Deliver Me

Chapter VI – Il Mio Cuore Va

Hermione woke the next morning before any of the boys did, so she could sneak back into her room. She showered and dressed before leaving to join Harry and Ron in the common room and then heading out to breakfast.

It was Friday morning and her eyes had been red and sore from all the crying and screaming, her voice went hoarse too.

“Hermione, I’m real sorry,” that was the line, from just about everyone who talked to her. Ron, Harry and herself were leaving for the Muggle world after lunch and the funeral was early Saturday morning, they would return on Sunday around lunchtime and life would go on as usual.

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It was snowing, and they buried Lucy next to Hermione’s grandparents, she didn’t cry.

“Hey Granger,” said a familiar voice.

Hermione turned around to find Bryce Granger, Lucy’s older brother, staring at her with wide blank eyes.

“Bryce, I’m so sorry,” she started to say.

He put his hand up before she could continue, “She’s in a better place.”

He looked down at his feet, his brown short hair slightly ruffled and his cheeks red with the rush of blood from the coldness. “When are you going back?” he asked.

“Tomorrow,” was all she said.

“You didn’t think that you-”

“I know I didn’t.”

“I’m glad you know you didn’t kill her.”

She hugged him for a brief second before feeling awkward, “I better be going, Bryce?” she asked before leaving him.

“Yes?’

“What’s Oxford like in January?”

“Cold.”

“Feelingless?”

“Feelingless.”

“Is it a good place to find solitude?”

“The best place for solitude.”

She smiled then, “Good bye Bryce.”

He didn’t return the comment, but rather turned his back to her and walked away.

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Before they left the train station, after Harry and Ron boarded, her mother handed her a note to give to Severus Snape, and if Hermione was interested in reading it, she could, but only after she was back at Hogwarts.

She did not tell Harry and Ron about the note, put it in her coat pocket and boarded as if nothing was wrong.

When they arrived at Hogwarts, a fresh layer of snow had fallen and the air was crisp. Hermione put her things down and told the boys she was going for a walk and that if she missed dinner, just send it to her room, she wanted to be alone.

Once outside, she went to her favorite place by the lake, the same place Severus, no Professor Snape carried her from.

She opened the letter and found that it was addressed to Severus, as she knew previously, but it was from Lucy!

‘Dear Mister Snape,

Ever since I’ve awakened I’ve only heard good things about you, your brilliance and immense kindness.
I owe you my life. Thank you. Hermione, was right about you.

Sincerely,

Lucy Granger’


Whatever the feelings inside of her were, they weren’t sadness, or pity or pain. Hermione was angry and frustrated. She wanted him to hurt, the way she hurt, she wanted him to be sorry, and she wanted him to feel something, anything.

She found him as his desk in his office grading papers. She didn’t knock but rather walked right in.

“What do you want? Have you come to scratch the other side of my neck? Or was the first set of blood under your fingernails suffice,” he looked up at here with narrow eyes and thin lips.

“I have something for you. You may find it interesting,” she said calmly.

“And what could you have that would possibly interest me?”

Rather than fight and argue or even attempt to strangle him, she just went to his desk and placed the note on it.

“This isn’t your handwriting,” he said observing the front, “who is this from?”

“Just read it,” she told him dryly and walked out.

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Hermione walked around the lake to cool off and eventually landed right back in her little spot.

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Sometime before nine that night, Harry and Ron went to the dungeons looking for her. Hermione hadn’t returned to the commonroom and the last place they thought she would be was with Snape.

“What did you do with her!” Ron shouted finding Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor Snape in the dungeons.

Snape raised an eyebrow, and pursed his lips.

“Mister Weasley, what are you talking about?” Dumbledore asked.

“It’s Hermione,” he answered, “we haven’t seen her since we arrived back, and the last place she said she was going was here, to see him!” Ron’s eyes glared at Professor Snape.

“Harry?” said Dumbledore.

“Headmaster, Ron’s right, I haven’t seen her, no one has.”

“I see, Severus?”

“Oh please Albus, why would I keep that daft girl down here anymore than I had too. Yes, she came to see me, and then stalked out of here as usual.”

“What did you say to her!” Ron shouted, Harry grabbed him to settle him.

“Why does this feel like déjà vu,” Professor Snape mumbled to himself aloud.

“Why don’t the two of you head back to your common room’s and we will look for her,” Dumbledore said.

Harry and Ron were not pleased, but left anyways, because Dumbledore told them too and they respected him, which is much more than they could say about their opinion of Snape.

Making sure they were gone, Albus said, “Severus, do you know where she is?”

“No, but I have a good idea. Stupid girl is just asking for Hypothermia.”

“Excellent, should I have Madame Pomfrey set up your chambers?” the headmaster asked.

“I beg your pardon? She is going to the hospital wing. I do not want anything to do with her.”

“And while you are teaching, we will have Susu attend to Miss Granger.”

“Albus have you not heard a word I’ve said.”

“Severus, to be quite frank, I do not think you have heard a word I have said. Part of the girl’s problem is you, and until you sort out whatever you said or did that has her going in circles and deliver her back into the world with the rest of us, then I’m sorry, she is and will remain your responsibility.”

“But Minerva, a woman, can talk to her. I have not done anything to upset her, the girl is silly and too emotional.”

“And maybe my boy, you are unemotional.”

“Albus, please.”

“I’m serious Severus, fix this problem. We are expecting a wonderful thesis from our head girl, and she cannot complete it unless she is well enough to start and finish it.”

Severus didn’t say a word.

“I shall see you in a few minutes then?” Dumbledore said and headed towards the hospital wing.

“Fine, set up on of the spare bedrooms, I would like to keep my own bed this time,” he snapped before stalking out the doors.

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Snape was tired. Between all the troubles Hermione Granger was causing him, his classes, the Ministry’s stupidity constantly calling on him and letter from Lucy Granger that wouldn’t set his mind free…Severus Snape was ready to break.

He found her where he knew she would be.

“Go away,” She told him.

“At least you were smart enough to walk with a coat this time,” he said icily.

“You tone matches the atmosphere. But at least the ice isn’t cruel.”

“Snow storms have killed people,” he remarked egging on her anger purposely.

“Too bad I am not one, or you would be dead by now. I highly doubt anyone would miss you.” For some reason, Hermione Granger, was the only student, yet alone woman or man for that matter, in his entire career that he ever tolerated that type of language from.

“You would.”

“I would what?”

“Miss me,” he got her to look up at him then.

She looked at him angrily before turning away again. “No, I wouldn’t.”

“Yes, you would.”

“Go away,” she waved her hand in the air and continued to face the darkness of the nightfall dismissing him.

“No one dismisses me, Miss Granger.”

“I just did. Please just leave me alone. You’ve done enough damage to my life already.”

“I saved your life Miss Granger.”

“How? I’m not sick or I haven’t fallen into anything Death Eater traps,” That was a direct slap in the face to him. Her words were meant to taunt him and he knew it, therefore he ignored it.

“Miss Granger, have you wondered why I gave you that pink vial to drink, the other night?”

“You told me, it relaxes the nerves and calms the body and blah blah blah.”

“But I didn’t tell you that that was also the same cure I used on your cousin,” he had her attention then.

“What do you mean? I was told Lucy drank a green elixir. Explain.”

“Miss Granger, because of your immediate contact with the late Miss Lucy Granger, you in turn had a very mild case of Potatusnidium phase two. Thus, the colour was different,” he explained to her. “But make no mistake, it was roughly the same potion.”

She didn’t say anything to that.

“Ever wonder, why you have been so tired? Why so moody? Why you were dreaming about things that could never happen? Why the littlest things, like Draco Malfoy’s comments all of a sudden bothered you? Why you haven’t had an appetite?” he sat down next to her. She didn’t make room for him, but rather just sat there, he was so close to her now, she could feel his body heat.

“Stress. It can do that to you. Ever heard of a little muggle thing called anxiety?”

“Miss Granger, no amount of stress or anxiety can do that to you.”

“So how come I’m not dead?”

“That is up to the Gods themselves, they did not wish you to die and Miss Granger?”

“Yes?” No matter how he said her name, it always sounded perfect.

“I would not wish for you to die either.”

She threw herself into his arms and cried. He picked her up, and carried her back to his chambers.

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Upon arriving in Snape’s quarters Hermione found a note from Dumbledore stating that she was to remain there for the until or hopefully until her and Professor Snape could ‘work out ‘their’ differences.’

He rested her on the bed in one of his guest bedrooms and pointed his wand at her, transforming her into her nightclothes.

“Tea?” he asked eyeing the tray the house elves sent down.

“In bed?”

“Why not?”

She nodded and he handed her a cup, his fingers never touching hers.

They sat in silence for a long while, before Hermione found the courage to speak up, “I know it’s not your fault.”

“What isn’t?”

“Her death. I know that now.”

“Things happen for reasons, Miss Granger,” he remarked. “We may not understand why or when they happen, but they do, and there is always a purpose.”

“Do you believe in faith?”

“I believed in a faith of choice.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“A faith of choice, where if it is meant to happen it will, and we will have numerous choices to fulfill whatever we need to.”

“Oh.”

“And you?”

“I don’t know what I believe anymore. Everything is happening so fast.”

“How so?”

“School, this project, you, Lucy, the funeral, graduation, just everything.”

“That is partly due to your illness,” he explained further. “It takes away your focus, amongst other things. However, I should point out that yours was less severe than the former Miss Granger, whose had escalated to take over her health – not just her mental health.”

“No, it’s much more. Harry and Ron were offered positions with the Ministry once they graduate, I think in Defense Against the Dark Arts, or something like that. Isn’t that the Auror program?”

“Yes, it’s an Auror training programs, named after the course taught here,” he answered her. “And what do you wish to do when you graduate, Miss Granger?”

“I wish I knew.”

“Miss Granger?”

“Yes Professor?”

“You once asked me for a potion for happiness, is that…”

“What I want? Of course, everyone wants happiness.”

“But you aren’t everyone.”

They feel into silence again. He continued to stare at her, and she looked around the room.

This time he broke the silence, “Miss Granger, did the Ministry offer you a job?”

“Actually they did, it’s around Harry and Ron, but they are in the general portion of the sector, I’ll be, well I’ll be in the…potions sector.”

“Potions, Miss Granger? As in remedies and liquid weapons?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know I was offered that very same job before I left Hogwarts?”

“Were you really?”

“Yes, and I turned it down,” he said. “I wanted to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts here-”

“But they gave you Potions rather?”

“Yes, my specialty.”

“Do you regret it?”

Hermione lay down upon the bed and looked up at him.

“Are you turning in Miss Granger?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then I shall be over there if you need me.”

“You don’t have to you know,” she said motioning to the empty space on the huge guest bed, “I promise I won’t touch you.”

But I can’t promise that I won’t touch you, he thought to himself.

She smiled weakly at him. “I feel better when you’re near me.”

He lay down beside her and the lights went out. Severus knew she wasn’t sleeping, he was sure of it, but he didn’t say a word, he couldn’t sleep either, so he lay there with his eyes closed and his body fully awake.

Hermione turned over to his side of the bed, close enough for him to hear her whisper, and far enough so, she wouldn’t touch him, if she had anything to do with it, she was going to keep her promise.

“Severus?” she whispered, “Are you sleeping?”

“No,” his answer was flat.

“Good, can you light the fire? I’m freezing.”

Without thinking he hauled her into his arms and muttered a spell for the fire to blaze lightly.

“Better?”

“Yes,” she traced her fingers around his chest again, she did so absentmindedly, making shapes in her mind and spelling out words in cursive, she did it to Ron all the time, he said it tickled and he’d laughed hysterically. Harry was different though; Harry would grab her hand, and tell her not to move it, that it wasn’t right for his best friend to do that to him. She wondered if Severus had fallen asleep because he wasn’t moving.

She let out a sigh, and traced her fingers lower, reaching his belly button, when he grabbed her hand and propelled her upwards facing him.

Through the darkness she barely saw his face under the firelight that was at the other end of the room, “Do not do that.”

He let go of her hand; she stayed in her position looking at him when one of her curls straggled into his face. He took his hand and gently moved it away, touching her face. She closed her eyes when he touched her, and his fingers brushed her lips, before he subtlety grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her towards him, his lips meeting hers.

His kisses were soft and slow and Hermione moaned lightly in ecstasy. His mouth became more demanding, as his tongue mated with hers. He turned her over, so that he was on top, just the way he liked it, and he put a trail of kisses down her neck, moving up to ear ears which he nibbled, and taking all the strength he had in him, whispered, “That’s enough for one night.”

He loved the feel of her under him and he knew if he didn’t stop, something was going to happen that he was not ready for, not with her at least.

“No…don’t stop,” she said, tracing his bottom lip with her tongue.

He gave her one last, deep kiss before saying, “Yes, go to sleep.”

He moved his body to the other side of her making sure he wasn’t crushing her, he threw his leg over both of hers, locking her to him, while his other hand secured itself around her waist before they both feel asleep.

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Hermione awoke the next morning in Severus’ arms. He was still sleeping, and she thought he looked beautiful. So peaceful and calm, she had never seen him like that before, his hair was out of his face sprawling neatly around him, his lips were full, there was color in his face and his breathing was gradual. He looked heavenly, she was not doubting that he certainly was not as pretty was Gilderoy Lockhart, but he was certainly a god – who she was so fortunate to sleep next to, and wished to sleep next too, for the nights to come…all of them. And those thoughts disturbed her. She wasn’t sure when it happened, but she developed a very large crush him.

She traced her fingers along his jaw-line and kissed his chin. Her fingers lightly caressed his face playing softly in his hair.

His eyes slowly opened, “Pray tell, what are you doing?” he said flatly with a hint of humor.

She smiled, “Attempting to awaken you.”

He tilted his head beckoning her to continue stroking him, he loved the feel of her soft, small, warm hands against his face – it was nice to wake up too.

“Why would you want to do that?” his voice was silky and made a tingle go down her back.

“Because, dear Professor, it is almost seven, breakfast is at half past eight and I highly doubt it would look good, if I was seen leaving your bed chambers with my night clothes on.” She was playing with him and he knew it.

“And why did you not leave, chains are not binding you to stay.” She was running her thumb across his lips and he kissed it, trailing a small line of kisses down to her pulse. Hermione gulped, whatever he was doing, was making her loose her senses.

“You are,” she barely got the words out of her mouth, the way he was looking at her and his tongue’s movement from her pulse straight to her to the tip of her index finger which he lightly kissed, was taking her breath away.

“I am what?” he asked sweetly, her hand back beside his cheek, giving her a look like an innocent schoolboy.

“Binding me,” she was completely confused; he moved his head closer to hers.

“Miss Granger?” he said smoothly just inches away from her.

“Mmm?” She was at a loss for words.

“That is not how you awaken someone,” he took his finger and placed it under her chin moving her closer and closer to him, “This is,” and he kissed her, soft, sensual, long kisses.

Hermione’s head was swimming, emotions running wild within her. He was incredible, his lips, those kisses, it made her forget to breathe.

He slowly pulled away and looked very pleased with himself, she was looking down at him with a mystified look on her face, as though, she had no idea where she was, or who she was with, his kiss made her senseless.

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After much more snogging and debate Hermione Floo powered her way back to her room, took and shower, changed her clothes and waited for Harry and Ron in the common room to go down for breakfast.

“Where were you last night?” asked Ron.

“Well, I was sitting outside, when Professor Snape came and sent me back inside,” Hermione answered.

“You know it’s not safe after hours, with the war going on,” Harry scolded, referring to Voldemort’s thrust back into power.

“I know.”

Their conversation was interrupted by loud screeching noises as hundreds of owls flew in with the morning mail.

A pink envelop plopped onto Ron’s lap, reeking of perfume.

“Another letter from Fleur?” Hermione asked mischievously. Fleur from Beauxbatons Academy in France was Ron’s girlfriend. She took a huge liking to him after their fourth year, when she found out how much older than herself Ron’s brother Charlie was, who she had been eyeing. From casual conversation with Ron, with intents of getting closer to Charlie, common interests spewed and well, they ended up together.

“Who would have thought, old red head having a veela for a girlfriend!” Harry joked. He remembered when he went to the Quidditch World Cup a few years back and Ron was dumbstruck at the veela dancing on the field…well he was too.

“So what did she say?” asked Hermione putting bits of fruit on her pancakes.

“Nothing the usual, the I love you’s, the I miss you’s and the usual reports of her daily activities that she is extra keen on me knowing,” Ron said faking a sigh of boredom.

“Shut up! You know you like it!” Harry said slapping him across the back, Hermione giggled.

“Charms today,” Hermione said looking through her notes.

“Test next week, right?” asked Harry who was finished the last of his orange juice.

“Yep. We better go, don’t want to be late,” Ron motioned and they got up and left to class.

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After lunch, Hermione found herself excited to attend to her thesis tutoring. She walked into the dungeons briskly and Professor Snape was not in his classroom. She headed towards his office and found a note on his desk addressed to her.


‘Miss Granger,

There is a worktable in the classroom with bottles and instructions, brew a dreamless sleep potion.

Professor Snape’


She was disappointed, she wanted to see him, feel him, kiss him…but she had work to do, so she sat in front the desk and began working.

Soon dinner approached and he hadn’t shown his face. Hermione’s potion was finished so she left it on the table for him and picked up her things and left.

However, Severus Snape was at dinner, deducting points as usual and glaring at everyone. He never glanced at her once however, and her heart sank. She decided she need a whiff her own potion, so after dinner, Hermione told her friends she was going to get a vile of her potion and not to wait up.

She made her way down to Potions and uncorked the small vial she had in her robe pocket, filled it and neatly tucked it away.

“Miss Granger, shouldn’t you be in bed?” a voice said from behind her, she wasn’t expecting anyone to be in the dungeons at this hour, not even Snape, she jumped and swiftly turned around.

He was standing there, his arms folded across his chest with an amused smirk on his face, staring at her.

“Good gods, you frightened me!” she said running her hands through her hair.

“What are you doing here?” his tone was flat and his face became expressionless.

“I came to retrieve part of my potion.”

“Why? Are you certain it would work?”

“Why wouldn’t it?”

Little Miss Confident, he thought to himself.

“Nothing is ever guaranteed, Miss Granger.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to stay here all night? If you are quite through, I bid you goodnight, I do have things to do,” he snarled.

“Goodnight Professor,” she said walked hurriedly past him out of the dungeons, tears brimming on her eyes that she didn’t want him to see.

He was angry and frustrated with himself after she left, he had wanted her to stay, even if he didn’t admit it out loud. And the fact that he even wanted her to stay unnerved him. He was a dark man, with a dark past, and he could badly hurt her – physically and emotionally. Neither of which he wished to do.

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Hermione went back to her room, got ready for bed and didn’t take her potion. She was feeling abandon and hurt, he dismissed her – just like that. She got out of bed, and quietly snuck her way to the boy’s side of the tower.

She opened their door slightly, and found Seamus, Dean, Neville, Harry and Ron fast asleep. She moved Ron’s covers and slide in beside him. Peeves found it funny to ward and destroy an entire set of rooms, so quite a few of the seventh year boys found themselves in magically enhanced room, to the larger, being shared with five to eight people.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he whispered with his eyes closed moving his arm around her.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Both.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I know.”

“I know, too.”

“Night Ron.”

“Night sweets.”

Ron knew something was bothering her, Harry knew something was bothering her, but neither knew what.

Sometime around midnight, Hermione felt someone beside her…and a magically larger bed, Ron was there, and someone else was too, on the other side of her…Harry.

He laid on his back his head turned to her, Ron was fast asleep and both Harry and Hermione’s eyes were closed in the darkness.

“If someone were to walk in, this would look compromising,” she whispered sleepily.

“But they won’t. Besides I’m not even touching you. For all they know, I could just be laying here on my back looking at the ceiling,” he whispered.

She let out a small giggle.

“Of course,” she smiled in the darkness.

“You’re like a schoolboy.”

“I am still a schoolboy.”

“Can I sleep?”

“I’m not stopping you.”

“Night Harry.”

“Night sweets.”

*** ‘Il Mio Cuore Va’ – Italian – My Heart Will Go On – sounds so much better in Italian ***