The Diary

****

N.E.W.T.s had ended, and the entire senior class was enjoying their last days at Hogwarts. Graduation celebrations were in full swing in all the house common rooms, as students began to pack their belongings for their final trip from Hogwarts. The Parting Ceremony had been completed that afternoon, and studentse hue hurriedly saying goodbyes, and retrieving belongings that had been loaned to classmates.

Hermione, Ron and Harry had headed down to Hogsmeade for one final drink at the Three Broomsticks.

“It’s wonderful that the two of you will be able to stay together – I knew that Hogwarts Finest would both be accepted to train as Aurors! I mean, Harry, I knew you were a shoe-in, but Ron – well, I’m surprised that they didn’t hold Percy and the twins against you!” Hermione grinned as she spoke, knowing that in not too long, she’d have to be doing her teasing from a distance, via owls.

“Ah, I told them that Percy was really a changeling, and absolute no relation to me whatsoever. And as for George and Fred, well, one of the interviewers asked me if I was related to them, and when I had to admit that I was, he went off about how he thought they were they had the most innovative store in Diagon Alley, and that if I was related to them, I had to be okay! I’d thought that I’d have to mention Charlie lots of times, and all the great stuff he’s done, but there was no mention of Charlie at all!” The three of them grew silent for a moment.

Harry looked over at Ron briefly, and then back to Hermione. “I’m – we’re really going to miss you, Hermione,” Harry started, softly. “We’ve spent so much time together over the years – it’s really hard to believe that it’s all over now. No more you harassing us about studying, when we wanted to go out and play Quidditch. No more sneaking down to the kitchens, “

Ron interrupted, “No more SPEW…”

Hermione smiled, “Actually, Ron, I thought I’d see if I can expand SPEW to Norway – I’m sure they’ve got house elves there, too, and I’m sure that their living conditions are no better than the ones here…”

The three of them spent the afternoon reminiscing, and discussing future plans. As they walked back to Hogwarts at dusk, Hermione’s thoughts were elsewhere. There’s one more thing I’ve got to do today, before I join the rest of the house in the final party. “I’ll see you guys in a bit, okay?”

Hone one dashed up to her room, and then back down the stairs, and out of the house.
Hermione slowed down to a walk. Damn. She wasn’t really sure about this. On the other hand, at this point, she figured that she had nothing to lose, and she did want to say goodbye, anyway.

As she got closer to the dungeons, her heart began to pound, and her mouth got dry. She knocked on the door to Snape’s office. “Maybe he won’t even be here…” But she heard the familiar, irritated-sounding “Come in”, and walked in.

Snape looked over at her from his desk, a half-sneer on his face. “Miss Granger. I don’t believe that there are any more opportunities to deduct points from Gryffindor, but perhaps I’ve missed something.” His voice became harder. “Or, perhaps, you have come to confess something, and clear your conscience before you leave.”

Hermione bit her lip and walked over to his desk. Bastard. Absolute and utter bastard. Why the hell did I even come down here?!? “No, Professor. I just wanted to come down and thank you. For teaching me enough that I could apprentice myself to a Potions Master.”

On a whim, she took one step, and after a split-second debate where she oh-so-briefly contemplated his lips, gave her former Potions Master a quick peck on the cheek. She tried to step away quickly, but Snape reacted faster. He had grabbed one of her wrists. The look of incredulity on his face brought Hermione back to reality.

“Merlin! What was I thinking? This is Snape. Not the fantasy man that haunts my dreams. I’ve just created my own impression of what I’d like him to be like, and I’ve forgotten what he\'s really like.” All of the years of insults, humiliation and point deductions came back to Hermione in a flash. She tried to back away, but Snape held her wrist firm.

Snape stared at her, not wanting to let go of her wrist. He was astonished – and very pleased – that she had had the nerve to kiss him. His mind screamed out: “You’re right; I’m not just a ‘black-hearted bastard’ – I have to hide my emotions; I could be the man you dream of, the man you imagine me to be…” But he said nothing, the rational voices kept telling him that she was leaving, she wasn’t intere in in him as a man, her dreams, her thoughts – well, they were just hormonal, it really had nothing to do with him. “But gods, if it did…” Images of the Hermione from her diary flashed through his mind, as he looked into her face. Not beautiful, but strong bones, clear eyes. And the gods knew he was no beauty himself. He could just pull her to him…

What the hell was he looking at? Expecting a verbal onslaught about appropriate conduct between students and faculty, Hermione was surprised to notice that his face muscles relaxed briefly before he spoke, “Her-, er, Miss Granger, I wish you luck in your future studies. Goodbye.” His face hardened again, and he let go of her wrist.

Stunned, Hermione nodded. “Thank you, Sir,” and she hurried out of the classroom.

****
Hermione had finished packing, and was going to head back down to the common room for the house party, but she wanted to take a minute or two to process her thoughts about Snape.

What was I thinking? Granger, you must have lost your fucking mind! Kissing Snape – and actually considering (even if it was briefly) kissing him on lip lips?!? I mean, part of me wanted to kiss him, properly, but rational thought took over, and I just couldn’t do iAnd And when he grabbed my wrist – the look he gave me. Like ‘How dare you touch my esteemed person’. Fuck. What the hell was I thinking?!? This is Snape. This is not my dream-lover, with patience, fine hands, and nice cock, and a personality to boot. This is Snape, black-hearted bastard, extraordinaire, Death Eater, and tormentor of Gryffindors. I’m just amathatthat he showed enough restraint to not hurl invectives at me. I’m glad I’m leaving. I don’t think I could face him again; I’d always be seeing that vicious sneer.

****

He stared into his glass of Scotch, hoping to find some answers, or at least a little peace. Gods, when Hermione came to see him this afternoon, he didn’t really know what he was expecting. A confession that she had sent him her enchanted diary, and a question of whether had he enjoyed it? A declaration of her fantasies? Or did he expect her to lambaste him for his admittedly vicious verbal assaults in the classroom? Truly, he didn’t know what to expect when she walked in the door. So rather than opening himself up for an attack, he took his usual strategy, and attacked first.

He sighed. Damn it. If he had said nothing, made no accusations, no taunts, maybe things would have been different. Still, he was surprised that she had even kissed him on the cheek. It was almost instinctual when he grabbed her wrist. He had wanted to pull her to him, and tell her everything that had been running through his head, but his defenses were up, and he couldn’t let them down, not even for her. Too many years of hiding everything made it too hard. But maybe she knew, just maybe that he had wanted to say so much more to her; she knew he hid himself away from people, so maybe she knew that he had wanted to say more to her.

Of course… He stood up. Maybe she wrote something in her diary… Just a look. One look. He opened her diary and read the last, short entry.

****

No one but Snape saw the quick flare of the flames as the Scotch hit the fire, and no one but Snape heard the shattering of fine crystal against stone.