Moonlight

8. Alpha

The full moon rode the sky, her children ranging below her. Milia ran, cold earth beneath her pads, the breeze rippling through her black fur. Ahead of her, a huge citrus-scented wolf ran. He chased after Jacko; the grizzled wolf that had been alpha. Jacko reached the edge of the pack’s lands and disappeared into the night.

Her new alpha slowed to a stop. Around him, the pack stopped as well. They lifted their voices in song.

Knock knock. Milia opened her eyes slowly. She reached out with her senses. Sirius slept behind her, comforting her with his presence. Another tentative knock at the bedroom door brought her slowly to her feet. Sirius moved behind her, still asleep. She padded to the door. Shivering once as the cold air caressed her bare skin. She opened the door slightly; knowing it had to be Remus, hiding herself behind it.

He smiled in at her, the laugh-lines at his eyes adding a sense of charm. But, the smile seemed forced. A tail of jealousy tainted the air that mingled between them. “Good morning,” he whispered. “I was going to make breakfast. Will you two want any?” Milia smiled. Warmth, love, home.

“I’d love some. I’ll be down in a minute.”

“What about Sirius?”

Milia glanced over her shoulder. Vanilla rushed over her. “We’ll let him sleep,” she whispered, breathing in his need, knowing he was looking at her, appreciating her. Her heart skipped a beat. How easy it would be to continue the show. Surely that was her beast? She turned back around to catch him pulling his eyes away from her breasts. She smiled knowingly at him, her body tight at the thought of his eyes on her.

He flushed slightly pink as he took a deep breath, his eyes shifting to amber. He leaned closer; pushing the door back. They were only a few inches apart in height, intimately close. “You smell like cookies,” he growled. Letting out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding, Milia stepped into him, standing against his woolen robes. The cloth scratched along her thighs.

Remus stopped her, hands on her bare shoulders, pushing her back. She shivered under his touch. Closing her eyes, she gave into her beast, felt it rising inside her. She rolled in his mingling scents: citrus and vanilla and under it all the warm fields of the pack. Home.

Remus pushed her again, his whole body shaking; his eyes returning to blue. “Breakfast in about ten minutes,” he whispered. Milia opened her eyes, a moan escaping her.

“Remus,”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Remus, don’t be sorry. We are pack. Your need calls to me--”

“No.” He shook his head; “You’re Sirius’. . .” he turned away without finishing the thought. A wave of sadness washed through the hall, staggering her as he turned and hurried down the stairs. Milia sighed and turned back into the room. Why won’t he let me help him? She thought.

Sirius was sitting up in bed, watching her. She froze, a prey animal before his hunger and rage. A quick sniff gave no hint of anger or jealousy, only a strange curiosity.

“Let me see if I have this straight,” he said. “You would sleep with him, just because he's pack? Not because of love or commitment?”

“No. Because of love, because of commitmentis bis beast is calling to my beast. They want to be together.”

“And how is that going to work?” he asked, anger prickling through the room. “Do you think I might be just a bit hurt?!”

Milia stood in thought for a long time, not looking up at him. At last she nodded. He glared at her.

“Does this happen in the pack?” he hissed.

“No. Only alphas are allowed to mate. All--” A flash of understanding flew around the room, interrupting her.

“And you and Remus are the only members of the pack. So you’re the alphas.” She nodded slowly. He climbed out of bed and dressed enough to be descent. Then he stared at her. “And where does that leave me?” he asked. Milia shrugged.

Swallowing hard she said, “Understanding?” She gave him a small, hopeful smile. He gaped at her then glared. “You love him too,” she tried. “It’s only like this because of the moon.”

“So every month, for about a week, I’ll have to share you?!” He clenched his fists and turned away for a second. Anger and hurt flowed around him.

“You make it sound so horrible! I’ve shared myself with the beast for twenty years! Every minute of every day for the rest of my life! What is one week compared to that?!” Anger rode through her, bleeding her eyes golden. “How can you stand there and complain about my beast?!"

She advanced on him, hands clenched into fists as well. Sirius pulled himself up to his full height, holding his ground. “Don’t you think I would choose to stay faithful?!” she snarled. Can’t you see Remus’ own struggle?! You’re his friend! His alpha!” When she stood chest to chest with him, she glared up at him, breathing hard, waiting for his reaction.

He stared down at her; his anger turning slowly to a deep hurt. Oh Goddess! Why? Not sadness! Not hurt! Why can’t he still be angry?! Anger is easy! “I love you, Sirius,” Milia whispered, her eyes bleeding back to brown. “But this is my reality. If you can’t live with it then--”

“Don’t,” he covered her mouth with his fingers. “Don’t say it,” he whispered. The hurt evaporated before a panicky fear. Loneliness! Cold! With a sigh, he looked away. “Not yet. Let’s wait until next week. Then we’ll decide.” Milia took a deep breath and sighed too.

“Alright,” she said.


***

Remus sat at the kitchen table, intent upon the parchment spread out before him. Milia studied him from the doorway then pulled back around the corner and smiled up at Sirius. “Remember,” she mouthed to him. He nodded. Think about worrying that it’s gotten away, that if we don’t find it there’ll be bloodshed.

With a nod, she hurried into the kitchen. “Have you seen it?” she asked. Sirius hurried in behind her, worry and excitement flowing around him.

Remus looked up at them, casually. Then a look of concern and worry crossed his face. “Seen what?” he asked.

“It’s not here,” Sirius said. “We’ve got to find it!” He ran from the room.

“Wait, Sirius! It’s too dangerous! Don’t go alone!” She followed after him, biting down on a laugh as she ran up the stairs to the first floor.

They were tip-toeing up the stairs to the second floor when Remus came up behind her. It could be anywhere! Hiding! Waiting to jump out at them!

Worry drifted from Remus, “What are you looking for?”

“Shh,” Sirius urged as they reached his and Milia’s room. He gasped, patting down his shirt and pants. “Oh no,” he breathed. “I left my wand. . . In there,” he squeaked the last two words; a thrill of fear wafting from him. Remus moved up, a hand on Sirius’ arm.

“I have a wand,” he whispered.

“Then you should go first,” Milia said, cowering behind him. He glanced up at Sirius, who nodded and stepped aside. Remus pulled out his wand and opened the door to the bedroom.

They stood in the doorway, watching him sneak apprehensively through the room. He used his foot to lift the bedclothes and then peeked under it. Next, he checked in the wardrobe, flinging the door open with abandon.

Sirius snorted and bit down on the laugh. Milia bit the corner of her mouth, attempting not to smile. Remus spun around and looked at them. Sirius’ barking laugh escaped, covering them all in bubbling warmth. Milia chuckled, covering her mouth with her hand.

Remus glared at them. “Oh, ha ha.” He jabbed his wand back into his pocket and stalked back past them. “Some of us have work to do!” His anger rolled behind him as he disappeared down the stairs.

Sirius sighed after he’d gone. “I took it better,” he said, looking after him. Milia chuckled then studied him thoughtfully. She looked after Remus.

“I wonder if we should apologize,” she whispered.

Sirius leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, “I’m sorry,” he said.

“Not me. Remus,” she laughed, pushing him away and started towards the stairs.

“I’m not kissing him.” Sirius said, following her.

“Then I will,” she called over her shoulder, running down the stairs.

“Milia!” Sirius ran after her.

They slowed to a halt back at the kitchen doorway. Remus was back at the parchment, the room brimming with anger and sadness.

Love, Play, Warmth, Milia pushed through his anger. She sidled up to him, crouching at his elbow. He glanced at her. “Sorry,” she whispered. Sirius took the chair opposite him.

“We’re sorry, . Y. You know, I fell for it too.” Doubt crossed the distance between Milia and Remus.

“I had him all over the house,” Milia supplied, smiling hopefully.

Remus ignored them. He concentrated on the report for a full minute. Milia felt him trying to hang onto his anger as she smiled at him. With a sigh, he set down the quill he’d been holding and looked between the two of them. “I’m glad that the two of you have found a variety of ways to keep yourselves busy. But I have work to do.”

“I get my work done,” Sirius said, growing defensive.

“I know. I never said you didn’t, Sirius. Go play somewhere else please. Let me work.” He picked up his quill and dismissed them by returning to the report. Another wave of sadness engulfed Milia. She bit back on the tears that threatened.

Shrugging, Sirius rose and beckoned for Milia to follow him. “Can we wear him down?” she asked on the stairway. “His anger was reluctant.” Sirius looked between her and the kitchen.

“Hmm. Maybe. But it would probably be best to just let him work. We’ll give him an hour.”

***

Milia followed Sirius back down the stairs to the kitchen exactly one hour later. Remus’ head lay on the table his blue eyes closed, a look of pain on his face. Sirius bolted into the room. Milia followed him. Remus' skin had paled and his breath came in shallow pants. He sat up as Sirius reached him. “Remus! Are you okay?” hked.ked.

Milia scented the air. She felt his beast roll beneath his skin. “Yeah,” Remus answered. “I’m just. . . Well. It’s only a couple more days until the full moon.”

“But you feel alright, Milia? Right?” Sirius asked, turning to her.

She ignored him, talking to Remus, “The moon is calling you forward, Alpha. It would be best to heed her. Leave off your struggle with your beast.” Control, Peace, he sent to her. Pain. She could feel the willpower he was using to suppress his beast. “You are truly great, Remus. Let your beast surface.” His eyes widened and he shook his head. “You’ll feel better. I’m here. I can help you.”

“No,” he panted, “I can’t.” He stood slowly. Sirius reached out to support him. When he was steady, he pulled out of Sirius' hands. “I just need to rest,” he said and he started slowly out of the room. Milia started after him. Sirius grabbed her before she could leave.

“Lehim.him.” She started to protest. “No. Pack and all. I know Remus. He’s been doing it alone for so long that there isn’t any other choice for him. Give him time to accept you. He’s reluctant.”

Sighing, she looked longingly after him. “He is so strong. So dominant. Not even my old alpha could compare to him,” she mumbled under her breath. Sirius turned away, heading for the pantry, thinking of food; but not before the stench of his jealousy tickled along Milia’s skin.