To Play with Fire

Disclaimer: I own only plot and the pleasure of writing. All hail J.K.Rowling!


Chapter 9

To Look at Yourself and See Your Enemy

”Hey, Draco, you all right?”

Draco heard the rough voice but chose not to answer. The room was full of smoke and smelt of burnt flesh. Draco was moving through the thick grey towards where he thought the door would be. Keeping his eyes open was pointless. He was coughing and his lungs wanted to explode. Suddenly the smoke thinned and he was out in the open. Thank God!

He looked at the bundle in his arms. No! No please, don't be dead! He made it behind some bushes and started diagnostics. Then the revival. Then another one. And another. No! You can't be dead, you can't, please! An about three year old boy in his arms didn't give any signs of life.

No...


* * *


They were astounded.

Malmsborough

Had he really confessed? Oh, that smirk...! Harry didn't see sadness in Draco's smile, only arrogance. He yelled, “You think it's something to be proud of, do you!? People got killed there, you prick!” He was in Draco's face now and looked furious as well as the other two. It was a bit frightening but Draco refused to back down though his smirk had vanished just the same.

“I know exactly what it was like. I was there.” he said in a quiet voice, “You want me to tell you what it was like? How the death looks like? How men, women, young and old lose everything they ever thought they had, how they cry for mercy after watching their loved ones die? How children choke in the smoke or in their own blood? How their corpses are consumed by flames? Do you want me to tell you all that? Because I can, I know exactly what it looks like.”

The way he said those words was really eerie, cold and matter of fact. For a moment Gryffindors froze. Ron was the first one to come out of the stupor.

“That's it, Malfoy! You are coming with us! I believe Dumbledore would like to hear what you have to say.” He advanced to grab Draco's hand but Hermione stopped him.

“Ron, wait! Malfoy, why are you telling this to us?” Though her eyes were burning with intensity, full of suspicion and hostile, a smidgeon of hope started to grow inside of her. She squashed it just in case, because she did not think Malfoy would be so dumb as to confess to a crime like that just to show off.

“Not here,” Malfoy was very surprised that she was actually asking this but he was also glad; he had been meaning to tell them everything anyway. “Is there somewhere we could talk?”

The trio exchanged glances and Harry spoke, “Is this what you wanted to tell us then, about the attack?”

Draco shook his head, “I didn't know about it until I was there.” He repressed an exasperated sigh, he wanted the talk to be over already, “Look, if you want to hear me out, I'll tell anything you want to know about the attack, but not here. Somewhere private.”

The Trio exchanged looks once again and in a minute the party was moving towards the empty classrooms, Hermione on the lead and Draco flanked by the guys. The blond thought it would be funny that he was considered so much of a threat, if he weren't as tired, in pain and somewhat scared. Scared that they would not believe him, scared that Hermione would not, that they'd tell everything to the headmaster and then Snape would know and Voldemort. But most of all he was afraid that if they chose not to believe him, he'd be all alone again. He would be on his own side in this war and he'd been alone for too long already. He needed allies.

They entered an empty room and closed the door. As no one sat, Draco also remained standing although his foot was killing him and he was exhausted.

“What was that you wanted to tell us?” Hermione took the lead now. She was sensing that one more piece was coming up for her Draco puzzle and she was ready to plunge into solving the whole thing.

Draco walked to the window to gather his thoughts. What was it that he had wanted to tell them? Several different scenes flashed in front of his eyes – a pool of blood and a corpse still warm, a half dead girl after being taken by a number of Death Eaters in the most gruesome way, a small boy choked in smoke after his parents were brutally slaughtered and he, standing helpless not knowing what to do. Was that what he wanted them to know?

Draco had been thinking about this moment numerous times before but now, after Malmsborough he had no clue how to proceed. Everything was progressing too quickly. A layer of innocence had been robbed from him in a matter of a few hours, if he ever even had been an innocent. It all seemed so pointless now. He felt guilty for just being there. She would never like me. But what would it matter in the grand scheme of things? He put his hands into his pockets and turned to them.

“Well... I've been meaning to tell you everything some time ago but it always seemed as if it was a wrong time. Before you disbelieve me entirely, let me assure you that I'm willing to answer your every question under the veritaserum if you deem it necessary.”

The beginning was more than promising but non of the Gryffindors was really sure that they could believe the blond, even though up until that moment he had been looking straight into Harry's eyes who could spot nothing but stark honesty in Draco's expression. Suddenly it seemed that all the strength had left Draco - he turned away and giving up the pretences, grabbed the tabletop to sit heavily on the nearby chair. His hands remained under the table and he looked outside the window as he continued.

“I was raised to be a Death Eater. I got proper education and training, I know most of the things about Dark Arts that can be learnt in theory and I am a fully trained mediwizard.”

“What? It takes years to become a medi-wizard! And why on earth would you be telling all of this? What's your game?” Ron was ready to write everything Malfoy was telling off as a claptrap or some elaborate plan to fool them. Or feed them information?

Draco shrugged, “If you'd let me talk you might find out, Weasel.” He paused but as Harry signalled Ron, no one was interrupting any more, “As I was saying I am a fully trained medi-wizard. As to how.. well, I guess started early. I case of war that is what is expected of me - I'm supposed to help with their losses.” He looked at the redhead for a moment but dropped his gaze on the tabletop.

“I will be taking the mark next summer at the age of 17 but I am participating in the Death Eater Council already as I've been assigned to spy after you.” He glanced at Harry and continued, “All this studying and the project was the means to do that but I'm sure you've already realised that.”

Ron snorted, “Yeah, whose idea was it anyway?” His sneer vanished in an instant when Draco gave out a bark of laughter. Not a smirk or sniggering but a genuine bark of laughter. They'd never heard him do that before.

“Voldemort. Only shows how smart he is. He's actually the main reason I've decided to change sides-”

As surprised as Ron was to hear Malfoy referring to Voldemort by his name or the mockery, he was still quite suspicious. He was not taking this crap any more, “Oh, come on, Malfoy! You have not changed sides! Everybody knows what a little copy of your father you are!”

A bright green ray burst out of a tall, handsome man's wand. The body that had been wriggling in pain at his feet a moment later stilled. The arrogant and cruel laughter filled the air.

Ron saw how for a moment Draco closed his eyes and his jaw tensed. His hands that had been peacefully lying on his knees were now clamped together. Draco continued as if he had not heard.

“The thing that made me change sides was Voldemort himself. You've seen him, from what I gather, haven't you?” he looked at them briefly and received a nod from Harry, “A vile creature, isn't he? Not a man by any standards, power-hungry and narrow-minded. I refuse to be led by a self-conceited maniac. He has nothing to offer the world I would want to live in.”

Harry had started to think that maybe Malfoy really had something important to say. No ordinary Death Eater would ever say the name and certainly not in this manner. Would a true Voldemort's follower done that even if he were a spy? Hermione had similar reasons to at least give Draco a chance to prove his words. Besides as long as the Slytherin was providing them with the information, she had at least decided to go with him. Testing the theory she asked, “Can you tell us about The Council?”

Draco had startled internally when he heard her voice. He had been trying not to look at her throughout the conversation because he was afraid he'd betray all his secrets to her if she had looked into his eyes. Still, he managed to nod right away, “The Death Eater Council consists of about twenty high-ranked Death Eaters. Not the real inner-circle but most of the strategies are discussed there. I'm not in the real inner-circle yet but through my father I know quite a lot. I'm going to make it there if needed though.”

Harry pondered for a moment Slytherin's words and then asked carefully, “If needed? Needed for who?”

Draco raised his silver eyes to the green and said, “You.” He shrugged. “Your side. I'm coming over on yours.”

Although the possibility had already crossed Gryffindors' minds it was still astonishing to hear Draco say it like that.

As they were contemplating the seemingly tempting offer, Draco brought his hands on the table as he waited for the reaction. He was absent-mindedly massaging his left hand, it was aching slightly after the ferocious fisting. Besides, he had been carrying heavy objects during the day.

“Bollocks,” said Ron but it lacked conviction.

Harry asked for clarification, “You betraying Voldemort? I find it hard to believe.”

Draco would be deeply disappointed if they believed him just because he said so and was not too bothered. He did not expect any less than a full inquisition. “I already told you, I'm willing to repeat it under veritaserum. So that's what I'm offering you, Potter.” Draco was now looking straight into Harry's eyes again. “You want a spy in their ranks then I'm already there and ready. I know you don't trust me but I'm going to fight against Voldemort anyway, so I suggest you make use of it.”

He noticed them looking at each other. “Think it over and let me know when you manage to acquire some truth serum. I stand by what I said.”


* * *


Hermione was anxious. All three of them had decided that they really wanted Draco to be truthful about this and they had decided to get hold of a vial of veritaserum as soon as possible. It could be a crucial point in the fight. If Malfoy was telling the truth, he might just be the secret weapon they were looking for. But if he was lying... and they believed him, they would lose the world.

Hermione desired it most of all. She wasn't sure why but it seemed very important to her personally that Draco – and yes, he had suddenly become Draco to her, not Malfoy – had been telling the truth but she knew that it was essential. Hermione wasn't admitting it to herself but she would be hurt if it was just another trick to gain their trust. She didn't really like him very much (at least she didn't think she did) and he had been dreadful to them in the past but still she felt as if he had changed in a way. She wanted him to be reformed for reasons unknown. He had not apologised or tried to make amends with them about the mocking and bullying. Still, after everything he had said about the attack and how he talked about his hand was quite telling and maybe, just maybe, she didn't think of him as disgusting any more.

If Draco would have known that, his subconsciousness might not be punishing him as hard. His punishment was that this night he finally slept.


* * *


He had just used Imperio on a muggle. He would have never thought that it would feel this way. It had filled him with an incredible feeling – suddenly Draco had been invincible, he felt that he could do anything and everything he ever wished, he was a god! Even more than that, he was The God! It was the most invigorating feeling he'd ever had. Draco was intoxicated with power and he never wanted to let it go, so just as he had released the man, he felt small, puny and worthless all at once.

He felt as if he had killed a part of himself. Nonetheless, he also realised that he had destroyed something in his victim, used and broken him just a little and it was in his power to do so again. Draco craved the power, he felt that if he didn't Imperio someone again fast, he would never be whole again. It was so easy to be god. Easy and empowering. Incredible.

At one moment he had almost fallen for the allure of evil and done it again for his own pleasure this time. His wand already rose when a scene flashed before his eyes.

Draco saw his father standing over a girl who was weeping and shivering on her hands and knees, her muggle sweatshirt ripped open and some of her flesh bleeding, she was trying to get out of the room but it was hopeless. Lucius Malfoy was laughing while hexing her with all kinds of minor damage inflicting spells just to scare her. There were Death Eaters all around them, about six or seven - some of them playing with their own prey, some just watching, joking and laughing.

Draco stood there and laughed too. He was in shock but fortunately no one could tell. Or maybe they did not care. No one had noticed how he made it out of the building before the muggle owners were killed. He ran to the next house to make sure that no living soul would be found in it.

He ran and ran, tried and did everything in his power but no matter how fast or clever he was, it was not enough. Nothing was ever enough. He was not good enough.


* * *


”Hey, Draco, you having fun?”

Draco swivelled. One of the masked men was standing behind him. Draco gave an affirmative and being absolutely terrified by the course of events, made a lame joke about an old man who was found in the first house they pillaged. He got a guffaw for an answer. As this house had been found empty, some of the Death Eaters were disappointed. So to diffuse the tense situation, he made another lame joke. He had already understood what exactly his fellows Death Eaters called fun.

Fortunately, Draco had gotten there in time to clear the area, a mother and two children were on the outskirts of forest by now, or so Draco hoped. He also hoped no one would ever find out what he'd done because he was dead if they did. Now they were setting the house on fire and Draco was helping like a good little boy. He did so in an calm and aloof manner, as a Malfoy was supposed to.

Not for the first time during the revel he was thankful for the Death Eater mask that hid his face. He had seen too much of that day and he was quite sure that even if he could have hid his disgust and horror he would be unable to feign delight.

He had seen life and death both from their worst angle. To take life was not brave, pretty nor glamorous. Just a little bit of green light and an empty shell that a moment ago had been a person, falls. No future, no hope, only loss. He also saw many of his life long acquaintances, so cool, reserved and elegant in the luxurious parlours, lost their masks of pleasing manners and respectability revealing their true faces of cruelty and crudeness.

And it seemed to him, that he was no different. He laughed again and others joined him.


These were no nightmares, they were memories.


* * *


“Lucius.”

He turned around, “What?”

She was standing three feet from him, her eyes frightened, “Don't, don't hurt me!” She was backing away now, her hands in front of her as if to protect herself but she held no wand. Perhaps it explained the panic in her eyes.

“Hermione! Wait! I'm not going to hurt you!” He tried to be reassuring but as he stepped closer, she cried out and fled. He tried to run after her but his feet were heavy and however fast he was, he could not reach her. Dark passages, hallways, spacious rooms with high ceilings and small crooked corridors were passed in a blur. Hermione was constantly just one step out of his grasp. He knew that if he made only one slightly longer leap he would catch her, but alas, she was always too quick for him. And he knew, he just knew that she was running in the wrong direction. She was running to the snake pit!

“Hermione!” he shouted one more time but suddenly she was gone. He arrived at the dead end and there was no one there, just a mirror. A familiar-looking man was standing behind the glass. First he thought it was his reflection but it could not be. The man looked so cold, mocking and indifferent. Not it was not him! Draco didn't recognize him but he knew that the man was dangerous. Draco turned around to find another way to save his girl. But there was no way out – anywhere he looked, there was only the long wall of mirror, obtuse, straight and angular at the same time. It was turning and slithering towards him, blocking his way at every angle. The strange man was everywhere now too and Draco panicked.

He was sending various hexes and spells towards the man behind the mirror. He knew if he could kill the man, he would be free. But it was no use – everything he cast was returned to him and Draco was hurt and frightened and the glass walls were closing in and it was so tight now that the wand was only getting in the way so he was banging at the mirror, trying to break it with his feet and fists, begging for release but the man, his father, was only laughing. Draco was getting weaker from panic, from wounds, magical and not, and his voice was hoarse from shouting, “Why!? Why, father, why? Why wouldn't you help me?”

Lucius laughed, “But I am helping you! Just look at yourself. Look, you useless creature, you are getting better by the minute!”

And Draco looked. He looked and saw how his hair grew longer, his face darkened and became rounder, expression more arrogant and self assured. He saw his father in the mirror and he saw himself and he didn't know which one was which. He was frozen in horror, his voice gone but his reflection only sneered, delighted. Then his mouth formed soundless words,

“Look, Draco, I 'm helping you to become me.”


And there were nightmares too.


To Be Continued...