Quadrophenia

"I'm getting put down,
I'm getting pushed round,
I'm being beaten every day.
My life's fading,
But things are changing,
I'm not gonna sit and weep again."

The wind whistled through the old windows of the rattling carriage and he pulled his head further into his hands. Everything irritated him. All he wanted was peace, was that too much to ask for? Obviously so. He pulled his fingers back and forth through his hair and closed his eyes, he needed to think, he needed to try and work out what he was going to do, he needed to get this memory out of his head, it was a hinderance, and he couldn't afford to posess anything that could stop him or slow him down, not this time. A warmth enclosed his left hand, a finger gently stroking his knuckles, a voice.

"Draco, just tell us, whatever it is, it can't possibly be that bad" the voice mewed.

Pansy. Pansy fucking Parkinson.

He tightened his fingers' grip into his hair, his knuckles turning white. He'd asked her to leave him alone. He'd asked everyone to leave him alone. Why couldn't her thick skull take this information and process it? He wanted to scream at her. Let all his anger out on her. Scold her for even daring to talk to him after he specifically told them all to fuck off and leave him alone for the rest of the journey. But he didn't. Annoying as she was, she didn't deserve to be the poor sod to have all his anger hurled at, not even golden boy, bane of his entire schooling existence, perfect, know it all Potter deserved that. Draco Malfoy was many things, but as of yet, he was not a murderer, and that is where, he feared, his rage if it were to be released, may take him.

*********
Flashback
"Draco pull yourself together boy. You should be honoured to have been given this chance, to feel his trust, to cater to one of the Dark Lords most important duties. But no, here we are, the night before you go back to that wretched school and your sitting here moping as per u---"

"Father. Please. Shut up." he gave his father in the most bored voice he could manage.

His father took a step back, he'd never talked back to him before, especially not with so little emotion, lack of care, it made his blood boil.

"How dare you!" He began but his wife cut in, coming and placing her arm around their offending son whispering in his ear whilst stroking his blonde hair, making sure he was unable to hear.

"Draco, my darling, listen to me. I too am not happy with this arrangement, I would prefer it if you were to be left alone, but you cannot back out now, even if you did not agree to this in the first place. Please know he is doing this only to make your father suffer for his previous failings, don't be pulled in to his web Draco, I know you may feel special to be the chosen one, to have this power, this task, but please, do not be fooled by it, know that if you do not kill Albus, he will kill you." She pleaded with him.

He didn't like this. He didn't like this at all.
How could his father have been so careless, so stupid as to have put his sixteen year old son into this predicament?
How could he care so little about his family, and so much about a cause that was so pointless, a cause that was from the beginning set to fail, and a cause that was so disgusting that he couldn't begin to fathom why anyone would want to make themselves part of it. Pureblood? Yes. Draco was pureblood and for many years he had used this to his advantage, picking on those who were muggle born, using the power he thought this trait gave him to make himself one of the most sought after persons currently attending Hogwarts. Ofcourse, that was all talk. He never once thought that he would have to be part of this ridiculous charade.
But this was now where he found himself, trapped between the person he wanted to become, and the person that all his life, he now realised, he had been tweaked and pruned into becoming. He knew which way he wanted to go, but he knew that there was no way possible he could, and at this very moment the tiny shred of hope that he still held had been pulled from him and ripped into a thousand pieces by none other than his own mother.
He knew he shouldnt be angry with her, she didnt agree with any of this, he'd heard her, every night since he who mus--- the dark lord had came to their home and forced this fate upon him, crying in her bedroom, trying to work out numerous different plans to rid her only son of this awful task, but coming to no avail. But somehow all the anger he already felt had just been added to by her, and although he didnt want to, he pushed her away, turned his back on her, glaring.

He looked at his father, seething. He hated the man before him for putting him in this situation, but he didnt see any way possible for him to act upon this, he would have to carry out the task he'd been given, and he'd need this mans help to do so.

"So. Has your mother managed to talk some sense into you, to rid you of this ridiculous boyish fear?"

He would give anything to be a different person, to escape from this. He hated this man. Boyish fear? Ofcourse he was petrified, didn't this idiot understand what he had to do, that in carrying out this disgusting demand he would never be able to have the life he had always wanted?

"Yes. I believe so." he lied, scowling at him.

"Good....Crucio"

He was on the floor, the pain cutting through his body in waves, his blood bubbling in his veins, scorching him, burning his insides, his bones twisting and cracking one by one. His screams echoing through his bedroom, only subsiding when his mother pulled his father backwards, unable to watch her son endure this torment.
He writhed into somewhat of a sitting position. His bones all in tact physically, but feeling as if all of them had been taken and snapped one by one. He looked up at Lucius - not wanting to call him father any longer - glaring.

He smirked down at his son.

"And that Draco, is just a taste of what will happen if you ever disobey me again."
He looked over his son once then grabbed his wife
"Come Narcissa. Let him continue his packing."


He needed something, anything to get him away from his own life even if only for an hour.
He shakily reached under his matress pulling out a small silver box, engraved with his name and the Slytherin house crest. He undid the locking charm and pulled it open, undoing also the
disillusionment charm he placed upon it. The empty, emerald green velvet interior suddenly filled, scattered with small, clear bags of white powder, green leaves, small bottles of white, red, pink and black pills, needles, lighters and strips of paper adorned with various happy images.
He didn't know which to succumb to but he knew he needed something strong, he grabbed a bottle of pills and shook two into his hand, both shocking pink. He crushed both pills against the top of his box and placed the residue onto his tongue. Grabbing a bottle of firewhiskey from his bedside cabinet he downed it, taking the pills down with him. He closed his eyes, waiting for the hit to begin.
Two pills. The effects could last for up to eight hours.
He smiled as the feeling of nothingness washed over him, pulling all of the troubles from him and pushing them far, far away. He felt light and airy, and as if nothing could go wrong. He breathed out, sighing happily.
"Ecstasy" he breathed.
He laughed at his own pun and smirked to himself, knowing he meant that in both senses of the word.

***********
He looked up. Pansy was still stroking his hand, her face filled with worry and concern for him. He looked to his left to see that Crabbe, Goyle, Zabini and Nott were looking at him also, all four of them slightly confused, yet still worried for they had never seen their best friend like this, usually he was so calm, so collected, and now, they didnt know what had happened to him over the summer holidays, but from what they could see he hadnt had a relaxing break. He had dark circles under his eyes, his features were more sunken and his skin was even paler than usual, something they never thought possible. They wanted to question him, to push him into telling them what had happened, but they all held their tongues, for by the looks of him, he could snap at any moment.

"Look Pansy, its nothing okay? I'm just---" he needed to think up a lie quickly. Something good. Something to brag about.
"Its just I'm not particularly thrilled about being here, thats all. I mean, I might not even be here next year"

He smirked as her eyes went wide.

"What do you mean you might not be here next year? You're leaving Hogwarts?!" she asked him indignantly, ceasing the stroking of his hand at once.

"Well, you never know" he continued, his mouth playing into a light smirk " I might have - erm-- moved onto to bigger and better things" he finished smugly. Hoping to god that they bought his story.

They all looked confused, they weren't following. Pansy looked rather dumbfounded, he held back a snigger.

"Do you-- do you mean him?" she asked, her hand now reaching back over to his, stroking the palm gently.

He shrugged and smirked, he may as well play his situation to all its worth, get them off his back.

"My mother wanted me to continue my education, but personally I dont see the point, why bother getting NEWTS when all the dark lord will be interested in when he takes over is the kind of service he recieved, the level of true devotion shown?"

Zabini was looking at him scathingly, he wasnt buying this.

"Something funny Zabini? Yes I may only be sixteen and not fully qualified" he started, then let an evil grin, one he had picked up from none other than his father, play across his lips.
"Oh yes, didn't I mention, I was trained in legilimency and occlumency over the holidays?" he smirked at the face Zabini was now making.
"Its crucial you know such things when working for the Dark Lord"

Zabini sat back into his seat, his eyes wide, not knowing whether to be pleased for his friend, or scared for Draco's safety.

"I can see Hogwarts" Draco sneered, changing the subject, his five friends sitting there awestruck, unable to say anything back. "We should put on our robes. I'll be back soon" He announced as he got up from his seat and left the still silent carriage.
Breathing out a sigh of relief he cursed himself for the lies he's just told, but ofcourse, he couldnt tell them the truth, that he was actually terrified and wanted nothing more than to simply leave himself and become something different.

He reached the back of the train, and looking around him to check he was alone pulled his necklace from around his neck. He'd seen something like this in a muggle film, the girl kept cocaine in a cross necklace around her neck, telling everyone that if she felt struggle she turned to Jesus.

He smirked and pulled the snakes head off the top of the silver dark mark pendant, a scoop filled with the glorious white powder attatched to the bottom. He checked once more that no one was looking and quickly brought the scoop to his nostril, snorted the substance upon it and tightly screwed the head back into place, letting the thick chain fall back down behind his shirt.

He wiggled his nose and gently wiped making sure none of the powder was left around his nostril before sighing gently at the feel of his head becoming clouded and his worries once more ebbing away.

With a flick of his wand his robes were upon him and he was walking back towards the cabin, blissfully unaware of his troubles, but also unaware of the girl who had just witnessed everything.


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A/N: Yes it is set in the sixth book, but really theres not too many similarities.
Disclaimer for song lyrics - they belong to the who.
Reviews please? if you spot any mistakes tell me!! this is the first ive uploaded on here, so im quite eager to see what people think!