Trial and Error

The Potterverse is not mine, but the story is. I think, anyway... :)

For those of you who asked what the potion was....this chapter will explain it. There is going to be a lot of angst in the chapters to come. Keep tissues on hand :\'-/

One more note: in case anyone wants to know where the names came from for non-JKR characters...Frieda and Bernadette are the names of two of my ferrets and Francis Rockwell was my Grandfather\'s name. I just wanted to add that little tid-bit.

On to the story...

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\"Uncle Remus! Where are we? Where are my mum and dad?\"

\"Why did thothe mean people take them away, uncle Remuth?\"

\"Are they coming back? Is Mr. Snape going to rescue them like you said he would? Uncle Remus!!!\"

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. How could he tell them? What would he say?

\"Kids, come here and be quiet. I need to tell you something.\"

Aiden and Bernadette scrambled over to him and looked up at him expectantly.

\"Your mum and dad were kidnapped by death-eaters----\"

\"But Mr. Snape is one. You said he was. Is he going to bring my mu--\"

\"Aiden, let me finish talking. Your mum and dad may not come back and I need to explain to you why.\"

Aiden opened his mouth, but didn\'t say anything.
Remus swallowed and started talking again.

\"Yes, Snape is a death-eater who is on our side. He is going to try his hardest to help your mum and dad, but he may not be able to. He doesn\'t know they\'ve been kidnapped, so he may not have time to come up with a plan to save them. He will make sure that you two are safe, though, by not letting your parents give any information to Lor---uh, to the mean people.\"

Aiden started crying. \"You mean he\'s gonna let them die?\"

\'Shit. He understands everything. Damn Francis for teaching the kid to be perceptive.\'

\"Aiden, listen to me. Your mum and dad are very brave and they want you and Berny to be brave, too, you understand? They don\'t want the Dark Lord to find out that we are getting werewolves to fight with us. If he found that out, he\'d kill us all or force us to join him. You don\'t want that, do you?\"

Aiden shook his head while tears streamed down his cheeks.
Being two years younger than Aiden, Bernadette was still not sure whas gos going on, but she knew it was something bad.

\"Remuth, are mummy and daddy going to die?\"

Remus turned to the curly haired girl and felt the tears prickle his eyes at the look on her face. \'This child is going to be an orphan and it\'s all my fault.\'

\"Berny, you will never be alone, okay? If they don\'t come back, you can stay with Uncle Remus. How does that sound?\"

He hoped a happy note in his voice would help ease her fear. He was dead wrong. Bernadette let out a howl so loud that Remus feared the windows of their hiding place would shatter.

\"MUMMY!!!!!!!! I want my MUMMY!!!\" Remus grabbed her to keep her from running into the wall.

\"Berny, sshhh, it\'s okay. Your mum would not want you to be sad.\"

\"LEMME GO LEMME GO!!!\" she kicked him hard in the shins and broke his grasp. She ran screaming into the bedroom and shut herself inside the closet. Remus watched her slide the door closed and turned back to Aiden who was watching him intently.

\"They are going to die, aren\'t they?\"

Remus sighed and hung his head. He heard Aiden walk away and looked up in time to see the bedroom door close.

\'They are going to need a lot of time,\' Remus sighed.
~*~*~
Alone with his thoughts, Remus decided to ase ase his emotions in his journal. Maybe when this war was over, he\'d let the children read his journal so they would understand everything. He reached into his bag and pulled out the red leather book. He opened it to a blank page and began to write.


~~~Dear Journal,

I don\'t know what to do. The kids and I are currently in hiding somewhere in New Jersey in the US. Francis and his wife were kidnapped. We knew it would happen. We received an owl telling us to run, that Voldemort wlannlanning an attack on the Rockwell house. I know it wasn\'t Severus who sent it. Albus thinks it may have been Blaise\'s parents. They still have some control over their child and possibly slipped her veritaserum during dinner. Whatever it was, I am grateful. I still can\'t believe that girl became a death-eater. She seemed less power-hungry than the rest of the Slytherins when she first arrived at Hogwarts. Goes to show what that house does to a young mind. Anyway, on to current events...

Francis and Frieda knew that the kids would be in danger if Voldemort found out about them. They performed a fidelius charm on each of them; Francis was Aiden\'s secret-keeper and Frieda was Bernadette\'s secret-keeper. They knew it was the only way to ensure their safety. They would sacrifice their own lives to save their children.

When the day came that the letter said we would be attacked, I placed a charm on them that would let them know which death-eater was Severus. I thought it might bring them comfort to know which one was him. I hope it worked and that Severus used the potion I told them he would use. It is a greatly difficult potion to brew and has illegal ingredients. Albus, Severus and I were the only ones who know about it (before I told Francis and Frieda) as Severus is its creator. It looks and acts like a mild truth potion, but it causes the drinker to tell half truths, or even old truths; things that may have beeue aue at some time, but are no longer true. I never give that man enough credit. He knows Voldemort\'s mind more than any other death-eater. He designed the potion to let the drinker tell so many half truths that the one questioning them would become agitated and eventually use the Cruciatus curse to force more information out. When Crucio is used on a drinker of the potion, he and anyone who he is directly in contact with are killed. There is no way to link it to the potion, either. The ingredients to an untrained hand, eye, or nose appear to be those of a truth potion and nothing more.

I\'m pretty sure this is what happened to the Rockwells. I told them both in the details I just wrote what the potion is and what it does. They said they were ready. They names me the godfather of the children. They would have used the Zabini\'s had it not been for Blaise. I was only a pleasant acquaintance in school. It wasn\'t until Berny and Aiden were bi tha that they asked if we could be closer friends. They needed support and what better way to help the kids than to have an \"Uncle\" werewolf to hang out with? Now I am most likely their guardian. I can\'t see how Severus could have gotten them out of there alive. I feel sad about the loss, but I am more sorrowful about the children not having parents anymore. I will not begin to fill the place in their hearts for their mother and father. Merlin help me.

Signed,

Remus~~~~

~*~*~*~*~

\"DEAD! They\'re DEAD!!! How could this happen??\" Voldemort\'s angry voice filled the air in the room. The death-eaters were silent, but some kept throwing glances in Severus\' direction. He was, after all, the potion brewer.

\"Severus!\"

Severus bowed to Voldemort. \"Yes, my Lord?\"

\"What potion did you administer to these two?\" he pointed at the two lifeless forms on the ground.

\"The potion I gave to you was a strong truth potion, my Lord.\"

\"Yes, yes...but why.. are.. they.. dead?\"

Severus swallowed quietly and cleared his throat. \"In rare cases, the potion can cause the drinker to become weak to spells, but I have never seen anyone die after drinking it. I have no way of explaining this reaction, my Lord, and I beg you to forgive me for my lack of knowledge concerning this circumstance.\"

Voldemort scratched his chin thoughtfully. \"Are you saying, Severus, that you had nothing to do with this...reaction....to my Cruciatus?\"

\"Affirmative, my Lord.\"

\"Very well. You will be punished for letting such valuable informants fall to an early death, but you still have my trust....though be aware..it clings by a VERY fine strand.\" His voice was dangerous and full of venom.

Severus nodded and braced himself for impact.

\"Let this be a lesson to everyone here...Wormtail and Severus have both disappointed me tonight. Wormtail has yet to recover from my disappointment...let\'s see how well Severus does. CRUCIO!!\"

Severus felt as though every nerve was being soaked in acid. He feared his eyes would explode from the pressure in his head. His hands were sprouting invisible boils that burned like boiling oil and his legs may as well have been broken into a thousand pieces. Finally, when he felt he could no longer live with the pain, it was lifted from his body. He lay still on the floor, the bodies of Francis and Frieda visible out of the corner of his eye. He closed his eyes until the black robes surrounding him all faded away and he was alone with the bodies and a reviving Wormtail.

He didn\'t want to be alone with HIM right now. He willed himself to stop hurting and pushed himself up from the floor. After gaining some form of balance, he walked out of the room, up the hall, and out of the mansion into the fresh afternoon air.

He looked into the sky; several birds were flying overhead and clouds were lazily making their way across the blue expanse. For a wonderful moment, Severus pictured himself as one of those birds.

\'What it would belike to be free to fly away at will, not having to worry about anything except where to build a nest?\'

He had just finished that thought when a hawk came from seemingly no where. It snatched one of the sparrows in its talons and few back the way it had come, several sparrows chasing desperately after it even though it was obviously tate ate to save their fellow.

Severus scowled in theectiection the hawk had taken. \'So much for flying freely,\' he thought, and then disapparated.

~*~*~*~*~

Hermione added the last ingredient to the potions she had brewing and lowered the heat under all four cauldrons.

\'Not bad, Hermione. Four brewing at one time.\'

She turned around and looked at Dumbledore, who was sitting at the desk.

\"Anything yet?\"

Dumbledore looked up at her, smiled softly and nodded. \"He is on his way home, Hermione.\"

He noted the amount of relief that came over Hermione and smiled even more. \'It would do him good if he knew how much she cared about him,\' he thought, then voiced his musings.

Hermione stared at the man. \'Maybe he\'s getting senile?\' she thought.

\"Um, Professor, I don\'t think Snape would be too...uh, how should I say...open...to the idea of having someone tell him that they care about him.\"

Dumbledore chuckled. \"Ah, yes. It would appear that way, but Hermione...Severus is, contrary to popular belief, a human. One that is capable of feelings and emotions I didn\'t know existed until I met him. He needs to know that someone cares for him besides myself.\"

\"But he knows already. I told him to be careful, I gave him a hug... I even healed his wound today! What else do you want me to do?\" she regretted saying this when she saw the twinkle glimmer in Dumbledore\'s eyes.

\"I suggest, Hermione, that you simply tell him that you care. In those words, if possible. Ah, here he comes now. I want to speak with him for a few moments.\" Dumbledore went out the door to meet Severus in the hallway.
~*~*~

Hermione continued to stir the potions as needed. They had several batches now and had only been working for a few days. The full moon was in four days and the werewolves Remus had been in contact with were going to have the potions owled to them the day after tomorrow.

She went to a cupboard and started pulling out vials and bottle she could use to send the potion in. After casting cleansing spells on them, she began filling them with the finished potions and placing keeping spells on them. When they were corked, the bottles would act as a portable cauldron, keeping the potion fresh and potent.

Hermione had cleaned out one cauldron of the potion when the door opened and a very solemn Dumbledore came back in.

\"Professor?\"

\"Sshh..Hermione, something happeneoldeoldemort knows something is going on with Remus.\"

Hermione gasped quietly.

Dumbledore continued. \"He had the couple Remus was staying with kidnapped to be tortured for information. He didn\'t get any information, but the Rockwells are now dead.\"

Hermione\'s eyes opened in horror. \'Dead?\'

\"What about the children??\" she shouted, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes.

Dumbledore shook his head. \"We don\'t know where they are or if they are alive. There were no clues to show that Voldemort even knew the Rockwells had children. If they are alive, they are probably with Remus. I expect I will receive word from him soon considering these events. I suggest you get started on another trial potion, Hermione. Severus was going to start another one tonight, but I\'m afraid he hasn\'t the energy.\"

Hermione nodded, then a thought struck her.

\"Professor?\"

\"Yes, Hermione?\"

\"If we find the children, can they stay here at Hogs? As? And Re--Professor Lupin, too?\"

Dumbledore nodded solemnly, choosing to ignore the accidental use of her former professor\'s first name.

\"Yes, Hermione. That is the issue I want to discuss with him if...when he contacts me. Now, get started on the potion. It will take a lot of trial and error to get it right and we want to make sure we at least get a start on it before Voldemort finds out our exact plans.\"

He swept out of the room with his sky-blue robes dragging lightly behind him.
~*~*~

A moment later, Severus walked into the room, looking worse than awful. He barely glanced at Hermione before staggering to his rooms. He didn\'t even bother to close the door.

Hermione stood till for a minute before deciding to follow him. When she reached his door, she knocked softly. No answer. She opened the door wider and looked into the dark room. \'It\'s afternoon, why is it so dark in here?\' She looked at the window and saw Severus standing with his forehead pressed against the glass. She cautiously approached him but stopped short when she heard his voice.

\"You do not have permission to be in my chambers. I suggest you leave immediately,\" his voice was harsh and raspy.

\"But Severus, you\'re hurt--\"

\"NEVER call me by my given name again, do you hear me?!\" he turned to her, his eyes flashing menacingly ans tes teeth beginning to show beneath his snarling lips.

\"I do not need your pity or your concern. I simply need to be left alone. Now OUT!\" he pointed to the door. Hermione could see his outstretched hand trembling... then she looked at the hand by his side and gasped.

\"Professor, what is that in your hand?\"

\"OUT! Do not make me resort to drastic measures to get you out of my chambers, Hermione,\" his voice was getting softer, more desperate.

Hermione walked closer to him. She coulel hel his body tensing up as she neared. She brought her face as close to his as possible without standing on tiptoes and looked up at him.

Severus stayed perfectly still. He couldn\'t bring himself to move. He wanted her to leave, yet having her here with him was an almost comforting thought...

He swallowed and closed his eyes. \"Please, Hermione. I\'m begging you. Leave.\" It came out in a barely audible whisper.
Hermione put her hand on his left arm and stood on her toes to whisper back into his ear..

\"I will not you you hurt yourself, Severus. I care about you too much.\"

Severus opened his eyes wide in shock and Hermione took that moment to wrench the vial out of his left hand and run out of reach.

\'Hermione...\" he sounded both desperate and exasperated \"...give that back.\"

\"No! I will NOT give it back. Nothing is worth killing yourself over, Severus. Please promise me you won\'t try anything, please?\" her voice matched his in desperation.

Severus stared at the girl in wonder. \'She actually cared about him? She was begging him not to take his own life?\'

\"Did Albus put you up to this?\"

\"No. This is me talking. He said I should tell you my true feelings and I am. I care about you, Severus. I don\'t like to see you suffering, but I know it won\'t always be like this. You are strong enough to handle this. I know you are. Please be strong, Severus, if not for yourself, then for me...for everyone.\"

Severus put his head in his hands and slumped to the floor.

\"Hermione, it\'s bigger than that. Do you know how many werewolves Remus is trying to get to help us? Enough to let us win this war without too many losses. Without them, we may as well give up the fight now.\"

Hermione did not understand. Why would he want to take his life because of that?

\"If I am found out and forced to answer questions, I will give away everything, Hermione, and our attempts will have been in vain.\"

Hermione shook hea head.

\"You don\'t know everything, Severus, so you could not possibly give away everything. Even Remus doesn\'t know all of the details of his plans. You can\'t pretend that that\'s the reason you want to kill yourself.\"

\'Damn!\'

\"Well, it is one of the reasons. Can you leave me alone now?\"

\"No. I am not leaving until I am sure that you will not harm yourself. If you want me to leave, I will floo Albus and leave when he gets here. Is that what you want?\"

Severus glared at her for a moment, sighed, and shook his head.

\"Alright then. Do you want to stay here or work on potions?\"\"I \"I feel rather ill to make potions.\"

Hermione went to him and lifted him up by the arms.

\"Then you\'ll lie in bed...and I\'m going to stay right next to you.\"

With that, Hermione led a grumbling Severus to the bed, lifted the covers back while he got in, and slid in next to himShe She cast some pain relieving charms on him to help him sleep. He moaned peacefully when she had finished.

Hermione watched as his eyelids drooped lower and lower every time he bed ued until they at last didn\'t come back up again. She listened to his breathing until it was steady and deep and then placed her head on his shoulder (so she would be aware of any movement) and closed her eyes.


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Thank you to my reviewers!!!