Starts With A Spin, Staff Edition

The ice cubes made a satisfying 'clinking' sound as he swished them around in his glass and he wondered idly if anyone had successfully used an ice cube as a Portkey. As the insipid chitchat and torturous small talk escalated and pressed in around him, he wondered if he might be able to fluke a passable ice cube Portkey that very moment.

He had hoped to only put in a polite appearance, then turn in early for a hot bath and a good book and perhaps some higher quality alcohol than was being served at this tiresome gathering, but Dumbledore had hinted that something important would be happening later, so the bath and book would have to wait and the substandard booze would, for the time being, have to suffice.

The Headmaster was off in the corner speaking with Minerva and Sprout. Goodness only knows what he was prattling on about but his sweeping hand gestures and animated expressions kept the two witches enraptured. Minerva nodded enthusiastically and Dumbledore twinkled like a cheap string of Muggle Christmas lights.

He turned his attention to the rest of the room but there were only the usual clutches of witches and wizards, both teachers and staff, standing in groups, smiling their fake smiles and laughing their fake laughs at each other's forced jokes. Really, why put on the pretense of enjoying these lackluster gatherings when it was obvious that no one was having any fun

He put his glass to his lips but it came up empty. Who did you have to hex to get a quality drink around here? A house-elf sidled up to him with a fresh drink on a tray and he swept it up, plunking his old one down with a bit more vigor than was necessary. The elf stumbled from the force, but recovered quickly. He gave it a wee push with the side of his foot and the diminutive beast made a hasty retreat. Disgusting, vile creatures. And to think, they cook our food! He shuddered a little and took a long drink from his glass. Well, six or seven more of these, and this might actually be a party.

Somebody bumped him from behind and he spun around to find Trelawney blinking up at him from behind her corrective ashtrays. Her eyes widened (if that was actually possible) as she realized whom she had bumped.

"I had a dream about you last night," she announced. She swayed a little and he realized, without any surprise, that she was already half in the bag. Lucky girl.

"A dream?" he said, looking down his considerable nose at her. "I hope my performance was…adequate?"

She blinked up at him, not comprehending, and he rolled his eyes. For Merlin's sake, what is the point of being sidesplittingly funny if no one can appreciate your superior sense of humour? "I trust it involved my untimely death in a painful and gruesome manner? Let me guess, beheading? Disembowelment?"

Her expression remained unchanged and he began to wonder if perhaps she had fallen asleep while inexplicably remaining upright and alert.

"Or perhaps," he continued, "a sucking chest wound?

"Things are about to change for you," she said ominously.

Severus surveyed the bland party around him and said dryly, "Yes, one can only hope."

Eventually Dumbledore made his way to the center of the room, clinking his glass with his wand. Conversation fell away and all eyes turned to the Headmaster.

"I want to thank each and every one of you for coming out tonight. The last few years have been trying ones at Hogwarts and this year, with the escape of Sirius Black and his possible attempts to break into the school, morale has been understandably low."

There were a few 'here, here's' and much nodding around the room. Severus emptied his third glass and looked around for another before deciding that perhaps it would not be the best idea.

"There has also been," Dumbledore continued, "an unusually marked division between the houses that seems to have escalated from friendly competition to outright rivalry. I thought, perhaps, that having us meet with common goals in mind might help erase the sense of division that seems so prevalent."

A quick visual sweep of the room did, indeed, show that people were clumped in groups according to their houses. Dumbledore made a grand arcing gesture with his wand and a large, circular plush carpet unfurled in the center of the room. It was divided into many pie shaped wedges, each the colour of one of the four houses of Hogwarts. In the center of each wedge was the name of a staff member.

"Please take a seat on the spot that has been reserved for you." He lowered his wand and surveyed the crowd, his eyes sparkling so intensely that they threatened to set his bushy eyebrows aflame.

Severus begrudgingly took his seat on the floor, wincing as he forced his legs to cross. He did his best to look bored and a bit off-put, but inside he was getting nervous. It looked as if they were about to play some sort of game and, aside from insolence, incompetence, arrogance, ignorance, ineptitude, and Harry Potter, there was nothing he hated more than games.

Many of the others in the circle whispered excitedly to each other and when Dumbledore placed a large green bottle in the middle of the circle a few nervous giggles erupted. Severus was nonplussed. He had never been invited to a party where Spin the Bottle had been played, let alone been a participant in the game itself.

What the deuce? Unless single malt Scotch is going to erupt from there, I really don't get the point.

Dumbledore raised one long index finger for a last moment of quiet and tipped the bottle on to its side. "This is an old Muggle game that I'm sure you'll all enjoy playing, as it's a wonderful icebreaker -- but first, the rules. There is a five second minimum and a two minute maximum. Extraneous touching is allowed, but please, keep it above the navel. As it was my idea, I will start the game." He smiled with what could only be described as glee and gave the bottle a hearty spin.

Severus watched with great interest as the bottle made several complete turns then slowed and eventually came to rest with the cork end pointing at Professor Sprout. She immediately flushed a bright scarlet and put one hand over her mouth, giggling. She got to her feet, as did Dumbledore, and they both met in the middle of the circle. Albus crouched down to match her diminutive stature and Severus leaned in, quite curious as to what would ensue. Her mouth stretched into a smile and Dumbledore's lips puckered as Severus' jaw went slack.

Great Salazar's Wand, he means to kiss her! Right here. In front of everybody.

Severus looked away, lest his retinas become permanently burned with the image of Albus and Sprout sucking face. When he finally dared peek, they were just pulling apart, their lips making a squelching noise not unlike an ancient sewer. Severus felt the Firewhisky back up into his throat and he fought to keep it down.

Albus took his seat and Sprout leaned down and set the bottle to spin again. Severus realized with mounting horror that there was a possibility that the bottle might land on him and he would be required to kiss her. He did a quick head count and did not like the odds. Even a one-in-thirteen chance seemed much too high. He was relieved to see that the cork end settled on Flitwick and the little man joined Sprout in the center of the circle. Snape had a moment to wonder if this is how house-elves were made before he was again forced to avert his eyes to avoid the kiss. This one at least ended with fewer sound effects and Minerva was the next witch chosen.

Severus decided that, indeed, another drink was a dandy idea and looked around for a tray laden house-elf. He spotted one near the other side of the circle and tried in vain to get its attention when a round of gasps and giggles drew his attention back to the game. He wondered which poor sod would be the next to publicly humiliate himself when he realized that all eyes were on him. His stomach bottomed out and he attempted to uncross his frozen legs.

Sensing his hesitation, Minerva smiled kindly and offered a hand to help him up.

"Perhaps we should break Severus in with just a hug."

Snape refused the hand, managing to untangle his legs and stiffly got to his feet.

"I assure you, Minerva, that this will not sully my virtue. If you are afraid to kiss me, perhaps you should be forthright and admit it."

This touched on her Gryffindor bravery as he knew it would and he gloated inwardly.

If I have to suffer through this pathetic charade then so should everyone else.

He looked around the room, daring anyone to say anything, and the looks of horror and trepidation at the thought of kissing him were evident, and suddenly the potential enjoyment of this game became apparent. He smiled widely.

Perhaps I've been too quick to dismiss this Muggle entertainment.

McGonagall stood up straight and smoothed her robes. "That is preposterous. I am not afraid you kiss you, Severus. It's just that I…I've never kissed a Slytherin before."

"Oh, you're in for a treat!" said Dumbledore excitedly. "Slytherins are renowned for their superior abilities in the…erm…bedroom. Of course, it's also not in the nature of a Slytherin to worry about their partner's needs so, alas, it is often a talent much underutilized."

"Really?" asked Severus coldly. "And you've had the occasion to experience the talents of many Slytherins?"

Dumbledore began his irksome twinkling anew and Snape quickly regretted forming the question.

"Well, of course, Severus. After all, I'm over 140 years old! There has been plenty of time to enjoy the particular talents and skills that the participants of each house have to offer."

Well, no wonder he twinkles so freakin' much.

"So, who's the best?" A squeaky voice piped up from the back.

Albus stroked his white beard thoughtfully before answering. "Well, of course, it also depends on the individual witch or wizard. Gryffindors are brave. They will try anything, and I mean ANYTHING."

A few people around the circle nodded in agreement, and Severus noticed Remus Lupin blush and look at his shoes.

"Slytherins, as I said," he continued, "possess amazing talents, given they are inclined to use them. Hufflepuffs are sensitive and patient. They enjoy all night snogging sessions and hours and hours of foreplay."

Sprout nodded dreamily and Snape was again assaulted with the mental image of her and Dumbledore locking lips.

"And Ravenclaws. Ahh, Ravenclaws. Analytical and meticulous." He shuddered, remembering. "There is nothing like having a Ravenclaw explore every single delicious inch of you." His eyes glazed over as he got lost in the memory.

Well, now that the rest of us will never enjoy the act of lovemaking again…

Every single delicious inch of Albus Dumbledore was about six and a half feet more than Severus cared to think about.

McGonagall cleared her throat and Severus was brought back to reality.

"Okay Slytherin, show me what you're made of." She smiled at him nervously, and Severus did his very best not to sneer at her. His heart was pounding and he wiped his hands down the front of him under the pretense of smoothing out his robes.

Splendid, now not only do I have to kiss someone in public, Albus Dumbledore has added the expectation that I will excel at it. Lucky for me, it's true.

Snape took a step towards McGonagall and locked his dark eyes on hers. He gracefully extended an arm towards her and firmly touched it to the curve of her neck behind one ear. She instantly relaxed and tilted her head back, exposing her neck. He took another step closer and ran his other hand softly up the side of her throat and cupped her chin. He then leaned down and delicately folded his lips over hers. His tongue swiped skillfully where her lips met, and they parted with a sigh.

He explored further and her tongue met tentatively with his, explored his lips then came back to swirl around his and taste his mouth. He pressed deeper into her and she responded by wrapping an arm around his neck and pressing back.

There were some appreciative whistles from the crowd but the two were lost to all except each other. Severus hadn't kissed a woman since…what century was it? And his body was responding with an intensity that surprised him. Everywhere that Minerva touched tingled with electricity, and the hairs on the back of his neck stood erect and bristled with the current. Her mouth was responsive yet yielding and he pressed on even harder in an effort to savour more of her.

She allowed him to push her back, and he slipped an arm around her waist to support her. Her free hand slid up his chest and around the back of his neck and pulled his head down, crushing his lips against hers. He groaned softly and broke away, gasping for breath. She put her lips to the soft skin of his throat and licked the salt and musk, feeling the pulse of his blood in his neck.

Snape's eyes fluttered and his head fell back, marveling that a witch more than twice his age could leave a trail of fire and desire wherever her maddeningly talented tongue roamed. He searched out her mouth again and their kiss began anew, arms tangling around each other, sliding through tousled hair and robes. She pressed her hips into his, and if there had been any question in her mind about the level of his arousal, it was a mystery no longer. He broke away again, willing his body to remain under his control. She leaned against his neck, also breathing rapidly. After a moment they both became aware of the many eyes boring into them and Minerva stood up hastily, smoothing her robes. Severus straightened as well, shaking the hair from his eyes.

The room remained silent for what seemed an eternity until the sound of a single pair of hands began clapping. Then another and another until the entire room erupted into thunderous applause. McGonagall laughed out loud and gave a polite curtsey to the crowd, then bowed to Severus, giving the credit to him. Snape blushed scarlet, perhaps for the first time in his life. He desperately wanted to say something unseemly and scathing, but he seemed only to be able to grin idiotically and stare at the floor.

Minerva took her seat on the large multi-coloured carpet and Severus was about to do the same when he was called back to the center of the circle.

"It is still your turn," instructed Dumbledore, swirling his index finger and nodding his head towards the bottle.

For the love of—I'm expected to do an encore?

Severus leaned over and gave the bottle a firm spin, all the while pointedly not thinking about whom he would want to kiss the least. Everyone's eyes were on the bottle and after his performance with McGonagall, the previous sense of trepidation had been replaced with one of anticipation.

And still it spun.

Hagrid
Madame Hooch
Flitwick
Pince
Sprout
Dumbledore
Pomfrey
Lupin
McGonagall
Filch
Trelawney

Hagrid
Hooch
A face like a welder's bench, but shapely sweater cows.
Flitwick
Pince
Older than the tomes she supervises but not unseemly.
Sprout
Ugh, I still can't rid the image of her and Dumbledore copping off.
Dumbledore
Pomfrey
I've done worse.
Lupin
McGonagall
Perhaps I'd try again in the privacy of my chambers….
Filch
Trelawney
Well, maybe, if I were as drunk as she is….

The bottle slowed and eventually came to rest between Poppy and Minerva. There were some gasps and giggles and Snape looked at each of the women to see who it would be. Both remained firmly planted on the ground, but to his dismay, Remus Lupin began getting to his feet.