What Does This Feeling Mean

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Seven - A Dream and the Reading of Hogwarts

During the night, strange visions kept my slumber to a minimum. I had flashes of scenes, nothing concrete, but puzzling none the less. I looked up to a black raven circling above me and soon flying away, as if it wanted to be followed. The next moment I was surrounded by light, my mind clear and focused. Then I felt my body broken and throbbing in pain. I shut my eyes and struggled, unable to move in a mist of gray and black. When I opened them, I saw Draco, laying lifeless, mere inches away from me. I shrieked in terror at the sight and felt myself being pulled further away from him until he had all but vanished.

I awoke in a cold sweat again, this time mad. My mind was full of rage at the sight of Draco and my not being able to do anything about it. This image could mean a number of things, but one thing was clear. If anyone hurts him, they were going to have to deal with me.

I showered, dressed, and made my way to breakfast. I brought a letter that Mystic had delivered that morning with me. It was from my mom. She went on and on asking if I was okay, if anything happens to let her know, blah blah blah. I wrote her back during breakfast, telling her I was fine, and yes, I would let her know. She was always so protective of me, and it must be hard for her not being here. I called for Mystic, and sent my reply. After I finished, I made my way to my classroom.

My first class was soon seated and I began.

"Today I will start the readings for each of you. I will get as many people as I can today, so some of you might get yours tomorrow. Until you are called, start making your outline as instructed in your textbook. You will work on one exercise everyday, and write your experiences in your journal. By our last few days together, you should have it completed. I will give you a final reading, and then you should be ready for the next part of this class. Okay, we will start with... Hermione."

I had called her because she wanted it. I couldn't ignore her persistent thought of 'call me, call me'. I invited her into the small escape of my reading room, and sat in the seat across from her.

"Mmm peppermint! This place is great!" Hermione smiled, taking in the room.

"Relaxing huh?" I said, happy that my first subject found it comfortable. "Okay this... hold on Hermione."

Though the room was enchanted to be sound proof, someones' mind insisted on telling me that they were taking advantage. I opened the curtain. "Seamus, I know you haven't put a single word into your journal. Unless you want to talk to the class about your concentration issues, I suggest keeping the talk to a minimum." He got the point, and began working.

"Sorry Hermione, his mind goes faster than mine usually does!" I laughed sitting down. I took off my gloves, and set them beside me. "My hands are my eyes into your heart. All you need to do is to relax, and let me take your hands. Anything we see, will mean something to you. Whether it is an important thought that you had forgotten, or a deep seated issue you push away, it will be your job to find out it's meaning. You ready?"

She took a brave deep breath and nodded. She held out her hands, and I took them.

The swirling sensation of flying in circles took over and ended just as fast. The normal light of the room faded and the images began.

A lovely room full of books came into the light with a young Hermione sitting on the floor. She had a stack of books beside her, as well as a few opened all around. She was reading feverishly as a woman entered the room. "Hermione dear, Linda is here and asks if you'd like to go outside to play," Hermione never took her eyes off her books. "No, tell her I'm busy mum," she said. Her mother shook her head and walked off. The scene faded and a park appeared.

Lots of young kids were laughing and running all over the grass, but sitting on a bench was an older Hermione, reading. A few kids stopped playing to look at her and laugh, but one girl looked very sad. The park warped away and Ron Weasley came into view.

It wasn't as much the image that was present, but the emotion. A sweeping feeling of butterflies, and an ache to touch and hold this image. A sudden feeling of embarrassment and disappointment took over as the light returned to normal. Signaling the end, I pulled my hands away in a snap, and we were back.

Hermione sat looking blank for a moment, and then turned as red as Ron was normally. "You saw and felt all of that?"

"Yes, I did."

"You're not going to tell anyone about this are you?"

"Of course not Hermione! It is not my job to find it's meaning, it's yours, and yours alone."

She looked relieved. "Okay. Umm if I wanted to..."

"Yes. If you need some help when trying to figure things out, I will help you."

"Okay, and thanks Jewel. I do feel better for some reason," she sighed. She took a deep breath in an attempt to get her color back to normal, and walked out.

The rest of the class went like clockwork. Some had minor issues, and a few had some emotional struggles where their origins were revealed.

Ron's vision was a mixture of resentment, envy, lack of confidence, and a young lady named Hermione that he also longed for. His reaction mirrored that of hers. When he left the room, I silently hoped Hermione would ask me for help. Otherwise, those two might never resolve that issue.

Harry's visions were very involved. The loss of family, his parents and the rest of the Potter's, and the extreme hatred of the Dark Lord. Knowing that these were things that you couldn't solve in months time, he did agree with me that working to understand his experiences would only help him.

My last class before lunch took a while, and soon I was finally able to get a break. The loud chatter of everyone eating lunch in the hall became a welcome change from all the concentration on individuals. I sat next to Hermione and happily started eating. I stopped at one point to look at Harry. He had a quiet confused look about him while looking at Ron and Hermione. I hadn't noticed the whole time, but they never talked, let alone looked in any direction near one another. Harry caught that I noticed, and gave me a look that said 'What's with them?'. I shrugged innocently, and gave Hermione a little nudge.

"Are you okay?" I asked in a lowered voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just, you know," she whispered.

I looked at Ron, who was now trying to converse with Harry. "Well Hermione, if you don't say anything, he might suspect something," I whispered back, trying not to laugh.

She looked down and raised her head to look at Ron. "Alright there Ron?" she asked as normal as possible.

Ron turned to look at her and immediately looked down at his food. "Yeah, thanks."

Hermione looked back at me like she was out of danger and went back to eating.

I finished my meal quickly, excused myself, and screamed with laughter as I left the hall. They were so cute. I wiped a happy tear from my eye and started back for my classroom.

I had finally made it to my last class of the day. The crowd loudly took their seats, and I went into my last explanation for the day. I called student after student, and had some good readings. One in particular proved a great one.

Pansy Parkinson was scared to death of me when she walked in, but eventually relaxed. Her vision was simple. That boy Martin that I had seen through her started the beginning of her pain, and was the reason she acted the way she did. She was a strong girl, very much so, but this guy had kept her self esteem at an all time low. Since she never wanted to feel like that again, she made sure everyone around her never even had a chance to get close to her. Thus, she could have had many good relationships, if she hadn't already driven them away from her.

At the end of her reading, she felt so good that she 'gave up on Draco', so to speak, and would just consider him a friend. In jest, she started listing everything she found annoying about him. His eyes, his hair, the freckle behind his ear, and so on. While she talked, I got a complete and detailed look of him, even things I wouldn't have noticed. The image I got was quite nice, and all those things she didn't like, looked pretty good to me. When she finished, I had to snap myself back to reality and get another student.

For my last person for the day, I called Draco. Draco entered the reading room, and seemed quite relaxed. I sat across from him, and took a deep breath. As easy as these readings were, it was a challenge with him.

"You don't have your gloves on," he said, looking at my hands for the first time.

"Oh, yes, these are what I use for my readings."

"You have to wear gloves all the time?"

"My hands are very sensitive to my sight. I've actually been wearing them for as long as I can remember," I replied, a little shocked. As long as I had been wearing them, he was the only one who had ever really questioned it.

He looked concerned. "So you've never... touched anyone?"

"What do you mean? Besides readings?"

"Yeah."

I had to think for a minute. "Well, the only person I have ever remember touching without my gloves, and without reading them, was my great grandmother. She taught me everything I know, and I guess she could control it, because I could only read her when she let me."

Draco looked at my hands, and smiled at me. "Do you ever want to... touch anyone?"

I smiled at his smirk and laughed. He was smooth. I gave him an exaggerated come hither look. "Of course I do. All the time." Laughing, I motioned for him to extend his hands. "Now can we do this reading?"

He smiled and put them out. I took his hands quickly and we sank into his mind.

The mood was dark, and so was the settings in the visions. They went by very quickly. We saw a very young Draco reaching to his father to get a hug, and being denied. Then Draco was playing outside with a young boy before his father shouted for him to get away from that muggle born, and a lot of pain came from that. The shouting of his father took us to Draco's bedroom. The stern lecture of his family, his duty, and the importance of his pure bloodline were directed at a very young Draco, that grew up before our eyes in the same sentence to where he is now. That image faded, as Harry came into his mind. Envy, jealousy, and rejection overwhelmed the image itself. Then it showed each girl that he had ever been with throughout his life, followed by the disappointment with each and every face. The light returned to normal, and I pulled my hands away.

Draco had the same look as everybody else did, blank. He came around and looked at me. He felt embarrassed. I looked at his eyes a little closer. He was embarrassed about the girls.

"You don't have to worry about what I think Draco," I said, while thinking to myself, Trust me, you don't have to.

"But I like you Jewel, and I don't want you to see that. I was with all those girls because..."

"You were looking for something," I finished. "Something, or someone you have yet to find, as we all are."

"More or less," he replied looking down.

I put my gloves back on, and as much as it hurt, I stood and brought his eyes back to mine. "At least you might be able to find it," I said mournfully. I gave in to my emotions, and sat back down in my chair.

He started to get up, and I stopped him with a raised hand. There had to be something I could do to explain this so he would understand. I thought of Cassie. I wonder if I can do it with him.

"Draco, something happens to me, when I get close to someone I'm attracted to. Even a little bit, something happens. I can't really explain it, because the thoughts I can tolerate, but the feeling... hurts. Since it's hard to put into words, I'd like to try to show you."

He looked at my face as a couple of stray tears fell and smiled.

"Okay."

I took my gloves off again, and closed my eyes. I had to put myself there in such a way as to let his mind see it. I took a couple deep breaths, and held out my hands. As soon as he touched me, my mind let him see.

I showed the way I felt about him, and when I got too close, the devastating pain of the images shown. I saw him with the brunette girl, him kissing her, and running his hands on her body. Followed by my heart feeling as though it was being torn into pieces. It showed him walking closer to me, and his feelings while making out with another girl tore through my emotions to the point of physical agony.

I gasped, and pulled as hard as I could to break the connection. Finally, with a sharp fall to the ground, I broke away. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.

I slowly brought my chair back up, and sat, still shedding tears. "That's what I see and feel when I get close to you. Not as bad as you just felt, but always something like that. It's not just you. I have had the same thing all of my life, with others, and it's never changed," I sobbed. Overcome with too much emotion anyway, I put my gloves back on and grabbed him in an embrace I might never have again. "But I feel it's different with you somehow. As much as I don't care about a vision with you and someone else, the pain just makes it so hard. Everyone either gets pushed away, or leaves on their own, and I don't want you to go anywhere Draco. As much as it hurts," I squeezed him tighter, "I need you."

I shook as he held me. I felt the skin of his face against mine, and it was worth the pain. He broke the embrace by kissing my cheek with such power. He looked into my eyes, seeing that I was struggling. "I told you, Jewel. I'm not going anywhere."

As he let me go, I began to calm down. "Thank you Draco, but please, don't stop looking just to please me. I actually, as funny as it sounds, feel more comfortable seeing you with someone else."

He raised an eyebrow. "If that's what you want, but you have to promise me something."

"What?"

"If you find a way to stop this, you find me immediately. I mean it. That second!"

"Yes Draco. I promise."

He smiled so sweetly and left the reading room. I was sure my class had left a while ago, but I didn't care. I felt a lot better getting that out, it had been a long time coming. I sadly laughed on my way to my room. If I could stop this... that would be nice. I changed out of my robes and fell into bed, and where I landed, is where I stayed.


TBC...