Bonds of Affection

The following morning, Harry did not come out for breakfast. He did not remember how long it\'s been since he had a proper meal, but he didn\'t really care. He felt like he was shutting down. He didn\'t feel any hunger, not anymore. Just an odd faintness and dizziness – but they were not bothering him enough to start eating.



He got up, showered, made his bed, got dressed, brushed his hair, and collapsed back on the bed, fully dressed. Lying on his back, he folded his arms and shut his eyes. Voldemort\'s potion was something else, he thought bitterly. He didn\'t feel any different as a person since he took the potion. Of course, he wouldn\'t – he\'d been warned. It would be far more subtle far more insidious than that. The enslavement would creep up on him subtly and gently. It would ensnare, rather than crush. But for now, he was still himself. He felt no different than ever, apart from the despair and hopelessness that gripped him and ravaged his entire being. Maybe Wailing Willow Bark was a misery ingredient. Something that ensured he\'d never feel happy again.



The stern knock on his door brought him out of his brooding, and he said, “Enter.”



Snape stood in the doorway, viewing him with contempt.



“Get up,” Snape said impassively.



Harry got off the bed and stood silently.



“Potter – is your brain too puny to understand simple rules, or is your hand-eye coordination too feeble to enable you to follow them?” Snape inquired unpleasantly.



“What did I do now?” Harry demanded. He didn\'t feel particularly... subservient and had no intention of faking.



“I am talking about last night\'s dinner,” Snape said disdainfully. “What part of dressing appropriately do you not understand?”



Harry shrugged. He wore his best pair of jeans and his newest shirt. Apparently that wasn\'t good enough.



“What the hell did you expect, a leather harness and a bit gag?” Harry spat contemptuously.



Snape eyed him with a sneer. “While harness would be an overkill, a gag would certainly be welcome,” he said. “But surely your wardrobe has appropriate trousers and shirts that are more suitable for formal wear?”



“Not really,” Harry said.



Snape\'s eyebrows rose. “Why not?”



Harry shrugged.



“Have you lost your verbal faculties, now, as well?”



“I just don\'t really care,” Harry said honestly. “I only had an allowance until recently. And since I got emancipated, shopping wasn\'t really on my mind.”



“I see,” Snape said, a little more peacefully this time. “Come with me, then.”



They Floo\'d into the Diagon Alley, and once there, Harry found himself relaxing, to his own surprise. The familiar faces of people, the familiar stores were comforting. But to Harry\'s surprise, the first store they went to was not a clothing store – it was the school supplies and books.



“I don\'t have the textbook list for the next year yet,” Harry said awkwardly.



“Not to worry, Potter, I am well aware of the texts that will be used. I am sure you will appreciate having a head start.”



Harry nodded gratefully. He wasn\'t really keen on studying on his own – but at least it would take his mind off things. He roamed the store aimlessly, while Snape selected the books, supplies, quills, parchments – and then, to Harry\'s surprise, paid for it all himself.



In the clothing store, Snape merely gave him an ungentle push, and ordered him to select \'appropriate wear\'. Harry had no idea what \'appropriate wear\' constituted, and just looked at Snape questioningly.



“Something simple, and formal,” Snape told him, with a faint note of despair in his voice. “Imagine how Draco Malfoy would dress for a formal occasion.”



Harry could not suppress a shudder.



“Just select what you want me to wear and I\'ll buy it,” he said. “I honestly don\'t care at all.”



Snape did, and paid for everything once again, and Harry felt oddly unnerved by it. Snape even paid for Harry\'s haircut, and once that was done, Harry looked at himself in the mirror, barely recognizing himself. He was becoming something else – someone else already, he thought. He glanced at Snape, expecting to see evidence of gloating, but the man\'s expression was that of grudging approval, and Harry smiled hesitantly.



“Are you hungry?” Snape asked impassively



“A little,” Harry admitted, to his own surprise. The familiar surroundings elicited a nostalgic



“Why don\'t we go for lunch, then,” Snape suggested. “Do you like anything... in particular?”



“Butterbeer and burgers,” Harry said. Snape rolled his eyes, but took him to the nearest cafe, where the hostess took their order, and disappeared promptly. They sat at the table, bags with purchases stowed under Snape\'s chair, and eyed each other cautiously.



Harry glanced at his ... he wasn\'t sure how to think of Snape anymore – Professor? Master? .and smiled again, just a little.



“Sir? Why are you paying for me? Is it because you will be controlling my finances anyways?” Harry asked cautiously.



Snape\'s eyebrows rose slightly.



“No, Potter, this isn\'t a legal bond. It\'s an emotional one. You will retain all legal and financial rights, even as the... connection progresses further,” Snape said, marking the word \'connection\' with particular distaste.



Harry was surprised, once again. “Then I should definitely be paying for my own things,” he said.



Snape smirked unhappily. “Yes, and have your lovely parents haunt me from beyond the grave, for wasting your inheritance to mold your appearance to my satisfaction. I think not.”



The food was brought, and Harry ate ravenously, making a mess of his face, and fingers, and not caring in the least – he was too starved. He glanced at Snape cautiously, and to his own surprise, noticed that Snape managed somehow to eat the burger in a way that was completely dignified. Harry was not sure how that was possible... magic, perhaps, he thought wryly.



“You haven\'t been eating much lately,” Snape said. There was no sympathy or rebuke in his voice – just a plain statement of fact. “Is it the stress of the recent events?”



“Some,” Harry said. “But I usually don\'t have much of an appetite during summer.”



“Why not?”



Harry shrugged indifferently. He wasn\'t about to start explaining how his summers with the Dursleys usually went. “Just the heat, I guess,” he said noncommittally.



“Nonetheless,” Snape said coolly. “You will need to endeavor to consume adequate amounts of food on your own. However you choose to do it is your business – but I have no intention of coddling you or doting on you. You know where the food is at home – so feed yourself.”



“Fine,” Harry said. “Sir?”



“Yes, Potter?”



“Would you mind if Hermione and Ron visited me?” he blurted out.



Snape sighed quietly. “What did I tell you about visits?”



“No more than two guests at once visit without your permission,” Harry recited automatically.



“Do Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley, put together, constitute more than two?” Snape asked.



“Um. No.”



“Then do as you please, stay out of my way, and don\'t waste my time with idiotic questions,” Snape said sternly. “While I do not intend to turn my Manor into a Gryffindor dorm-room, I have no interest in your private activities.”



Harry nodded again.

“Needless to say, however,” Snape continued quietly, “You will breathe no word of my true loyalties to either of them. Is that quite clear?”



Harry felt a familiar knot in his stomach. He wanted to just nod assent, but he decided he should be truthful, this time.



“They already know, Sir.”



Snape\'s face stiffened. “I see. Of course you couldn\'t keep your mouth shut. How utterly shocking.”



Harry shook his head. “Hermione guessed, and told Ron. And when they had guessed, they could tell that I knew as well... but they both swore Unbreakable Vow not to tell anyone, until either I, or Dumbledore tell them they could, or until the war was over.”



“Well,” Snape said again. His voice sounded especially old and tired. “I suppose I should be content with that.”



They sat in silence a bit longer. Harry knew that he should have felt relieved, but strangely enough, in response to the note of brokenness in Snape\'s voice, Harry\'s feeling of utter wretchedness flooded him again.



“And Potter?” Snape said very calmly and evenly. “While I can see that you have your heart set on wallowing in self-pity, I expect you to control your emotions around me. Your misery is quite contagious. I used to rather ...enjoy summers, until recently.”



Harry nodded again. “I\'ll do my best.”



“See that you do,” Snape said gravely, and stood up.



Harry followed automatically. The lunch was over, and it was time to return home.