The Beginning

~Chapter eight: Half of her heart~
Isis lay on her bed for a few more hours after Sirius kissed her. There was something exciting about his kiss. Even if it just was a plutonic peck it made her blood boil. Whenever she thought about him she felt like she was getting mild prickly heat. Yet thinking about Severus gave her a sensation of being on a smooth lake. A relationship with Severus was simple. All she had to do was restrain herself from pouncing on him.
By dawn Isis had asked a hundred questions and gotten no answers. She walked back down to the common room and saw Sirius was up early working on homework. Isis tried to creep in and out to the great hall, but Sirius noticed her presence.
“Trying to leave with out saying anything?” He asked rolling up his parchment.
“I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“I’m done now. Do you mind if I walk to breakfast with you?”
“I don’t mind at all.” Isis said hoisting her bag up a little higher.
Sirius was very quiet until they reached the doors to the great hall. “Can I ask a favor?” He asked breaking the silence.
“If you want to.” Isis answered
Sirius blushed a bit. “Do you think you could help me with Divination? I’m horrible with it and I really want to do well on all of my O.W.L.s.”
“Yeah I can help you.” Isis said with a smile. “In fact I’d be honored to help you with it.”
Sirius smiled. “Good.” Another silence fell over them; “Isis did what I do last night make you uncomfortable?” Sirius asked staring at his shoes.
Isis looked at him. “No.” she answered honestly. “It just makes me wonder about Severus.”
“I don’t really want to make trouble with you two. I mean if it makes you happy…”
“That’s just it.” Isis said. “I don’t know if I am happy.”
Sirius looked at her. Those green eyes couldn’t lie. Only they had a brown tint to them. “Well I still don’t want to make trouble.” Sirius said looking down at her.
Isis pulled herself up to her full height. “Well I wouldn’t want to cause trouble between you and Thora Malfoy.”
Sirius’s head turned so quickly that his curtain of hair swung around completely obscuring his face. “Who told you about her?”
“Lily.” Isis answered simply. “Lily thinks highly of you.”
“Well that’s flattering, but what do you think of me?”
Isis blushed slightly. “Well umm… I’d very much like to be with you, but I think that I might love Severus.”
Sirius nodded briskly. “Then kiss him.”
“I can’t.”
“Isis a kiss isn’t a life time commitment. It’s a kiss.”
Isis looked up at Sirius. He was tall, handsome, and smart; but he couldn’t ever understand this. “But the ancients believed that when two people kissed they were mingling their souls.”
“We’re not ancients Isis. Nothing is really a commitment. I mean lots of people having meaningless sex all the time and your quibbling over a kiss.”
“Sex isn’t meaningless Sirius. It means something to me, just like the kiss means something to Severus.” Isis’s eyes flickered. “And what about that kiss last night. Was it meaningless?”
“No.” Sirius muttered. “You’re probably the first girl I’ve ever wanted a real relationship with, not just sex.”
Isis stopped. “You have sex with your girlfriends?”
“Most of them.” Sirius said blinking at her.
“And if we were dating.”
“I wouldn’t push you into anything.”
Isis looked at Sirius with a penetrating glare. He was being truthful. Maybe there was something more to the boy in front of her. Maybe, just maybe there was a man stirring to be freed under his exterior.
Isis kept walking. She and Sirius had all the same classes, lived in the same house and had a connection. Why then was she holding herself back from falling in love with him?
When Severus walked in with his usual stomp Isis felt her heart give a little lurch as it jumped into her throat. She had feelings for him, yet he was so strange.
Severus was an entity of his own. There were no words that could describe him accurately. Sure he walked twitchily and his angular form said a lot about a boy no one ever loved, but there was so much more to him, so much that was beyond any words that Isis knew in English or Elvish. Severus just was. There was no better description for him. He just was.
Severus walked up to the table somewhat hunched from the mass of books adhered to his back. “Good morning.” He said with his smoothest voice. “Would you like to take another walk this evening?”
“Why don’t we play chess?” Isis suggested. “We can play in here and we’d be doing something together.”
“Why don’t you want to go on a walk?”
“It’s awfully cold don’t you think.” Isis asked. She was being truthful; ever since she got to Hogwarts she was cold. The mountains produced so much cold air that Isis was constantly wishing that the dorm had a fire place.
“Its still summer.” Severus replied.
“I just think it’s too cold for a walk today.” Isis sighed. “I know you like chess. Why can’t we do something that you enjoy?”
“Isis chess takes a certain mind and amount of concentration that I’ve never seen you exhibit.”
“You’ve only known me a few days.”
“I would just rather not play chess with you.”
Isis blushed and nodded. “We’ll take a walk then.” Isis mumbled. She felt close to tears, but refused to shed them in mixed company.
“Why do you let him talk you down like that?” Sirius asked as he watched Severus walk away.
“I love him, I don’t want to do anything to make him angry.” Isis whispered.
“Isis, that’s not love that’s fear. A relationship built on fear will collapse. Look at my family. Look at the Dark Lord, he would rather be feared then respected.”
“But your Bible says that fear of the Lord…”
“Isis that’s up to interpretation, what you have with Severus is pure fear. What are you afraid of him for?”
“He’s more powerful then he realizes.” Isis said. “I don’t want to make him angry.”
“I think you’re mad to confuse the two.” Sirius said grabbing a kipper. “Utterly mad.”
“I’m not crazy ” Isis exclaimed knocking her porridge off the table. “So what if I’m afraid. So are you. You’re afraid of a real relationship with anyone. You’re so insecure that you have to…”
“Stop right there, Isis.” Sirius said angrily. “I did not mean to attack you and you will please not attack me.”
Isis slumped. “I’m not afraid.” She muttered. “And I’m not crazy.”
Sirius looked at her darkly. “Right.” He mumbled before taking a bite of his toast.
Isis sat through breakfast in a huff and was suddenly glad it was Saturday. Any other day and she’d have class with him. She sighed. She missed New York. She imagined that if she were at Liberty she’d still be asleep and when she woke up she’d be plotting evil things against David. Now all she had was two men that drove her crazy.