Pains and Contradictions

A/N Thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter. This chapter took a bit longer to post because I had to completely switch gears. Now that the intro is over, we\'ll be getting into the heart of the story. My thanks to beta Laurenke1 and the wonderful Baka Hanyou who spent almost four hours going over the entire plot of the story with me, checking for holes and errors. If you see that the commas are where they are supposed to be, thank her. Thank you, also, to those who commented on the "making love to his hand" line. Every chapter starts with a single sentence and goes from there. The \'hands\' line was that sentence for the last chapter. The third sentence below was the sentence for this chapter. Thank you all for your words of kindness and criticism as this story progresses.



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Two young men were sitting in the shade of a tall tree in the center of a grassy field on a warm summer day. They sat with their backs against it, neither looking at the other, in the middle of a very awkward silence.



"I was going to be an auror, you know."



Harry grimaced and looked down at his hands, "Yeah, I know."



"Or a professional quidditch player. I wasn\'t entirely sure yet," Ron said, bluntly, looking off into the distance.



Harry had nothing to say to that. Instead he continued to look down at his fingers, as if they were the most fascinating things in the world.



"I was going to make something of myself. I wasn\'t going to just be the sixth son of a poor, joke of a wizard," Ron voice was calm but his words drove a knife through Harry\'s heart.



"Ron," Harry turned to look at his friend for the first time, "you were never just ..." Harry gulped down a tremor that ran through him, "you were my friend..." Whatever Harry was going to say was cut off as Ron continued his diatribe as though Harry had never spoken.



"I was going to marry Hermione." Ron paused upon saying this and picked up a twig and snapped it in half. "You know, I never even kissed her? Never even told her how much I loved her? I always thought there was time. Right idiot, I was, right?" Ron turned to him and met his gaze, wearing a very fake smile on his face; his eyes were cold.



"I thought you had time too."



"Yeah, but I didn\'t. So tell me, Harry, why didn\'t I? Why am I dead, Harry?" Ron drove the pieces of twig into the ground and tore out a bit of grass, his fist dirty and red.



Harry turned away from those piercing blue eyes and bowed his head again. "I don\'t know."



The voice that had been so cold and calm immediately struck out at him, "You don\'t know?! Wow, alert the media. There\'s something that the Great Harry Potter doesn\'t know!" Ron\'s voice was cruel as he raised his voice. "Well, tell me something else then, Harry. Why were you there for him when you weren\'t there for me?"



The accusation was like a slap in the face. "Ron, it wasn\'t like that. I couldn\'t. It all happened so quickly..."



"You couldn\'t, could you? Well, what about him? You certainly jumped to rescue for him." Ron stood up abruptly and pointed to a place on the far side of the field. Harry saw a young James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew laughing and jeering as a young Severus Snape was being dangled in mid air by his foot.



Harry got to his feet abruptly and Ron stood in front of him, blocking his view with his body. "Want to save him, do you? Is that your whole \'saving people\' thing? Worked out pretty well for some." Ron began to count on his fingers, "You saved Ginny, you tried to save Sirius, hell, you even brought back Cedric Diggory\'s body. But where were you when you could have saved me, Harry? Where were you with your visions and your invisibility cloaks? Or do you only do Death Eaters now?"



Harry paled and withheld the tears that wanted to fall at his best friend\'s taunts. "I wanted to save you, Ron. It just happened so quickly. Snape thought Malfoy was aiming for me..."



"Yeah, the overgrown bat was so quick to protect you. And why is that, Harry? Why was he so quick to protect you?"



Harry was silent. He looked over to the field where the four boys were still laughing at Snape. He couldn\'t see the man\'s face, his robes had fallen over to cover it. He was wearing infirmary white nightclothes underneath. Harry looked back into the hard gaze of his best friend.



Ron gaze was cold and his voice angry as he said, "He killed your mum, Harry. It doesn\'t matter if he wasn\'t the one who uttered the curse, he killed her."



Harry tried to reason with him, "No, Ron, wait, you don\'t understand. He didn\'t know it was her when he heard the prophecy. He didn\'t know who it was talking about..."



"And that makes it okay? He didn\'t know the baby he was going to have murdered so that makes it alright?"



Harry was silent at that. The thought had occurred to him and he wondered what would have happened if Voldemort had assumed it was Neville the prophecy spoke of. How different the war would have gone if Snape hadn\'t changed sides.



"No, it doesn\'t make it okay. But look, Snape told me something," Harry struggled to take a breath and slow down. He needed Ron to understand this. He thought back to that conversation on the train and how much had changed when Snape told him his role in his parents\' death. "He told me that when he revealed the prophecy to Voldemort, he felt like he was an instrument of Fate," Harry realized how ridiculous he sounded at that moment but pleaded with his friend to understand. "That it was Fate that he turned against Voldemort and became a spy..."



"It was Fate?!" Ron interrupted, red in his face and looking like he was about to explode. "He said it was Fate and you believed him? How stupid are you to believe a line like that? And they called me stupid! Do you have any idea how idiotic you sound right now?"



Harry looked his friend in the eyes, "Look, I know it sounds stupid, Ron, but I believe him. I know what that feels like..."



Ron shouted at the top of his voice, "Oh, you know what that\'s like, do you? You know all about him? One conversation and you think you know the man?" Ron\'s gaze was lethal as he said, "You know nothing about him."



He seemed to deflate for a moment before he said harshly, "And I never knew you. If you think you can actually see yourself in that utter bastard, then I can\'t believe I was ever your friend. You disgust me."



Harry was sobbing at Ron\'s words. Tears ran freely down his face and his entire body shook as he tried to grab onto Ron, and begged, "Ron, look, you don\'t know what I went through, what it was like. I know I was a bad friend..."



Ron erupted, "You never told me what it was like. You never even tried. All those nights I stayed up with you, you never even once tried to talk with me about it. I always hoped you would but I guess you couldn\'t see yourself turning to your stupid friend, could you?"



Harry sobbed as Ron pushed him away, "No, Ron, I didn\'t think you were stupid, I just didn\'t want to burden you. I didn\'t want you to know..."



"No, but you want him to know. You want him to know you. Do you know how twisted that is? He\'s evil, Harry. And if you can see yourself in him, then maybe you\'re evil too."



Harry sobbed. Why couldn\'t Ron understand? "Ron, no. That\'s not true. He\'s not evil. Maybe he\'s not nice and yeah he is kind of a bastard but he\'s not evil. If he ever was, he\'s tried to make up for it. He\'s done so much good..."



"He can never redeem himself, Harry. He has blood on his hands. Just like you," Ron said as he screamed at him and pointed to Harry\'s hands. Harry gasped as he looked at his hands. They were dark red, covered in blood.



"You know whose blood that is? It\'s Sirius\' and it\'s mine and everyone else\'s who died in your name." Ron looked over at Snape, "You think your hands are filthy, you should see his." Ron scoffed, "I guess you do have something in common."



Harry gasped and turned away in time to see his father finally taking Snape down from where he was hanging. When he turned back, Ron was laying on the ground on his back, his eyes looking straight at him, dull and lifeless.



"No!" Harry rushed to his friend\'s side. He held his friend\'s head the way Hermione had yesterday and sobbed, "Ron, please. I\'m sorry. I\'m so sorry, Ron, please..."



Harry Potter awoke with a start, falling off the chair he had slept in, shaking and sobbing. In the corner of his eye, he saw what must have disturbed his sleep. The very worried face of the headmaster was looking at him with concern from the green flames of the hearth.



"Good gracious, Harry. Are you alright, my boy?" Dumbledore asked him.



Harry quickly got up from his place on the floor and regretted it instantly. Every muscle in his body seemed to be incredibly angry with him for sleeping in that chair and were making their protests known.



Loudly.



And in several different languages.



His face was still wet with tears and his body still shaking. He stretched his neck, wiped his face and said, "I\'m fine, Headmaster. I just had a nightmare." His voice sounded unsteady, even to himself. He wondered what he must have looked like right then.



Dumbledore looked at him as if he expected him to fall apart at the seams any moment. After the nightmare he\'d just had, he really didn\'t need the Headmaster looking at him that way, his face full of pity.



"Really, Professor, I\'m fine. After the day I had yesterday, it\'s to be expected, I think." Harry schooled his face to be impassive, which was very difficult when he was still trying to overcome the panting breaths that come after a long sobbing. He really didn\'t want to have this conversation with the man, whether he was genuinely concerned or not.



The headmaster seemed to accept this for the moment and said, "The reason I called you, Harry, was to invite you up to my office for breakfast. Remus will be coming as well; I\'d like to speak with both of you."



"Alright, Professor, I\'ll just be a moment," Harry agreed. The floo flashed green and the flames turned to their regular color. Harry turned to find his clothes when he turned and saw Professor Snape\'s hand dangling gracelessly off the bed. He must have held it all night and then dropped it suddenly after he fell from his chair. After the nightmare he had just experienced, he was feeling more than simple trepidation as he bent down slightly to pick it up. As he held Snape\'s hand in his own, he turned it over again, seeing it in the clear light of day. It was just as he remembered it from last night; strong, scarred, elegant.



And clean.



He held it briefly, remembering his dream and the conversation on the train that felt like it took place weeks ago instead of hours.



If Snape was damned, then so was he.



Harry squeezed it once and then laid it on the bed, next to the man. "I\'ll be back later, Professor. You\'ll be safe here," Harry said to the man softly. He walked around to the other bed to retrieve his clothes when he realized that they were the same ones that he had been wearing yesterday on the Hogwarts Express. Casting a quick cleaning charm on them and himself, he went in search of Madam Pomfrey.



***************



Harry turned and walked out of the hospital wing. Making his way toward the Headmaster\'s office, he encountered Remus at the gargoyle. He took in Harry\'s red eyes and pale demeanor and gave him a soft smile and short pat on the back. "Good morning, Harry. I guess it\'s time for the debriefing. Have you had breakfast yet? Acid pops."



Harry attempted to rally himself and failed miserably, "No, but the headmaster said he\'d save some for us."



Riding up the staircase and walking through to the office, they found the headmaster sitting behind his desk, bidding them to sit down.



Harry viewed the full breakfast in front of his chair. The rich aroma made his stomach growl but he was wary to eat any of it. The last time he\'d eaten anything, aside from the chocolate Remus conveniently had with him last night, was the roast Aunt Petunia had made. Knowing that he needed to keep up his strength, he picked up his fork and tried a bit of egg.



Dumbledore picked up his tea cup and said, "I believe we can wait for the debriefing until after we eat our breakfast. For now, Harry, how are you feeling today?"



Harry swallowed some of his eggs and looked at the old man like he had gone completely insane. He thought briefly about what kind of answer the man expected from him, especially in such an informal setting. How did he think he would be feeling? In a period of twenty four hours he had been attacked, suffered the loss of his best friend, found out a terrible truth about his parents\' murder, discovered he had more in common with a man he had thought he hated than his best friends, and rescued said man from certain death from a group of vicious madmen.



It was a wonder he was still sane at this point.



"I\'m fine, Headmaster. How are you?"



The Headmaster didn\'t seem to catch the disdain in Harry\'s voice but frowned a bit and went on. "I know that yesterday was a terrible day, Harry. I\'m not expecting you to be fine but I do wish to know your state of mind before we continue having this conversation."



Harry had been eating a bit of sausage and didn\'t even bother swallowing before he said, "You want to make sure I\'m not about to go off my nut, then. Is that it?"



Remus cleared his throat, "Harry, I know you\'re upset and you have every right to be but now\'s not the time--"



Harry interrupted him and said, "No, of course not." He recalled Snape\'s words to him as they boarded the train yesterday. He knew it wasn\'t the time for mourning. That would come later, much later. The thought of more nightmares and grief sneaking up on him in the middle of the day made him shudder. He took a deep breath and exhaled, "I\'m sorry, Headmaster, I shouldn\'t have said that. I understand your concern. Truly. You\'re concerned because you have a vested interest in me. It would be bad for the Order if I was to go completely barmy, I get it." Harry wasn\'t being sarcastic, nor was he being rude. He said this very clearly and with a maturity greater than his years.



To say that the Headmaster was shocked would have been an understatement. Dumbledore put his fork down and looked at him, "Is that what you think, Harry. Truly?" The Headmaster looked extremely sad all of a sudden and Harry felt a surge of guilt well up in him.



"I honestly don\'t know what to think, Headmaster," Harry admitted.



Dumbledore\'s expression was a mixture of guilt and sadness. Harry felt horrible for the way he had answered, but for once, he had wanted to let the man know the truth. After what happened yesterday, he realized his relationship with the Headmaster needed to change.



The old man opened his mouth to speak but then shut it again. Harry couldn\'t remember a time when the older wizard had been struck speechless. He lowered his head and studied his plate.



"I\'m very sorry, Harry, that you feel that way. The Order does have a vested interest in your health and well being but so do I." The man paused here and waited until Harry looked up at him to speak to him, looking him straight in the eye, "I know that my actions towards you over the years may have confused this point, but please believe that I do care for you very much. I think it\'s impossible to know you and not care for you, my boy."



Harry guilt multiplied tenfold at that. He knew the headmaster cared for him, he just had a very odd way of showing it sometimes.



"I do know that, sir. I\'m sorry, I don\'t know why I said that."



Dumbledore waved him off, "You said it because that is how you truly feel, and the fault for that lies completely with me. After Sirius\' death last year, I should have made a greater effort for you. I should not have assumed so much."



Remus put his head down and grasped at Harry\'s shoulder at the mention of Sirius\' death.



"Well," Dumbledore smiled and looked between the two men, "perhaps we can agree then, Harry, that we should try to keep less from each other?"



Harry gave the Headmaster a baffled look and then glanced quickly over to Remus. "Would you do that, Headmaster? I mean, I don\'t mean to be rude, sir, but you\'ve never been forthcoming when it came to giving me information. I mean, it really does seem like you know everything about me, even things I don\'t know myself."



The smile that had graced Dumbledore\'s face faded a bit and he paused before he spoke, "You\'re to be seventeen in a few weeks and after the events of yesterday and what we can expect in the future..." the man paused as he considered for a moment, "Very well. If it does not compromise the safety of the Order or its members, I will keep you informed of what transpires from now on. Will that be acceptable?"



It was more than acceptable really, it was about time. For just a moment, he allowed himself to be angry that this moment hadn\'t come sooner. If it had, then Sirius would still be alive. It was only a moment that he allowed himself to indulge in that anger before he put it away. That was in the past now and he had to move forward. Regardless of how long it took, the headmaster was finally willing to treat him like he wasn\'t a child anymore.



"Yes, thank you, Headmaster." Harry gave him a small smile and Dumbledore\'s grin grew wider.



"Well, now that that\'s settled, I\'m wondering if we can move on to the reason we are all here. I\'d like to start by asking exactly what you saw in the vision, Harry, and how you knew Severus was at Riddle Manor."



The awful memories of seeing Snape tortured came back to him like a flood. He steeled himself as he began to recount everything that he had seen through Voldemort\'s eyes. The torture, the Legilimency, Snape convincing Voldemort that he could get close to Harry. He told them about going into the manor and Voldemort sensing his presence once he was outside the door to the throne room.



As he ended his tale, a house elf came and took away their finished breakfast plates. Both Remus and Dumbledore had listened quietly and intently during the time Harry was telling his story.



Both the Headmaster and Remus were quiet and he could almost see the wheels spinning in the older man\'s eyes. "Is there anything else, Harry, any other detail, no matter how small, that you could think to tell us?"



Harry frowned and tried to think if there was any detail that he had overlooked. "No, that\'s all. I woke up just as I saw Lucius Malfoy drawing his wand." He suddenly shot up in his chair as he remembered something very important. "Draco Malfoy\'s a Death Eater."



The headmaster\'s eyes visibly darkened. He steepled his fingers and his voice was grave as he asked, "How can you be sure, Harry? Are you certain you saw Draco and not his father?"



Harry shook his head, "No, Headmaster, I\'m sure. Lucius Malfoy was there too. They were arguing about Snape. Draco was trying to convince Voldemort that it was possible for Snape to get me to trust him."



The headmaster was quiet for a moment as he thought about what Harry had just told him. No one dared make a sound; the only noise in the office was the soft trilling of Fawkes on his perch.



At last the Headmaster moved and sighed, "Well, that is certainly disappointing news. I think that may have been his first meeting, otherwise Severus would have mentioned it. Yes, very disappointing. I was so hoping that Draco would come to me before he made this decision." The headmaster seemed to openly lament the loss of his student.



Remus spoke up. "Draco turned seventeen this year. It would make sense to wait for the summer break to mark him." Dumbledore nodded at Remus\' speculation, seemingly lost in his thoughts.



Seeing the Headmaster so worried for a student brought a new layer of comprehension to Harry in regard to the older wizard in front of him. The man really did care for the students under his care. It was hard for Harry to see it sometimes, but, as Remus had said yesterday, he did know that the Headmaster cared for him, even though it wasn\'t always apparent.



"There\'s something I don\'t understand, Harry," Remus turned to him with a troubled look on his face. "How did Voldemort know you were outside the throne room?"



Harry looked down at his hands, at bit ashamed at his confession, "Well, I never did learn Occlumency properly. He just seemed to know that I was there. My scar hurt, like it always does when the bastard\'s around..." Harry was interrupted by a visibly upset Remus.



"Wait," he put up a hand to stop Harry\'s speaking, "You mean to tell me that you still haven\'t mastered Occlumency? I knew you hadn\'t before the battle at the Department of Mysteries but what about this past year? Who\'s been teaching you and what have you been learning?" Remus Lupin was nothing like his kind, even-tempered self at the moment.



Guilt flooded Harry\'s senses. "Well, after that happened, Voldemort was Occluding against me so..." Harry glanced up at the Headmaster who was, for once, looking sheepish.



Remus\' eyes darted back and forth between the two of them. "So you just decided never to take it up again? It never occurred to you that this might be something that you needed to know, that Voldemort could decide at *any time* to stop Occluding and reach into your mind again?!" Remus had shouted that last part and Harry jumped a bit.



Remus shook his head, seeing Harry was visibly startled when he shouted at him, remembering the long day he had yesterday. "I\'m sorry, Harry. I shouldn\'t have shouted at you. But this was incredibly foolish of you. I know that you and Severus had a bad experience in your fifth year regarding your Occlumency lessons but surely you went back to him? You did ask that he teach you again?" Remus looked at Harry as if he already knew the answer.



Harry just stuttered a bit and looked to Dumbledore--



Who was looking very contrite at the moment. "I\'m afraid the fault was mine, Remus. After that unfortunate incident last year, Voldemort began to consciously block Harry. When that happened, I decided, on my own, that any further Occlumency lessons were simply an unwarranted stress on both the student and the teacher."



Harry had never seen Remus look at Dumbledore the way he was now. Remus was usually a very soft spoken, even tempered person, but at the moment he seemed to be holding back a very potent rage.



Remus took a deep breath and lowered his eyes for a moment, obviously trying to get a hold of himself. Then he looked up at the Headmaster again, "Severus really should begin to teach Harry again, Albus. It\'s not safe, Voldemort knowing every time he walks into a room." Turning to Harry suddenly he asked, "How did you even manage to avoid capture?"



Harry shrugged and said, "Easily enough. Once Voldemort knew I was there, he told everyone to search the house for me." Harry\'s face scrunched up a bit as he turned to the Headmaster and said, "He seemed happy with Snape that I was there. It was like my being there was proof that Snape had some sort of hold on me, like he wanted."



Dumbledore smiled a bit and said, "Yes, well, apparently Voldemort wants Severus to get close to you. In his mind, that would be an easy enough feat for a man as cunning as our Severus, especially after the day you experienced together."



Harry nodded; that had been his understanding as well. "That\'s really all that happened. We apparated out and met Remus."



"So Severus should be relatively safe from Voldemort\'s wrath. He escaped his torture at the hands of his Death Eaters but if his new mission is to ensure a... friendship with you, so to speak, then you rescuing him is a good sign." Dumbledore gave a relieved smiled that made Harry exhale a breath he didn\'t realize he had been holding.



"Well, that\'s good news at least. Severus was so frightened that his cover may have been blown. He\'ll be very happy to know that he\'s still welcome back in the fold," Dumbledore said, his voice a mixture of relief and sadness at the thought of sending the man back into that nest of serpents.



Harry frowned. He knew now why Snape spied on Voldemort but that didn\'t make it any easier to accept.



"As to resuming your Occlumency lessons, I will be sure to speak to Severus about that as soon as he is able." Harry nodded and looked over to Remus, who seemed to visibly relax and lean back in his chair.



Dumbledore straightened himself behind his desk and moved on, "Now, Harry, I did receive your letter last night and I must say you have one very enthusiastic owl." Dumbledore smiled and rubbed his hand a bit. "As much as it pains me, Harry, I do not think it very wise for you to attend your friend\'s funeral. I realize that this must be difficult for you to hear, my boy, but please understand..."



"No." For a moment Harry thought the word had come from his own mouth but realized, belatedly, that it had come from the man sitting next to him.



Remus looked up at the Headmaster, "Harry needs to go to the funeral, Albus. He was his best friend. If he doesn\'t get this chance to say goodbye, it\'ll eat him up inside." Remus\' usual kind gaze was cold and his voice would accept no argument.



"I could go as his guard," he paused to look over at Harry, "I think it\'s worth the risk. Harry should be there, it wouldn\'t be right to stop him."



Dumbledore was surprised. Remus had never taken sides against him before, even where Harry was concerned. He took in the two men in front of him. Remembering Severus\' words from the day before, he wondered what it would do to the boy to miss out on saying goodbye to his oldest friend. He really didn\'t see how it was possible.



"I found polyjuice in Severus\' stores last night," Remus said suddenly with a small smirk on his face that seemed completely out of place.



Dumbledore thought about this for a moment and then looked at Harry. His eyes were still red-rimmed from the sobbing he had witnessed earlier but his gaze was steeled. He really had no desire to hurt the young man in front of him and he especially didn\'t look forward to the fight that would follow going against the two men. Briefly, he looked over to the chessboard still sitting on his desk. Yes, things certainly had changed, he thought.



Thinking about the conversation he had just had moments ago with the young man in front of him, he came to a decision quickly. He sighed and said, "Harry can attend, as long as he takes the polyjuice and has his own guard," Dumbledore said to Harry, happy to see the young man\'s face take on a small smile.



The Headmaster turned to face Remus, "The rest of the Order will, naturally, be in attendance and will aid you, in your protecting Harry, Remus." He turned back to Harry, "The funeral is planned for tomorrow morning. After that, I imagine your presence will be requested for a small meal at the Burrow. I assume you\'ll wish to attend that as well?"



Harry blinked and couldn\'t respond. Thoughts of the Burrow and how happy he was every time he visited suddenly became visions of going to the little cemetery in Ottery St. Catchpole and putting Ron in the cold earth. He couldn\'t imagine sitting down to a Weasley family meal with Ron not being there. What if the Weasleys did blame him? He\'d always been so welcome among the Weasleys, if they were to turn him away now he didn\'t know if he could recover.



"Harry?" Remus was looking at him with a pensive look on his face.



Harry nodded, finding his throat too closed off to speak. Both men in the room gave him a moment to collect himself. He met their eyes in a silent gesture that he was ready for the conversation to resume. He had no desire to cry for his friend in front of the headmaster. Despite the conversation that had just taken place, it was still too private.



"Now that that\'s settled..." Whatever subject Dumbledore was about to move on to was lost as a knock sounded on the door and Professor McGonagall walked into the room.



"Good morning, Remus, Harry;" and she lightly touched Harry on his shoulder, the gentle touch and use of his given name the only acknowledgments the stoic Scottish woman would be wont to give to his recent loss. "Albus, Draco Malfoy is in the Great Hall."



The silence in the room was deafening for a moment. Harry and Remus glanced at each other, the only movement in the sudden stillness, both instantly on their guard.



The Headmaster reacted differently. He rose from his seat.



"Very well, Minerva. Ask him to come up to my office and I will speak with him."



McGonagall coughed a bit as she said, "Albus," her voice was tense as she continued, "He\'s asking to speak with Mr. Potter."



***********************



Harry Potter quickly descended the stairs that led from the headmaster\'s office to the Great Hall. In his anger, he might have been tempted to run the distance but he didn\'t want to greet Voldemort\'s latest Death Eater and the son of the man who had murdered his best friend with flushed cheeks. It also would have made it difficult for Remus to keep up with him. The man was having a difficult time walking with the invisibility cloak hanging over his head.



He turned onto the hallway that lead directly to the Great Hall and paused to catch his breath. He had no idea what to expect from this conversation with Draco but he doubted very much that anything good would come from it. The headmaster seemed happy to discover Malfoy at Hogwarts, but Harry was less optimistic. Draco may have wanted to spare Snape but that didn\'t mean he was changing sides.



He turned to walk into the Great Hall. Draco Malfoy was standing idly in the center, between the tables. He was wearing very finely tailored gray robes and black dragon skin boots. The robes were tapered to conform to his movements the way his father\'s had yesterday on the platform.



Draco turned to greet him, "Potter."



Harry was very conscious of the fact that he looked like an urchin compared to Draco. Though his shirt and jeans had been cleaned by the charm he had cast, that didn\'t make up for the fact that he\'d worn them for two days now. His messy hair was a stark contrast to Draco\'s sleekness.



As this thought occurred to him, he also realized that it didn\'t bother him in the slightest. He was used to being polar opposites to Malfoy and he\'d wear that description gladly.



"Malfoy."



The two young men glared at each other, neither wanting to back down first. Well, Harry thought, Draco called this meeting, he\'d be the one to start it.



Malfoy ended his death glare, lifted his arm and made to draw something from within the folds of his robe.



Harry immediately had his wand out and he could hear a small movement coming from about three feet to his right.



Malfoy put his hands in plain sight and and slowly opened the fold of his robe, withdrawing a wand and holding it in the palm of his hand.



Harry eyed it curiously until Malfoy rolled his eyes and said in an exasperated voice, "Snape\'s wand."



Before he could even think about what the proper reaction would be, Harry had snatched it from Draco\'s hand like it was a holy relic being desecrated by a heathen. He held it in his hand, unwilling to put it in his pocket quite yet.



Malfoy gave him an odd look at the action but instead of addressing it, said, "I heard you visited Riddle Manor last night."



Harry worked very hard to make his face as passive as possible. He wanted to call him a liar but Draco might not realize how he came to know that Snape was being tortured.



"You heard I visited Riddle Manor? Who told you that?"



Draco sneered, the gesture looking horrid on his young face. "You know who told me, Potter. Don\'t tell me you\'re actually as stupid as you look."



There was a time when Harry would have lashed back at that comment, but after yesterday, he knew he had to keep his temper while around an enemy. Draco may have given back Snape\'s wand, but that didn\'t change his allegiances.



Harry still had nothing to say to Draco but it seemed unlikely that he had called for Harry just to give back Snape\'s wand.



Malfoy\'s eyes flitted around the room for a moment before he asked softly, "Do you know what Snape\'s orders are?"



Harry forced himself to pause and consider before he answered. To say yes might mean that he\'d been privy to the conversation he\'d seen in his vision prior to his arrival or he could claim to have heard Voldemort express his pleasure with Snape as he was coming into the throne room. He could tell that Malfoy had something he wanted to tell him, so he decided to go with the latter.



"I heard something as I was leaving. Why?" he answered lightly.



Draco seemed to have noticed a difference in Harry\'s demeanor. Harry wasn\'t arguing with him or taking his bait. He seemed to lose his train of thought as he tried to keep control of the conversation, "So you heard that Snape\'s supposed to get you to trust him?"



Harry nodded lightly, not committing himself to anything. He could tell that Draco was nearing the end of his rope.



"Quit the quiet act, Potter. I\'m here because Snape almost died last night and his newest assignment involves you. I know you\'ve always hated him and I\'m not going to see him die before the Dark Lord because you\'ve decided he isn\'t worth saving," Draco\'s even voice finally broke as he yelled.



Harry couldn\'t help himself, he said snidely, "And why do you care so much, Malfoy? I didn\'t see you rushing to his defense from your own father yesterday on the train. You know Lucius was trying to kill him." \'He was aiming for him when he hit Ron,\' was on the tip of his tongue but he stopped himself. Any mention of Ron would break him, he knew.



For the first time, Draco lowered his gaze, "I know. And I\'m sorry for what happened, Potter. I didn\'t like Weasley, but I didn\'t want him dead."



Liar.



Just the mention of Ron\'s name put Harry in a rage. He fought against all his instincts in order to calm himself; he couldn\'t afford to lose his temper now. He nodded, accepting the petty condolences.



"Look, Potter, the reason I came here was to make sure you were going to follow through with Snape. He almost died last night."



"Once again, Malfoy, tell me why you care so much," Harry repeated. Harry knew that Draco had probably witnessed the entire scene on the platform yesterday, he knew that Snape had saved his life. He had said so much in front of Voldemort. Why was he here now, when last night he had obviously believed that Harry would do whatever he could to save Snape?



"None of your business, Potter," Draco said through his teeth.



"Oh, I think it\'s my business, Malfoy. Why the sudden concern about Snape?"



Something like rage, but not quite, passed through Draco\'s eyes. "For reasons you\'d never understand, Potter. You don\'t know him like I do, you have no idea who he really is."



Harry wanted to shout, \'and you do?\' but stopped himself. Draco almost sounded like he was in love with him or something. "Have quite the crush, do you?"



The verbal sparing came to a peak at that point. Harry had hit some nerve in Malfoy he hadn\'t even known was there, "A crush? Little half-blood boys like you have crushes, Potter. I\'m in love with that man and he will be mine some day. So I have a vested interested in seeing him survive this and I\'ll not see him die because of you!"



Harry was shocked but tried not to show it. Malfoy was in love with Snape? The thought of Snape and Malfoy together was just .... wrong on so many levels. He couldn\'t even begin to contemplate it and he seriously doubted that the long-suffering Snape would willing endure Draco\'s prima donna tendencies. The idea was absurd.



There was no way Snape would ever fall for someone like Malfoy.



He realized he\'d been quiet for too long and said, "Rest assured, Malfoy, I have no desire to see Snape die. He did, after all, save my life after your Death Eater friends tried to kill me."



Draco seethed, "I don\'t know what you think you know, Potter, but I\'m not a Death Eater."



Liar.



Harry just nodded. For all he knew, everything that came out of Malfoy\'s mouth was a lie.



As though Draco had heard Harry\'s exclamation, he thrust out his left arm and pulled back the elegant gray robes. The flesh that was revealed was white and unmarred.



Harry said nothing; he simply looked down at the underside of Malfoy\'s unblemished forearm. Everything about Draco was a lie, even the unmarked flesh of his body.



"Look, Potter, I need to know. I can\'t be here during the summer and with my father..." Draco trailed off for a moment. "I need to know that I can count on you on this one thing; that you\'ll help him, protect him while I can\'t."



Harry silenced a scoff. Harry would protect Snape alright, but from bastards like Draco Malfoy. He had witnessed Draco fold like the coward he was when the Death Eaters descended on Snape. He\'d quieted his protests as soon as his father asked him to and when Harry had arrived to see Snape so badly tortured, Draco was standing by watching. The nerve of the little ferret to come here and tell Harry to take care of Snape, after Harry had rescued him while Draco looked on.



Harry looked down as he noticed movement.



Draco was offering him his hand.



And just like that, the grief struck yet again. He remembered the same person in front of him offering him his hand and mocking his new friend for his red hair and second hand robes. Everything in his being was screaming at him to spit on it and run. He owed it to Ron, after the elder Malfoy had murdered him yesterday.



He stopped himself. He could hear something, almost like a whisper, in his ear. It wasn\'t audible, he knew he wasn\'t going crazy. It was almost like a feeling that said clearly, Take his hand.



The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he felt that cold grip around his neck, as he remembered Snape\'s words on the train yesterday; "That cold, dark feeling that overtakes you, that\'s Fate."



Slowly he felt his hand descend the small distance and briefly grip Draco Malfoy\'s hand. The other wizard smiled but said nothing. He nodded, turned on his heel and walked out of the Great Hall.



Harry waited until the doors closed, then counted the amount of time he knew it would take Draco to get to the main doors to the entrance hall and open and close them.



Then he looked down on his hand as if it had betrayed him. He couldn\'t help himself, he just started weeping.



Remus immediately removed the invisibility cloak and pulled him close, as Harry sank down on his knees.



The older man didn\'t say a word, he merely held Harry as his body shook with the force of his grief, content to give comfort as simply as he could. There were no words that would do any better at this moment.



Abruptly, Harry got to his feet, shook off a very bewildered Remus and ran for the nearest exit. Remus trailed after him, not wanting to let the young man out of his sight.



Harry ran to the nearest bathroom and began washing his hand furiously. He couldn\'t explain it to Remus hell, he couldn\'t explain to himself-- what had made him take Malfoy\'s hand? It may have been the smart move, but he couldn\'t help but feel he\'d betrayed his friend. Just touching Malfoy\'s hand had made his own feel filthy. Malfoy\'s hands were dirty and bloodied and Harry had touched them!



Remus just stood next to him, silently, not wanting to risk touching him. His mere presence was a reassurance to Harry.



After about ten minutes, Harry splashed some water in his face and began to calm himself. Remus spoke for the first time since they had left the headmaster\'s office, "You had to do it, Harry. If Draco is a Death Eater, there\'s no telling what information he would be willing to give us if it means saving Severus\' life."



He didn\'t mention Ron\'s name. He didn\'t have to. Harry heard his silent plea all the same; \'Ron would have understood.\'



Maybe he would have. But he wasn\'t here to make the decision, so it didn\'t really matter much to Harry.



"We should go report back to the Headmaster," Remus said softly.



Harry shook his head, the ends of his hair shaggy and wet. "No. You go. I\'m going to the quidditch pitch." With that, he walked out of the washroom and through the hallway, out the doors of the front entrance, Remus following behind him.



Remus watched silently as Harry went to the school broom shed, picked out an old Cleansweep model broom and took to the sky.



He kept his eyes on Harry as he cast his patronus for the second time that day, this time letting Dumbledore know that they were alright, that Draco had left and that they were on the pitch.



Remus walked over the stands, all the time watching Harry, making sure he\'d come to no harm as he gave this aerial memorial to his fallen friend.



He sat in the stands for a long time. Harry would come down every few hours to rest and sit next to Remus in silence before taking to the sky again, flying fast even on the older model broom.



It was only when the sun went down in the cool of the evening that Harry finally descended from the skies and felt as though he had shaken the filth from himself. Remus stood up in the stands to meet him, still silent, as they began to walk back to Hogwarts together.