A Potion

Previously in ‘A Potion’:

This occasion had a purpose: to expose a traitor. Yet this traitor was not among the cackling Death Eaters as the caused the werewolf on the ground to writhe in pain. He was not here, and that made Lord Voldemort quite displeased. His mouth turned slowly into a seemingly painful grimace, intended as a smile, as a reverberating crack sounded nearby. The Death Eaters stopped at their game to look upon the intruder, smiles twisting onto their faces as they recognized him.

“Well, well,” Voldemort hissed coolly, “Hello, my dear Severus.”

Chapter 7

The air was rank with pained cries and blood. Remus Lupin lay shivering on the ground, surrounded by a mass of hooting and hollering Death Eaters.

“Silence,” Lord Voldemort whispered, waving his hand before him with a commanding grace. They were quiet at once, anxious to see the werewolf’s fate.

“This,” Voldemort hissed, titling up Remus’s head with the toe of his boot, “Is one of Dumbledore’s dearly beloved. Tonight, I’m pleased to say, will be this wretched mutt’s end.” His face twisted into a soft, demented grin. “Although I doubt many would miss such a disgusting creature.” He kicked Remus away, sneering as the man spluttered and fell gracelessly to the dirt.

“Who would like to do the honors?” Voldemort said quietly, turning in a circle to face all of his followers. “Severus?” He stopped before the dark haired man, and, gesturing towards Remus’s crumpled form, he spoke, “Will you? I’m sure he has given you much trouble in your years watching over Dumbledore for me as my ever-faithful servant. Do you not wish to kill him?”

Severus stepped forward and bowed deeply. “I would love to do so, My Lord,” he replied, “But do you not think that my wand will be checked? Dumbledore may have a fool’s faith in me, but the Ministry is a different story. They’ll check me as soon as they receive word of his death.”

Voldemort paused. A tense nervousness filled the air thickly as he contemplated. Then, he nodded curtly. “Indeed, my dear Severus,” he said, “That is true. Then… perhaps we should not kill him? Do you think this is necessary?”

Severus answered without hesitation. “No, My Lord. We should do what you think best. He is truly one of Dumbledore’s finest, and it would be a harsh blow to the old coot. Yet, such a harsh blow is bound to make him rise. It may not be safe for us if Dumbledore were to be angered to such an extent.”

“Yes, Severus,” Voldemort answered gently, “But this is war, is it not? We must show that old man that we mean business!” He raised his hands as he spoke. “We must show him that we will not stand by as he gathers more forces and trains Potter to defeat me. This will also be a blow to the boy, as I have learned from reliable sources that these two are rather close. I understand your worry Severus, but it is unnecessary. Now,” he turned to Severus once more, a dark glint in his beady eyes. “Do you still not think that this man must die?”

Silence. It was a short silence, but it was a noticeable hesitation to the Dark Lord; and it was all the proof he needed. As he lifted his wand, not waiting for an answer. He muttered the cursed words without hesitation. The green light flashed and all was silenced as if suspended in time and space for eternity. And a lifeless body slumped to the ground.

Harry woke up with a cry as his vision ended.

“Mate!” Ron shook him roughly. “Harry are you ok? You’ve been hollering for fifteen minutes!”

Harry began to shake as a cold sweat covered him.

“Out of my way!” a scratchy voice echoed through the boys’ dorm as McGonnagal stormed her way inside. “Potter! Potter! What in the blazes has happened? Potter?” She took Harry by the shoulders and put a hand to his forehead. “Gracious, you’re burning up! I must get you to Poppy right away. Mister Weasley, help me. The rest of you, move out of my way.”

Harry’s head spun as McGonnagal and Ron drug him slowly down the corridors, Hermoine’s worried voice following closely behind. Slowly, his vision darkened and his breathing grew ragged.

“Remus…” he whispered.

Then everything went black.

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Once more, Harry’s vision cleared into the sterile, empty environment of the hospital wing as he slowly woke. Ron and Hermoine sat by his bed and were watching as Dumbledore and McGonnagal exchanged worried whispers a short ways away.

“I don’t know Albus,” McGonnagal was muttering quietly, he eyes darting nervously about, “I heard this all the way in my chambers. The boy’s visions are getting too strong. This could be severely dangerous to his health!”

Dumbledore nodded serenely as she spoke, patiently waiting for his time to speak. “Yes, I agree with you Minerva,” he replied softly, his face looking ashen and his twinkle dimmed, “But there is, no matter how much I wish to change the fact, nothing I can do at this time. I do not wish this pain upon the boy, but he is strong. I believe he can handle it.”

“Yes, but the things he says while he’s having these dreams,” McGonnagal persisted, “Sometimes he speaks as if he were… the monster himself.”

“Minerva, I think by now, you can refer to him by his name,” Dumbledore said gently.

Grudgingly, McGonnagal obeyed. “Yes well, Voldemort seems to be taking over Harry like some kind of puppet.”

“I will not let that happen,” Dumbledore said firmly, “And Tom will not do something so stupid. He knows if he gets too close to Harry that he will be burned as well. He has no intention of doing so at this time. But on to more important matters at the moment, we must find out what Harry saw in his vision.” Dumbledore turned towards Harry suddenly, the twinkle in his eyes somewhat replenished when he saw that Harry was awake. “Hello, my boy,” he said, moving to stand beside him. “Please, tell me what you saw. What happened Harry?”

Harry felt his eyes betray him as tears began to burn at their corners and trail slowly down his face. His chin shook and he struggled with his breathing as he averted his gaze from the Headmaster’s. He couldn’t say it. No. He didn’t want to believe it. If he said it, it would make it all true.

“Please, Harry,” Dumbledore pressed, “I must know what you saw.”

“Re….” Harry couldn’t finish his sentence as his lip began to tremble. He bit his lip to steady it and shut his eyes tightly. Dumbledore remained silent, waiting for Harry to continue.

“Remus…” Harry managed to choke out. “Remus is dead.”

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Harry, having gone through enough trauma for one day, was allowed freedom from his classes for the day. He spent most of his time in the Gryffindor common room or wandering the grounds by the lake. Severus had come back later that morning and had remained hidden in his chambers with Potions class cancelled.

Harry wanted desperately to visit him. He tried numerous times to do so. He had even made it to the bottom of the dungeon steps before turning tail and running away.

Last nights event’s flooded his vision, tearing at his thoughts and conscience. Remus, the only piece of his parents he had left, his only family left… was gone. Just like Sirius. Just like his parents. They were all dead.

What hurt even more is that Severus could have stopped it. Couldn’t he have? Voldemort had given him the option, hadn’t he?

Harry clenched his fists tightly and ground his teeth tightly together. Opening his eyes, he was shocked to realize that his wanderings led him once more to the dungeons. He sighed, deciding that it was time to face Severus. It would come eventually.

He walked down the hall slowly, pondering what he would say to the man, but honestly having no idea what he even wanted to talk about. Upon arriving at the door, he braced himself and knocked three times, paused, and then knocked a fourth. It was a special knock designed for him, and, as expected, the door swung open and he walked hesitantly inside.

Severus was not in his office. Harry had expected as much. Venturing further into the flickering torchlight, he opened the door to the personal chambers to find Severus sitting slumped in an armchair. He looked worn and weary, and his head creaked slowly upwards at Harry’s entrance, as if his reflexes had been numbed.

They exchanged no words, but merely stood and stared for a long continuation of moments. The fire crackled unknowingly in the fireplace, spewing glowing sparks from the embers and warming the room that suddenly felt so very cold and uncomfortable.

Finally, Severus spoke. “Harry…”
”I don’t want to hear it!” Harry spat suddenly, his anger quickly overpowering him. “You could have stopped it! He gave you a choice!”

Severus stood. “No, there was no real choice, Harry. He would have found me out to be a traitor if I had disagreed with him. I would have died as well as Lupin.”

“Well better him than you right?” cried Harry, tears spilling out from his eyes.

Severus flinched at this. For the first time in his life, Harry saw true pain in the Professor’s eyes. But as it so easily can, wrath blinded him.

“You… you had a choice!” Harry choked, “You let him die. He was all I had left!”

“I didn’t have a choice!’ Severus pleaded. “You don’t understa-“

“Don’t understand?” Harry growled, “I saw the whole fucking thing! I watched him ask you, and you hesitated. You hesitated and now Remus is dead because of you!”
”I did everything I could!” Severs bellowed, standing more firmly to the ground and shaking with torn emotions. He tried desperately to shield his face and keep the passive visage he had worked so hard for, but as Harry screamed at him and blamed him for the death of a love one, he crumbled forward and fought back. “I swear, Harry, if I could have I would have saved him!”

“Liar!” Harry hissed, sounding disturbingly like his enemy, “You never like him. The Marauders may have been cruel to you back in your school days, but that doesn’t mean you let them die!”

“That had nothing to do with it!”

“You’ve let your grudges consume you,” Harry continued venomously as if Severus had not even spoken, “You’ve always hated them. I bet you loved seeing them die! All of them!”
”Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Ridiculous?” Harry laughed bitterly. “Yeah I’m just so ridiculous to you, huh? Just the spoiled, golden, famous Boy Who Lived. Is that right?”

“No!”

Harry opened his mouth to say more, but snapped it shut with a crack and glared in agony at Severus. “I just….” he choked on his words and sobbed softly, “I…. Don’t come near me!” He yelped as Severus made a move to comfort him. “Stay away from me! I don’t want to…. Do this anymore. You and me. I can’t do it.”

“Harry…” Severus reached a hand out to his lover, his heart wrenching at the words he was forced to hear.

“NO!” Harry cried once again, taking another step backwards. “I can’t forgive you for that. For not trying… I… I just can’t!” He fisted his hands in his hair as if to yank it all out, and without another thought or word, he turned and fled, slamming the doors behind him.

Severus stood rooted to the spot, staring at the spot where Harry had stood only moments before. His heart had been twisted from his chest. He felt like falling to the floor.

Suddenly, he let out an angry snarl and swiped at a nearby lamp, knocking it with a crash of the table to shatter onto the floor.

He should have never gotten involved with someone so young. He was the fool. He had fallen in love with the idea of love. Was it really just infatuation? He collapsed into his armchair and buried his head in his hands. He shook softly as silent sobs wracked his body and a few lone tears found their way down his cheeks.

He loved that brat more than life itself.

And now he had left him.

He, Severus; the cold, hard, powerful ex-Death Eater was broken. He was broken by a mere boy. He was broken by someone who should have never even got close to him, but in the end got closer than anyone ever had. Harry was under his skin and in his soul, and no matter how desperately Severus wanted to tear him away and break that bond, he knew it was impossible.

He had gone in far too deep. He would never find his way out of this mess.

Severus sat there for hours. He was there as the fire continued to crackle into the darkness. He was there as supper in the great hall came and went. He was there as the moon rose fully into the sky. He was even there as his dark mark began to burn as a calling and he knew that he must leave. And as Harry lay awake in his dorm that night, silencing charms conjured around him as he cried himself to sleep, Severus was there on the grounds, looking up at the Gryffindor tower as he apparated away.

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(sobs uncontrollably) Don’t you all hate me? Well sorry for the short chapter, but there will be plenty more soon, so no worries. Man, this chapter was angst x 5000!

Sorry for that. But it won’t be lifting up to happy land any time soon, so prepare yourselves for more angst and/or drama. ;)