In Reality

It’s nice to lay here. Just lay here in his arms. No matter what happens, I can always retreat back to these arms. These nice and strong arms, that seem to sheild me from the world, if only for a little while. Those arms that are covered in scars from his spy work. Those arms that are always locking themselves around me every chance they get.

Severus. The arms belong to Severus- or rather Sev as I call him. The former Death Eater. The spy. The so-called greesy bastard that everyone loves to hate. Yes, him. The arms belong to him.

And the comfort is only there for a while. Only a little while. And it’s an awkward sort of comfort. One that feels perfect, yet leaves me empty. One that is the most wonderful thing- yet I dread it.

No one knows, not even my friends, or Dumbledore. I’ve made sure that they never find out. No one can find out. After all, what would they think if tknewknew the famous Harry Potter was fucking the professor?

I doubt that they’ll ever find out. Even if they did they’d think that they had heard or seen long. This theory has been proven.

One day, a few months ago, Hermione went to get something from the potions lab, she walked right in on me and Sev. You’d think that me being topless, and Sev with his hands about to yank off my pants, would raise some sort of suspicion wouldn’t you. Nope. She opened the door went, “opps sorry,” and walked off.

As I said, I doubt anyone will ever find out.

But I’m not worried about them finding out, let them. Let the whole Wizarding world walk in and say, “oh my god, Potter’s fucking the potions master.” I don’t give a rats ass.

I use to. I use to care what others thought. I never told Sev. I didn’t want that warm arms to leave. So, I learned to stop caring about the people around me, and what they thought or would think. I began to only care for those arms and the man to whome they belonged to. But the problem is, I don’t know if he cares. I don’t know if I’m just a good fuck, or if he loves me, or some where in between. And I hate not knowing.

Voldemort could do what ever he wanted to do to me, but nothing would hurt me more than if I were to find out I was just a good fuck, nothing else. Maybe I’ll find out someday, what I am to him. Maybe.

At first, I didn’t know why I snuck down to see him. I didn’t know why I let him pull me into his arms, and pull me into his bedroom. I didn’t know why I let him push me onto the bed, and them climb on top of me. I didn’t know, and I still don’t.

But that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I sneak down every night (and some times between classes), into his private rooms, and fet whisked into his arms. So long as I have those arms to retreat to, everything will be fine.

But I sometimes worry about Sev. I worry that he’ll never come back from his Death Eater meeting, or that an Auror will accidently kill him- or something that will kill him.

Oh well though. Even if that does happen (which it probably will by end end of the war), it won’t matter. I’ll just be waking up from a dream. I dream where perfect arms wrap around me. Where a warm body pushes against my own. Where a chin rests on my head and a mouth whispers quietly of different things. Where a man who neither loves nor hates me is my lover.

But in reality, it is not a dream. It is the sweetest of nightmares. In reality, everyone knowhey hey just won’t admit it, even to themselves. In reality, the arms around me are rough and scars adorn them. In reality, the body so close to mine is that of a walking dead man. In reality, those whispers are insults, when I have to hand in assignments, and curses for coming back to him. In reality, I’m not sure if I can call him my lover, because I don’t think he’s capable of love.

In reality, I love him. But he shall never love me back.

In reality, I am just a 16 year-old boy, lost in an older mans arms and blankets, unable to even escape from him if I wanted to.

In reality, I don’t want to escape.

AN- It’s the first thing I’ve posted on here, give me a break. Also, I don\'t know if I\'m gonna continue or not... We\'ll see.