Finding Home
Focused
Chapter 7
Ok. I can do this.
After three weeks of squatting in my childhood home and getting my head and heart in agreement, it was time. And I had found the perfect place. A place warm and sunny. A place full of a wide variety of people, where a different kind of magic is in the air. A place no one would ever think to look for me. San Clemente, CA. That was where I was going to start over. Deciding it would be safest to start out with a brand new identity, I went with Jane Green on all of my forged documents. It’s simple. I was offered a job to teach biology at a community college and I ran with it. I would be Instructor Green. From the UK. That’s going to have a baby sometime early next year. The hardest part of the decision making process is deciding on which route to take and I had made mine.
I found a cute two-bedroom house close to the ocean to rent. The pictures the real estate agent sent sold me on it. One story. Bay windows. Claw-Foot bathtubs. Hardwood Floors. New kitchen with a brick oven and outside grill. And best yet, No carpeting! I didn’t really need any more than that. So I caught a flight and found myself celebrating the Fourth of the July in the Golden State.
After procuring much needed furniture and buying some groceries, I decided it was probably time to find a doctor. Dr. Smith was slightly older than I with long grey hair pulled back in a loose braid and bright green eyes that observed more than you were willing to share. I immediately felt like she knew me. Given that I am so obviously English and had just moved to the area without a husband probably gave away more than I realized, but still, being in her presence was comforting. It reminded me of being in the presence of another all-knowing person that cared deeply for others.
“Miss Green, everything looks great. Healthy pregnancy so far, just try to take it easy. I would say around seven or eight weeks. Should be due around February 20th. Take the vitamins, if you need anything for nausea or morning sickness please let me know. You’re teaching so hopefully you’ll be feeling better by the time the new semester starts. If you have any concerns or questions, again, please don’t hesitate to contact me directly, my number is on all of your paperwork. We can’t have new moms unnecessarily stressed out. Oh and here is your baby’s very first picture.”
Walking home I felt numb. Not a bad numb, but a this is really happening and I’m not sure how to be pregnant numb. How do you do something you’ve never thought that you would be doing? I mean theoretically, sure, I had thought about maybe getting married. Perhaps one day having children. But it was abstract. It’s not as if I could see it in my mind’s eye. But I had seen it. I had heard its heartbeat. I had photographic evidence of its existence. I just had no idea what I should be thinking about. Was it ok that I didn’t really care what color eyes or hair it had? Although I did kind of hope it had his eyes. Because I truly loved his eyes. Even if they were the portal to evil. And every time I thought of them my heart broke a little. Was it normal to want to have a child’s library in the baby’s room before the little one was even born? I felt like it was. I could control that. I could have his or her room set up and perfected by the time the baby got here. But one thing was for certain, I needed to find something else to call the fetus, besides baby.
Perhaps Macadamia. It sort of looked like a nut. That’s what I’ll call it. Mac, for short.