Ice-cream

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Dear Readers: This story is in fact a parody. Be good and review.


It was 2 in the morning. Hermione was sneaking out of her Head Girl room to get some ice-cream from the kitchens. Once she made the long sought after Head Girl position she gave up on getting all the best grades everywhere and never breaking any rules. All the boys in Hogwarts knew exactly what her title meant.

On her way down she passed Draco Malfoy fucking little Ginny Weasley in her arse. Hermione thought that they could use some lubricant, as Ginny looked to be in a great deal of pain, but since she was also constantly repeating over and over in a monotonous voice:


\"Yes, Draco, more, please, harder, faster, master!\"


So Hermione figured all was fine, even if it was more like one of Luna\'s qualities to look completely daft and stare at everything with a vacant expression, well Ginny was clearly enjoying herself or she would not have been bending over that bench in the first place. It\'s not as if she could have been under Imperio or any other such nonsense, Unforgivable curses were not on the allow list of spells to cast in Hogwarts so that was naturally completely impossible.

Once Hermione reached the kitchens she headed straight for the House-Elves demanding them to bring her some pomegranate ice-cream right away. She had had her brief lapse of judgment when she tried to release the House-Elves and let them all be free. But of course that can certainly be forgiven to her, she as a Mudblood of course didn\'t know about all the other services House-Elves provided for their masters. Of course she learned all about it last year when she was still a studious bookworm.

Once Hermione had her ice-cream she sat down and looked over the row of eager House-Elves in front of her. She decided that with all the help Dobby had provided Harry with he should get a treat again. Not totiontion that with all the ironing Dobby had done to his fingers they were rather swollen.

She motioned for him to come forth and spread her legs. She was only dressn a n a black leather corset and a matching thong. Simply the most suiting attire to wander around Hogwarts\' drafty halls at wintertime nights. She thought she looked rather fetching covered in goosebumps.
While Hermione was contemplating her attire Dobby had already ripped off the thong and corset. And Hermione didn\'t have her wand with her either so she couldn\'t make the necessary repairs. Damnable leather for being so fragile!

Once again as Hermione was lost in thoughts about her clothing Dobby managed to plunge his whole swollen hand into her. Hermione felt rather uncomfortable as she was quite dry, but she figured since it was all for the good of the slaves she was doing the best thing. She took anotheronfuonful of her ice-cream and let it melt in her mouth as Dobby was biting her nipple, rather unfortunate that the House-Elves didn\'t take to her idea of asking the Headmaster for a dental plan, their teeth were most sharp and yellow, but then again with Dumbledore\'s sweet tooth any mention of taking care of one\'s teeth was dangerous...

She was almost finished with her ice-cream as Dobby started to have an organism. She thought it was quite fascinating how House-Elves had organisms sprout out of them as they mated. They weren\'t all that different from humans, but since they enjoyed pain so much it was actually quite logical. She ate the last of her ice-cream and started to leave, wobbling a bit from the pain, but she still managed to bow to the House-Elves that had been watching the show and were now clapping politely. Hermione was glad to have been able to help Dobby out, he must of had the most horrible time while serving the Malfoys, it was a well known fact that Lucius and Draco had very small members (naturally as they belonged to the more elite club where the majority were not allowed, thus the name Small Pureblooded Evil Nasty Ignorant Sickos Club, Small P.E.N.I.S. Club for short. And Narcissa was rather frigid).

Hermione felt a bit uncomfortable walking back to her rooms naked, what if she came upon Filch! He was rather scared of seeing too much skin and could have a heart attack!

Instead of bumping into Filch however Hermione literally bumped into the resident Potions Master of Hogwarts Severus Snape, resident of the Hogwarts castle naturally.

As soon as Hermione had removed his head from between her breasts he started yelling!


\"You ignorant silly little girl! How dare you flaunt yourself like your intelligence into my face with your big boobs!\"


\"I\'m sorry, sir! Just please don\'t give me detention! Professor MacGonagil (he was Professor McGonagall\'s evil male clone) will surely expel me if you do! I\'ll do anything!\"


\"Anything?\"


\"Anything, sir.\"


Snape looked lost in thought for a moment, his face lost all it\'s lines and he looked strikingly handsome.


\"Well then you silly chit, follow me.\"


He started to lead the way into the dungeons. As they reached the potions classroom he stopped and entered closing the door after himself. Then he yelled:


\"Enter!\"


And Hermione too entered the classroom.


\"There are cauldrons at the back of the room, start scrubbing while I grade these papers!\"


After Hermione had been scrubbing for about an hour the luscious Lucius Malfoy suddenly flooed into the classroom. He was quite the expert at flooing, he didn\'t even need a fireplace to exit from and he could do so even from his cell at Azkaban. No wonder people were always escaping from there.

He took a look around and walked right up to Hermione\'s naked form and thrust his ever-present cane into her a Her Hermione yelled out her thoughts with Ginny and her poor anal experience, but if Ginny was able to take it then so could she. Although the cane was significantly larger than any Malfoy (family club) member and more jagged than the carrot she had previously used. After Hermione had been sniffling and (faking) moaning for some time already Professor Snape finished marking another essay with a flourish to perfect the perfect failing grade for the Hufflepuff Prefect he stood up and walked up to the two of them.


\"Honestly Lucius, how will I ever be able to teach a class when all the cauldrons are dirty, take the Head Girl someplace else and get me someone else to clean my cauldrons.\"


\"Head Girl, ehperiperio!\"


This confused Hermione greatly, Imperio was on of the Unforgivables and not allowed to be cast withing Hogwarts, except on spiders, it was in \"Hogwarts, A History\" for Merlin\'s sake!


\"Now give the professor a good job on his head Mudblood\"


Suddenly a Herbal Essences shampoo appeared and Hermione started washing Snape\'s head as instructed. As the magical properties of the shampoo dictate they took effect on Professor Snape.


\"Oh yes! Yes! Yes! Mmm! God(although he is a anti-christian Pureblood it\'s just how the shampoo works) yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!\"


This is where the lovely story will however end, if he keeps on screaming any longer he\'ll be too hoarse the next day to teach the nasty Gryffindor Slytherin classes how to make the right conditioner.