Hold Me Close

Thank you to all who reviewed, your support means a lot. Sorry it has been so long in updating, I have been dealing with some things in my life. I hope you enjoy this chapter.


Hermione slipped out of the castle, unseen she hoped. She moved quickly and quietly along the familiar path to the village of Hogsmeade. Her stomach was aflutter with butterflies. She knew it was not morning sickness this time, and she was not going to pretend it was. Was it so bad that she was beginning to fall for the father of her child?


Hermione put aside the thought as the Shrieking Shack loomed into view. Even after the events of her third year, when it was discovered that the Shrieking Shack was merely a refuge for a growing werewolf, many still regarded it as a very haunted place, and kept away from it.


The young woman looked around, to make sure no one was near and watching, and then slipped into the decrepit structure.


“Hermione,” Severus said softly. He rushed to embrace her.


“Hello, Severus,” she breathed as she fell into his embrace.


The pair hugged for several moments before Severus broke the embrace.


“How are you feeling? Any better?”


“The potion you gave me is what keeps me sane right now,” Hermione replied, half grinning.


“I hoped it would be of use to you,” Severus replied, looking at her concernedly.


“I’d no idea what sort of toll this would take on my body,” she said, rather sheepishly.


“What have you told Potter and Weasley?”


Ron. Hermione’s face fell at the mention of her boyfriend. She did not want to hurt him, but that was inevitable.


“What is it?” Severus asked her, noting the sudden change in emotion.


“Oh, it’s nothing. I was just thinking of Ron. He is really a good person, and I feel terrible when I think of how this is going to hurt him,” she replied sadly.


“Oh,” Severus said, looking at the floor. “Do you regret what happened between us?”


“I told you in the letter I didn’t,” Hermione said gently, wondering why he was bringing this up.


“I do not mean this,” he said placing a hand on her stomach. “I mean after, in your bedroom.” Severus looked very uncomfortable.


Hermione felt her cheeks burn. She suddenly felt very guilty. Guilty because she did not regret it; and she knew she should.


“Is it so wrong that I don’t?” she asked, eyes brimming with tears. Severus knew she was directing the question more to herself than to him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him.


“The heart does not lie,” he whispered into her hair. Hermione buried her face into his chest, allowing herself to cry.


After a few moments, Severus conjured up a couch and led her to it. She sat down on the couch next to him.


“Dumbledore created a room that I am certain only he and I knew about. Normal wizards would have used Gringotts, but as you well know, Albus was far from ordinary,” Severus said softly, upon thinking of the only friend he ever truly had.


“This room was much like the Room of Requirement in that you had to know what you were looking for in order for the door to appear in the wall. In addition to such, one would need a password to enter the room. I know he had taken to storing his pensieve in that room between his classes with Potter. I was appointed the secret-keeper of the room. Only I can utter the password to someone who does not yet know it. If you utter the password, only those who know it is the password can hear you. With that said, the password is “Bubotober Pus,” Severus said, looking mildly revolted.


“Ah, because if he picked a sweet again, someone would surely guess it,” Hermione said with a small smile.


“Yes,” Severus replied. “Now, the room is located directly next to my chambers, you just have to pace back and forth in front of it and-- what?” he stopped, noting the abrupt flush to her cheeks.


“It’s nothing, just, Professor McGonagall put me up in your old chambers,” Hermione said, looking at her hands.


“She did?” He asked incredulously.


“Yes. She was going to have a house-elf clean them up, but…well….”she trailed off.


“Oh, yes, I do remember your fervor against the use of house-elves,” he offered. The look on her face told him the lack of tidying had absolutely nothing to do with the house-elves. “What are you going to tell Weasley?” he asked. The question had been eating him alive for hours.


“Nothing. For now,” she said softly. “I suppose I cannot hide it from him forever. If you’re worried I am going to tell people you are the father, you needn’t. No one has to know about this, Severus,” she finished, looking at him.


“I suppose you would not want anyone to know you were with me,” he said icily.


“How could you possibly say that?” Hermione said, offended at the suggestion


“You seem awfully inclined to keep this a secret,” he spat, readopting his snarky demeanor.


“Don’t be so thick! We are in the middle of a war! The biggest war of all time! You would be skinned alive if Voldemort knew you had been with a member of the Order, especially a muggleborn! I would probably be thrown into Azkaban for not turning you in, and would certainly face ostracism, because you are quite possibly the second most hated wizard in the world! We are in NO position to be gallivanting around, as if the world were our OYSTER!!” she shouted, completely infuriated that he was being so childish.


Severus felt like a fool. Even after she cleared his name, he would still be hated, and until Voldemort was defeated, he had to play the part of loyal Death Eater. It was certainly best they kept their secret a secret, at least for now, he thought.


Hermione softened at his expression. He looked as if she had slapped him.


“Look. I know you are under a lot of stress, as am I. There is no need for us to become hostile to one another. This position we are in is not one to be taken lightly. I will not tell anyone, because both our lives may be at stake for telling. It’s nothing to do with being ashamed of you. I should hope you know I would not have returned if I felt ashamed. The only thing I am ashamed of is the way I am going to hurt one of my best friends,” she said softer, eyes flooding with tears again. “If I had just chosen you, I would not have to hurt him,” she said, crying.


Severus held her again, not really knowing what to say to her. He already bared his soul to her in a letter….basically the only way he knew how to tell anyone how he felt. He could not look someone in the eye and tell them what he felt, deep in his heart….he hoped his heart was still there.