The death dancer

THE DEATH DANCER

-CHAPTER EIGHT-

BETA: dark catalyst

INFO: www. livejournal. com /users/ draycious

NOTES: This is a SHORT chapter.


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Harry POV

Harry left the library silently after Snape declared that he didn’t want him. He didn’t wait for Lupin’s response. He wanted to get away from those people as quick as possible. It hurt to hear Snape say those words even if he had known he wasn’t wanted all along. To know and hear was two entirely different things. Words hurt more than your own doubtful thoughts. Confirmation on his “fears” wasn’t what he wanted and now he knew them to be true.

Therefore it hurt, it really did. Because when you think something, there is always a small chance you’re wrong, but to hear the words coming directly from the person in question left no doubt.

Yet again he was stuck with someone who didn’t want him.

The only thing for him to do about it was to go to the bathroom and smoke and hopefully relive some stress. So that’s exactly what he did. It was the only thing he could think of doing since he couldn’t leave this place.

Snape POV

He sighed and went to the living room to alert Harry of Lupin’s departure. When he entered the living room he saw no one. He sighed again, thinking that the brat might have gone and gotten himself into trouble again so he began to search for him.

Where in all seven hells is he? Snape thought after he’d looked in what he knew was Harry’s favorite places. He began to feel a bit nervous because he didn’t know where Harry was or what he was up to. The kid was an emotional mess and he could do anything possible in this world if something set him off.

I don’t have anything in my manor that can set him off! He thought with a little bit of hope.

Besides, he seemed fine with Lupin… Oh shit! Did he listen in on our conversation and hear me tell Lupin I didn’t want him? It’s possible. Did he run off? Or is he still here? Will he hurt himself and… Calm down Severus! He told himself firmly when he recognized his own mind babbling like a hysterical first year.

You’re overreacting. You haven’t been this emotional since you were six! I’m a spy, I’m cold hearted, and I am- fuck it! Who am I kidding anyway? I’m cracking up for Potter!

Snape decided to get help to find Harry so he could tell the boy that he liked him before it was too late. He flooed to Hogwarts and ended up in Dumbledore’s office, Albus looked up from his desk when he arrived.

“Ah! Severus child, what can I do for you? You seem in a hurry, you came with a lot of smoke. Is anything wrong?” Something clicked in Severus’s head. Smoke.

Harry smokes.

Harry is in the bathroom smoking! He thought and almost smacked himself in the head for not thinking of that earlier. But of course he refrained from doing it, he had some dignity to maintain after all. He looked up at the headmaster; he had been staring at the floor while thinking.

“Nothing is wrong,” he said smoothly. “I was just going to tell you not to listen to Lupin when he arrives. You’ll know what I mean once you’ve seen him. Good day!” he said and flooed back. He was very sure that Harry would be in the bathroom. He didn’t need to admit that he had lost the child to anyone. He could imagine their reactions all ready.

Snape hurried upstairs and knocked on the toilet door.

Normal POV

Harry choked on his cigarette. The knock had come out of the blue.

“Who is it?” he called out even if he knew the answer. There wasn’t exactly many to choose from.

“It’s Severus. May I come in?”

Harry thought it was an odd request. Why on earth would Snape seek him out in the bathroom, of all places? What could be so important that Snape couldn’t wait telling him? You simply didn’t ask a “busy” person for permission to enter the bathroom when the other person was there!

“Uh, sure Professor,” he said a bit stunned and threw the cigarette out the window. If he was lucky it didn’t smell. He was pretty high up after all and today there was a healthy breeze emerging from the window all the time. He took one eucalyptus mint pastille to hopefully get rid of the smell coming from his mouth. He took a deep breath, almost choking on the strength of the mint tablet and opened the door.

Snape POV

Once he opened the door for me I actually felt kind of stupid for rushing up here and not wait for him to exit the bathroom on his own. And believe me, I’m not the person who usually goes around feeling stupid! In fact, I haven’t felt stupid in a very long time. I sure do now. On top of that I don’t know what to say! I may have gotten it all wrong; perhaps he hadn’t heard anything at all. There is nothing else to do but gather my courage and spit out what I came here for. So I pushed myself past him and I sat down on the toilet eat.

Oh my god, I’m going Gryffindor! I can’t believe I’m rushing into things like this. I turn and face Harry slowly.

It’s time to settle this, Snape thought with a great deal of unease.

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-CHAPTER NINE-CHAPTER-NINE-CHAPTER NINE-CHAPTER NINE-


THE DEATH DANCER

-CHAPTER NINE-

BETA: Hannah

INFO: www. livejournal. com /users/ draycious


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Harry stood with the door still open in his hand. He had not expected Snape to come in! He found the situation very bizarre and closed the door. The toilet wasn’t a common place for talks. He looked at Snape when he cleared his throat.

“You heard me talk to Lupin, didn’t you?” Snape said, down to business like usual. Harry nodded slightly. If Snape knew, there was no point denying it, and he did know. He could tell by the tone in the man’s voice. It left no doubt really. In fact, the question wasn’t really a question; it was more like a statement.

“I’m not sure of exactly what you heard but I said some things that aren’t true.” Harry stared at Snape. What was Snape trying to get at? He had never expected the Slytherin to admit he was lying. It wasn’t in Snape’s nature to do that.

“For one I said that I didn’t know what happened to you… but I do,” He said unexpectedly. Harry’s eyes grew wide and he took a step back so he was pressed against the toilet door, he didn’t think of his actions, he just did it. It was a natural thing for him to do when he felt cornered.

SNAPE POV

I told him that I knew. I watched him go from surprised to angry and closed off, an odd turn of mood. Then again this is Potter, Harry. He’s never doing anything according to tradition.

It doesn’t look like he knows what to do with this, and quite frankly neither do I. Harry closed in on himself and turned away.

I’m not good at handling situations like this. Many people say I’m a man of words, and I am. But those are sarcastic and insulting, on the line to evil. Comforting people is an area I can’t master, but I can try. I’m a mentor in school after all. Slytherins don’t tend to ask for help when they need it so I do not have much practise in this.

“Harry…” I pause. What to say? “I… I know how you feel. I’ve been there. I know that they beat you and told you to behave like this, but there’s no need to feel sorry for yourself!” I snapped. I never meant to say that last part but I couldn’t help it. Harry winced at my words and I knew I needed to say something to fix it quickly. Therefore the words that came tumbling out were those on the top of my mind. Maybe that is why it came out so honest.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that but you ought to stand up for yourself. You need help and I am here to give it to you,” I said. It’s not easy to speak like this, to open up. I’ve spent so many years trying to keep a distance between myself and other people and now I’m breaking the wall.

Harry still doesn’t look at me so I go onto my second matter.

“I also told Lupin that I don’t want you. That too is a lie. I DO want you, more than anything no matter how strange it might seem. I’ve been an asshole to you since I first met you; I won’t deny that. I’ll tell you why, I owe you that. I was out for you because I saw James in you. You know why I don’t like your father and your godfather. I’m not a man that can easily admit when I’m wrong but I’ll have to admit it now and I apologize to you for my very unfair behaviour and treatment of you.”

I waited anxiously for him to respond to that. This is the first time I’ve ever tried to reach out to someone and a rejection might hurt me more than I care to think about. Especially when this is the first time I’ve ever cared for someone. I know my chances are pretty slim with Harry, I’ve caused him too much harm already. Yet I wish…

NORMAL POV

Harry looked up, finally! Snape saw tears in his emerald green eyes.

“Really?” the boy whispered. Snape was confused. Really? Really what? He had to ask.

“What?”

“Do you really care for me?” Snape didn’t like the direct question but he knew it was important to answer so he did.

“Of course I do! Even if I have problems admitting it because I am not used to showing and talking and about how I feel.”

“I understand, and I accept your apology,” Harry said.

Snape smiled.

HARRY POV

I can’t trust him. I really can’t even if I want to. Isn’t that sick? Well, I’m not scared of him anymore. I guess that’s something… I know that I can be myself around him. Perhaps that might be the way back to my old self again. Perhaps this is what I’ve been looking for. I can show my true colours now since Snape is a Slytherin and I am too… I don’t have to act like a Gryffindor. Being a Gryffindor has closed many doors for me, there’s only ever been one way to go really.

The hat was right when it said I’d do great in Slytherin and be powerful. Slytherins don’t care much about the methods in magic, as long as you’re getting somewhere. The thing is that I want to explore the dark arts but I’m unable to do that with the Gryffindors’ breathing down my neck all the time. Maybe I could try them out now when I’m staying with Snape, the Gryffindors’ don’t ever have to find out about it…

NORMAL POV

“Lupin might do something after our misdirected conversation and take you away from here,” Snape continued. He looked ready to fight though.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way sir,” he said diplomatically.

“Call me Severus.”

“Severus…” He tasted the name. It sounded strange on his tongue but he thought he might get used to it.

“Are we cool then?”

“Cool?” Harry repeated stupidly. He had never thought he’d hear Snape say that. Mostly it was teenagers that used the word. Then again Snape had proved to be very different from what most people thought. He was almost funny sometimes. Harry had seen many new sides of the man, and he quite liked those.

“You don’t know what it means?” Snape asked and frowned.

“Well, yes sir,” he said. “It was just very unexpected to hear you use the term, and yes we’re cool,” he said honestly.

“Excellent. Now, you may find me acting very differently towards you around other people rather than when we’re alone. I can’t afford to act the same towards you as I do when we’re alone. I’m a spy after all and I need to prioritize that. There are many reasons for it. First of all, if it comes out that I’ve got some sort of relation to you Voldemort will have me killed. Second, you can be kidnapped so I would have no choice but to spill the orders secrets to Voldemort and then they’d kill you anyway. None of those outcomes seem appealing, right? Yet, there’s more of them, but let’s leave that for now. I think you get it, because you do understand what I’m trying to say, don’t you?” Snape asked him seriously. Harry nodded.

“Yes sir. I understand and I won’t tell anyone.”

“Good. I’m going to the mall, wanna come?” Harry was uncertain of what he was expected to say but he was in big need of getting out of the manor and seeing something new. After all, Snape did ask…

“Yes sir…” At Severus’s warning look he changed hurriedly. “Yes Severus. I’d like to go with you.”

“All right. You don’t need to change or bring anything. Just follow me,” he said and stood up. Harry was back to normal again for the moment and everything was just fine.

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NORMAL POV

Harry kept himself close to Snape at the mall. Thankfully people decided to keep a distance from Snape. Maybe they knew him from before and didn’t like him just like no one else did. Snape could be a rather hard person to talk with…

Anyway, they looked at him curiously and many with pity in their eyes because they thought he had to be with that “horrible man”. Harry found those looks irritating and wished he could give each and every one of them a piece of his mind. He didn’t think Snape was horrible at all and he felt sorry for Snape who always had to endure all this just because he had to act as if he had a broomstick shoved up his ass. Not to mention that he did this to save people, did anyone ever stop to think of that?

It must be very lonely to be Snape, he decided sadly.

“Um, sir?”

“I do hope that was your way of calling me Severus,” said Snape dryly while he looked for a good cucumber.

“Sorry Severus. I was only curious as to how come you can walk to this muggle mall without any protection around you. Around us… If somebody saw you with me everything would be ruined..” he said quietly and trailed off.

“Good thinking but the problem is already taken care off. This place is warded just like Hogwarts. All due, the muggles don’t know about it.”

“So it’s warded against death eaters? How? It can’t be warded against the dark mark since you’ve got it… or did you make the wards recognize you and let you through anyway? Is that what you’ve done to Hogwarts? …But that doesn’t explain how Malfoy and Karkaroff could get through… or Crouch…” he said thoughtfully.

“It’s complicated,” Snape said and Harry gave him one of the “Duh” looks. “Even I have some problems understanding Hogwarts,” Severus continued and ignored the look being sent at him. “This mall is warded from all death eaters accept for me just like you thought,” he said.

“Oh…” was all Harry could think of to say. Not very intelligent for someone who had only just figured out how some complicated wards worked. He automatically fired off a smile when three pretty girls walked by and they giggled. He never noticed Snape’s thoughtful glance at him. If he had then he would perhaps had been more on his guard again.

“What kind of candy do you like?” Snape asked him a while later. They were still in the mall.

“Uh… I’m not sure. I never eat muggle candy.. At least not very often,” he said vaguely.

“I see. Pick some stuff you think looks interesting. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like it later. I could always give it to Blaise. He eats just about anything as long as it’s sweet.”

“Blaise? Blaise Zabini?” Harry asked curiously.

“Yes,” was all Snape said.

“I thought you’d give it to Malfoy,” he said, fishing for information.

“Draco? Why would I do that? I don’t like him very much. Of course, I didn’t just say that,” he said and looked at Harry. Harry understood that Snape wasn’t really allowed to speak about his Slytherins. “Even though he’s better than his father he’s got a really bad attitude. I hate the arrogance which comes with the name Malfoy. They’re not all that great when it comes down to it. I like Blaise though. I was friends with his mother when I was younger. She was a Slytherin too… She asked me to be Blaise’s godfather but I had to decline since I was a spy and I didn’t think I’d last for long. But I did…” Harry was shocked that Snape didn’t like Draco Malfoy. He would never have seen that coming. He was also beginning to understand what a great job Snape was doing. He was freely giving up his whole life just to spy and save lives. He had to live in constant fear and loneliness just because the Dark Lord was still alive. He never even complained about it… Harry begun to understand what a great man Snape really was… even if he’d never say it to the man. He had a feeling Snape wouldn’t appreciate that.

“So you’re close to Blaise?” he asked lightly.

“Quite. He knows the real me, his mother does too. His father is a death eater so we have to be careful. At least I have to say that from my point of view we’re close. I think you’d like him too.”

“Maybe. I haven’t seen much of him. He sort of fades in the background when Malfoy is around you know.”

“Blaise likes to observe instead of drawing attention to himself.” Snape answered knowingly.

“He seems clever,” Harry commented.

“He is,” Snape confirmed.

Harry chose some chocolate stuff and laid it down in Severus’s basket.

“What about Crabbe and Goyle? Don’t you like them?” he asked.

“Worse idiots are hard to find. It’s a shame they’re in my house. How they got there I will never know. My house is supposed to hold the clever and cunning one’s and I’ll be damned if they’ll ever get close to that! I hate idiotism!” Snape said with passion.

“So…uh… then you like Hermione?” he said.

“She’s clever but a stuck up know-it-all. I don’t like those people either.”

“She’s been better of late, but she annoys me too you know.” Harry didn’t think that he talked very much right now. It just felt right to talk, so he did. Snape wouldn’t be the one to point that out. He was happy that Harry was finally beginning to open up.

“Doesn’t Blaise come and visit you during the summers?”

“Yes he does.”

“Then why isn’t he.. Oh… He should be with you right now, shouldn’t he?” he asked, resolution drawing on him. “But I got in the way, I’m sorry sir.”

“Stop blaming yourself. He’s already been with me and he shouldn’t be here right now,” said Snape sharply. Harry nodded slowly. He felt a bit relieved that he didn’t prevent Snape from being with Blaise. He would feel terrible if he did.

“Si-Severus, are we going to Diagon Alley or will somebody else buy my books?” he asked suddenly.

“I’ve talked to Dumbledore about it. Both he and I suggest that you use an illusion charm.”

“What does it do?” he asked.

“It makes other people believe you look different than what you really do.”

“You mean like a glamour spell?” Snape looked surprised.

“Yes it is. What do you know about them? It’s stuff only an auror, charmer or a healer reads about!”

Harry blushed and looked at his feet.

“Harry? What’s the matter?” Snape asked with a bit concern slipping into his voice.

“Nothing sir. I just remembered something.” Snape wasn’t about to let this slide like he had done with everything else recently. His instincts told him he was onto something here and he trusted his instincts. They had never proved him wrong before.

“Harry, tell me why you know about them!” he said sharply, demandingly.

Harry began to feel nervous.

“Uh… you know, I was just, uh, can we talk about this when we’re back at the manor?”

“As you wish but you’re seriously mistaken if you think I’ll forget about it,” he warned.

Harry made a face.

“I know….”

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