it will never happen...it can\'t

\'\' Finally.\'\' He said reaching for a glass of wine.
They were still on the floor. Food between them.

\'\' Well, it\'s not like I was the one who postponed dinner. Twice.\'\' Hermine said laying back adding \'\'I\'m full\'\'

He raised an eyebrow and smiled \'\' There is no real need to emphasize that, Granger. I\'m aware of it.\'\'

\'\'You\'re gross. MALFOY.\'\' She said closing her eyes, before asking \'\'Why didn\'t you try to let me know you had a....thing for me. Back then?\'\'

She could hear that smirk in his voice \'\' I believe you knew I had ...a THING...\'\' he paused \'\' for you. It\'s your fault that you never asked for it. I would have no trouble giving it to you.\'\'

\'\'oh, God, do you have to convert EVERYTHING into sexual reference?\'\' She opened her eyes to look at him, trying to remain serious.

He looked at her and said \'\' No. But I love to watch you blush.\'\'

\'\' Will you give me the answer to my question?\'\' She asked ignoring his comment.

\'\'How could I have let you know? I mean, the whole fucking school was aware of it. Except for you.?\'\'

\'\'What? How, how do you mean that? I, well, I was a bit....unfocused ,that year. And quite unaware of , well, almost everything. But I was very aware of you. And i didn\'t see anything. How do you mean , the whole school knew about it. Harry, too? \'\' She said, looking down.

\'\'I never told him. I guess he figured it out. It wasn\'t that hard really. Granger,look, I was watching you all the time. Sometimes I wanted to kick myself for being so fucking obvious. I was even throwing threatnig looks to anyone who\'d come near you. Actually, to very few of them, who were bold enough to disregard Potter\'s threatning looks.\'\'

She smiled. \'\'Yes, you could say he was a bit overprotective. \'\' She looked at him gathering all her courage to continue ,, But you, you\'ve been with....so many...girls. I just, ...well, it\'s kind of hard to actually believe that you...that you even noticed me....I mean, almost every night, you....\'\'

The food between them disapeard as he moved closer to her, cupping her face with one hand and giving her that half mad look again \'\' They were all you.\'\' She noticed a light smile on his lips \'\' You have no idea of all the things I\'ve done to you. And you\'ve done to me.\'\' He whispered.

She was stunned. Blushed. \'\' I, I don\'t know what to say to that.\'\' And just when she thought she could not be more embarassed, he asked. \'\' Have you ever thought about me?\'\' He kissed her neck \'\'About me kissing you?\'\' He cupped her breast and started to masage it. \'\' Touching you?\'\' She moaned..... \'\'Draco, ....stop...\'\'
She felt his other hand lifting her robe up her thigh.

\'\' Yes!. Ok? I have.\'\' He felt a shiver in her voice, stoped and looked at her. Tears were gathering in her eyes. She got up, and he followed. \'Idiot,idiot,idiot.\'

She continued \'\' I have and I hated myself for it. But I couldn\'t stop. You were always there, so kind to me, so carefull,so changed and so tempting...And I thought about you. A lot. I didn\'t want to, it felt so wrong, but i couldn\'t stop. And the guilt was eating me alive. I was disgusted with myself. And my thoughts of you. Of a man whose father....\'\' tears were falling down her cheek.

\'\' Stop, please stop. Don\'t. Not tonight, please . I can\'t tonight. \'\' He breathed out. \'\' I knew it was a bad subject from the start.\'\' He pulled her close and felt her shaking in his arms. How could he be so careless? He could feel her tears on his chest.\'\' Please, I can\'t watch you cry.\'\'

\'\'I\'m sor....sorry.\'\' she tried to calm her self. \'\' You are right. It\'s been...a nice.. ev...evening.\'\'

He smiled weakly, wiping her tears with his thumbs \'\'only nice? I was thinking more...mindblowing?\'\' he looked at her and relaxed when a smile apeared on her face. Merlin, she was so beautifull.

\'\' Prat.\'\'

He lifted her up in his arms, and said walking towards a bedroom . \'\' I conciderd shaging you once more, you know. \'\' trying to cheer her up.

She looked at him in disbelief as he continued, \'\' However, I decided three times in first 24hours might be enough for you.\'\'

She laughed and he gave her one of his looks asking \'\' I take not, then?\'\' He paused. \'\'Very well ,\'\' He said putting her down to bed and taking his pants off,looking at her, like he was about to eat her \'\' I promise you a weekend to remember.\'\'
With that he laid next to her, and saw her cheeks blush a little. He pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

*********************

Hermione fell asleep in his arms. He was still awake, holding her, thinking, remembering how it felt the first time they kissed, two nights ago, the burning sensation he felt from her proximity, that first night he touched her body in a way he desired to for so long. He rememberd the way she reacted to him touching her, being inside her.

Draco couldn\'t tell what was it that was going on with him. This peace he felt when she was breathing slowly, wraped up in his arms, was in such contradiction to his boiling blod when ever she was around him.

Of course, he wanted to protect her, he felt a certain obligation to do so, after all, it\'s because of Lucius that she was alone. The memory of his father was not pleasent to him. He was fighting for almost four years with the pain inside of him. At some time Draco was sure that he lost his mind. HE knew he did the right thing. His mother was telling it over and over. Even she couldn\'t recognize her housband any more, at that time. He dismissed those thoughts, he didn\'t like it, thinking about his father. He awoided it anytime he could.

Mixed emotins were gathering inside Draco for so long. Two years of constant working, away from home, helped him. He even thought he might forget about the all thing, he might forget about her, and move on.

Little sucess in doing that, though. She was the closest thing to a living angel he could think of. How, how could he leave the purest thing he knew, behind. Never, never in his life, or his dreams did he imagine she would come to him, come in his bed, reach for him.


Now that he had her, he knew he\'d never have enough. It was clear to Draco that this momentary bliss, these two days, are not the real life, he knew there will be so much struglle for them, there will definitly be fights, because they had to deal with so many things, they had to talk so much through. He saw it even this evening, how easyly things get out of control.

He knew he\'ll make her cry again.He knew it, and was afraid of it. This was still very fragile, it was only the begining, she\'ll start asking questions soon, and he hoped and prayed, he would be strong enough to answer them, without pushing her away, without hurting her. He was afraid she\'d make him lose his control the way he did last night when she asked him about his father. That was the way he always reacted to it, even when Narcissa was the one asking. He was afraid Hermione would turn away from him if she knew everything that was locked up inside him.


The thought of losing her now, was unbearable. The thought of someone else touching what was finally his was enough for him to kill. He could never let it happen. He could never lose something that pulled him out of the plain existance into the life.

****************************************************************************




Hermine woke up alone. Again. In his bed. She looked around, and got out of bed. She remembered clearly that she fell asleep with the robe on. He really was unbelievable.She was naked now. She pulled the sheet of the bed and wraped herself into it and headed towards a kitchen .

\'\' I guess it is his worst fear to actually wake up next to the girl he shaged the night before. But, then again, maybe it was all only a dream. \'\' She said reaching out to open the fridge.

A lazy voice came to her, from behind. \'\' I assure you it was all very real. But if you don\'t believe me, I\'ll be more than happy to do it all over again to refresh your memory. \'\'

She didn\'t turn around. For one reason only. She heard a light giggle , following his words. A woman giggle. \' Oh, please,please, no.\' She thought to herself.

\'\' It would be extreamly polite if you turned around and said hello to our guest.\'\' He paused \'\' Well, actually, our host\'\' .

\' Great. Will someone kill me please\', she thought covering her face with her hands, and turning around saying \'\' Good morning, Narcissa.\'\' With her face still covered.

Both Narcissa and Draco laughed as Hermione parted her fingers slightly, like a little child. \'\'I\'ve never been more embarassed in my life.\'\' She said and Narcissa, so clearly very amused, came to her and took her hands off of her face, looking at her, saying \'\'You have no reason to be, darling. It\'s perfectly normal for the two young people, who are attracted to each...\'\'

He didn\'t let her finish \'\' oh, mother, please...no explanations needed. Honestly. \'\' He turned to hermione, looking hungrily at her outfit saying \'\' Not that I mind, Granger, but you should consider wearing actuall clothes, not subtitutes for it. I can not remember when was the last time I saw you properly dressed. \'\'

He was revarded with the angriest look he had ever seen in his life. And he saw plently. Voldemort included. \'\' I warmly advice you to shut up, Malfoy.\'\'

Narcissa covered her mouth trying to silence her laughter as her son responded, getting closer to Hermione \'\' You know that this angry atetude only turns me on\'\' and pinning her to the fridge he silenced her atempts to form a sentence with a firm kiss.

Her eyes opened up in horror, trying to push him away. He pulled away. But only to bend down and lift her up over his shoulder saying \'\' Miss Granger here needs to put some decent clothes on, before joining us for breakfast, mother. Don\'t want her to be disrespetfull, do we? So, please, be kind and excuse us. \'\'

Narcissa just waved her hand, still laughing and looking at hermione\'s stunned face listening to her angry tone \'\'You are IMPOSSIBLE, you , you ....HOW DARE YOU? and ...in front of your mother. ..but I AM DISRESPECTFULL? You, rude,... spoiled little brat... \'\'

**********************************

Narcissa Malfoy was one very determined woman. So, when she said she wanted to spend Saturday with her son and his, well, friend, after complainig how they both neglected her, for two whole days,there was nothing you could realy do to prevent it.

A whole day of listening how they would be perfect for eachother, both so smart, so beautifull, hardworking, well mannered ....just perfect. Draco failed in his attempts to silence her, and Hermione, well, was just too polite to interupt, so she was mostly just blushing, and watching his reactions.


Narcissa insisted on having lunch in public, but since Hermione\'s outfit was a bit too sporty, visiting a few shops was inevidable. Draco was giving her helpless looks. This was not what he ment by a weekend to remember. However, when they entered a shop and Hermione tried one of the dozen dresses saleswoman brought to her, admiring her \'\'flawless figure\'\', he felt a bit better.

At some moment Narcissa actualy disapeared somewhere in the store, and he used the moment, not caring for shocked reactions of the ones around, to push Hermione inside the little changing room, pinning her to the wall with \'\' Damn that woman.\'\' ,and kissing her roughly, pulling her dress up her thighs, and lifting her legs up around his waist. She felt the weakness taking over her, they were in PUBLIC, and pepole outside knew what they were doing, but his hans all over her,... his tongue,... oh God, who could think?

A knock on the door, and they were pushed back into reality. \'\' Draco Malfoy, do not make me hex you.\'\' He opened the door, and standing in the doorframe, gave his mother a very, very angry look before steping closer to her whispering \'\'We\'ll talk about this\'\' .Narcissa just smiled, and caressed his cheek saying \'\'Of course darling\'\' and started laughing to the sight behind him.

He turned around to find Hemione in the same pose as this morning, with her hands on her face,shaking her head, saying helplessly \'\' I do not believe this is happening to me.\'\' He couldn\'t help but to laugh too.

A woman next to Narcissa smiled and said \'\'Ah, young love, aren\'t they just adorable?\'\'Hermione looked at him , and felt a little peck of disapointment when she saw his smile fade. He looked away. She closed the door and felt the tears gathering in her eyes. \'What is wrong with me? Love? Of course he doesn\'t love me, I mean, how could he. And it\'s not like I love him. Not like that, anyway. No.No.No. Right? We\'re friends, that \'s all. I know that. Well. With benefits, aparently. Just friends. Ok, hermione?\' And then said out loud to herself \'\'Just friends\'\', with a sad smile on her face.

*****************************************

They were entering the penthouse apartment, alone. Silent. The tension was unbearable. Narcissa was the one to blame. She started it, started talking about it, down in the carriage. About his father. Obviously trying to clear things between them. Or at least lead them into it.

Hermione broke the silence \'\' You should have let me go to the Manor....\'\'
He just looked at her as she continued \'\' I can still leave...\'\'

\'\' What\'s wrong Granger?\'\' he asked sitting on the sofa, closing his eyes. He knew what was wrong.She wanted to talk. About IT.

\'\'Nothing, I\'m ....I\'m just not in the good mood, I....I\'m tired, and...well...Let me go.\'\'

He opened his eyes to look at her \'\' I\'m not holding you.\'\'

\'\' Ok. So, I guess I\'ll see you these days, right?\'\' She said, turning away. But then she took a deep breath and turned back, facing him.

\'\' Draco....?\'\'

He closed his eyes. \'\' Granger, I\'m not ready for this...\'\'

But she was brave enough to continue\'\' Please understand, I have to know.\'\'

\'\' I don\'t want to talk about it. Not now.\'\'

\'\'Aha. And when?\'\' She was playing with fire, she knew it.

\'\' Would you just drop the fucking thing.\'\' HE said rising up from the sofa, heading towards her.

She remembered the last time she tried to confront him. She was afraid of him then. His expression was not much diferent now. Nor was her fear. But she had to know. \'\' No I will not. I need to know.\'\'

\'\' WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED TO KNOW ? he jelled, and she bounced, backing away from him. He looked mad again. \'\' You want to know what it feels like to kill your own father? You want me to describe it to you? Slowly, so you can fucking understand it? Do I have to spell it for you? I DON\'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT.\'\'

\'\' You can go to Hell with that atitude.\'\' She screamed.He turned his back to her as she continued\'\' You think you can talk to me that way? In that tone? I am not one of the little stupid sluts you manage to get into your bed.\'\' The voice that came to her, cold, emotionless, hurt her more than the words she heard

\'\' I do not manage to get them in my bed.\'\' He said turning to look at her. His face with no expression,his eyes freezing her body.\'\' They come to me.\'\'

*************

A/N_ I think you don\'t like my story anymore :( no reviews for the last chapter. If you think it\'s going in the wrong direction, or something else,please,please,please say something. and,once again...if you have trouble leaving reviews please go to http://archive.adult-fanfiction.org. there\'ll be no problem there.