Sweetest Coma Again

Fandom: Harry Potter
Date Finished: October 21st, 2002
Classification: PWP
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Note: Written for the Battlefields of Slash fanzine, 2002. (http://www.thebattlefields.org)

Sweetest Coma Again
By Elsewhere
elsewherecw@shaw.ca

Disclaimer: The characters and backstory belong not to me, but to the wonderful J.K. Rowling. I hope to hell she never reads this. *g*

The lyrics are from \'Sweetest Coma Again\' by Luna Sea, translated by Mina-P (http://www.senshigakuen.com). And yes, I *know* it\'s the James Bond/The World Is Not Enough song. So sue me.

Distribution: Battlefields of Slash \'Zine, baby!! (If you want to archive this somewhere, please ask me first. Thanks!)

Spoilers: Er, nothing much. ;)

Summary: A moment in the lives of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Simple as that. ;)

*****
Wanna go steal something?
The white moon in the sky
In perfect Rhythm
Don\'t avoid my gaze
It\'s strategy-less Game
In an abyss of sweet consciousness
*****

So cold...

Nights like these were rare, the cold seeping in through the castle walls, permeating the beds, the sheets...everything was chilled, the windows were laced with delicate frost and the ceiling of the Great Hall was a mass of whirling snowflakes.

It was the kind of cold that made a body want to remain curled next to the fire, in the hope of drowning out the ice that settled deep into skin, into bones. Fire was cleansing, fire chased away the cold.

But it was also the kind of cold that invited a hand against the windowpane, fingers tracing patterns in the frost, a lip caught between teeth as icy heat burned through a palm. There was danger there, the danger of playing with nature, assuming that she would be kind, that the cold would not swallow the fingers whole in its hunger...but the danger was not as invigorating as the cold itself.

There was something so very...pure about a night like this, he mused. Something about the way cold had a way of breaking past even the best barriers and creeping deep into a person\'s blood, until it seemed there would never be warmth again. He felt like that tonight, cold to the soul, and somehow the pain kept him from lingering too long on thoughts. Thoughts were dangerous, thoughts led one down paths that had no return...and above all, thoughts were hurtful-deliberately, cruelly hurtful.

A soft gasp escaped his lips as he pressed his palm tightly against the glass, closing his eyes against the sting of tears at the flash of cold that swept up his arm. Something shifted behind him, the air stirred lightly against the tiny hairs at the back of his neck, and his eyes snapped open.

His shoulders were tensed, his fingers pressing so tightly against the window that his knuckles had gone white, but he didn\'t turn. He knew who was behind him, knew by instinct, and it bothered him that his breath came a little faster at the knowledge that he\'d been caught. Caught? Doing what? Playing with the frost?

Caught pretending. Pretending that he wasn\'t who he was, that he didn\'t have to think his own thoughts, that just for one moment, one simple moment in his life he could simply be...Harry. Just Harry. Not the Boy Who Lived. Not the boy that everyone had expectations for. Just Harry.

Somehow, perhaps by some extension of the same instinct that told him who was watching him, he knew that his silent companion knew. Knew what Harry was doing, why he was up here, by himself, staring out the window and seeing nothing. Understood, even accepted, the reason that someone would seek the sear of ice to kill the heat of life.

The air shifted again, and a shiver went up Harry\'s spine. Footsteps behind him, soft and shuffling against the dusty floor, approached, and stopped, only a few feet away. Harry felt frozen, his hand still against the window, unable to turn, unable to move or breathe. The back of his neck started to burn under the weight of eyes, trained on him like those of a hawk on its prey.

He heard nothing more...it was strangely silent. And yet, a moment later, when a hand brushed the back of his neck, he did nothing more than catch his breath, not startled or disturbed by the intrusion. He had known...it was inevitable...like so many things.

The hand trailed over his shoulder, down his arm, closing briefly over the elbow before going on to the wrist. Fingers traced the fragile bones of his wrist, and he was breathing hard again, like he was in the middle of a Quidditch match and he\'d spotted the Snitch. Warmth tingled up his arm, reviving the numbness, as the hand closed gently over his own, slightly shorter fingers layering over his, pressing his hand tighter against the glass. All he felt now was heat; the glass was warming under the sweat of his palm.

He waited, waited in silence, hoping for more, hoping it would go away, hoping for something, anything, to change. And then it came...a kiss, the lightest of touches against the back of his neck, soft lips brushing the skin like a feather. His eyes slid closed, his mouth dropping open as he leaned back into the touch, all his energy focused on that single point where the chill skin of his neck was blessed by the warmth of another\'s kiss.

Then it was gone, the kiss was gone, the touch was gone, the hand drawing away, lingering for only a second against his shoulder before departing. The air shifted again, and Harry dropped his head to rest against the window pane. He was alone. Of course he was alone.

Whether dream or reality, he longed for these moments more and more...

*****
Like fainting away
In this hot Beat
Tonight
The world is starting to tremble
*****

Silence, the kind of silence that rings more loudly through a room than would a shout...this was all that greeted Draco Malfoy when he entered the Slytherin locker room. At first he reacted to this silence with an almost nervous tension, walking quietly on the balls of his feet as he peered around the edges of the lockers. He was alone, and he let out a slow breath through pursed lips before he forced himself to relax.

Slowly, aware of the slight creak of his bones, moving jarringly within his skin, he sank down to sit on the nearest bench. His breath, so controlled only a moment before, quivered in and out of his open mouth, and as he ran his hands back through his hair, he was aware of them shaking. Cautiously, as though he thought he might break himself, his hands closed over his forehead and he lowered his head, resting, eyes closed, trying to catch his breath.

He was so absorbed in his breath, in the simple motion of pushing air in and out of his lungs without faltering, that he failed to sense when he was no longer alone in the room. There was no warning, just a flicker of movement, enough to get his attention, then motion just in front of him-fast, too fast-and then his head snapped to one side under the impact of a backhanded hit. He cried out as the sound of knuckles hitting his cheek resounded through the silence, as he tried to catch his balance and failed, sprawling to the floor in a heap.

He gritted his teeth against pain and indignity as a hand gripped his shoulder and he was hauled mercilessly over, onto his back. The hand released for only a moment, enough for him to let out his breath, but then it was back, gripping his shoulder, pressing him to the floor. Muscles throughout his body screamed out at the abuse, and he squeezed his eyes tightly shut, unwilling to let his discomfort be seen.

It had been too much...he had known it the moment it happened, but by then it was too late. Too late to take it back, and now, apparently, it was time to pay...

*****
Just like Coma
I\'m in the Coma
Sweetest Coma Again
*****

Six hours. Six hours under a grey, washed out sky that was enough to get anyone\'s spirits down. It was the worst kind of day to play Quidditch; the sun was clouded over, the sky a murky palette of greys and whites, washed together like an oil painting. It wasn\'t exactly the kind of weather that would inspire anyone to any great athletic achievements.

Harry blinked and spun around in surprise as a wayward Bludger flashed by his ear, far too close for comfort. He\'d gone into a daze for a moment there...perhaps longer than a moment. The closest one of his teammates was looking at him oddly. He gave her a brief, sheepish grin before shaking his head slightly and turning his attention back to the game. He wasn\'t sure why it was so hard to concentrate today...everything seemed off color, and it had to be more than the sky.

He hadn\'t slept well the night before, tormented even more than usual by dreams of soft skin and sharp fingernails. Somehow the dreams were getting harder to ignore, and blurring more completely with reality.

Lower lip held lightly between his teeth, he let his eyes rove over the length of the pitch, searching high and low for some sign of the elusive Golden Snitch. Finally, he spotted it, a flicker of yellowish light against the base of one of the stands. He didn\'t even stop to look behind himself...he dove for it, broom handle tilted at an extreme angle as he sped towards his goal.

He was so close to it...ten metres, no more...when a flash of green and silver obscured his vision, and he grunted with effort as he forced the handle back up, pulling to a stop before he collided with the obstacle. His eyes snapped up, annoyance flaring across them, and they narrowed even further when he caught glances with the obstruction. Malfoy only smirked, cool grey eyes flashing with amusement before he turned and, with an air of triumph, sailed easily towards the Snitch.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Harry was aware of the way the crowds erupted around them, aware of Lee Jordan\'s voice crying out as Malfoy\'s open hand inched closer to the Snitch. But Harry ignored all of that, his focus entirely on his enemy. Gritting his teeth, he gripped the broom handle tighter and angled himself straight for Malfoy.

Malfoy never even saw him coming. It happened in less than a second...a flash of speed, and Harry crossed Malfoy\'s vision, just as Malfoy had done to him. Harry\'s hand opened to receive the Snitch and he inched forward along his broom, trying to grab it, but it eluded him. In a burst of speed, a flicker of golden wings, the Snitch lifted away from him, flitting away and gaining speed. Harry let out a sound somewhere between a grunt and a growl, an instinctual sound of frustration, and settled more firmly onto his broom before taking off at full velocity after the Snitch.

After narrowly avoiding another Bludger and carefully threading his way through several hostile Slytherins, Harry approached the Snitch, teeth gritted again as he focused all his energy on his task. It was so close, just a few more inches and he would have it...

SLAM. The world careened around him for a second as something heavy knocked the underside of the back end of his broom, shattering twigs and sending him into a spin that it took him several seconds of intense concentration to recover from. His balance was thrown off by the damage to his broom, and he let out a quiet, furious snap of incoherent sound as his eyes lifted, seeking the culprit. Malfoy had turned again, was smirking, again...and Harry could easily see why.

Malfoy\'s grin widened when he saw the shock and disappointment, then the rage that crossed Harry\'s eyes when he saw the Snitch clutched so securely in Malfoy\'s gloved hand. Harry\'s mouth opened to cry foul, wondering why he hadn\'t already heard it, and he spun around...and froze as realization came over him. Together, he and Malfoy had chased the Snitch behind the very edge of one of the stands. They were entirely invisible to all of the others. Nobody had seen Malfoy\'s dirty trick...but no one had seen him catch the Snitch, either.

There was still a chance...but only if he cheated just as badly as Malfoy had. And that was something he was unwilling to do. His eyes narrowed to mere slits, anger and frustration seething behind his usually calm gaze. And Malfoy just kept smirking...that horrible, entirely too self-satisfied smirk.

Malfoy sent him one last sneering grin before he angled his broom away and sailed out into the open, hand uplifted with the Snitch clutched within. Harry followed more slowly, scowling deeply as the Slytherin crowd broke out in shouts of triumph and the rest of the crowds seemed to slump in disappointment. The Slytherin players gathered around Malfoy, congratulating him, and that terrible smirk never once left his face.

He would wipe that smirk off Malfoy\'s face, Harry decided. It was about time somebody did. This time...this time it had been too much.

Time to pay...

*****
Once more
Hold me hotly
My sweet
Tonight
The world is in your hands
*****

\"Even for you, Malfoy, that was a dirty trick.\"

Harry\'s breath was hot against Draco\'s face as he whispered the words, in a harsh, deadened voice nothing like his usual tone. Draco hesitantly opened his eyes and fought the urge to cringe when he saw the fury, pure and all-encompassing, that spun in Harry\'s usually calm green gaze.

He knew the calm was a facade. He knew there were troubles-hurts and betrayals-lying deep beneath the deceptive serenity of those eyes. He knew that the calm was actually simple numbness, so easy to achieve if the pain became too great, if it was easier to take the anesthetic touch of apathy than it was to feel reality.

Harry tilted his head slightly, regarding Draco with the look of a predator upon freshly caught prey, aware that there would be no escape, no struggle. His hand was grasping Draco\'s shoulder so tightly Draco was sure he could feel bruises forming, even through the light fabric of his shirt.

\"Well?\" Harry rasped, leaning a little closer, his nose just inches from Draco\'s, so that all Draco could see was the brilliant green of Harry\'s eyes. \"Don\'t you have anything to say for yourself, Malfoy?\"

Briefly, Draco considered spitting in Harry\'s face as a sort of coy, cute answer, but when he saw the way Harry\'s lips drew back from his teeth, vaguely reminiscent of an attacking dog, he decided against it.

\"I can\'t believe even you would do such a thing,\" Harry continued, and his tone would have seemed almost conversational if it weren\'t for the rage in his eyes, in the tension of his body, held just above Draco\'s. His other hand was just to the side of Draco\'s face, close enough that if Draco turned his head, he could breathe on Harry\'s thumb. \"Even you, Malfoy.\"

There was nothing inherently accusatory in his tone; if anything, he sounded disappointed, his anger slowly giving way towards the emotional aftermath. Draco watched the changing play of emotions across Harry\'s face, usually so stoic, and even as Harry\'s body slowly started to relax over him, Draco felt himself drawing further into a knot of tension, pressed as tightly back against the floor as he could.

\"Aren\'t you ashamed of yourself?\" Harry asked, dully, as though he really didn\'t care what the answer was. His eyes were curious, though, and he again tilted his head, staring down at Draco\'s face, into Draco\'s eyes, deep into places that Draco tried so desperately to keep hidden. Harry seemed to see into them effortlessly; years\' worth of carefully built walls collapsed, pooled in a liquid mass of failure, around Draco\'s trembling body.

\"Even you, Malfoy...even you must see that a win taken by cheating is no win at all,\" Harry said, voice lowered to a husky drawl as he shook his head and slowly lowered himself, so slowly that Draco felt as though he might shatter in the interim, in the moment torn between trying to get away and trying to get closer, before Harry\'s lips touched down, so carefully, against his forehead.

He had no right...no right to say such a thing. He had cheated, cheated in a way that Draco could never surpass, no matter how hard he might try, no matter how dirty he chose to play on the Quidditch field. Harry had cheated with Draco\'s mind and with his soul, with all the parts of himself that he tried so hard to keep away. Harry stripped away all the defenses with nothing more than a piercing look or a careful caress...all it took was one word, softly spoken, from Harry\'s lips and all of the pretensions, everything he had worked so hard for, fell apart.

It was too much...too much...

*****
Don\'t pass by
Through sweet times ever again
Tonight
The world is in your eyes
*****

The same dream again. Cold, so cold...and something else...a presence in the room, someone different, but somehow normal, natural.

This was where he was safe, in the silence and cold, with no one to judge him, to expect him to be someone he wasn\'t sure he could be. Here he was safe.

Draco expected nothing of him. Draco expected him to be an enemy, to be nothing more, and he was capable of that. Draco didn\'t want him to be great and wise, to be the one who would save them all. Draco was the only one who really didn\'t care if he lived or died...

The hand again, closing for a moment over the back of his neck, sending the same flush of heat through his body, and then the fingers were moving lightly over his arm, shifting the fabric of his shirt before wrapping around his wrist. His eyes closed as they always did at this point, and the hand came to rest gently over his, taking the same shape as his hand, fingertips against fingernails, palm against knuckles.

He waited, breathless, waited for the moment that he knew would come, the moment when it would all fall apart.

And it came, as it always did...the careful, undemanding touch of soft lips against the back of his neck, brushing ever so carefully against his skin. So careful, so gentle...like a lover. Like someone else...not an enemy. The enemy.

Draco.

Harry\'s eyes snapped open, his body tensing, and he felt the figure behind him freeze in comprehension and start to pull away. But it was too late.

Harry spun, hands reaching out even as he turned, gripping onto something, anything, the fabric of a green and silver cloak, tugging with all his strength. A body, somehow pliant and resisting all at once, tumbled into his arms, and his hands clasped tightly onto the other boy, holding on, keeping him still. Draco struggled with all his might for a moment, no more than a moment...and then he was yielding to Harry\'s kiss, moaning softly in the back of his throat as Harry\'s tongue pressed cautiously into his mouth.

\"You can\'t go,\" Harry whispered against his neck moments later, while Draco fought to catch his breath, eyes closed and face lifted towards the roof, hands clutching Harry\'s shoulders, seeking purchase. He felt he was falling, his knees failing him...Harry was solid and strong, holding him up. \"You can\'t go, not this time...\"

He relented...it was so easy, just this once, not to force himself to leave...to stay, and let himself be in Harry\'s arms, safe and warm, hands caressing his cheeks, his chest, through his hair, lips against his temple, whispered words that he couldn\'t quite catch but he knew the meaning of nonetheless...all of it sank past his barriers and somehow, it stayed.

\"Not this time...\" Harry was whispering, so quietly, so faraway, the voice of his dreams, and then he lost sight of everything, falling into the heat and final perfection of Harry\'s kiss.

*****
Once more
Pierce me hotly
Through my heart
Tonight
The world is in your hands
*****

Without warning, his hands slammed up against Harry\'s shoulders, his panic giving him strength he wouldn\'t normally have. With a quiet cry of surprise, Harry fell back, his hand releasing its grip as he sprawled back against the cold tiles. Draco saw his chance and took it...in an instant he was on his hands and knees, then his feet, scrambling towards the door.

It took less than a second...reality sank in, breaking even through the rough emotion of his panicked flight, rationality slowly taking over as he realized that there would be no escape. Not from this.

Not this time.

He was almost at the door, hand reaching for the knob, when Harry caught him from behind, arms closing tightly around him and pulling his struggling form to the floor. Draco\'s knee slammed up into Harry\'s stomach the instant Harry managed to get him to the tiles, and Harry grunted with pain and surprise but this time kept his grip, even as Draco wriggled slyly in his arms. He managed to land a good punch against Harry\'s jawbone, and Harry cried out, angered, as he fell back again, but this time his hands kept their hold on Draco\'s shoulders, pulling him along.

Somehow, Draco ended up straddling Harry\'s legs, and Harry\'s hands were around his wrists now, and he was struggling like his life depended on it, trying desperately to hit Harry\'s chest and nearly howling with rage and frustration when he was unsuccessful.

\"Let go!\" Draco shouted, eyes flashing as he tried to get his knee into Harry\'s stomach again, and Harry\'s thigh knocked it aside. \"Let go of me!\"

\"No,\" Harry gritted, grip tightening as he fought with his entire body to throw Draco off, but Draco was desperate, and it made him strong. His hands were still flailing, trying to find somewhere to hit, anything to hit, trying to get away.

\"You have no right to hold me...no right,\" Draco shouted, right into Harry\'s face, before letting out a wordless growl and bucking backwards, a last desperate move to break free. Harry grunted again with surprise as he was thrown forward by Draco\'s motion, but his hands kept their hold.

\"No right...\" Draco whispered. He was aware of the tears streaming down his face, but only distantly, as though it were a dream, as though he wasn\'t really here, feeling this, struggling more and more weakly with each passing second in the arms of his captor. \"You have no right...let me go...\"

Even as he said it, his lips descended over Harry\'s, questing, seeking the touch he craved more than life itself, and Harry let out a surprised breath before he pressed up into Draco, lips closing more firmly, drawing Draco into the kiss.

Somehow this always happened...somehow it always became too much, and something broke, and this happened. Even when they were fighting, they were making love.

A flash of movement, just like before, and Draco was on his back, his wrists pressed back into the tiles under the force of Harry\'s hands. His mouth was open, gasping in breath as Harry\'s lips moved down along his neck, devouring his skin. He felt that Harry\'s fingers would leave permanent marks on his skin, they were pressed so tightly against his wrists, but it didn\'t matter...all that mattered was that Harry was kissing the hollow in his throat, so gently, so carefully, like he was precious...

*****
Don\'t wake up
From sweet dreams ever again
Tonight
The world is in your eyes
*****

\"You can\'t leave me...not again...\"

Harry had been whispering the same thing, over and over, for so long that it had blended into a single litany of sound and Draco was only peripherally aware of it. Far more important was the touch of Harry\'s lips and fingers against his skin, along the length of his chest, tasting him, stroking him, branding him. It had taken only moments...something had changed, something had snapped, and Draco was no longer his own. Somehow he had become someone else\'s...Harry\'s.

It felt so different, so...safe. No longer Draco Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy\'s son...no longer the one they all expected so much of. No longer the sworn enemy of the Boy That Lived, but something much different.

Lover. Possession.

\"Not again...\" Harry was whispering, almost incoherent, frantic in his need to express to Draco the depth of what he was feeling in that moment. He lifted himself away from Draco\'s bare skin, his eyes wide, almost panicked, as he sought out Draco\'s gaze. Pale eyelids slowly slid open, revealing chill grey, heated and drunken underneath coyly lowered lashes.

\"You\'re precious to me,\" Harry whispered, placing a hand gently against Draco\'s heart, palm down, feeling the steady beat against his palm. He closed his eyes, letting it relax him. \"These moments...you don\'t know...\"

\"Harry,\" Draco whispered, carefully, wrapping his mouth slowly around the single word, tasting it, testing the weight of it against his tongue. Harry\'s eyes lifted again, and he was startled to see how gentle Draco\'s smile was.

Draco said nothing more...he didn\'t need to. Harry let out a quiet moan, the sound of a person who hadn\'t known what it felt like not to be in pain for far too long, and lowered his mouth to Draco\'s, and there were no more words.

Draco\'s hands stroked carefully along Harry\'s chest as Harry\'s hands fumbled with Draco\'s robes, moving them the rest of the way off Draco\'s body and then focusing on the trousers underneath. His fingers were trembling so badly he nearly couldn\'t undo the zipper, but it took only a careful brush of Draco\'s fingers across the back of his hands to steady him. He pulled away the last vestiges of cloth, desperately seeking the heat he knew was lurking beneath, and he was vaguely aware of Draco divesting him of his own clothing as he slowly lowered himself, focused entirely on his goal.

Draco gasped, a harsh sound that rang through the abiding silence of the astronomy tower, as Harry\'s mouth closed gently over him, clumsy and searching but hot and wet and more wonderful than anything had ever felt. His eyes were closed against the intensity of it...this was a pleasure so intense it was like pain, this was heat running through a body that was normally beyond cold, this was pinpricks of brilliant sensation beneath skin that was normally numbed by the realities of a life that was not his own. Harry\'s mouth was so gentle, so careful...cradling him, sucking cautiously, like he was something precious. Precious.

\"You are precious to me...\"

He didn\'t think there could be anything more than this, anything that could more heavily settle itself against the weight of insecurity and pain that made up his usual life. But then Harry\'s fingers were in Draco\'s mouth, and Draco was suckling them just as gently, his tongue swirling around the rough pads of Harry\'s fingertips. His eyes remained closed, his breathing remained calm, but he knew what was coming, and for a moment he was panicked, wondering just how much of himself he was about to lose.

Then Harry\'s fingers were stroking lightly around the entrance of his body, and Harry\'s other hand was against Draco\'s leg, lightly encouraging him to move, and Draco obliged, sliding his leg upwards until it was hooked over Harry\'s shoulder. His other leg stirred restlessly against Harry\'s side as Harry bent over Draco, his fingers stroking ever so gently and then carefully, so carefully, pressing inside.

Draco\'s mouth opened on what could have been a scream, but it didn\'t hurt, not like he\'d expected it to...it was different, so different from what he\'d expected. He\'d expected to feel pain, expected to feel shame...but he felt neither. Harry was gentle and kind, and there was something between them that precluded pain.

Trust. He realized it with a start more sudden even than the ripple of sensation that went through his body when Harry\'s finger first brushed against a particular spot within him, making him tremble right to the depths of his soul. He trusted Harry.

He\'d never felt anything like this before. Harry\'s fingers were probing deeper, questing carefully, becoming slowly bolder as Draco\'s breathing started to hitch in his throat. Unable to take it anymore, his eyes flew open to take in the sight of Harry bent over him, intense concentration on his face as he sought the same spot inside Draco\'s body and pressed. Draco shuddered, his entire body quaking at the sensations that rolled through him, and Harry glanced briefly up to his face. Draco could have laughed at the almost innocent flash of surprise across Harry\'s countenance when he saw the open trust on Draco\'s face, in the shimmering brightness of his normally dull grey eyes and the soft curves to his normally sneering mouth.

Then Harry looked back down, and Draco had to bite his lip against a scream when another finger joined the first, pressing deeper, deeper...it was too much, too much...

He did cry out, unable to hold it back, as every nerve in his body seemed to tense like an elastic band and then release, a dazzleburst of white light against his eyelids and a spray of hot liquid over his stomach. He groaned when he felt Harry\'s nose bump his belly button, Harry\'s tongue carefully lapping at the fluid across his abdomen, tasting and, finding satisfaction, lingering to taste some more. Harry\'s fingers dipped cautiously into the thick white substance and Draco opened his eyes, smiling softly down at his companion, at the unadulterated joy on Harry\'s face-the first time Draco had ever seen it there-as Harry cautiously drew some of the liquid into his hand.

Again, his eyes flashed upwards, and again Draco only had to look at him, freely and without remorse, before Harry refocused on his task, with all the attention he would normally give to his schoolwork. The thought made Draco smile, but the smile faded into a long, whisper-soft groan as he watched Harry spread the creamy white substance over his own erection. Again, Draco felt a moment of fear...surely this would be the moment, the moment when he would realize that none of this was real, that it was all some overcharged delusion of his pain-addled brain...

But he knew it was real in that moment of sharp sensation, not quite pain but more than pleasure, as Harry finally pressed into him, pushing forward and meeting no resistance as Draco relaxed against him, leg still lazily against Harry\'s shoulder and hands gently massaging Harry\'s shoulders, stroking up the back of his neck and into his hair. Harry grunted quietly, obviously surprised by what he was feeling as he moved deeper into Draco\'s body, all barriers giving way before him until he could move no farther. Draco let out the breath he\'d been holding, and it came out as a moan, soft and hesitant, and then Harry\'s mouth was against his, swallowing the sound. Harry\'s hands stroked over his chest, then settled on either side of him, gripping the floor as he pulled back and then pushed forward again, slowly, taking in the entire experience over again.

He thought he heard Harry say something against his neck a moment later, something that sounded far too much like \"Precious to me...\"...but it was gone, lost in the silence of the room, broken only by their soft pants and moans as Harry moved slowly, so slowly, in and out of his lover\'s body, his weight gently pressing Draco into the floor, Draco\'s hands in his hair, clasping him close as though afraid he\'d leave.

And then Harry stopped...simply stopped, and for a moment Draco was afraid he\'d changed his mind, realized his error...but then he was shaking against Draco, shaking harder than he ever had before, and Draco was holding him gently as Harry spilled into him, crying out softly against Draco\'s neck. In the last moment, as Harry thrust once more, a quick, jerking motion unlike his earlier cautious movements, and he angled against the place that made Draco shudder with delight, Draco felt his own release building, just barely out of his reach. But Harry must have known...abruptly, his hand was against Draco\'s erection, stroking up and down the hard length gently but firmly in time to his last few thrusts, only the barest movement of his hips. And then Draco was breaking, finally experiencing what it was like to fall apart...so much unlike the first, so much more, to be wrapped firmly in Harry\'s arms, in his scent, in the gentle touch of his eyes, the firm weight of his hand...

The world broke away, the walls broke away, and Draco was left entirely bare, crying silent tears against his lover\'s neck as Harry whispered gentle nothings against his neck. Something about being precious...

*****
Once more
If I\'m held hotly
Tonight
The world is in my hands
*****

\"I\'m sorry.\"

He had never said that before, to anybody...not even to this person, his only friend, his only love. But he said it now, and he meant it, with all his heart.

\"I\'m sorry. You were right. I am ashamed...I know that...\"

\"Shh,\" Harry whispered against his mouth, before sealing it with a kiss. Draco struggled lightly against him for a moment, until Harry released his lips.

\"No, Harry! I mean it. I\'m sorry! Don\'t you understand?\"

He was angry, his eyes flashing as he stared up into Harry\'s eyes, brilliant green and laughing.

\"I understand, Draco,\" Harry murmured, leaning down and dragging his lips gently across the sensitive skin of Draco\'s neck. Draco arched up into the touch, into the press of Harry\'s palms, hot against his nipples. \"It\'s all right.\"

\"It\'s just...I only...\" Draco tried, cut off each time by the rise of a moan against the back of his throat as Harry\'s mouth closed over a nipple, tongue swirling around, creating a pinpoint of heat. \"It\'s...too much, Harry...\"

\"I know. I know why.\"

\"No, you don\'t, you...\"

\"I do,\" Harry said gently, bringing up a hand to brush across Draco\'s forehead, soothing him. \"I\'m sorry I hit you.\"

\"No,\" Draco said simply, shaking his head and leaning up to kiss Harry\'s neck before Harry bent again, refocusing on Draco\'s chest.

\"You know that I understand...but I forget sometimes...you\'re too good...too good of an actor...\" Harry murmured, hands stroking lightly along Draco\'s sides as he settled gently between Draco\'s legs. Draco lifted his knees instinctively on either side of Harry\'s hips.

\"It\'s not an act, Potter,\" Draco said, his old self breaking through for a moment as he scowled down at his partner. \"The indignation is real. I hate you, I really do.\"

\"I know,\" Harry said almost cheerfully, before sweeping Draco\'s pants down off his hips in one swift move and then bending to take Draco in his mouth.

\"You\'re...not listening to me,\" Draco whispered harshly, barely able to get the sound out beyond the spangle of stars behind his eyes. He tried to sound indignant, but he thought it came out as more desperate than anything else.

\"I\'m listening,\" Harry muttered, the sound muffled by the fact that his mouth was still wrapped around the tip of Draco\'s erection. His hand was closed around the base, sliding gently along the sensitive skin as his tongue swirled around the tip.

\"It\'s too much...sometimes...\" Draco whispered, closing his eyes and then letting himself go, forgetting whatever it was he\'d wanted to say, forgetting everything except the sensation of Harry\'s mouth against his skin. His hands were in Harry\'s hair-their favorite place to be-and he was stroking Harry\'s scalp, encouraging him. His mouth opened on a gasp as Harry\'s tongue pressed gently into the tiny hole at the tip of Draco\'s erection, lapping at the dot of liquid he found there and swirling it around in his mouth.

Draco\'s eyes opened when Harry\'s mouth fell away, and he watched, panting quietly, as Harry fumbled through his pockets and finally came up with his wand. He could have cried with relief at the sound of Harry\'s whispered incantation, at the way Harry\'s eyes focused on him in the instant before he felt a warm wetness coat his insides.

In the next moment, Harry was against him, and his leg was up over Harry\'s shoulder in its usual place. Harry\'s hands were on either side of his head, and his hands were back in Harry\'s hair, holding him close, as Harry slowly, gently pressed forward. He was always so careful, so gentle, as though it meant something...

And it did. In truth, Draco knew it did. Even if it hurt a little more each time, not in his body, but in his soul, because a part of him was breaking...

He was crying again, silent, silvery tears like diamonds against the pale of his cheeks, because it was too much, it was always too much to try to keep it caged in, to not let go and become a part of Harry...not Draco Malfoy, but just Draco, the boy that Harry loved and nothing more...

And it was worth it. All the pain, all the agony of letting it all go, of letting the walls crumble, was worth it, only to hear those few simple words from Harry\'s lips. And he knew if he waited long enough, they would always be there, just waiting, lingering on Harry\'s tongue as he waited for exactly the right moment. Under the gentle touch of Harry\'s hands, the hot press of Harry deep inside, the soft brush of Harry\'s lips across his throat...the moment finally came.

\"You are precious to me, Draco.\"

And it was enough.

*****
Running all throughout my body
In your hot Beat
Endless dream
Coma Again
*****

THE END