Help me Ron

The first few months of the year, Pansy’s friends and Ron’s friends had kept rumors to a minimum, by refusing to answer questions. Ron and Pansy continued to spend time together, and he delighted in how her strength was showing.



She looped her arm through his as they walked now. The contact she initiated was a step toward getting her life back. He was secretly enjoying escorting her this way around the grounds. It made him feel gentlemanly and dignified to have this woman on his arm.



It also made him feel like a prat to see her that way. She had been through hell and she deserved his respectful thoughts and nothing else. He felt ashamed that he thought of anything else, but he couldn’t help his dreams. Over the past several nights he had dreamt of Pansy. He had dreamt of them engaged in a carnal naked embrace while they joined bodies.



He thought about her constantly and felt ashamed at doing so. He began to look forward to their walks, not for the conversation they shared, but because she would hold his arm as she was doing now.



“Are you planning to go to the ball Ron?” She asked him, as they walked along the quidditch pitch. A Yule ball was announced a few days ago, but Ron had only thought of one girl he’d like to take. He didn’t think Pansy would want to deal with the crowd or the closeness of dancing.



“I hadn’t thought about it.” He said, hoping she wouldn’t see through his thoughts.



“I’d like to go. I love dancing, but I don’t want to go with someone who doesn’t understand.” She said.



“I didn’t think you would.” He told her.



“Would you go with me Ron?” She asked quietly.



“Really?” He smiled down at her.



“Yes, unless you were going to ask someone in particular, I wouldn’t want to….”



“No, I wasn’t. We’ll have a great time.” He said. She smiled at him and laced her fingers together in the crook of his elbow. The rumors about her and Ron being a couple were circulating and they had done nothing to stop them. Walking this way was a habit her and Ron had and she knew it gave a certain impression. An impression that would deepen when they attended the Yule Ball together but she didn’t care. With Ron she felt safe, so to hell with everyone else.







“She asked you to the Ball?” Harry asked in the common room. “What if you had planned to ask someone else?”



“Then she would have understood. She told me.” He said rolling up a parchment.



“I’m not surprised.” Hermione said from her book.



“Why?” Harry asked with Ron paying close attention.



She looked up and spoke as plain as if she was announcing a class schedule. “Ron saved her so it would only make sense that she would ask the one who had no expectations of her. Someone with whom she shared no attraction other then gratitude. He is safe, and that’s why she wants to go with him.” She returned to her book and her quill scratched away.



Ron stared at her for a moment before looking away. He had allowed himself a secret hope that Pansy wanted to go with him because she wanted to be his date, now Hermione brought out the truth. He knew the reasons Pansy asked him, she told him herself. But nothing other than gratitude? Pansy felt nothing other than gratitude?



Maybe he was deluding himself into thinking Pansy could feel anything for him. Aside from gratitude that is. Maybe he was stupid to enjoy a thought of him and Pansy together. He looked over at Hermione who was scratching away at parchment. Did she really know Pansy’s mind better then he did? She was a woman after all.





The next Hogsmeade weekend gave the girls chances to get dress gowns for the ball. It was announced that a foreign school would be joining the ball, so many girls were anxious for the chance to impress. They hoped for the return of the Bulgarians or maybe the men from an Italian school.



Pansy and Millicent, who was going with Crabbe, decided to find their gowns together. Pansy wanted something simple. In the past she had chosen slinky, form fitting gown, usually backless of strapless, but she was ready to go back to that. Not just yet. She did however want to look nice, and shopping with Millicent would benefit her. She knew what looked good on the girl, and she liked to be a help to her.



They found a nice shop that was virtually empty. Millicent and Pansy always chose shops that weren’t frequented by so many. This was they had the freedom to choose at their leisure and the selection was not the current trend, so they would be the same as everyone else.



The selected several gowns each and retreated to the drawn curtains in the back of the shop, the older witch ready to help at a moments notice.



“I don’t think I like this one.” Millicent called.



Pansy emerged in her own gown and looked. “I agree, too red. It would work if you were going with a Gryffindor.” She said.



Millicent laughed. “Do you want to try it on then?” She asked. “That looks nice.” She said gesturing to the dark green gown Pansy was wearing.



“I didn’t realize it was this tight.” She looked in the mirror. “I had something flowy in mind.”



“You don’t want to show your figure do you?” Millicent asked sadly.



Pansy gave her a brave smile. “Not just yet.” She brushed aside the curtain, then looked at her friend. “I’m going with Weasley, don’t want to give him ideas.” She smiled as Millicent laughed and went back to her curtain. When she closed her own room up, Pansy looked in the mirror and her face fell slightly.



Did she mind if Ron had ideas? She knew he wouldn’t act on them. He was honorable. She was safe, she knew that, so would it matter if she dressed for Ron? She wasn’t brave enough for that.



Why did she want to dress for him? Why did she want him to be pleased with how she looked? Was it gratitude? Was it insecurity? Was it something else? Did she want Ron to think of her as a woman? Was she ready to be seen as a woman again?



She thought about Ron and how it would be nice to be with a man who was gentle with her. Even Ron’s hugs were tender. Johannes was never the gentle type, even before the attack. He was aggressive, always had been. Ron however always listened to her. He had saved her, but she had no idea if he felt anything else, and at the moment, she was still too scared to think about it.