His Alone

His Alone
By: Fawkes Flames


Prompt: The One Who Loved Him

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and places are property of JK Rowling and assorted other companies. I’m just borrowing them for a bit and hopefully I can do them justice.

Prologue

There are certain memories, certain times in ones life that are so precious that they’re kept close to the heart and revealed to none. Severus Snape, a man who had lived his life cloaked in darkness, had certain memories that he kept only for himself. All of them starred a girl with big green eyes and fiery red hair.

Many moons ago, before the rise of Lord Voldemort, before the murder of Albus Dumbledore and even before the triumph of Harry Potter, she had been his hope. When she had died he had felt her blood on his hands. He had lost her forever and all he had left were those memories. He took them to his grave.


His Queen

The summer sun was blazing hot on the river bank they occupied. Sweat was trickling down his forehead as he watched her. She was linking dandelions together, tying their stems into little knots with a smile on her face. He didn’t know what she was doing but he had always enjoyed watching her. She moved gracefully, bending and looping the delicate stem without ever breaking it.

When she turned to him her smile seemed brighter than the summer sun. Her green eyes mesmerized the dark young man as he stared back. She’d tied the dandelions in a circle and was displaying them for his approval.

“I made you a crown, Sev,” she said with a grin. She leaned forward and he bent his head in acceptance of her gift. The dandelion crown perched awkwardly atop his black hair making her giggle pleasantly. She fiddled with it for a moment and the young Severus Snape was able to spend that time enjoying her closeness.

“It looks good at a slant,” she said with a nod. Getting to her feet, she grabbed a stick and smiled down at him. “I dub thee, Severus Snape, the King of River Bank,” she said in a stately voice as she tapped both of his shoulders with the stick.

“And what does that make you?” he asked.

She sat back down, splaying her legs out in front of her. “The Queen, of course,” she responded.

“Then you must have a crown as well,” said Severus. He looked around him, there were only dandelions and assorted weeds on the bank. None of them were good enough, he quickly decided.

“I’ll make one,” she said as she snatched at the dandelions that littered the ground. “And we’ll rule the river bank together.”

“The Queen can’t have the same crown as the King,” Severus protested. “The Queen’s crown is always bejeweled and more feminine than the King’s.”

Lily tilted her head to the side, wondering where they might find jewels and lovely things to craft her crown.

“Since you made the King’s crown, I should make the Queen’s,” he said with a nod.

They sat for a while longer, talking about the layout of their summer Kingdom. The eleven year old rulers had agreed that their Kingdom stretched from the bridge to the canal at Spinner’s End. The entire river bank from one side to the other was their sovereign land to rule before going to Hogwarts in September.

When the sun began to fall under the horizon Lily proclaimed that she was due home for supper. Severus, who never liked to return home, always protested her departure and usually coaxed her into staying for another hour. When the street lights turned on, however, there was no holding off the inevitable and Lily’s sister Petunia would come to retrieve her, always sparing a glare in the direction of “That filthy boy from up Spinner’s End.”

Severus spent the remainder of the evening prowling the gardens of the neighbors for things that he thought suitable enough to make Lily’s crown. Severus scratched his fingers on the thorns of a few red roses he’d taken and walked home with his pockets full of various lovely flowers he’d pinched on the way.

In the solitude of his bedroom the young man pulled out his cargo and set to work. Often times he would submerge himself in different tasks as it helped to block out the shouts of his father that seemed to penetrate the paper thin walls of their home. Severus sighed as he heard a bottle smash against the wall and went back to his work, trying hard to forget about the sobs that he heard from his mother.

After three hours of hard work, many broken stems and thorn pricked fingers later, Severus had his finished product. He fell asleep contented that night as tomorrow he would crown his Queen.

They were still young of course so the connotations that came along with King and Queen weren’t at the surface. The idea of boys and girls liking each other in a more than friendly way was far from their minds as they proclaimed themselves rulers of the river banks. To Severus, who had never had a real friend before, the idea was monumental. The idea of Lily as his Queen did not conjure images of romance for the young lad, but images of friendship and loyalty. One who would look upon him with a kind eye despite his overly large nose, hand me down clothing and greasy hair. She didn’t judge him by his family or his oddness. She was his best mate, his only mate.

The morning couldn’t come soon enough for the young boy. As the sun reached out over the horizon, he was up and dressing. He was leaving, her crown wrapped in the cleanest tea towel he could find and his dandelion crown perched at the angle she preferred on his own head, when the clock chimed eight.

He sat on the river bank for a little while, opening and closing his bundle to ensure that the crown was still in one piece, as he waited for her.

“Hey, Sev,” he heard her shouting as she ran down the river bank toward him. Hastily, he covered the crown and pushed it to the side as she approached. She was wearing green ribbons in her hair today. It flared out majestically behind her as she skipped toward the bank. He was momentarily mesmerized by her yet again.

This phenomenon wasn’t new to him. Lily Evan’s seemed to be cheerful all the time, bright eyed and grinning. This sort of behavior was foreign to Severus. Everyone he’d ever known, his parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, had always been cross and brooding. He hadn’t known that people like Lily Evan’s and her family existed.

She sat next to him on the bank, splaying her legs out in front of her and leaning back on her elbows like usual. “So what shall we do with our Kingdom today?” She gazed from left to right, glancing across then stretch of land they had claimed.

Severus pulled forth the tea towel, placing it in his lap. “First the Queen must be crowned,” he said as he unwrapped the parcel. Lily’s intake of breath made him smile. She was pleased with the gift.

The crown he’d fashioned featured budding red roses and white daisies that he’d taken from multiple gardens the evening before. He’d found some old coat hangers in the wardrobe and had bent them into place so that they formed a small circle. To that he’d tied and twisted the stems with such precision that it would have been hard to believe an eleven year old had made it. The center of the circle drooped down a bit and there was a single white Lily there, meant to hang just between her brows.

“It’s lovely,” she said gleefully as he held it up for her inspection. “You made it by yourself?” She was gazing at it in awe, her eyes brighter than ever. Severus couldn’t help but smile at her pleasure. It wasn’t often that anyone was pleased with him and he relished the new feeling.

He nodded in reply, his throat suddenly too tight to speak.

When she leaned forward Severus did the same and placed the crown atop her head. “I declare you my Queen, dual ruler of the River Bank Kingdom,” he said in a slightly croaky voice.

When she looked up her green eyes met black ones. She was an image of loveliness. The red roses and daisies highlighted the copper tones in her hair and the single lily hung with elegance between her brows. His intake of breath was sharp and he was certain she could hear the loud thumping of his heart as he looked at her. The sallow skinned boy had, for the first time in his life, gazed upon what he imagined was true beauty. Even more so, he was fully aware of it.


Promises

The River Bank Kingdom had lost none of its promise in their absence as they attended their first year at Hogwarts. The two were changed when they returned the next summer but still friends. He hadn’t had a good start at school and it had jaded him slightly. The bullying and teasing hadn’t been what he’d expected. Severus had thought of Hogwarts as the bastion that he’d be longing for his entire life. There he would be around other wizards and witches and he would be able to show his already honed skills. He had imagined he and Lily gallivanting around the grounds and having wonderful adventures with their new magical abilities. It hadn’t turned out that way at all.

Lily had been sorted into Gryffindor and Severus into Slytherin. Their house rivalries were fierce but it was hardly a cause for the end of their friendship. The Gryffindor’s had been particularly cruel to Severus. A certain group of boys, Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew had formed an alliance early on and their only goal seemed to be the torment of the greasy boy from Slytherin. Lily had openly scolded them for such bullying but it was all for naught in the end.

When the summer holidays neared, Severus found that he was actually pleased to return. He loved Hogwarts but it was difficult to spend time with Lily while they were at school. He might have to endure his parents but at least he would have Lily and their Kingdom. He had learned to take the good with the bad.

With their eyes a bit wider and their head full of the magical learning they’d gained, Severus Snape and Lily Evans returned to rule River Bank Kingdom as twelve year olds. Severus had taken it upon himself to replace the wilted flowers of Lily’s crown and she had taken great care to make him a new crown out of buttercups this year. There, in their private little world, the rivalries of Hogwarts didn’t exist.

Toward the end of the summer, Lily and Severus sat on the bank, gazing up at the night sky. Lily had been allowed to stay out a bit later than usual that night as her parents had gone out for dinner and dancing and her sitter was rather lenient.

“We go back to Hogwarts soon,” Lily said softly. “We’ll be second years. Severus grunted in response. “Do you think we’ll have Potions together again this year?”

“I hope so,” he said softly. He had enjoyed Potions class more than any other during the previous year. Lily had been his lab partner and it was the only time that they’d really been able to talk. They learned that they both had a flare for Potions and their teacher, Professor Slughorn, had been quite keen on the pair. It had also been one of the only times that James Potter and his crew of miscreants hadn’t been able to tease him. Even they weren’t dumb enough to risk getting caught bullying Slughorn’s favorite pupils.

“I’m sorry about Potter and those idiots he hangs around,” she said suddenly. Severus grunted again. “Remus Lupin is alright but the others are horrid. Potter is a toe-rag if you ask me.”

Severus brightened at this statement. He agreed wholeheartedly that Potter and Black were horrid wizards with no brains and little ability. Pettigrew seemed to be the tag along, clinging to them only because they were popular. Severus viewed him as weak and worthless. Lupin had never openly taunted him the way the others did but he had never stopped them either and for that Severus grouped him with the others and considered him an enemy.

“Yes, he is,” Severus agreed softly. He didn’t like this line of conversation. His weakness had been proven time and again when he stood face to face with the popular Gryffindor’s. He’d tried to defend himself but when it was three against one, Lupin having never participated; the odds were stacked against him. He’d found himself in the infirmary too many times, suffering from bruises and various first year curses. He despised James Potter, hated him to the very core of his being.

“I made a lot of friends last year,” she whispered. She turned her head to look at him, her nose an inch from his. “But none of them are real friends like you, Sev.” She flashed her smile at him and his heart thumped madly in approval. “I couldn’t ask for a better best mate.”

Severus’ smile reached his eyes for the first time in a long while. He took the compliment to heart. Their friendship meant a great deal to him, more than she may ever know. She was his only friend at home and at school, though they didn’t get to spend much time together at Hogwarts. He hadn’t made any friends really. The Slytherin students were pretentious and found his hand me down robes to be beneath them for the most part. They went to him when they needed help in Potions but otherwise he was invisible to them. Lily, on the hand, was beautiful and popular. She could have anything in the world and be friends with whomever she saw fit. With all that, she had chosen him and proclaimed him best of all. He was thankful that the night sky hid his blushing cheeks.

“Let’s make a pact,” she said with renewed vigor. “A blood pact.”

She sat up, her eyes alight with the new idea. Severus followed suit, curious as to what she meant. He’d never heard of a blood pact before. From the look on his face she surmised as much and went into a cheerful explanation.

“A blood pact is the most sacred pact you can make,” she said knowingly. “We prick our fingers and make a promise, then rub our bloody fingers together. Your blood will be in my veins and mine in yours and then the pact can never be broken.”

Severus nodded in agreement. The idea of a pact only made his bond with Lily more concrete. He wanted the security of knowing that she’d forever be by his side. She was too wonderful to let go of. Even then she was his hope and he clung to her as one would cling to survival. In the matter of a year their friendship had become the center of his universe without him even knowing it. He looked forward to their meetings in Potions and to the scarcely few minutes he could steal in the corridors with her between classes. She was the brightness in the dark days that he’d had at Hogwarts. Without her there was no joy for him.

She pulled down her crown, taking her index finger and pressing hard against a thorn on one of her fresh roses. She winced as it pierced her skin, a red bubble forming on her fingertip. She passed the crown to her companion and watched as he performed the same task. He placed the crown back on her head with the hand he hadn’t pricked and waited for her to tell him what to do next.

“Okay, we make a promise now.” She looked at him while in deep thought, the stars glittering and reflecting in her eyes. “I, Lily Joanne Evan’s, promise to be the best mate of Severus Alexander Snape for the rest of this life and into the next,” she said solemnly.

He took the nod in her direction as his cue to make a similar statement. “I, Severus Alexander Snape, promise to be the best mate of Lily Joanne Evan’s for the rest of this life and into the next,” he repeated.

She held her finger up to his and they rubbed the two together. Their blood mingled and their magic caused a curious glow around them for a split second. Both of them had their eyes trained on the other and neither noticed the odd event that had occurred.


In Bloom

The second year at Hogwarts hadn’t been much different than the first. Severus had gained a few acquaintances in his own house with whom he spent his time in the common room and at meals. They were the elite group of his house, headed by Lucius Malfoy who was a very refined and wealthy sixth year. Severus had managed to gain a small amount of respect from them due to his magical skills and Potions expertise.

Potter and his gang still enjoyed tormenting the young Snape. It seemed that a Snape-free summer had only made them even crueler when they’d returned to school. They set against him with new vigor, taking to public displays of humiliation as their favorite form of harassment. These had died down once Severus had aligned himself with Malfoy. He now had some protection and the numbers weren’t always stacked against him. He only had to be careful when he was traveling the corridors alone and those seemed to be the times that the Potter Gang had planned their attacks.

He had gotten his wish, Lily and Severus partnered again in Potions. Through the year he’d found his moods growing more and more reliant on how much time he spent with her. If he went more than a few days without Lily’s company he would become broody and sarcastic. When he saw her again his demeanor would shift and he’d be more manageable company. He wasn’t sure how he felt about this but it was only worsened toward the end of the term.

Since the first time he had regarded her as beautiful, on the river bank before their first year, his standards were set to her. Other girls, he found, couldn’t live up to her. Second year was different, the boys were becoming teenagers and their hormones were kicking into gear. Severus was no different. Though he wasn’t near to the state of those boys in their fourth or fifth year, he was certainly feeling more and more like a man everyday. Girls, whom he’d previously considered as just other children, suddenly became objects of affection and lust. Lily was at the top of his list.

The Kingdom of River Bank was a sight for sore eyes as they returned to it for the summer holidays. Severus had greatly missed the companionship they’d shared the previous summer. Just as before, they remade their crowns with fresh flowers. Lily used marigold’s for the King this year and Severus stuck with his red roses and daisies as he thought they suited her perfectly.

Over the first month of the summer the two had spent many hours erecting a small tree house in the old elms of the forest that ran along the far side of the bank. They had dubbed it “Amnicola Palatium”, which Severus explained was Latin for “palace on the river.” Lily had spent many hours making them a flag out of an old bed sheet.

A month before they returned for their third year, the palace was complete and the Kingdom of River Bank’s flag, a golden lion sitting tamely with a silver serpent coiled beside it, fluttered in the summer breeze. Inside the one room palace sat the witch and wizard, playing a game of Exploding Snap that was punctured by cries of outrage over cheating and fits of laughter at the outcome.

Severus found it increasingly harder to look at Lily in the manner he had used to, as just his best friend. She had grown over the school year and curves had formed in all the right places. Breasts were beginning to bud up on her chest and she often complained about how uncomfortable brassieres were now that her mother was insisting that she wear one everyday. She also complained about a monthly visitor that caused her a great deal of pain, or so it sounded from what she openly bemoaned to him. He hadn’t a clue who this visitor was but he knew that twice last week they’d caused Lily to go home in search of a cure for cramps.

He often found himself inching closer and closer to her when they sat together. He was decidedly certain that she the only girl in the world that he’d felt so compelled to touch. She was also the most beautiful and kind of all in his esteemed opinion. Somewhere between that summer and the one last Lily had stopped being his hope and became his dream.

On several occasions he had fallen into daydreams in which the hug she gave him every evening ended with her lips pressed against his. He had also experienced a rather startling dream starring his best mate that had ended with stained sheets. He was still not sure what to make of these new ideas and wants but he knew that they were becoming more and more apparent now that the summer had come and they saw each other daily.

Lily was experiencing similar changes though hers were not yet as pronounced as her male counterparts. She would find herself looking at Severus in a different light from time to time. No longer did she see her best friend in these moments, she saw a boy with all the same parts as the boys at school that she’d recently began to feel attracted to. Her attraction to the black curtained youth was somehow deeper than what she’d felt for the other wizards at Hogwarts. When the girls in her dormitory had started to mention the boys that they had started to fancy, her mind would drift toward the Slytherin that no one seemed to think was attractive.

She had, after long deliberation, come to the conclusion that she knew Severus on a wholly different level than she knew those other boys. He was the one she told her secrets to, the one she laughed and cried with. He was the boy that was worth more than just a glance. He was not traditionally handsome by any means. His nose was hooked and too large for the lanky youth. His skin was sallow, the color of old parchment. His hair always seemed greasy and he used its length to shroud his face most of the time. He had his redeeming qualities too and it was those that Lily saw. His eyes, when they weren’t covered with his black hair, were as dark as onyx with long lashes that spoke more of his true self than he ever allowed anyone to see. He was kind to her and he looked at her in a way that made her blush. He gazed at her as if she was the most beautiful thing in the world and in turn, he made her feel as such.

The game of Exploding Snap had ended with Severus declaring his victory with a resounding whoop of pleasure. Lily scowled and maintained that he’d cheated his way to triumph and that they’d continue their match later as she was quite tired of the game. She had a tendency to brood when she lost at things. But Severus was good at cheering her up. He pulled a silly face and stuck his tongue out at the sulking redhead. It wasn’t long after they were smiling and talking like the old friends they were.

The two lay on their backs, looking up at the canopy of leaves as they hadn’t been able to scavenge enough lumber to build a roof on their palace. The sun was beginning to set in the west, sending shades of orange and pink through the blue skies. There was little room inside the small tree house, their sides were touching and Severus’ long feet dangled out the doorway. He was feeling anxious all of a sudden. He could feel her hip bone nudging his and her breath so close to his cheek when she spoke. He hadn’t been paying attention to what she was saying. His mind was focused on a completely different matter and he was too compelled by the urges to ignore them. His hand moved awkwardly without his permission, inching closer to hers. She had stopped speaking and it barely registered to Severus as odd yet intriguing thoughts seem to rush through his mind like a freight train.

Lily had noticed the sudden stillness in him and she felt it in herself. It was as if the air had changed and their company was suddenly awkward. She felt as though she was waiting for something to happen but she didn’t know what that something was or whether or not she wanted it to occur. She felt his hand move in a jumpy fashion toward her own. Not thinking, reacting on extinct, she moved slightly and twined her fingers into his. She heard his breath catch, only a faint sound mingling in with the sound of the evening birds singing from their tree branches.

It was a long time that they laid like that. Both were thinking about what this meant, their hands clasped together in a manner that both knew wasn’t as innocent as their previous touches.

Lily, as brave as her house suggested, turned her head to look at him and finally broke their prolonged silence. “Severus,” she said in a soft whisper. He turned his head to face her, their noses nearly touching and their eyes locking on one another. “Do you think I’m pretty?” she asked in a hushed voice that was laced with the lack of confidence that she felt.

His throat seemed too tight to respond. He had known the answer since he’d first seen her wearing the crown he’d made. She was not just beautiful. She was the most beautiful of all. He wished that he could instantly compose the words that he felt inside him, the truth that he had privately decided on long ago. “Yes,” he finally managed to croak out. His eyes were more hooded now but they managed to stay mesmerized by hers. “Do you find me handsome,” he said in a small voice that sounded quite unlike his own to his ears. His lack of confidence regarding this matter was apparent as his body tensed even more.

She looked at him, her eyes glittering in that way that charmed him more than any spell ever could. She smiled then and he felt his heart lightened immediately. Her smile gave him hope and confidence. It was a blessing to be presented with it, he thought. Wisdom beyond his thirteen years compelled Severus to cherish that smile and commit to memory.

Lily knew the answer and was surprised that he would ask the question with such fright. She knew he was teased and that girls often called him ugly, but she had never seen him as ugly. She’d always found him to be unlike the other boys in a way that had intrigued her and over the course of their friendship she had come to know that he was good and kind hearted. Deep, beneath the outer layer of course sarcasm, he was the Severus Snape that was only known to Lily Evans. She knew, even then, that she had been given a great honor to be the only one who truly knew the mystery that was this dark haired boy. She offered him a smile and felt his body lose some of its tenseness. “Don’t be daft,” she said playfully. “Of course I find you handsome.”

She was rewarded with a smile that had never been seen on the face of Severus Snape. Not only did it reach his eyes but it light his entire face in a glow of joy. The sight alone brought a great smile to her lips. It wasn’t long before his sudden joy turned to something else. His eyes screwed up slightly and his lips formed into a thin line. It was the look of disbelief. “You mean it,” he asked. “You’re not just teasing?” His tone was slightly accusatory and Lily was taken aback for a second.

“Of course not,” she said defensively. “I have never teased you.” She gave of an air of disgruntlement though she didn’t move to unclasp their hands. She dropped her voice to a whisper. “You are handsome, Sev.” Her eyes sought his out again and she could see his doubt slowly ebbing away. His dark eyes softened slightly when they met hers and he could see that she meant what she was saying. “You’ve got more than looks,” she whispered. Her thoughts were moving too fast now and the words she wanted to say were suddenly washed away in the tide of emotions coursing through her. The hand that held his was tingling softly and she felt butterflies fluttering about in her stomach as she prepared to divulge the thoughts and emotions that she’d kept secret from him.

Severus didn’t give her the chance to tell him of all the reasons she found him handsome. His doubt was brought on by the taunts and teases of the other children who had called him hideous and ugly. It was hard to believe that anyone, especially a girl as lovely and sought after as Lily, would find him to be anything more than loathsome. His disbelief in the truth of her words was erased when he looked into her eyes. He could just tell, though he couldn’t explain why, that the softness and sincerity in those emerald colored orbs was truth.

So elated was he that he completely let go of his mind and inhibitions. His instincts took over immediately as his faced edged closer to hers. His body loosened and tensed again as his mind finally caught on to the plan that his body was carrying out. He touched his lips to hers experimentally. They brushed together, feather light contact. Then his eyes closed and so did hers as their lips pressed more firmly.

When he pulled back and looked at her, he wasn’t in his right mind. He was breathing heavily and had the look of a child who had just done something very naughty on his face. His eyes, now open, were wide in fear and his body was absolutely rigid with tension.

She looked just as shocked but not quite fearful. Her emerald eyes were as wide as his and her lips were slightly parted as she surveyed his reaction. She was overcome with emotion as she deciphered the look of fear that had washed over his features. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she said in an agonized whisper. Thinking she’d done something to upset him, she frowned. “I’m sorry if it was terrible, I’ve never kissed anyone before until just now,” she pleaded without realizing what she was saying.

His mind barely processed the words. He heard her apologize and felt his heart sink into his shoes. She hadn’t really wanted to kiss him, he thought sadly. It had, of course, been a mistake as no one in their right mind would ever want to kiss him. She was beautiful and well liked. She could kiss every handsome boy in their year much to their delight so it was obvious that she wouldn’t want to kiss him. Her second statement sent his mind reeling. It took him a moment to understand her confession before he realized the error of his previous thoughts. He admonished himself only a little as his heart returned to it’s normal place and his emotions soared back to the state of elation that he’d felt when their lips touched.

“Me either,” he managed to say after a few seconds. “I’ve never kissed until now, I mean.”

They were silent for a while again, just lying stiffly and awkwardly in their palace, hands still held together. Finally, a shy voice that had rarely been heard from Lily Evan’s asked, “Did you…did you find it nice?”

“Yes,” he responded shortly. “Did you?”

“I think so,” she said softly.

The Hearts Tale

Third year was a mark of maturity for the students as they were now allowed to take day trips into the village of Hogsmeade on specified weekends. These weekends were prized as it was common knowledge that students needed an excursion away from school every once in a while to stretch their legs and have some fun without thoughts of unfinished homework and essays looming over their heads.

Aside from the Hogsmeade weekends, on which Severus and Lily routinely met up in private areas for a chat, there were new hurdles to jump for the Gryffindor and Slytherin. It seemed that Severus’ new friends weren’t keen on Lily not only because she was a Gryffindor but because she was a muggle born witch. Lucius Malfoy, who had been increasingly close with Severus had been speaking openly about the impurity of these witches and wizards blood. He spoke of them as if they were a race beneath that of witch and wizards who had grown up in magical families. The other Slytherin’s seemed to agree with the charismatic Malfoy as few would willingly oppose him. Severus said what was necessary to keep himself in the proper standings among the few allies he’d made at Hogwarts.

Still, it caused slight problems. He had to meet with Lily secretly, in places where the other Slytherin’s wouldn’t see them talking. He didn’t tell her why he would request that they meet on the edge of the forest or down in a small glade of trees by the Shrieking Shack. When she asked he merely said that he wanted privacy and the sure that Potter and his cronies wouldn’t come along and ruin their chat.

There was one thing that hadn’t changed at all. Whenever Potter or Black saw Severus Snape they waged war. When he passed Peter Pettigrew, the stupid rat would surely run off to fetch one of his masters who would appear shortly thereafter to play “Torture Snivellus” which was the name that they’d decided best suited him. So, still he was doing his best to avoid the Gryffindor menaces as much as possible.

They had presented another problem during third year that had been particularly bothersome to Severus. He had overheard, or rather eavesdropped, on Potter proclaiming that he was going to surely get Evan’s to go out with him before the school year was through. Black, who had astoundingly showed some sense, informed Potter that he was obviously delusional and that Lily Evan’s despised him. Potter seemed to think that Black was wrong and that he would woe the beauty into his arms.

The fourteen year old Snape had seethed, his nostrils flaring and his fists begging to make forceful contact with James Potter’s perfectly shaped nose. He and Lily hadn’t really made anything official since the summer before nor had they kissed again, but he still thought of her as his. She was his best mate, his only true friend, and she was certainly too good for rubbish like Potter. Aside from that, she was his and that’s all that mattered. Potter had taken his dignity, his social status and his pride but Severus vowed that Potter would never take his girl.

In the end he had to trust that Lily would do the right thing and shun his attempts. She still firmly asserted her belief that James Potter was a boastful jackass, much to the pleasure of her Slytherin friend. And when spring turned to summer and they went back to their Kingdom, James Potter hadn’t even come close to success.

Since the kiss in the summer previous, they hadn’t spoken about it nor had a repeat experience. It was almost as if the topic were taboo and they had gone back to their easy chats about anything and everything that was on their minds. This arrangement continued during the first days of summer as they relaxed in their palace. Though neither mentioned it, both minds were fixed on the topic of that kiss and what had developed within them since.

Lily had been confused at first. She wasn’t sure what their relationship was anymore. Were they still best mates or were they something more? She had thought that she wouldn’t mind being Severus’ girlfriend at first but then when he became so private and secretive at school she began to think that he was ashamed to be seen with her. She knew that the rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin had reached an all time peak but she was always willing to ignore it when it came to Severus. She knew that her real friends wouldn’t begrudge her if she wished to date a Slytherin and those that did weren’t her real friends anyway. She wasn’t fond of the crowd Severus had become a part of and had decided that it was their influence that had made him not want to be seen with her.

The school year had passed with many doubts and confusions when Severus was concerned. Lily often thought of their kiss fondly, remembering her first kiss as something truly special because she had shared it with someone she truly cared for. Her classmates had started dating and snogging sessions seemed to be the talk of her dormitory. She had wondered what it would be like to snog her best mate. Would it be as nice as their first kiss? Would butterflies erupt in her stomach and cause her toes to curl with the pleasant sensation of their lips meeting? She still cared for him, a great deal in fact. She was still too young to have a good understanding of love but she had imagined that if she was ever able to feel love in a romantic way then it was Severus whom she wanted to love.

There had been many times during their chats, hidden away in private areas, when she’d had the urge to kiss him again. His eyes enticed her still and it didn’t hurt that he’d grown at least an inch taller and looked more and more masculine by the day. The features that others thought intolerable had become just another part of him that she enjoyed looking at. His appearance was no longer an issue, not that it had every truly been an issue for her like it had for others. His nose didn’t seem so large and hooked when she looked at him, it was just another part of Severus. His greasy locks were just another thing that made him who he was. She was attracted to him, not his looks, and she was more attracted now than she’d ever been.

Severus was having an experience completely new to him as well. After hearing the exchange between Black and Potter he had come to accept the fact that he cared for Lily in a way that was much stronger than ever before. He still couldn’t name it but he knew it was there, he felt it whenever he saw her. He had thought about their first kiss, his first and only kiss, constantly over the past year. When he was in his four poster alone he would watch the scene over and over again in his mind, recreating it, elongating it and making it lead down avenues he’d only heard of from the older Slytherin boys.

These thoughts led to the newest favorite pastime of the lads his age. He was certain those urges were the reason why the Charms Professor was so insistent on the third years perfecting the Silencing Charm. It was in heavy use in all of the third year dormitories no matter the house, of that he was certain. When the urge came over him, usually spawned through his fantasizing about his kiss with Lily, he would perform the Silencing Charm around his four poster bed and relieve the tension in his groin. This “exercise” was becoming more and more frequent as he got older and his thoughts during were always centered on Lily Evans.

He had been briefed on the ins and outs of sex by Lucius Malfoy who was reportedly very practiced at it. Severus had been given instructions, advice and droves of good information regarding the coupling of a witch and a wizard. Once he’d managed to grasp the concept and knew the pleasure that it could evoke, he found himself thinking about it constantly. When he looked at Lily, now formed more as a woman than a girl with both hips and breasts, his mind would wander to his fantasies and he would hastily adjust his robes so that she wouldn’t notice his growing erection. That had been happening more often than he liked as well.

He had contemplated asking her to be his girlfriend more than once. He feared that she would say no and his courage to ask would be crushed by the pain that her rejection would surely cause him. His intentions weren’t exactly pure in his wish to court her, a seventh year Slytherin had informed him that decent witches only engaged in carnal pleasure with boys that they were properly dating. It wasn’t his only reason for wanting to be her boyfriend as he also cared for her on a level he couldn’t quite understand just yet. She was still the sunshine in his otherwise cloudy skies and she was still the only one able to make him smile a true smile.

In their little palace, which they were close to out growing, they sat side by side and talked idly about politics and the inability of the Ministry to function properly. Lily tired of these conversations quickly, saying that politics made no sense at all and was quite distasteful. Severus had learned a great deal about political strategy from Malfoy as well and was keen to show off his education on the matter. Finally, Lily protested just enough and he stopped his rant on why the Ministry needed to enact a law that required witches and wizards to marry and mate with their own kind. Lily didn’t seem particularly opposed to this ideology or if she did he was too absorbed in his reasoning and logical explanation to notice.

They sat quietly for a little while, Lily picking idly at the strings of the tattered rug that sat on the floor of their palace while Severus looked as though he were in deep thought with his knees drawn up and his chin resting on them. They were both thinking about the same thing though neither knew it. They had, for one reason or another, been determined to never mention the kiss again unless the other mentioned it first. The irony of the situation was irritating. They were both perplexed, unsure of what to do or say in order to move things forward or any way at all as long as the stagnation ended.

It was Lily, the bold Gryffindor, who cracked first. She heaved a great sigh after ten minutes of silence in which she thought of every possible outcome and feared the worst. “I’m tired of this!” She was annoyed and exasperated. She threw her arms up in defeat, ready to just throw caution to the wind and clear her mind of the entire thing.

Severus looked up at her, his eyes narrowing in concern. He knew what she was talking about but he feared it just as much as she. Still, he knew Lily and when Lily had too much on her mind she would find a way to get it all out and Severus was usually the honored wizard who had to hear it.

“Do you feel anything for me?” she asked with annoyance. “Anything at all that’s more than friendship, I need to know about it.” There was anger etched onto her face but the softness in her eyes spoke volumes about what she was really feeling. He could tell that she wasn’t truly angry. She was frustrated and pained by the situation.

He softened in response to her outburst. He could see the pain that it caused her and he reacted the way any young man reacts when he sees a girl that he cares for in pain. He scooted closer and wrapped his arms around her back, letting her rest her head on his shoulder. He could feel the tears slipping from her cheeks onto his shirt, wetting the cloth. Not knowing what to do really, he rubbed his hand in circles on her back in an attempt to comfort her. He cooed softly in her ear that everything would turn out fine and she was just upset.

“I don’t know what this is,” she choked out through a sob. “When we’re here for the holidays you are interested in nothing more than spending time with me…” she breathed deeply, still crying. “But at school you don’t want to be seen with me. I don’t know…I don’t know if you truly…care for me or not.”

His brain was sluggishly processing what the distressed girl in his arms had sputtered. He held her close to him, his legs spread in a “V” shape and Lily curled between them with her face buried in the crook of his neck. He knew that he never wanted to hear her in such a state ever again. Her pain brought him pain and it was made more ferocious when he realized that he was the cause of it.

“I care, Lily,” he said in a whisper that he wasn’t sure she could hear. He cared more than he could admit and it seemed obvious as he held her there. His mind that had been so centered on the physical aspects of romance had completely switched over to the emotional aspects that he’d worked so hard to ignore until this moment. They rushed at him causing him to be suddenly overwhelmed. He had to squeeze his eyes tight to fight back the tears that had threatened him all of a sudden. The emotion was so heavy that he thought it might be tangible. It felt like he could reach out and strangle Lily’s pain while caressing the bond between them. “I care,” he whispered again.

“The kiss,” she whispered. It seemed that her sobs had abated but she did not move away from his warmth. She kept her face hidden under his chin and her arms draped lifelessly at her sides as Severus ensconced her with his arms. “Did it mean nothing to you? Do you not think of it?”

“I do,” he replied immediately. He had thought of it far too often and imagined it in every possible way. He had obsessed over it. It had been the only time when he had felt truly wanted, even if it were only for a few seconds. He was accepted fully and by a girl who he hadn’t dared to hope for. Of course it meant something to him. It meant more than she could ever know, more than words could ever explain. “It meant a great deal,” Severus whispered almost bashfully. He was so overcome that he felt the urge to get it all out. He needed to purge the emotions lest he explode with the force of them.

“I think of it all too often,” he said and was suddenly grateful that she couldn’t see his face as he divulged the secrets of his hearts dearest desires. “I see the other guys with their girlfriends, snogging in the corridors. It makes me rage with jealousy because I wish that I were able to do that with you.” That confession made him blush with shame. He had spent many evenings in a raging fit because he’d seen couples in the halls and felt as if they were flaunting their romance just to annoy him. Logically he knew that wasn’t the case but his emotions ruled otherwise and he’d yet to learn how to properly stopper them. “I dream about you, dreams that are very…” he stammered on the word thinking that perhaps his fantasies weren’t something he should share. “They’re very romantic,” he said finally. “We aren’t just friends, we’re together…a couple.” He nuzzled his nose into her hair, smelling the lingering scent of her shampoo. “I care for you, so much so that it’s more than caring…I can’t name it,” he finished. He was sheepish, knowing that he’d just told her more than he’d ever told a soul regarding his inner most thoughts and emotions.

Lily had listened to every syllable he spoke and hung on every word as if they were her saving grace. Tears had begun to roll down her eyes again but they weren’t for pain or frustration. He had poured his soul to her in such a sincere fashion that it had tugged at her heart and caused her own emotions to boil over. Now that he’d finished it was her turn. Pulling forth all of her courage she spoke the things her heart had been screaming for sometime now.

“I care for you to, Sev,” she said in a whisper. “In a way that I can’t explain either.” She had spent many lonely nights crying softly in self-pity, wondering whether or not her deepest emotions were unrequited. Her hormones, raging at that age, certainly hadn’t helped her straighten her head and get her emotions in order. She had just felt dreadful about it all and kept it all inside rather than opening herself up to feel even worse. “I think about you when you’re not around,” she confessed. “I wonder if you’re thinking about me, if you’re wishing I was holding your hand when we leave Potions class, if you ever look at the couples in our year and wish it were you and I.” She had done all of those things throughout the school year, wanting it so badly that it made her head hurt and her heart ache. “I wanted to be your girlfriend after you kissed me and…I…I wanted to kiss you again.” Her last words had come out tentatively, as though the action of speaking them would change the rotation of the earth. In her world, they did.

She moved, unraveling herself and bringing her face up to meet his. His black eyes were full of something she’d never seen before, an emotion so deep that it was hidden under the pools of obsidian. Her eyes closed and she leaned in for her second guess. Severus reciprocated without hesitation. The feeling of elation in his chest made him wonder whether or not he was floating on thin air and his lips caressed hers.

Still new in this arena, they took a moment to get situated. He slanted his head a bit to make room for his nose and she wrapped her arms around his waist in an attempt to get closer. When his mind returned to its natural place he was suddenly reminded of his lessons under Lucius Malfoy. Cautiously he parted his lips and allowed his tongue to glide over her full lips in just the manner that Lucius had described. Just as Malfoy had predicted, her lips parted and he was permitted entry. Their tongues performed a complicated dance, gliding and slipping while exploring the caverns of the others mouth.

They spent some time like this, snogging until they were forced to come up for air and then going back at it full force moments later. Nothing further than lips and tongues occurred that summer though important progress was made. She had agreed to be his girlfriend and on account of Severus’ problems with bullies they would keep it to themselves until they saw fit to inform the world of their bond. Unlike the summer previous it didn’t end with a single chaste kiss.


The story regarding their fourth and fifth years at Hogwarts are well documented elsewhere, at least in manner of major events that changed their relationship drastically. Those memories were not kept close to his heart as many of them were ones he wished to forget all together. There were happy moments with stolen kisses in deserted corridors, suggestive glances in the halls and secret hand holding under the benches in their Potions lessons. Still, they weren’t memories that resided in his heart, for none other than himself. He would recall those days, before the incident on the lake, as the happiest time in his life. He had his girl and she had him and that was all that mattered in the world. His world revolved around her.

After the incident in their fifth year things turned nasty and he had no one to blame but himself. It was a monument to her good nature that she even spoke to him after what he’d called her. It had, indeed, just slipped out. He had been around the Slytherin elite for too long and their ideas had started to make sense to him. It seemed logical and right as long as Lily, as she was to him, an exception to their rules. He’d been so angry and so humiliated that he’d lashed out at the wrong person. He’d driven away the one thing that was good in his life.

Severus apologized over and over again. Finally, she agreed to meet with him and accepted his apology though with great distress that it had ever occurred in the first place. That one moment would change the course of history though they were blissfully unaware of it at the time. The summer prior to their seventh year saw the two, mostly reconciled, back in the Kingdom of River Bank.


The Only One

At the age of sixteen, taller and shaped as adults, Lily and Severus couldn’t manage to fit inside the Palace if they’d tried. After a handy bit of magic that was technically illegal considering their age, the Palace was enlarged and modified brilliantly. It looked just the same from the outside as it always had but the inside was spacious and contained a couch, a tea table and an old bed with an odd duvet that had once been the tattered rug before Severus had transfigured it. Lily, never afraid to break the rules, had added her own special touches here and there. She fixed up curtains and after nearly retching over the hideous duvet, replaced it with a dark blue one from her own closet.

For the summer before they became adults, the Palace would serve more as a cozy little home than a tiny hide away for children. It was Lily’s home away from home and for Severus it was home as he slept there instead of returning to his sobbing mother on Spinner’s End. His father, the old bastard, had finally died. Severus had thought his mother would be relieved now that she was rid of him but she was a mournful mess. She cried all the time, much to his displeasure, and acted as though life was no longer worth living now that her husband wasn’t beating her in a drunken rage. It would be many long years before he truly understood the great power of love and Lily, the once girl now woman, would be the one to teach him that important lesson.

They sat on opposite sides of the lumpy couch with teacups cradled in their hands. Lily had her feet up on the middle cushion and Severus sat slouched on the one next to it. The scene was one of relaxation and comfort, something seldom seen in the Palace of old was now the common routine. The two weren’t a couple any longer technically as they’d never agreed to formally court again. Lily was too distraught afterward and when the dust had settled Severus hadn’t had the nerve to bring it up. They were back to their old companionship, spiced with a snog once in a while, and he dared not tug on the thin line they were walking.

He still felt for her and though he had never said it aloud, he knew the name of his emotion. It was love. It was love so deep and so sincere that it hurt and healed all at once. It was what made him get up in the morning and what made him sleep peacefully at night. He had love and even if she wasn’t his in the technical sense he would always regard Lily Evan’s as his love.

Lily had come to the same conclusion and she too had never spoken on it. She knew that she loved him, so deeply that the path to darkness that she knew he was on, pained her more than she could ever tell. She knew, even then, that she would have to let go if he did the unthinkable and joined the dark wizards that were already following the madman who had proclaimed himself a Lord. As strong as her love was, it would not make her choose what was easy over what was right. She would not support his cause and he would lose her if he chose the wrong side. Still, she had hope. She hoped that he would see how wrong he was, how destructive and insane this Lord’s ideas were. He would see that he didn’t need those people if he had her.

The topic of conversation had switched as they both became nostalgic while sitting in the Palace they’d built at the age of twelve. It seemed like so much longer than four years, perhaps because they had grown and changed so much in that small amount of time. Now they more or less considered themselves adults and sat, laughing about conversations and arguments they’d had on the floor of the Palace.

“Our first kiss,” she said in a whisper. The smile was wiped off of her face as she remembered how it had felt and then how she had yearned for more. She remembered the snogging sessions, so much more passionate and full of feeling. So many events that marked the course of her journey from childhood to adulthood had occurred in the tiny tree house.

“Some of the best memories I possess were made in here,” Severus said softly. He turned to look at her, his black eyes alight with the memories of happy times now long gone. “I can barely remember a time before the Palace.”

“We shared a great deal here.” Lily’s voice was soft and far away, as if she were speaking from another plane of existence. She was deep in her memories, playing them over in her minds eye and feeling both sorrow and joy as she watched. That was the way their relationship had gone, full of sorrow and joy. She thought that, perhaps, the joy had outweighed the sorrow and the bond they had created was why they were sitting here now even though their greatest sorrows were a thing of the past. They were still together, in their private place, and that meant something. “Severus,” she said without looking up. “Do you think that we’ll always remember the Palace, even when we’re old and gray?”

Severus raised a sardonic eyebrow at the question. He found it to be an utterly silly question with an answer so obvious that it needn’t even be spoken. Still, he had spent a good deal of his life obliging Lily and Lily alone. “One does not forget the place in which they became a man. One does not idly toss out memories so precious just because they are old and gray, I believe it to be quite the opposite. They cherish them all the more as they are then wise enough to see how those times and that place set the course of their lives.” It was his most sincere and honest answer. He turned his eyes to hers, “Would you stop remembering the only place in which you’ve known true happiness?”

She didn’t respond, she couldn’t respond. It was so easy to forget that Severus had never had the easy life that she had. He was so good at bottling it up and pretending as though things were just as they should be that it was always a sudden shock when he said things like that. Those truths that were heart wrenching when said aloud. He had, she realized, only been truly happy at the Palace. His parents had ignored him or fought over him, sometimes his father had hit him too. At Hogwarts he’d been bullied and tormented. He had found happiness in their little hide away. It warmed her heart to know that she had a hand in giving him the only happiness he’d known.

“Lily,” she looked up at the sound of her name, her emerald eyes glassy with emotion. Severus looked serious but there was softness in his dark eyes that was only visible to her and she knew that she only saw it because he wished her to. “Will you stay with me here tonight?”

It had been a dream of his and he would explain it if she asked but he wasn’t going to offer up such information willingly. In all the time they’d been together he had always thought that there was one thing that he wanted but could never have. He wanted to fall asleep with her as his last vision, share the deepest state of unconsciousness with the only woman he loved and then open his eyes from sleep to the most beautiful sight in the world: Lily wrapped in his arms in a peaceful sleep. It had nothing to do with sex, though he wouldn’t protest if it were an option. It was to do with the love that he felt for her. He wanted that one perfect day that ended and began with green eyes and fiery red hair. He wanted to hold her, to ensure that he’d loved her with all his heart, in case she slipped away again. She may never know just how much he needed her.

She didn’t question him, somehow knowing that the request was important to him. She nodded, “Of course.” She was sure she’d find a great deal of trouble when she returned home in the morning but that seemed so far away that it didn’t bother her. Her mother and father would lecture her on rules and such and then she would be forced to do all of the chores for the remainder of the week. It would be worth it if she got to see a real smile on his face one more time.

They stayed up late, talking and joking about all manner of things. Both seemed reluctant to end the good time and both were rather anxious about being in the bed together. There had been no expectations set by Lily or Severus regarding what would happen in the bed other than sleep. They were both still young and both had yet to take that final step in a relationship. Severus had vowed long ago that Lily was the only woman that he loved and therefore the only woman that he’d love in the physical nature. Lily hadn’t thought too much about it having always assumed, given their relationship, that she and Severus would get around to that when the time was right. Now, though, they were on the verge of adulthood and the idea seemed both natural and somewhat necessary.

Their talk of all the things that had happened in the Palace, all the events that had shaped their destinies, had somehow cemented the idea that the last step toward adulthood be taken there together. With both of their minds wondering where the night would lead them, they managed to prepare for bed.

The two were awkwardly straight when they were both lying in the comfortable bed, covered with her duvet. Severus gave in first and rolled over onto his side, throwing an arm around her waist. It wasn’t long after that Lily followed suit and snuggled into him, their counters fitting perfectly. Neither slept, they lay awake listening to the soft breathing of the other occupant and thinking about what lay ahead of them.

Severus knew she wasn’t asleep and tired of lying with his head down and pretending to sleep, he propped his head up on his elbow. “You’re not asleep,” he whispered. “Are you uncomfortable? Would you like me to sleep on the couch?” he asked in concern. He didn’t want to go to the couch as it would essentially muck up the entire reason he had wanted her to stay, but as he liked to say to himself, he had spent half of his life obliging Lily Evans and only Lily Evans.

“No,” she muttered as she repositioned herself so that they were both on their sides facing one another. “I don’t want you to go,” she whispered.

Severus reached down and brushed a stray strand of red hair from her cheek, his eyes looking into hers. There was such tenderness in his touch and such a loving warmth in his gaze that it sent shivers up her spine. “Do you know how beautiful you are?” he asked. His voice was softer than a whisper yet still held that deep baritone that he’d recently been blessed with.

“Beauty is only skin deep,” she said with a small grin.

He shook his head. “No, Lily. Not with you. Your beauty reaches to your soul. It’s in your heart.” His forefinger was gliding up and down her cheek softly. So overwhelmed with the feelings coursing through him, Severus barely noticed the movement of his fingers. “You are living beauty, Lily.”

It would have been charming and sweet from any mouth but those words from Severus Snape were a declaration that made her face glow with life. She could feel the sincerety in his voice, the proof that he believed everything he said to be the truth and nothing less. She had to hold back a whimper as her body naturally reacted to the touch of his finger on her cheek and the heartfelt sentiment he had uttered. Women, at their core, are romantics and Lily was no different and words such as those would entice a great many things to happen that had not been foreseen.

“And you, my Sev,” she said as she leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose. “Are the stars in my sky and the grass below me,” Lily whispered. She kissed his forehead and his cheeks. “You’ve had my heart for so long that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to have it for my own.”

Then their lips were pressed together in a kiss so passionate and loving that it may never, in all of time, be rivaled. He’d proclaimed her beauty at eleven, kissed her lips at twelve, kissed so much at thirteen that both sets of lips were bruised and puffy, at fifteen he knew that he was madly in love with her and now at sixteen she was in his bed with her lips pressed to his as the heavens shinned down through the Palace with no roof.

His fingers weaved through her hair as he broke the kiss and began a fresh trail of kisses down her jaw and neck. The sounds, little whimpers and faint moans, were like music to his ears. How many times had he touched himself envisioning this very moment? It was better than he could have ever imagined. Her skin was soft and supple, her light breaths cooling his neck as she exhaled. His mind left him then, logical thought had been warring with emotion for so long that night that it had finally given in and flew a white flag in surrender.

Her hands were not idle either, before he knew what was happening the graceful little fingers had unbuttoned his pajama shirt and were now roving over his chest. By the light of the stars Lily saw, for the first time, what the top half of Severus looked like when bared. He had a dusting of hair in the center of his chest, a flat stomach with a line of soft hairs that started at his navel and descended below the waist of his pajama trousers. She curiously ran her fingertips over his nipples, bringing them to hard nubs. He hissed his pleasure, the sound running through her like fire and ice. She found that his every movement and every utterance made the wetness between her thighs increase. She whimpered in need, aching for his touch.

He had deftly removed her top and unlatched her bra while she had explored his chest through touch. He was doing much the same to hers. Severus whimpered and moaned as the realization that he was doing exactly what he’d always wanted to. Tonight, he would love her in the only way he had left to love her. He had freely given every other part of himself to this beautiful creature and he wasn’t, not even for a second, sorry for it.

She let out a startled cry when his tongue flicked out over her nipple. He made a sound like a chuckle and repeated the process. He was rewarded for his efforts when Lily bucked her hips and moaned in bliss. He hooked his finger on the waistband of her trousers and with a swoop they were lost to the floor of the Palace. She was there, before his very eyes, unclothed and reaching for his trousers. It wasn’t long before she had eased them over his hips and they joined the pile of discarded garments.

When the both of them were finally relieved of their clothing, there was a moment when everything stopped and they took in what they were offering to one another. They both kneeled on the bed, facing each other, as the light of the moon and stars shone down on them from above. They looked, for the first time, at the naked form of the opposite sex, both of them mesmerized and awed at what was before them.

Severus had undressed her with his eyes on several occasions but he surmised very quickly that he’d not done an accurate job of it. Her breasts were fuller than he’d imagined, perky and rounded. Her stomach was flat and her hips wide enough to give her the curves that were so very pleasing to the eye. The small thatch of fur between her legs was soft to the touch. Her wetness was slowly streaking down her inner thigh and the scent of her womanhood gave Severus a heady feeling.

She was just as entranced by his form as he was by hers. She’d never before seen a naked man up close. He was not muscular nor was he scrawny. He was well proportioned all over. His chest was just wide enough, his hips were slightly bony due to his slim build and his legs were well toned. His manhood was hard and jutting out proudly before her. She had nothing to compare by but her first perception was that it seemed just right on him. It was long, like him, and thick enough to fill her small hand at the base when she adventurously reached out.

He hissed when her hand encircled him. The first touch of a woman had nearly sent him over the edge long before he was due. He brought his lips to hers as they kneeled, her hand moving slowly over him. He wrapped his hand over hers and taught her how to please him. When he let go and felt her stroke, he very nearly fell over. She stopped abruptly thinking she’d done something wrong. “No, no,” he said in a husky baritone. “It feels…feels too good.”

He bade her to lay down on her back with a gentle push. She did as instructed, a curious look in her eye as she watched his movements. He was kneeling between her legs and running the palm of his hand over the thatch of curls between her legs. She whimpered as she felt more of her juices flowing down her thigh.

The sound made him shiver, his erection bobbing in anticipation. He had, of course, no experience with this but was more than willing to learn on the job. He dipped his forefinger between the folds and felt the wetness that engulfed her. She gave a loud moan when he ran his finger over the little nub that he’d found. Considering her moan to be an approval he began drawing intricate patterns on and around the little ball of pleasure. She thrashed and moaned in pleasure to reward his effort. When his forefinger entered her opening cautiously, he knew by her reactions that he was doing something right. He hooked his finger inside of her on the vague notion that she might like it. He found that, indeed, she quite liked it.

It wasn’t long before his head descended between her legs. The musky scent of her womanhood seemed to envelope him, driving his passion and reinforcing his need to taste her sweetness. Carefully he parted her folds and dipped his tongue between them. She writhed beneath him, gripping the sheets forcefully and bucking her hips up in an attempt to get more contact. He felt his testicles tighten, the sight so erotic that he could barely contain himself. He lapped at her with vigor then, running his tongue along her crevice and reveling in the beautiful sounds she made for him. She was better than he’d ever imagined, her taste was sweet and musky all at once. He greedily sucked and licked, trying to keep the taste of her on his lips until the end of time.

Lily was in a place she’d never been before. His lips and tongue sent shockwaves of pleasure through her entire body, making her thrash and moan in delight. He sucked the nub into his mouth and drank her juices as if they were holy. She felt warm all over and her body tensed. His tongue roved over her opening and then circled around her clitoris and she was undone. Stars exploded behind her closed eyelids, the world turned itself upside down and pleasure, pleasure like she’d never known, coursed through her very veins. His name fell from her lips over and over again, praising him for giving her such a gift as this.

Severus stopped his ministrations to look up and watch the fruit of his labor. He saw her hips buck and her eyes close as she writhed in ecstasy. The sight proved to be of such beauty that only she was its rival. When he heard his name fall from her lips he growled in animalistic pleasure. She thanked him by calling his name, she honored him by saying uttering his name from those beautiful lips.

When she came back to her senses she found that laid atop her, dropping gentle kisses on her neck and jaw. “That was amazing,” she whispered.

“You’re amazing,” he responded.

He was positioned above her and the moment of truth was at hand. Their eyes met, Severus wincing as his cock ached with need. “Lily,” he addressed her in that voice that caused more wetness between her thighs. “Is this what you want?” he asked. His eyes showed true concern.

Lily nodded, “Yes, please Severus.” She opened her legs to him in offering. “Make love to me.”

He gave her a kiss that spoke the volumes as he slowly entered her, wincing at the intense pleasure of being inside of her. When he met the barrier of her maiden head he stopped and locked his eyes onto hers. She nodded, fully aware of the pain that was to come. She knew he would be as gentle as he could and she knew that she wanted to give this to him and him alone. He pecked her lips, a show of tender affection before he was forced to cause her pain.

Hoping to make it as quick as possible. He pulled back and thrust forward forcefully, breaking through the barrier. He groaned at the new feeling of being fully sheathed inside of her. He lowered his eyes to hers to see tear dripping down the sides of her face. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, not knowing what else to say. She whimpered in response and he bent to kiss her cheeks in an offer of comfort. “Are you okay?”

She nodded. The intense pain had lessened a great deal after a few moments and her courage grew. She reached her hands to his hips and moved him slowly at first. Severus looked as though he’d reached Nirvana, his eyes were closed and he was moaning and muttering incoherent words. They were one, in that moment in time. Their bodies were melded together as Severus urged all of his love to reach her. It had never been about the act itself for him, it had been about what it represented. He and Lily who had experienced everything as a team for so many years were now learning the ways that the body loved as one. There were tears in his eyes as the realization washed over him. He was making love in the truest sense of the phrase.

He didn’t last long as it was the first time he’d felt a woman’s warmth. His body went rigid and he knew that he was too close to turn back. He shouted her name and proclaimed his love for the first time as his orgasm took him.

His body was limp and dead as he rolled to lye beside her. Many moments of panting for breath and small jolts passed before he came back to reality. When he opened his eyes he saw hers staring back, a wide smile was on her lips and tears were dripping down her nose. It was another moment before he realized that tears were streaking down his cheeks too, so overcome with emotion that they were unstoppable.

He threw his arm across her and pulled her toward him. “I love you, Lily,” he whispered softly as he laid his head on the pillow.

“I love you, too,” she whispered.

Then sleep took them. The next morning Severus woke up to the most beautiful sight he could imagine, Lily Evans, his love, sleeping peacefully in his arms.

Epilogue

What happened from there were things that shall not be recounted in detail here as they were the worst memories of Severus Snape’s life. He did what she’d hoped he wouldn’t and joined the dark forces of Lord Voldemort. It was then that she had finally said goodbye and moved on with her life. He never moved on, he couldn’t move on. She fell in love again and to add insult to injury she married James Potter and bore him a son. He loved her still because to Severus Snape, she could do no wrong.

Dreadful things came to pass and the only one who he’d ever loved, the one who had loved him in return, perished. For the rest of his mortal life Severus Snape devoted himself to protecting the child of his love, for whom he felt no love at all, and destroying the dark force that had destroyed their lives. Through it all, to the very last breath he took, he loved her with all his heart and tried to gain redemption through finally, though far too late, doing right by Lily Evans.

When his mission was complete and Lily’s son came to him he was graced with a last look at her emerald eyes, inherited by her son, before his final sleep took him. The happiest moments of his life may never have been told but he would have preferred it that way. They were his and his alone.