Dead Inside
folder
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
4
Views:
1,824
Reviews:
39
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Harry Potter › Het - Male/Female › Snape/Hermione
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
4
Views:
1,824
Reviews:
39
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Dead Inside
Usual Disclaimer. My response to the Hollow Man Challenge on WIKTT. I own nothing here except the stuff you don\'t recognise (more\'s the pity). If I have borrowed, I apologise, it\'s not intentional (I\'ve not read the other entries yet for just this reason). uldnuldn\'t make money out of it even if I tried. Title is from a track by Danzig.
*****
Dead Inside.
chapter 1
My hands shake as I sign the forms on the desk in front of me, they never seem to end. Transferral of deeds, transferral of property, resources, assets, life and responsibility. That so much can be destroyed and passed around with a signature makes me want to scream, no-one should be reduced to this, a growing pile of paper.
Choking slightly I sign the last page handed to me by the sour-faced Ministry solicitor who in turn passes it to the diminutive but scary Gringotts representative who files each sheet meticulously in a plain black briefcase. The click of the clasps locking is disproportionately loud in the silent office.
\"Your wand Miss Granger?.\"
I hand it to the goblin who mutters over it and passes it back before leaving the sterile room.
The only other person left holds out her hand, it is as cold and hard as the surroundings, detached and clinical. I shake it half-heartedly.
\"Not sure congratulations are fitting but you will find your property through the door on the left. Good day to you.\"
I know when I\'m being dismissed. Getting up from my chair I notice a door has now been opened in the left hand wall. Trying to be as calm as possible I enter a small white cell. A St. Mungo\'s orderly stands just inside the door but it is the figure kneeling on the floor that grabs my attention.
Pale white skin and equally colourless coveralls blend with the walls, starkly contrasting with the long black hair obscuring his features and the leering skull design that ultimately doomed him to this. Uncomfortably my eyes skip over it hurriedly, remembering won\'t help anyone, under the Dark-Mark runes writhe and twist, etched viciously deep into the paper-thin skin of his forearm.
The orderly clears his throat carefully.
\"Are you ready to take it now?\"
He stares at the bowed figure with loathing. Grinding my teeth I nod, turning to the centre of the room he orders.
\"Raise your left arm.\"
The painfully thin limb is raised in the air and grabbed with bruising force.
\"I don\'t know why they didn\'t just put them down like the scum they are instead of giving them out like reminders. It\'s unhealthy if you ask me. Eradicate them all, then the people who suffered can move on.\"
He takes my silence as agreement. It\'s all I can do to not hex him with something virulent...and explosive, I feel explosive today... he has no right to compare his ideals to the suffering of the man before us, none whatsoever...how dare.... he is asking for my wand and still fuming I hand it over.
Deep breaths Granger, stick to the plan, we haven\'t got this far to screw it up now with misplaced displays of Gryffindor loyalty.
The sizzling sound of burning flesh as my wand is passed over the runes makes me wince. I don\'t turn back until the noise stops and try not to breathe the acrid stench of incinerated flesh, too many bad memories there.
When I look back three runes remain motionless in the red-raw, weeping mess of his lower arm.
\"It\'s keyed to you now Miss. Can\'t have every Tom, Dick and DeathEater-in-hiding ordering it around.\"
My wand is returned with yet another comment, maybe I\'ll seal his mouth shut.
\"Not that it could do much of course, no soul, no magic.\"
He chuckles to himself and I swear if I ever bump into him in the street explosive will not cover the magnitude of what I\'ll do to him.
\"Professor?\"
My voice is trembling as much as I. There is no response from the kneeling man.
\"Professor Snape?\"
At his name his face lifts and I see it properly for the first time. Oh dear god! What have they done to him. Home. Just get him home. Don\'t scream at the orderly. Don\'t hex anyone until you are out of the building. Don\'t. Think.
\"Follow me.\"
My words are clipped with the effort of not allowing my simmering rage free reign. I storm out of the door, through the office and up to the apperation site for this wing of the hospital. Completely ignoring the mixed looks of pity and disdain that my shadow and I collect from orderlies, doctors and visitors alike I grab Snape\'s hand and swiftly apperate.
*****
We appear in the garage doubling as my potions laboratory, I\'m horribly aware of the frailty of the limb hanging limply in my grasp and almost sick with relief that I made it out without being caught as a fraud. Taking a deep breath to centre myself I turn to my latest \'acquisition\'.
Even in the softer lighting of my home he looks terrible. Before he had been gaunt, stretched as though to breaking point, but at least he had still been Snape, now he is a fragile thing, emaciated and bruised, with yet another brand of ownership adorning his person.
What I would give to have it like it used to be, I\'d even let him call me a Know-it-all, anything but this blank unfocused stare, it can\'t be, I know that, we have all been damaged by the war, some more than others and he was no exception.
In fact It took a hasher toll on him than many think, before the end I don\'t think I ever saw him eat and he certainly never slept unless Albus forced, and I mean literally FORCED, a sleeping draught down him. Otherwise he would stalk the corridors of the school or Grimmauld Place the nights he wasn\'t on \'business\', there were days when he wouldn\'t speak at all and others when we would flee before his temper. The temper was always preferable, more like the bastard Snape, the silences scared me though, he would become ghost-like, but what was even worse was the look of resignation in his eyes when he thought we weren\'t looking or when Voldemort was summoning him. It was the same look he wore when the fuck-wits in charge passentenntence on him.
I know, I was there when they did it. When they stole what he was, without trial, without defence. Put on display like a piece of meat, a freak show for our amusement. To make us feel better, that evil will always be vanquished. BETTER! I still have nightmares!
He just accepted it, didn\'t scream, most certainly didn\'t beg, I\'ve heard some of the others did, but he was silent, blood streaming from his torn lower lip, that look in his eyes, so very empty even before they ripped his soul out.
They though I wept because I was happy, because he was finally getting what he deserved. None of them could possibly understand, they weren\'t there at the end, when Voldemort was defeated, they didn\'t see what he did and let\'s face it how many of them really cared whether or not justice was done, they were there to see the Death Eaters punished. Like old women around the Guillotine.
No-one would listen to us, Fudge even ignored Harry, the imbecile was on a roll and he hated Professor Snape with something bordering on mania. Only one man could have righted this, manipulated Fudge with enough evidence and proof of Snape\'s work for the Order but Albus Dumbledore hasn\'t been seen since he, Snape and Harry apperated from the firestorm that was Voldemort\'s exploding body. We are looking but it\'s almost like looking for a needle in a haystack, we don\'t even know if he\'s still alive.
Pulling myself from my reverie I realise I still have my fingers wrapped loosely around his wrist and have been standing here for a while. I still feel like blowing things up but there are more important matters to deal with. Strangely loathe to let go I lead Snape through to the kitchen seating him at the small breakfast bar and placing his left arm mark-up on the table-top. Summoning various potions I am about to start to do something about the mess that is his arm when the doorbell goes.
A quick enchantment gives me the identities of my guests and plastering a smilemy fmy face I open the door and let my visitors in.
\"Harry.\"
I smile at my oldest friend wearily. Turning to his left I pass my gaze over where I know Draco is going to be. The Invisibility cloak falls to the ground and I am engulfed in a double embrace, I allow myself the pleasure of retuning the hug, letting someone else supports my weight for once before pulling back.
\"How did it go?\"
Harry looks around the hallway expectantly.
\"I\'m fine Harry, thanks for asking.\"
He has the grace to look embarrassed, Draco just smirks at his discomfort and I relent, moving back into the kitchen, heading for the cupboard with the fire-whiskey. Gesturing at Snape as I pass I state the obvious.
\"Mission accomplished.\"
Harry sits down heavily opposite the silent man who does not appear to acknowledge his presence. Both me and Draco prop ourselves against the wall after I\'ve handed fairly full glasses around. The blonde next to me has just finished taking in the weeping raw flesh, jagged runes and dark bruising of the orderlies fingers. His face flushed with anger he pushes off the wall.
\"I\'m going to kill that bastard Fudge.\"
Cold rage freezes his voice and not for the first time I thank all the gods and Merlin he was on our side, in some ways he is still very much his fathers son. Though I suppose he is well within his rights to hate the Minister for Magic being in a similar position to Snape just not caught and \'rehabilitated\' yet. None the less I can feel my temper slipping. We are both spoiling for a fight.
\"Sit down and drink your whiskey.\"
\"Make me.\"
For a moment it\'s like we\'re first years again, not adults and I\'m going for my wand with the grim anticipation that finally I\'ll get to blow some one up when Harry\'s calm voice cuts across us.
\"Both of you just shut up and remember who\'s company you\'re in.\"
Shamed I turn to look at my friend who is busy cleaning Snapes arm with a potion soaked bandage. Damn! If he had been himself the reprimand for that little display would have been immediate and vicious. There is no way I can stop myself sliding down the wall to the floor, no way I can stop the tears that fall. Draco wraps his arms around me and for the first time since the war ended I cry silently into his shoulder.
*****
tbc...
*****
Dead Inside.
chapter 1
My hands shake as I sign the forms on the desk in front of me, they never seem to end. Transferral of deeds, transferral of property, resources, assets, life and responsibility. That so much can be destroyed and passed around with a signature makes me want to scream, no-one should be reduced to this, a growing pile of paper.
Choking slightly I sign the last page handed to me by the sour-faced Ministry solicitor who in turn passes it to the diminutive but scary Gringotts representative who files each sheet meticulously in a plain black briefcase. The click of the clasps locking is disproportionately loud in the silent office.
\"Your wand Miss Granger?.\"
I hand it to the goblin who mutters over it and passes it back before leaving the sterile room.
The only other person left holds out her hand, it is as cold and hard as the surroundings, detached and clinical. I shake it half-heartedly.
\"Not sure congratulations are fitting but you will find your property through the door on the left. Good day to you.\"
I know when I\'m being dismissed. Getting up from my chair I notice a door has now been opened in the left hand wall. Trying to be as calm as possible I enter a small white cell. A St. Mungo\'s orderly stands just inside the door but it is the figure kneeling on the floor that grabs my attention.
Pale white skin and equally colourless coveralls blend with the walls, starkly contrasting with the long black hair obscuring his features and the leering skull design that ultimately doomed him to this. Uncomfortably my eyes skip over it hurriedly, remembering won\'t help anyone, under the Dark-Mark runes writhe and twist, etched viciously deep into the paper-thin skin of his forearm.
The orderly clears his throat carefully.
\"Are you ready to take it now?\"
He stares at the bowed figure with loathing. Grinding my teeth I nod, turning to the centre of the room he orders.
\"Raise your left arm.\"
The painfully thin limb is raised in the air and grabbed with bruising force.
\"I don\'t know why they didn\'t just put them down like the scum they are instead of giving them out like reminders. It\'s unhealthy if you ask me. Eradicate them all, then the people who suffered can move on.\"
He takes my silence as agreement. It\'s all I can do to not hex him with something virulent...and explosive, I feel explosive today... he has no right to compare his ideals to the suffering of the man before us, none whatsoever...how dare.... he is asking for my wand and still fuming I hand it over.
Deep breaths Granger, stick to the plan, we haven\'t got this far to screw it up now with misplaced displays of Gryffindor loyalty.
The sizzling sound of burning flesh as my wand is passed over the runes makes me wince. I don\'t turn back until the noise stops and try not to breathe the acrid stench of incinerated flesh, too many bad memories there.
When I look back three runes remain motionless in the red-raw, weeping mess of his lower arm.
\"It\'s keyed to you now Miss. Can\'t have every Tom, Dick and DeathEater-in-hiding ordering it around.\"
My wand is returned with yet another comment, maybe I\'ll seal his mouth shut.
\"Not that it could do much of course, no soul, no magic.\"
He chuckles to himself and I swear if I ever bump into him in the street explosive will not cover the magnitude of what I\'ll do to him.
\"Professor?\"
My voice is trembling as much as I. There is no response from the kneeling man.
\"Professor Snape?\"
At his name his face lifts and I see it properly for the first time. Oh dear god! What have they done to him. Home. Just get him home. Don\'t scream at the orderly. Don\'t hex anyone until you are out of the building. Don\'t. Think.
\"Follow me.\"
My words are clipped with the effort of not allowing my simmering rage free reign. I storm out of the door, through the office and up to the apperation site for this wing of the hospital. Completely ignoring the mixed looks of pity and disdain that my shadow and I collect from orderlies, doctors and visitors alike I grab Snape\'s hand and swiftly apperate.
*****
We appear in the garage doubling as my potions laboratory, I\'m horribly aware of the frailty of the limb hanging limply in my grasp and almost sick with relief that I made it out without being caught as a fraud. Taking a deep breath to centre myself I turn to my latest \'acquisition\'.
Even in the softer lighting of my home he looks terrible. Before he had been gaunt, stretched as though to breaking point, but at least he had still been Snape, now he is a fragile thing, emaciated and bruised, with yet another brand of ownership adorning his person.
What I would give to have it like it used to be, I\'d even let him call me a Know-it-all, anything but this blank unfocused stare, it can\'t be, I know that, we have all been damaged by the war, some more than others and he was no exception.
In fact It took a hasher toll on him than many think, before the end I don\'t think I ever saw him eat and he certainly never slept unless Albus forced, and I mean literally FORCED, a sleeping draught down him. Otherwise he would stalk the corridors of the school or Grimmauld Place the nights he wasn\'t on \'business\', there were days when he wouldn\'t speak at all and others when we would flee before his temper. The temper was always preferable, more like the bastard Snape, the silences scared me though, he would become ghost-like, but what was even worse was the look of resignation in his eyes when he thought we weren\'t looking or when Voldemort was summoning him. It was the same look he wore when the fuck-wits in charge passentenntence on him.
I know, I was there when they did it. When they stole what he was, without trial, without defence. Put on display like a piece of meat, a freak show for our amusement. To make us feel better, that evil will always be vanquished. BETTER! I still have nightmares!
He just accepted it, didn\'t scream, most certainly didn\'t beg, I\'ve heard some of the others did, but he was silent, blood streaming from his torn lower lip, that look in his eyes, so very empty even before they ripped his soul out.
They though I wept because I was happy, because he was finally getting what he deserved. None of them could possibly understand, they weren\'t there at the end, when Voldemort was defeated, they didn\'t see what he did and let\'s face it how many of them really cared whether or not justice was done, they were there to see the Death Eaters punished. Like old women around the Guillotine.
No-one would listen to us, Fudge even ignored Harry, the imbecile was on a roll and he hated Professor Snape with something bordering on mania. Only one man could have righted this, manipulated Fudge with enough evidence and proof of Snape\'s work for the Order but Albus Dumbledore hasn\'t been seen since he, Snape and Harry apperated from the firestorm that was Voldemort\'s exploding body. We are looking but it\'s almost like looking for a needle in a haystack, we don\'t even know if he\'s still alive.
Pulling myself from my reverie I realise I still have my fingers wrapped loosely around his wrist and have been standing here for a while. I still feel like blowing things up but there are more important matters to deal with. Strangely loathe to let go I lead Snape through to the kitchen seating him at the small breakfast bar and placing his left arm mark-up on the table-top. Summoning various potions I am about to start to do something about the mess that is his arm when the doorbell goes.
A quick enchantment gives me the identities of my guests and plastering a smilemy fmy face I open the door and let my visitors in.
\"Harry.\"
I smile at my oldest friend wearily. Turning to his left I pass my gaze over where I know Draco is going to be. The Invisibility cloak falls to the ground and I am engulfed in a double embrace, I allow myself the pleasure of retuning the hug, letting someone else supports my weight for once before pulling back.
\"How did it go?\"
Harry looks around the hallway expectantly.
\"I\'m fine Harry, thanks for asking.\"
He has the grace to look embarrassed, Draco just smirks at his discomfort and I relent, moving back into the kitchen, heading for the cupboard with the fire-whiskey. Gesturing at Snape as I pass I state the obvious.
\"Mission accomplished.\"
Harry sits down heavily opposite the silent man who does not appear to acknowledge his presence. Both me and Draco prop ourselves against the wall after I\'ve handed fairly full glasses around. The blonde next to me has just finished taking in the weeping raw flesh, jagged runes and dark bruising of the orderlies fingers. His face flushed with anger he pushes off the wall.
\"I\'m going to kill that bastard Fudge.\"
Cold rage freezes his voice and not for the first time I thank all the gods and Merlin he was on our side, in some ways he is still very much his fathers son. Though I suppose he is well within his rights to hate the Minister for Magic being in a similar position to Snape just not caught and \'rehabilitated\' yet. None the less I can feel my temper slipping. We are both spoiling for a fight.
\"Sit down and drink your whiskey.\"
\"Make me.\"
For a moment it\'s like we\'re first years again, not adults and I\'m going for my wand with the grim anticipation that finally I\'ll get to blow some one up when Harry\'s calm voice cuts across us.
\"Both of you just shut up and remember who\'s company you\'re in.\"
Shamed I turn to look at my friend who is busy cleaning Snapes arm with a potion soaked bandage. Damn! If he had been himself the reprimand for that little display would have been immediate and vicious. There is no way I can stop myself sliding down the wall to the floor, no way I can stop the tears that fall. Draco wraps his arms around me and for the first time since the war ended I cry silently into his shoulder.
*****
tbc...