Bonds of Affection

Harry was only slightly surprised, when he was made to board a small boat, while Tonks, Williamson and Kingsley followed him in. The boat moved towards a small speck on the horizon that continued to advance with every stroke of the oar, and with every rocking motion of the waves.



“You are taking me to Azkaban,” Harry whispered quietly, and shivered, remembering the look on his godfather\'s face when he first met him after his escape.



“It is the most secure facility in the wizarding world,” Kingsley said apologetically.



Harry forced a small smile. “Well, that\'s fine. Just... don\'t put me into the same cell with Lucius Malfoy.”



Tonks gave him a distraught look. “Harry... it won\'t be like this. You won\'t be treated like a criminal. There is a secure, comfortable room set up... You\'ll have ... well... books... chocolate...”



“I like chocolate,” Harry said absently and leaned over the side of the boat, to stare into the dark water. He saw his reflection staring back at him, and almost did not recognize himself. His face was thinner and shallower than he had ever remembered it, and with his prison-short hair, he already looked like he belonged in Azkaban.



Without prompting, Harry reached for his wand, and handed it to Tonks. “Here,” he said. “Keep it safe. Give it to Severus.. if...”



“Sure, Harry,” she said quietly.



The boat docked with the enormous monolithic building, and they disembarked. Harry expected to see something horrid, something wet and slimy and grungy when they entered the prison. Instead, the three of them walked through a brightly lit hallway, and finally, arrived to a spacious, bright, windowless room that was set up with a bed, a desk, and a bookshelf.



“I see you have been ready for this,” Harry said dryly. “You must have been just waiting to swoop in on me the moment I left Severus\' side.”



Williamson shrugged unapologetically.



“By the way, I know who turned me in,” Harry said with absolute confidence. Tonks stiffened slightly.



There was just one person, Harry thought, who knew of him being a Horcrux – who was not a member of the Order, not a member of Dumbledore\'s Army, and who had no desire to see Voldemort return.



“Tell Draco he did the right thing, this time.”



How odd, Harry thought wryly, that Draco Malfoy would save the wizarding world from Voldemort\'s return by turning Harry Potter in to the Ministry of Magic. That was so... fitting. And more than that... so... Draco.



“Alright,” said Tonks. “I think he\'ll be... relieved to hear that.”



What a way to repay the life-debt. Harry would have smirked, but misery was coursing through him already, ringing in his ears, beginning to cloud his senses. The Dementors were near – he could feel them through the walls, through the ceiling.



Tonks patted his shoulder and told him she\'d be around. He smiled bitterly.



“I guess I am your Scabbers,” he muttered.



She glanced at him in surprise.



“Back at the Warringtons Estate, I was a part to sending a man to his death. We weren\'t trying to be cruel – we just wanted to win. That\'s all. He was so afraid. But we did it anyways. I guess you can call it poetic justice.”



“Was he an innocent man?”



“No,” Harry said flatly. “But then again, neither am I. Not anymore, anyways.”



He collapsed on the bad, and turned his face to the wall, waiting until she left. He did not cry this time, but rather, he kept himself still, and deliberately let go of all that he was, and all that he ever wanted and hoped for. He had seen too much – and had done too much to be able to turn back and go back to normal life. Dumbledore\'s kind wishes aside, it just was not possible. Back at the Warringtons Estate, he had done things.. he got Bellatrix Lestrange killed. Not in self-defense, even – just as a ploy to buy himself some time. And Voldemort... Harry shuddered remembering the horrifying death he had inflicted on him. And what\'s worse, all his terror and dread and regret aside, he would do it all over again. Maybe Dumbledore, and Hermione and Ron were of the Light. He was not. He was not Dark, either, at least, not yet, but he had been in the shadows for too long. And the Horcrux... in someone like Harry... someone balancing on the line between the Darkness and the Light, could be the most dangerous thing in the world; because the Dark would always call to him, and the Light might not have the heart to destroy him, until it was too late.



For the next day and a half, he waited. Healers and researchers he had never met came in, scanned him, examined him, and left promptly. Tonks came and went, bringing chocolate.



Eventually, she and Kingsley showed up. Harry avoided looking at either of them. “Is it time, isn\'t it?” he asked.



“Yes,” Kingsley agreed.



“How did the research go?” Harry asked. “The modifications to Fiendfyre spell?”



“Not so good,” Tonks said, and sat on the bed next to Harry. “To be honest, I don\'t think there\'s much of a chance at all. We\'ve run multiple tests... and...”



“Yeah,” Harry whispered. “Well, it was a good idea, anyways. So what are my options now?”



Kingsley surveyed him thoughtfully. “Well.. there is the Killing Curse. There are also multiple potions that are completely painless... and it is no worse than falling asleep. The modified Fiendfyre is probably the most painful way to do it, but it\'s also the only one that stands any hope of....”



“I\'ll take my chances with Fiendfyre, then,” Harry said.



Tonks looked at him wordlessly for a while.



“Do you want to ... write a letter?” she offered suddenly. “You could write to your friends. Or Severus. Or Albus.”



He looked at her in surprise, but then understood her intent.



“A goodbye letter,” he clarified. He crawled deeper into the bed, and hugged his knees. “No, thanks.”



“Harry,” she started saying, but he cut her off:



“Look, Tonks. I did what you all wanted. I came with you. I didn\'t fight. We both know that the spell will not work as we hope. Whatever. Just don\'t try to make me ... do this. Write letters, say goodbyes. It\'s too much. I\'ve never had so much in my life as I had in the day you three came for me. I had amazing friends. I had a partner who loved me like no-one else had. I had a safe home, finally. A hope of maybe having a family one day. I think... if I start writing, and saying goodbyes, and thinking about everything I\'m leaving behind, I\'ll change my mind... and ... want to go back... and... it\'ll just be harder.”



Tonks did not argue.



“Shall we go then,” Kingsley said quietly.



“Sure,” Harry agreed. He still did not want to face death – but he was sick of waiting.



They went.



To Be Continued...



Author\'s Note: To my dear readers and reviewers: You are awesome! : ) Next chapter is pivotal, and the chapter after that is the final crisis. Anywyas, hope you are having fun with the story. Drop me a note if so ; )