White Roses

White Roses

Author: Tygerlily
Email: Angelusblood@yahoo.com
Pairing: Hermione/Severus
Rating: R
Summary: He said that’d he’d only end up hurting her… she should’ve listened
Disclaimer: Property of J.K. Rowling and Company
Spoilers: Takes Place Sixth Year [just to give you an idea of the time]

Author Note: This just came to me as I was working on the outline for “Broken Enigma” so you can basically blame this one-shot on that. Also there is a serious angst factor here, so be warned. [Brief mentions of suicide]

Like it, Don\'t Like it... whatever, just be aware that HG and SS are so out of character that it brings the flamers out the woodwork... leave a review, don\'t leave a review... though if you do it\'d be nice if you were constructive about it

*sighs*

Now on to the story...

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Dark eyes stared sightlessly into the now dying embers of the fire. Long slender and elegant fingers clenched tightly around the soft fabric wrapped around his hand. The searing burn of the whiskey as it made its way down his throat did nothing to soothe the now constant ache in his chest.

It was only hours before that’d he’d entered his chambers; a slight spring in his step, roses in hand, and though not noticeable to the untrained eye, she’d have taken notice. Just as she always did. She knew him better than he knew himself and although he’d never admit it. He loved that she knew him the way she did.

But now she was gone…

…And she was never coming back

He’d done the one thing that he told her time and again that he’d end up doing to her. He did the one thing that she swore that she could never see him doing.

… He broke her heart…

And he knew! He knew right from the moment he allowed her into his life, into his arms… into his bed that he’d end up breaking it. Shaking his head ruefully he had no one to blame but himself but he couldn’t help but feel anger well up inside him.

Anger directed at her.

… It was her fault…

Glaring at the now empty tumbler he heaved himself up out of the over stuffed chair and stumbled gracelessly over to the other side of the room where another bottle of whiskey resided. The sound of glass shattering rippled through the room as the tumbler fell to the floor. Groaning softly in response Severus merely grabbed the bottle before falling back against the cool stoned wall as he slipped to the floor.

Swallowing visibly he pulled his knees up close to his chest and once again stared sightlessly out into the dimness of the room. Sighing heavily to himself he couldn’t help but wonder what the future held…

He could still remember her soft yet so self-assured voice the first time she said she loved him. The way she smiled shyly up at him as she spoke. Her eyes sparkled mischievously and with innocence he hadn’t seen in a long time. Though thoroughly shocked by her words they did seem to penetrate the thick and almost impenetrably walls that he’d built around his heart so long ago.

And again though he was loathe to admit it, he did indeed warm at her words. This young slip of a girl loved him; there was no doubt in his mind that her words were true.

Someone loved him…

Here she was offering him the world… a world he so desperately wanted to be apart of. And yet he could still remember his response – “I fear Miss Granger that your mind has finally run away with you” he hissed venomously “You forget yourself, I am your professor and you are my student… Nothing more than a mere child! You would do well to remember that”

Though his words did nothing to detour her, if nothing they only inspired her to be even more persistent; she came to him everyday. Each day she would tell him that she loved and cared for him. Each day she would find small and subtle ways to show the affection she had for him.

Eventually despite his better judgment and the constant fears licking at the back of his mind that allowing this relationship to occur would ultimately destroy them both, he gave into her. That evening at Hogwarts had been clear, cool and crisp. The perfect evening to head to the gardens to gather some more of the night blooming flowers for a few select private potions ventures he’d been pursing as of late.

It was there he found her. Her back to him as she wandered the garden aimlessly as if waiting for someone, he hesitated for a moment fearing he might be interrupting a stolen moment between lovers. His relief was evident when she turned and at the sight of him a bright yet contented smile curled onto her lips.

Slowly he made his way toward her. Coming to a halt when he stood practically toe to toe with her, he towered over her petite form with softened eyes. With a surprisingly steady hand he reached to gently brush a stray lock of hair away from her face. The corners of his lips quirked slightly when her eyes fluttered shut and she nuzzled his palm gently.

Silently he stepped away from her causing her eyes to snap open in surprise. Holding her gaze for a moment he turned on heel and made his way over to one of the nearby bushes. He reached out with a sure hand but hesitated at the last moment, his long elegant fingers hovered over the dark blue roses which almost looked to be black under the night sky. He then turned to move down to another set of bushes and when he returned he presented her with a pristine white rose.

Hermione accepted the gift with trembling fingers before shakily bringing up the flower to her nose to take in its intoxicating scent. All the while, Severus took in the scene with bated breath hoping that his gift would be appreciated and accepted. A gentle smile adorned her features when she finally looked up at him again.

Silently she moved forward and leaned up to place a gentle kiss on his cheek before embracing him tightly. After a moments hesitation lean yet strong arms twined around her slender waist and returned the embrace with equal fever.

It was in that moment he allowed himself to believe…

Though thankfully he never actually told her he loved her. He never told her he loved her when he allowed her into his life. He never told her he loved her when he allowed her into his bed. He never told her he loved her each evening he brought her a white rose. He never told her he loved her whenever he kissed her softly. He never told her he loved her when he’d absently play with the soft locks of her hair as they silently read in front of the fire. He never told her he loved her when he asked her to be his wife and mistress of his households…

…Nope it was a good thing he never told her that he loved her…

Bleary eyes looked down disdainfully at the now empty bottle of whiskey. Cursing softly he carelessly tossed the bottle across the room. He couldn’t help the mad smile of satisfaction at the sound of glass shattering as he reached for another bottle of the amber liquid.

The little harlot, she had known that this day would come. She had to of known that he would screw things up and hurt her. She had to have. Snorting loudly he knew that he was to blame on some levels to. He allowed the bitch into his life in the first place. He should’ve known that she’d leave him as soon as there was trouble.

The fact that he’d been fucking Erin Amherst; one of the young women who worked in the book shop in Diagon Alley, in their bed after a fight one evening just a few days earlier probably didn’t help the situation any.

He knew it was wrong but just a few hours before he and Hermione had gotten into one horrific fight. Things were said and vicious insults made. At the end of it all the young Gryffindor stood before him flushed and panting heavily. Sighing heavily she stepped back and bit her lip softly before turning on heel and quickly exiting the room effectively hiding the tears that were beginning to slip down her cheeks.

Cursing softly to himself he too soon made a hasty exit out of the rooms in search of his fiancé who looked much more upset than usual. After thoroughly searching the castle he headed back to his rooms only to find a few robes and other personal affects of hers missing. Oh he knew that she didn’t really leave, she merely moved herself into the private chambers that was given to her when it was discovered that she was his betrothed.

If he was thinking clearly and honest with himself, she just needed this time to cool down and by the time it came to retire that evening she’d be ready to come back, embrace him and place a sweet apologetic kiss on his pliant lips. They’d then crawl into bed and all would be right with the world one more time.

Of course he was too focused on his pride and the dull ache that began to settle in his chest. When he wasn’t sure where she was or if she was ever coming back, that ache would always appear whenever he couldn’t find Hermione. Inhaling deeply he quickly turned on heel and made his way out of the bowels of the castle and out of Hogwarts. Once he was past the school gates he apparated without so much as a word.

A few hours later he was able to slip past the gates with his whore in tow. For some unknown reason he was actually able to get her into the dungeons and into his rooms. With a few whispered words their clothes were gone and he was on her like a man starved.

Not once did he notice the door being pushed open or the gasp of surprise and horror as he pushed inside the bitch beneath him. He didn’t notice the tears that began to slip down Hermione’s cheeks as she watched with sick fascination. He didn’t notice her run from the room as he pulled out of the woman beneath him as he climaxed over her.

Choking softly as he swallowed more of the burning whiskey than he could handle, he knew that when he escorted the woman off the grounds and returned to his rooms to find an irate Hermione in front of him, her wand at his throat, that she had seen what had occurred there only a few moments before.

Angry tears glittered in her eyes; her cheeks were flushed as she stepped back and lowered her wand. He went to speak but the look in her eyes caused him to pause. It was then he noticed the emptiness within the room and the bag at her feet.

“I hope your whores keep you in good company Severus because I don’t think I can do this anymore. I tried… I did, I know that I did. I tried to show you how much I love you. I did everything I could to show… to tell you… to make you believe my words. I foolishly thought that one day – one day you might believe me.

I know that you love me, Severus. That isn’t in question here… I just don’t understand how you can keep doing this. Every time we fight, you… you go and do this! When there’s no need… you go off and find one of your whores. And god forbid if it’s during holiday or a weekend… you’ll be gone for days at a time... I just… I just can’t anymore.

I love you… I’m sorry, Severus… goodbye…”

And with those last few whispered words she was gone…

It wasn’t her fault at all. It was his, his inability and unwillingness to work with her. To share his feelings to be honest with the one person who openly cared for him the most. He knew that sometimes she needed to hear the words. Words he could never bring himself to say. He knew that the women he’d bring to his bed after a heated fight would cut deeper than any of the words he tossed her way. He knew he’d kill any man that dared to ever touch her.

She was his and though she’d probably be better off without him there was nothing in this world that was going to cause him to let her go. Nothing short of death itself and even then if he could find a way around that he would.

Reaching up to brush the a few stray locks from his eyes he realized with sick amusement that he was crying. Hot spicy tears continued to slip down his cool alabaster cheeks as he lay against the cold stone. A hysterical laugh filled the desolate room as he realized that this was the harlot’s fault – bitch made him cry.

Sniffling softly he realized that though he did the one thing that he promised he’d eventually do, something happened that he didn’t count on. She in turn broke his heart. The same heart that he continuously claimed not to have and the idea of a life without her was something incomprehensible to him.

In the few short months she has situated herself in his life he had become used to her. He had almost come to rely on her presence at his side. His head lolled back drunkenly and he cursed himself for not making more of an effort to keep her there. Though she was an annoying self-sacrificing bitch in all her Gryffindor glory, she was still his damn it!

Climbing to his feet he pushed back off of the wall and stumbled forward clumsily. His head began to spin unpleasantly as the effects of the whiskey came to him full force. Groaning loudly, he dropped his head into his hand as he blindly made his way to his private stores. He roughly pushed aside varying bottles and vials uncaring if they fell carelessly to the floor only to shatter at his feet until he found what he was looking for.

Dropping to his knees, he began to pitifully crawl across the floor in search of the bottle he let slip to his side and roll away earlier. After a few minutes a searching, he let out a sound of triumph as is fingers brushed the now cool glass. Moving into a sitting position, he panted softly as he shakily uncorked the vial and poured its contents into the alcohol.

His hands shakily hovered over the bottle before bringing it to his lips. As the cool glass brushed against his now parched lips, he snarled violently before throwing the bottle against the wall causing the glass to shatter and the tainted liquor to drip sluggishly down the walls.

Wide eyed he stared down at his hands and then back at the mess now dripping down the walls. His stomach turned violently at what he almost did and he stumbled from the room and into his bedroom. Collapsing weakly near the bed, he hugged his knees to his chest as silent tears slipped down his face.

Looking down he saw that still clutched tightly in one of his hands was one of her more informal robes. Sighing heavily he brought the fabric up to his face and inhaled deeply. His eyes fluttered shut as her scent surrounded him, causing reality to slip further and further away. Weakly he lay down on the cool hard wood floor hands still holding the fabric tightly, face pressed into her robes.

That’s how she found their chambers a few hours just before dawn.

Cinnamon colored eyes widen in fear when she caught sight of her lover lying deathly still on the floor face buried in her robes, dried tear track marks marred his pale features. Without hesitation, she drop to her knees at his side and reached out to gently turn him over. She shakily let loose a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding when she realized he was only asleep.

Though the unusual paleness of his cheeks and the cold sweat that marred his brow caused the relief that had just flooded her to flee just as quickly; she then began trying to shake him into consciousness. She reached up to gently brush back a few damp locks that had clung to his brow. Whispering in hushed tones she tried to encourage him back to consciousness.

“Severus wake up, please Severus open your eyes” she whispered frantically

After a few tense moments dark eyes fluttered open weakly causing her to shriek with relief. Unbidden tears came to her eyes as she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly pressing her face into his hair. Abruptly she pulled back and gripped his shoulders tightly immediately noticing his dazed expression.

“Severus! Did you take anything? Tell me, did you take anything?” she asked frantically running her hands over his face and down the slender column of his throat.

“’Minoe…?” his voice slurred

“Yes love, now tell me did you take anything?” her voice still a panic

He nodded his head drunkenly.

“What was it?”

“Doleo Casus…” he whispered

Her breathe caught in her throat at that. Just looking at him though he couldn’t possibly have taken something so potent and not have perished on the spot… even diluted it would’ve killed him almost instantly.

“Severus… you took Doleo Casus?” she asked while gently stroking back a few stray locks from his forehead, almost as if she were speaking to a small child.

Severus’s eyes widened before drooping again and he began to loll back and forth in negation. Then through parched and chapped lips he rasped out that he – meant to take it but in the end couldn’t do it – Hermione’s relief was evident on her tired features, sighing heavily she sagged back against the large frame of the bed.

Swallowing visibly she slowly climbed to her feet and then took on the arduous task of dragging Severus to his feet and placing him in the bed. A few strenuous minutes later she was able to get his large frame up and allowed him to fall back onto the bed.

Silently she went about stripping him out of his boots, socks and outer robes. She then swiftly removed his frock coat, leaving him clad only in a pair of black trousers and crisp white cotton shirt. Hermione then went about undoing the buttons from his neck to about the middle of his chest and then at his wrists.

Brushing back a few stray strands away from her face once she got him settled she went about removing her own clothing. Now clad only in a bra and pair of panties she quietly she slipped in beside him. Snuggling up to him she threw a leg across his waist and pillowed her head on his chest…

Only then she allowed the tears to fall….

It always happened like this, they got into a fight. Things were said, she’d leave to go and cool off knowing that if she didn’t hexes would start to fly. She’d return only to find him in bed with one of his whores.

Sniffling softly to herself she knew that he’d probably never change. They were engaged to be married and even now he still went out did the things he did. She didn’t even question the fact whether he loved her or not. She knew he did. Though he never said the actual words… she knew…

She knew their relationship probably wasn’t the healthiest one going. It would probably be best if they just went their separate ways now and learned to live without one another. Though she knew she was kidding herself with that fact, they were in too deep as it was. That was thing with obsessions… no matter how you tried to fight them … they somehow always drew you back in…

Sighing softly she could feel her eyes grow heavy with sleep and she knew that when she woke up later in the morning she’d find herself immersed in a warm bath with Severus, his deep voice whispering all sorts of endearments and apologies in her ear. Only during these times was he truly relaxed believed that she was asleep and couldn’t hear his words.

And as she drifted off to sleep the she comforted herself with the fact that he never brought any of them roses… and he never would…

… Because the day he did… was the day that she would have to stop loving him …

End

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As many of you can come on here and review this story and say that the characters are OOC and that a group of 200 some odd HG/SS supporters don\'t like this story. [And I know this wasn\'t directly asked [by most] but its what\'s implied with all the negative reviews]. I won\'t be taking this story down. I won\'t be changing it. It\'ll stay as is.

I will say that I had originally planned a companion piece/sequel [It said it in the first version of the author notes and those notes still exsist at Fanfiction.net] But everyone was so quick to jump down my throat about this fiction and not acknowledge that lil bit of information. All I got was variations of \"This is terrible\", \"They\'re beyond out of character\" and people begging me to change it or write a companion piece/sequel where she turns it around on Severus.

Of course now in all honesty I\'m tempted to leave the half finished fiction [the companion piece] just that... unfinished. I honestly haven\'t decided yet and if I do finish it, its doubtful I share it. Also blaming me for the possiblity of having to deal with more HG/SS haters, thats ridiculous. This story wasn\'t meant to encourage that and I\'m sorry if it does. But that hate is always going to be there... don\'t try to lay the blame on me, even if it is in some sideways way.

A few of you asked how I can write such great BtVS/Ats fictions and yet you still ripped me up here, didn\'t give me the benefit of the doubt, didn\'t email me and ask me. You just felt becuase YOU disagreed so much with this particular piece that you had to come on here and rip me up and then act as if you were shocked at how I could do this since my other works are so different....

I make no apologies for this fiction, because \"White Roses\" wasn\'t suppose to be the end...