when \'Draco\' changed to \'whore\' but it didn\'t matter.

He said he needed me and that he loved me.

I didn\'t mind covering up for the bruises he\'d leave me. I know I\'m not a good person and that I shouldn\'t get him angry or upset him.

He started to get sloppy and hitting me where others could see. Professor Snape started watching me when I\'d go to Advanced Potions with a bruised hand, or a black eye. He would send me to Madam Pomfrey until I learned healing charms and glamours to heal the bruises or at least, make the worst disappear until they would fade enough to heal.

We make love when he can get away from his friends. I don\'t mind that he likes it dry even if it hurts that way. I know the healing charms to clean my self afterwards. It was worth it to see the dreamy smile dancing on his face in classes or during breakfast the next day. It was worth it to see how much happier I made him.

I didn\'t think our little world would be a secret forever but I can\'t believe it was Bulstrode who figured it out. I didn\'t know she was watching me until it was too late to bribe her.

She says I\'m being abused but I know it\'s not abuse. I\'m a Malfoy, do you think I would stand to be abused? She say\'s it\'s the reason I\'ve stopped as much as I used to. She say\'s I\'ve gotten an ng dng disorder which is ridiculous and utter bull. She told me she would tell Dumbledore what was happening if I didn\'t tell her who was doing it and if I didn\'t stop it. That was four months ago. I told it had stopped even if i wouldn\'t tell her who it was and that satisfied her.

I lied. It didn\'t stop, it got worse.

Two weeks ago, she figured out I was lying. She became furious. She told the Patil\'s everything she knew and they\'ve spread it all over the school. Malfoy\'s being beaten up. Malfoybeinbeing raped. Malfoy\'s been starving himself. Malfoy\'s being abused. Malfoy\'s got an eating disorder.

I\'ve been owled by my father telling me to stop this nonsense. He said Malfoy\'s aren\'t weaklings and would never allow anything like this to happen. I owled him back telling him it was a lie. He didn\'t believe me and that if he were ever to find out my abuser\'s name, he would kill him. Mother owled me telling me she would support me no matter what happened. She didn\'t believe me when i told her it wasn\'t true either.

None of its true. It can\'t be true, he told me he loved me. You have to straighten this all out, Headmaster. I\iredired of the pain and I\'m tired of being exhausted all the time. I\'m tired of covering things up but you have to stop the rumors.

You have to stop the whisng. ng.

Your little Golden Boy\'s furious with me. He\'s mad at me for letting everything slip. He swore he would kill me if I told anyone that he was the one who was doing this to me. he was so mad. I deserved it really for tripping up and having her figure out what was happening, even if she didn\'t understand. He beat me worse than he ever had before yesterday.

I don\'t know how I managed to get myself to my bed. I think Crabbe and Goyle found me in the Common Room and helped me get in bed. They are good guys, a little thick, but good people.

When I didn\'t show up for my classes today, Professor Snape went looking for me. When he found me, he was shocked. I had never seen him so astounded before. He sent me up here after giving me some strong healing potions.

That\'s all there is Headmaster, really. Nothing bad has happened to me.

Maybe now that I\'ve told you this, He will be happy I\'ve forced this out into the public. I loved him and he loved me. Now I\'m not sure what I feel. not after all of this. He loves me and he hurts me, but then again, doesn\'t all love hurt?

I want to stop this. I love him, but it has to stop. I\'m starting to think everyone\'s right, Harry Potter is abusing me. Now what do I do?

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A/N: I think it\'s official. I have an inability to write fluff. So, tellwhatwhat do yall, think?