New Beginnings

Chapter 9 Proposals and Discussions

The two couples sat in the living room eating lunch, casually discussion Draco’s proposal.
“D, I like the idea of having a carnival for the muggle children. Many of them have lost so much, parents, stability, their homes; this is a lovely way to give them a happy memory.” Hermione said, as she took another bite of pizza.

“True and the carnival would be nice for all muggles, not just the ones that were affected by the war. It would be a nice community building event, especially since it can be held on the University property. Thanks for that, Mia.” Blaise said with a smile.

“Anything I can do to help.”

“Watch out, Love, we all heard you say that, we’re gonna hold you to that.” Draco pulled her towards him, kissing her head, smiling at her. “Now the Ball will be the actual fund raising event for the foundation. I want it to be a Black Tie event. Many of the contributors are quite well off, for muggles, so I think it would be well received.”

“Draco, that’s a brilliant idea. Now, that begs the question, how do you want to carry this over to the Wizarding world?” Blaise asked as he reaches for another slice of pizza. Draco doesn’t respond right away. “D, I know you’re not too keen on the idea of coming home but this would be the perfect way to come back. The foundation is well established, and well received by Wizards and Witches of all bloodlines. The war changed many people, not just us. You would be surprised at the number of people that have contributed and have helped on many of the rebuilding projects. It’s been really heartwarming.” Draco still hasn’t said anything.

Blythe interrupts, “D, how about this? All four of us will work on the muggle carnival and the Ball. When that’s over, if it’s as successful as we’re all expecting it be, we’ll revisit the idea of doing the same thing in the Wizarding World at a later time.”

Draco released the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding, “Blythe, I like that idea. It’s not as…daunting.” She smiles at him. “I think we can actually pull this off. This is gonna be great. Thanks you guys for believing in this and for all of your help. I wish I could say this is going to get easier but… it’s not. If we want to get this all together so we can have to carnival while it still relatively nice, we have to get moving.”

“I’ll take care of the location tomorrow. The university knows all about the Foundation and supports it 100%. Many of the wizarding students survived the war but not without significant scars, same with the faculty. Many of my colleagues lost family members during that time. It would be a wonderful way to help a lot of people heal without ‘outing’ the University’s wizarding connections. The fact that I’m alumni and faculty and Draco is alumni only helps the situation.”

“But they don’t know that I’m a wizard.” Draco interrupted. Hermione took his hand.

“Love, they’ve known all along. The administration had to contact Hogwarts for your transcripts, remember? They respected your privacy and continue to do so because that’s what you wanted.”

“What? You’re serious?”

“Completely serious, but don’t be upset, Love. The administration has kept your records listed under Drake Rosier as you registered, and they won’t change it unless you tell them to do so.”

“Hermione, how do you know all of this?”

“Draco, I’m part of the faculty, I’m part of the wizarding faculty and I’m dating you.”

“How long have you known all of this?” His voice was tight with tension. Blythe and Blaise exchanged looks and started to get up to leave. “Where are you guys going?”

“You two, clearly, need to talk and we don’t need to be a part of the conversation. We will talk to both of you later.” Blythe stated, looking at Hermione. “I will send you an owl with my cell number and we will make arrangements for Saturday lunch, ok?” Hermione nodded. “Love you both, Bye.” They disapparated before Draco could say anything.

He looked at Hermione, displeasure written all over his face. “Well, how long have you known all of this and why didn’t you tell me?”

“Draco, please don’t be angry.” Hermione started to fidget. “I only found out a few days ago. I didn’t think that you would care. The university has a confidentiality policy when it comes to the Wizarding world. They don’t reveal anything without the individual’s permission. The only reason I was told was because I’m with you. They know we’re together because they’ve seen you on campus with me every day for the past three weeks.” He opened his mouth to say something but then he stopped himself. She was right. He had been on campus with her everyday, walking her to class, bringing lunch, spending time with her while she was grading papers. Any wizard with deductive reasoning could figure out that they were a couple.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you, Hera. I guess I just wasn’t thinking about anything else but us. I didn’t realize that other people would even notice us.”

“It’s ok, love. I was taken aback when it was mentioned to me, too, then the Dean reassured me that our privacy is one of the school’s top priorities because of the wizarding program is so precious to them.” He nodded.

Draco got up and started to move the dishes to the kitchen. Hermione didn’t move right away. She was remembered what Blythe had said. She really should talk to Draco but she didn’t know if now was the appropriate time. She should go to her meeting, although it wasn’t mandatory and this was kind of important. ‘What if he gets upset or angry or resents her? What if he just wanted to end this because of what I tell him? I told him I forgave him when I tell him this, he’s gonna think I lied to him.’ Hermione was so deep in thought, she didn’t notice that Draco had come and set behind her until she felt his lips on her neck. He startled her, making her jump.

“What’s on your mind, Hera?” She shook her head. Draco pulled her back against him so he could look at her. “Love, talk to me, please?” Hermione sighed.

“Can we go upstairs first? I don’t want to talk down here.” Draco stood, taking her hands, helping her to her feet. They settled down on the sofa in front of the fireplace in their bedroom. Hermione was still clad in only Draco’s bathrobe, which suddenly made her feel externally exposed. She did her best to cover herself, closing the robe across her breasts and pulling it snuggly over her legs. Draco sat facing her, concern was writing all over his face. He took her hand, kissing it gently.

“Draco, this isn’t going to be easy for me to say and it’s going to be difficult for you to hear but I need you to hear me out and not interrupt. Can you do that for me?” His heart was about to pound out of his chest, he could only nod for fear his voice would fail him.
Hermione reached up, exploring the contours of his face. He closed his eyes, basking in the warmth of her touch. As her hands trailed down his chest then took his hands in hers, he opened his eyes.

“Draco, when I look into your eyes, I can’t imagine my future without you. In such a short time, you’ve become an integral part of my life.” She paused. “Unfortunately, sometimes, old fears come to the surface, I can’t control them, it just happens. I’ve tried to hide them, to push them away but…Blythe saw through all of that.”

“What does Blythe have to do with this?”

“She’s the one that encouraged me to talk to you. I’m still not sure if it’s a good idea but I now know it’s something that has to be done.”

“Hera, you’re making me really nervous.”

“I’m sorry; I don’t mean to be dragging this out. I’ll get to the point. Like I said, sometimes, old fears come to the surface and I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling.” She paused again, looking up as she tried to blink away her tears. “Draco, you hurt me very badly when we were at Hogwarts. I can only remember a few nights that I didn’t cry myself to sleep because of the things that you said to me.” He felt like a dagger was plunged into his heart, he could hardly breathe. “I went to sleep so many nights hoping, praying that just once you would smile at me, acknowledge me as…as a human being, but it never happened. When I came to your office that day, I was terrified that you would treat me the same as you did at Hogwarts…or worse. When you didn’t, my brain didn’t know how to adjust. My conscious brain closed the door on the past but the memories never went away. Sometimes I fall asleep next to you and when I first wake up, a momentarily rush of fear washes over me. The fear that you’ll open your eyes and realize who I am and turn back into the ‘Draco Malfoy’ that made me cry so many times at Hogwarts. I don’t think my heart…my soul could handle that.”

Draco listened to her attentively as tears ran down his face. He knew he had hurt her when they were in school but he had no idea how deep that hurt had gone. He wasn’t sure what to do now. Would she believe anything he had to say now? He wiped his tears but he didn’t look away from her. “I…I don’t know what to say, Hermione. I never knew how much I hurt you. I’m sorry doesn’t seem like it’s enough. All I need to know now is can we work through this? Please, Angel, I just found you, I can’t lose you now. Hera, don’t walk away from us.” His tears were flowing freely as he held and kissed her hands. Hermione’s face was wet with tears.

“Draco, I couldn’t walk away from us even if I wanted to, I just get so scared sometimes. I don’t know how to explain it. I just need time…”

“Time?” The panic in his voice was more than evident.
“Time WITH you, Love. I need you to be patient with me. I love you with every ounce of my being; I need to work through this.”

“We need to work through this, together. Maybe we were naïve to think that all of our history would disappear in the blink of an eye.” Hermione nodded, sadly. “I don’t know what I can say to reassure you that I’m not that boy anymore and it scares me to death that I won’t be able to, and I will eventually lose you.” She looked up, placed her hand on his cheek.

“Draco, everything you do reassures me but it’s only been three weeks. I think sometimes we forget that because it’s been such an intense three weeks. But still, three weeks is not a very long time, relatively speaking. Doesn’t it feel strange sometimes, us. The last time we saw each other was…”

“Please, don’t say it…” She squeezed his hand.

“Love, you know it’s true. Not communicating for so long, despite the fact that you saw me, we never resolved anything. We need to work this out, or at least I do or we will both be walking on egg shells with each other forever. I don’t want that, and I don’t think you want that either.” He shook his head, no. He clears his throat.

“I wasn’t just respectfully keeping my distance when I came to Oxford. You scared the hell out of me, Hermione. I had been through so much by the time I finally came here; the only person I wanted to talk to about it was you. To apologize, to share, to heal, to get past all of the bullshit, unfortunately, I was too much of a coward to face you. As time past, it only got worse. I was able to admire you from a far, my respect for you only grew but it didn’t make me any stronger when it came to facing you. Hera, every moment I’m with you, I feel like I’m holding my breath. Like you’re going to believe that I’m a fraud and leave me forever. I couldn’t handle that. I just couldn’t. I know I don’t deserve you but I’ve been trying, for the past eight years to make myself worthy of you. I hope that I’m getting close.”

“The past eight years? Worthy of me?”

“You’re one of the reasons why I started the foundation. I wanted you to know that I have changed for the better, that I do have a heart, that I’m not…Lucius.” Hermione stared at him in utter shock and disbelief.

“You did?” Draco nodded.

“You make me want to be a better man, Hermione. You have those Gryffindor ideals and loyalty. It’s always amazed and baffled me. You even fought with ‘him’ when he attacked me because he was wrong. Anyone else would have simply said, ‘it’s Malfoy, he deserved it’, but not you. You told him he was wrong; something very few ever did and because of me. It never made sense to me but I never forgot it.” He pulled her to him, resting his forehead against hers. “Hermione, you are my greatest blessing. I will do anything and everything to make you feel safe and loved.” He ran his hands through her hair, as he exhaled slowly. “Baby, I wanna touch you; hold you, calm your fears but I’m not sure if that’s what you want me to do.”

“Feeling you always comforts me and calms my fears, Love.” Draco pulled her into his arms, kissing her head.

“I love you, Hera. I don’t want you to ever doubt me, or us. This is forever; I’m not letting you go.” Hermione sighed softly as the warmth of his body permeated her soul, healing her heart. Her tears fell silently as she processed what he had said. She took his hand, placing it over her heart. Draco could feel her chest gently raising and falling. “Come on, baby.” He got up and led her to the bed, pulling back the covers. He undressed to his boxers before slipping the robe off of her shoulders, letting it pool on the floor. Hermione climbed into the bed, followed by Draco. They cuddled together, kissing then they both finally dosed off, comforted in each other’s arms.