MUGGLE MAGIC

To my dear readers, I thank you for your responses to Muggle Magic, your comments I must say are invaluable to me. Again thank you. All recognizable Harry Potter series characters are property of JKR, everyone else are mine. No profits being made here, just fantasies coming alive. Thanks to AFF for hosting my dreams.

I have added some answers to questions posed in the reviews section at the end of this chapter. I hope it brings some insight to my motives and the direction of this story.


CHAPTER 9

I will be the answer at the end of the line
I will be there for you while you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance if you can't look down

If it takes my whole life I wont break I wont bend
It’ll all be worth it worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
that I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
you’ll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight

If it takes a whole life I wont break I wont bend
It’ll all be worth it worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all burned out
You’ll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind

“ANSWER” by Sarah Mclachlan




Severus turns to gather up Cassidy into his arms only - she is not there. Immediately he sat up and focused into the dying light of his bedroom, she was not there. In one swift, panther like movement, he left the bed. Ignoring his naked state he made his way to the bathroom and then to the sitting room, but she was nowhere to be found. Pushing aside the rising concern he strode back into his bedroom.

Grabbing up his wand, he looked at the wall that separated his rooms from hers. A softly uttered spell disenchanted the cloak that hid the view of her room and allowed sound to inundate into his own. The sounds of her sobbing floored him instantaneously. Confusion and uncertainty ran rampant within him. Her anguished cries unnerved him. What have I done? Did I hurt her? Did she regret?

Severus continued to look as she lay there on her bed; her face was away from him. Should he go to her? If he did would she accept him or would she turn him away; and his fears of old resurfaced. This was why he locked everyone out; he thought angrily, this was why he detached from everything so that he would never have to feel this ever again. But Cassidy… He pressed his hand against the wall that separated them and focused grief stricken eyes to her prone form.


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The next morning, I considered my puffy face and red-rimmed eyes in the mirror and realized that’s what you get when you cry half the night away. The first half of the night had been exquisite. “But after pleasure there comes pain,” I muttered, continuing to splash cold water on my face.

It was Sunday so most would still be abed or in Hogsmeade, leaving the grounds and corridors empty until the afternoon. A brisk walk was what I needed to put things into focus. Dressing in a pair of jeans and an overlarge sweatshirt I exited the dungeons and found myself being drawn to the lake.

I wanted so badly to talk with someone about what had happened but Jessica would flip her lid! I could just hear her saying “I told you so.” I also wanted to find out more about Lily. Albus would likely have the most information but somehow facing him was the last thing I wanted to do today. He would have too many questions – or worse, know everything already.

Sighing at that morbid thought, I began my trek down to the edge of the lake. Time to think like the “shrink” you are Cass. Well? What’s the situation? Completely hopeless? I listened to my inner voice, ‘He will never fully accept another until Lily is out of his heart or at least the memory of her buried and laid to rest. Stay away until he decides which he would rather have, a flesh and blood woman who would give him all the love he grieves for or the memory of what will never be.’ This was the only option if I wanted to protect my own heart from further hurt.

Looking out across the lake, I saw a pair of mermaids break the murky surface and then dive back into its depths. Do I confront him with it? I thought, ‘No, my mind answered. He would want to know how you knew. This was a secret of his heart. Then he would find out you were spying on him. He would react quite nicely to that bit of news now wouldn’t he?’ I thought sarcastically, ‘He would hate me hate the very sight of me. Forgiveness would be a hard thing to come by from him. Then I would lose my chance.’

‘The best thing for me would be to stay away from him, force him to decide: Lily or Cassidy, his past or his future, a life that would love him or a love that could never love him back.’

Finally accepting my decision, I began walking back up to the school with one thought niggling at my heart. ‘What if he chooses her? What if his love for her is too strong?’ Resolutely my heart replied, ‘Then he was never yours.’

Later that evening I answered the knock at my door, and found him staring at me intently.

I replicated a smiled, but I couldn’t help the creeping blush that flooded my face, just looking at him there, framed in my doorway.

“Well this is a first. You usually just barge in,” I bantered

He just looked at me in silence.

“Please come in,” I offered awkwardly. He entered and stood in the middle of my office. I walked around my desk to face him and was met with concerned eyes.

“Are you alright?” he asked, his voice somber.

“Fine,” I replied lightly.

I could tell he didn’t believe it. His eyes penetrated me, searched me.

“I thought, perhaps… you would have stayed the night. I was worried when I awoke and found you gone.”

My mind screamed, ‘Were you? Were you really worried?’ I turned away and pretended to fuss with the plant on the shelf behind the desk. I didn’t want him to see my brimming eyes. But he pressed on, “Did I say anything, do anything to upset you, Cassidy?”

My heart melted at the sound of my name on his lips.

“No,” I replied softly, still not looking at him but that would not satisfy him. He wanted more than that. I continued, “There are just some things that I need to work out in my life right now.”

The silence stretched on between us. He finally broke it, asking, “Do you – regret last night?”

I wanted to run to him and soothe the strain in his voice, but I had to keep calm. Composing myself and my expression I turned to him and replied quietly,

“No. Do you?”

He considered me and then replied softly, “No.” And I knew it was the truth.

**********

The days that followed were hard on both of us. He never approached me or asked me to meet him. Though his eyes still held desire, his expression was filled with unasked questions and wondering. His walls were firmly back up but his behavior suggested that he took my leaving him that night greatly to heart. Did it really bother him so? Or did he sense that I rifled through the secrets of his heart? Was he afraid of losing Lily again? Or was he protecting more fearful secrets for the Dark Lord?

I have to find out all I can about this Lily, I thought determinedly. Something tickled at the back of my mind and I rushed to my office. Pulling out Harry Potter’s file, I quickly found, “Parents… Father: James Potter, Mother: Lily Evans Potter. That’s it! Severus was in love with Lily Potter. I groaned. This was worse than I thought. Did he love her, but she loved James? It had to be. How ironic, I thought. Now I was in love with him but he loved her.

Hungry for information, I made my way to the library. Madame Pince was busy scolding a student for a late return and I was forced to wait with a patient smile. After inquiring about records of past pupils, I was taken to the restricted section and shown to a bookcase that held students records for the past 50 years. Madame Pince efficiently pulled a dusty hard covered tome and plopped it unceremoniously into my hands. I made my way to one of the desks at the far corner of the library to begin my search.

Swiping at the dust and errant bits of cobweb, I opened the volume and began roving through the pages. Inside were endless school facts for that year and mounds of pictures, not unlike the school yearbooks of the Muggle world. A unique difference was of course, the magical photographs smiling and waving with enthusiasm. I searched for Severus, Lily and James. It didn’t take me long to find James Potter. Star seeker on the Gryffindor team, and much loved comrade of several other boys that year. James, the very image of Harry smirked mischievously up at me.

A few pages down I found Lily. I could only stare at the beautiful girl in the picture. Long flowing red hair and eyes that sparkled green seemed to jump out and held me mesmerized. Her smile was radiant. It was no wonder Severus loved her. I was sure half the males in Hogwarts fancied themselves in love with her too. Her school statistics underneath showed her academic achievements. She was beyond brilliant. Perfect it seemed. How could I ever compete with that? Even the memory of her intimidated me.

I quickly found the Slytherin section of the book and searched for Severus. There I found a gangly and painfully thin young man in his black school robes. His face was pale, his eyes a little sunken and held a sadness I had seen before. My heart wrenched at the sight of him. What I wouldn’t give to be able to hold that boy and tell him that I loved him, that I cherished him.

Swiping at the tears that flowed down my face I quickly closed the book and left the library. I needed to get away, I needed to think. Not paying attention to the handful of lurking students I rushed out the castle front doors and ran literally into Hagrid.

I rubbed my head and peered up at him. “Sorry about that Hagrid. I should really look where I am going.”

Hagrid only laughed. “Round here that’s wise. And where yer off to?”

“Oh, nowhere in particular; just doing some thinking.” I decided to take a chance.…

“Hagrid?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you know Lily Potter, Harry’s mum?”

“Well now, Lily attended Hogwarts back in…,” he rubbed his chin in thought, “1971 I believe. Yeah I knew ‘er. Beautiful girl she was, what with those green eyes and all that red ‘air.”

“So, you knew her. What can you tell me about her?”

He looked at me suspiciously. “Why do you want to know?”

Caught off guard I stammered hastily, “I’m trying to understand Harry’s history. He is a very special boy.”

Hagrid smiled, “Aye that he is. Well come on then. I’ve got to check on the pumpkin patch but we can chat while I do that.”

As we started to walk down to his hut Hagrid began, “Now then, Lily Evans was a real friendly-like girl, very bright. In fact she was a lot like our Hermione; had a fire about her. Or was it her hair?” He drifted off in thought.

“What about Harry’s father – James?”

“Ah, James was a part of a group calling themselves ‘Marauders’. Les’see now, there were James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. They were a mischievous bunch pulling all sorts of pranks. In fact, Lily always said that James was foolish and arrogant. Don’t know why she married him if she thought that. Strange thing – love.”

“Yes, strange,” I murmured, my mind filled with pictures of a delinquent James, a headstrong Lily and a melancholy Severus.

I considered Hagrid as he walked through the patch stopping occasionally to peer at a pumpkin. I desperately wanted to ask about Severus as a young man but fears of raising Hagrid’s suspicions gripped me.

I asked carefully, “You mentioned that the marauders were a mischievous bunch. Did they ever pick on or bully anyone?”

He paused and considered me. “They were raucous at times.”

Come on Cassidy. Be brave. “Who did they pick on?”

He was growing uncomfortable now and I felt guilty for pressing him but I needed to know.

“Well, there was one in particular but I don’t think he’d want it discussed.”

“Who?”

Hagrid looked really uncomfortable now and started to shake his head. I cut him off. “Please Hagrid. It’s very important and I promise that I will never tell anyone what you have told me. I just need to understand something.”

He turned away and continued to walk along the patch. As the minutes passed, my hopes dropped.

“They were particularly cruel to Severus Snape,” he said softly.

“Do you know why, Hagrid?”

“Severus was different from everyone when he started here at Hogwarts. He was pretty much as you see him now, somber and at times troubled but he was a brilliant young man. He knew spells some seventh year students had never even heard of?” Hagrid smiled at the memory. “He knew things some of the professors didn’t know. That’s the kind of talent he was but he wasn’t popular like James and the rest of those fellows. Aye, he was picked on because of the way he looked and the things he liked.”

“What did he like?” I asked in a thick whisper.

“The Dark Arts fer one.”

And Lily Evans, I thought.

“Thank you, Hagrid. You’ve been a big help. And I promise I will not share any of what you told me.”

He nodded grimly, but he still looked guilty.

**********

Though Hagrid did not confirm or deny any connection between Severus and Lily Potter, I was sure that there was one. I dreaded going to dinner that night and, just as I feared, my heart broke at the sight of him. He looked tired and very much out of sorts. His usual glare had lost its frigid appeal; his eyes were dull and worried. He ate very little and though his mouth held its customary frown, his heart was not in it.

I hadn’t slept much for the previous week simply because thoughts of him and Lily permeated me. That night I looked out at the moonlit lake and reviewed all I had learned since the night Severus and I made love. Lily Potter had a hold on him, that much I know was true. I had to accept that he might never let her go. He may never love me. She would always be first. Would I be able to live with that in my life or would I grow resentful?

So many times these past days, I would look at him and feel my body yearning, crying out to touch and to taste him. So many times I would find him looking at me. In public, his desire was masked but in the privacy of the dungeons, his eyes, his body spoke volumes.

He had made no effort to come to me even though I knew he wanted to, no effort to declare anything about wanting a relationship with me. He had said that he had no regrets and I believed that. It seemed obvious that what he wanted was the physical relationship without ties or formalities, just sex. I didn’t know if I was willing to accept that.

Sighing into the night, I reflected on my earlier solution. It hadn’t paid off the way I had hoped. Was I willing to let Lily keep his heart? Yes. Was I willing to let him have mine no strings attached? “Yes,” I whispered into the night. I will let him have all of me, body, mind, spirit and the consequences be damned.

Will you sacrifice your life for him? “Yes.” But will you be satisfied? I thought on this question and came to only one conclusion. I’ll be satisfied as long as I am in his arms.

Now my body ached like it never had before. I burned for his touch, his caress, and his kiss; ached to be one with him. I felt desperate for him. I had resolved my issues with Lily Potter but I still could not sleep because I wanted Severus so badly.

Putting aside my shame and my pride, I rushed to his door and knocked firmly. He opened it a few seconds later and gazed at me without expression. I looked up and felt a loss for words. I stammered, “I… I need… you. Make love to me.”


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A whole chapter of delicious yumminess in the next chapter, look out for it!

MizzLizzie… you are so wonderful, thank you for your comments. I am enjoying the Winter Guest tremendously!

Shadowknight… Thank you for your constructive criticisms. They are duly noted.
I’ve had many readers say that the constant POV swap had them confused, even my beta. However, as I mentioned in the first couple chapters, this story is fantasy as it plays out in my imagination… which is often similar to the movies or soap operas where there is a constant change of POV. And since this is the place to express yourself, I write what I see happening. So, please, again, read with caution.
I’ve never been able to grapple with the term Mary Sue, can anyone actually provide a true and accurate meaning to this phrase?
Also, as with song fic’s, the songs dictate the chapters. In Muggle Magic’s case… it's the other way around, the chapters happen to match the songs. It was not my intention to use song lyrics to convey my story’s meaning. But the lyric rather, emphasizes what was already on paper. Note, not all chapters has lyrics before it. Also… no more room to add further ratings on the list! lol!

Trickie Woo… I loved your comments and feedback. And thank you for choosing to stick with my story till it’s finished, I really appreciate your readership. You asked why Cassidy didn’t finish her first in-depth reading of Severus. I always ask people to not only put yourself in someone else’s shoes but their psyche as well.
Cassidy admitted to being in love with Severus, and as we saw, was her first physical relationship. Being confronted with Lily, I think, basically threw a bucket of icy cold water, on the passion and romance that flitted around her mind post sex. Her search for Voldemort and possible covert activities turned to an anguished unveiling of Severus’ true love. I don’t know about you, but I’d be very jealous if I found out that the man I loved secretly held a longing for someone else… dead or alive!
I’ve been told by a few friends who are psychic that they often have trouble reading their spouses or mates. Simply because the heart often gets in the way of clinical accuracy. Cassidy saw Lily but couldn’t see herself in Severus simply because Lily held such a coveted place there. Love is blind as they say, in more ways than one. Also, there is another explanation why she couldn’t see herself but that would be revealed later in the story. Please note also… Cassidy’s search regressed from Death Eater activities to his adolescence and childhood. She saw flashes of his life with Voldemort already.
At this point in the story, Severus is not (sorry to burst your bubble) in love with Cassidy. I think he’s fascinated with her and is confused by it; she is after all a Muggle unlike anyone he had ever known.
My beta and I have lost touch ever since AFF began transferring their files. She is also unable to devote much time editing so I am now without a beta… any takers out there willing to assist with the final 4 chapters? Thanks for reading! Please, review and recommend!