Pains and Contradictions

A/N Thank you to all who reviewed. To SickPuppy and Jilliane: Thank you for the comments on Snape's crying. I've read very few stories where he does (and it's believable) but I really wanted Harry to see him as human and to witness his suffering. And no, SP, you're not sick. Or if you are, then I am too so you're in good company. :D This chapter is shorter than previous chapters and I'm having a bit of trouble with the next one. If anyone would like to do a quick beta for me, please let me know.





"The person who experiences greatness must have a feeling for the myth he is in." --- Frank Herbert's Dune.





Harry apparated outside of Riddle Manor and landed gracelessly in the outskirts of Hogsmeade, the still silence of the night being broken by his professor's continued screams.



Knowing that the man's murderous cries would soon wake the entire village, Harry thought to cast a silencing charm. Any Death Eater following him would be able to hear the professor's screams from Hogwarts. They were still wide open to attack. Before he could utter the charm, he heard rushing footfalls and a familiar voice call out, "Harry!"



Instantly on his guard, Harry released Snape's hand and pointed his wand in the direction the approaching voice came from. Harry's head spun from the adrenaline as Snape's words seemed to echo in his mind, 'Don't assume we are safe yet, Potter.'



In the darkness, Harry could see Remus Lupin rushing up to meet him. The kind, familiar face was exactly who he would have hoped to see but couldn't take any chances. His battle instincts were still running high and he did not lower his wand.



Harry thought quickly about how to confirm that the man in front of him was who he appeared to be. Almost stuttering in his fastidiousness to utter the words he cried out, "What's the password for the Marauder's Map?"



Remus looked down the end of Harry's wand and turned his hands up. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."



Harry lowered his wand while Remus for the first time took in the Potions Master as he lay on the ground in agony. He reached into his robes and felt around for something.



"Harry, we need to get him to the hospital wing quickly. Here," he held out a red and white striped sock. "Grab his hand."



Knowing that whatever horrid curse had been cast on Snape was making it painful to lay a hand on him, Harry grabbed the sock first before the Potions Master, who again cried out at the light touch of Harry's flesh on his own.



Remus winced at the sound and said the word that would activate the portkey, "Home." Harry prepared himself as he felt that familiar tug on his navel.



When the world had stopped spinning, he found himself and the two other men in the hospital wing where Madam Pomfrey was waiting for them. The mediwitch had obviously been alerted to the situation, since she did not seem surprised at all to see the professor in such a state.



She drew her wand and seemed to talk to herself, "Quickly, let's get him to bed." She cast mobilicorpus on the Potions Master's body, bringing him the bed closest to them. She had to use severing charms to cut away parts of his robes that were dangling off the man, impeding her work. Harry saw again how thin the man was and wondered how he hid it so well under those bat-like robes. Yesterday, the man had seemed larger than life.



Harry turned his head from where the Potions Master laid, still screaming. "Expecto Patronum," Remus called out and a silvery wolf erupted from the man's wand. "We're safe. You are needed urgently." With that the wolf turned and flew out of a window, disappearing into the night.



"What did you just do?" Harry asked. He had seen Dumbledore's patronus do that only once before, back in his fourth year.



"Just a little trick that Dumbledore taught the Order. The patronus carries a message that can't be intercepted; it's a very safe method of communication," Lupin looked at Harry with a small smile on his face.



All the while Madam Pomfrey was waving her wand and casting what Harry knew to be diagnostic spells on Snape with the man still wailing.



"He's been cursed," Madam Pomfrey stated the obvious. "There's nothing I can do for the pain until he receives the counter curse," she looked over at them. "Professor Dumbledore will know what he needs. Until he arrives, there's nothing I can do." She stepped back from the bed and her face turned slightly red, "That stubborn man! After what happened yesterday you'd think he would have some sense not to go back."



Harry couldn't fathom what he was seeing. Snape had risked his life by going to Voldemort but they were just going to leave him to suffer?



"Wait, there must be something we can do to help him. I mean, what about a pain potion or even Draught of the Living Death? Wouldn't that stop what he's feeling until the counter curse is performed? There's got to be something to stop..." he waved his hand in the general direction of Snape who was still thrashing about on the bed, trying to find some ease of the pain he was in.



"No, it wouldn't, Harry," Remus said.



Harry turned to Remus and was suddenly incredibly embarrassed at his outburst. He had completely forgotten that Remus was an expert in Defense Against the Dark Arts; he had been the only teacher that had managed to teach him anything well enough in that subject. "There's nothing we can do until we can perform the counter curse. Do you know what he was cursed with?" he turned to ask Madam Pomfrey.



"Incendio Corpus Corporis," she said, her voice low. Even while she was telling Remus, she was already healing the minor cuts that littered Snape's leg and chest.



Remus' face fell and his voice grew even graver than before, "I've heard of it but I don't know the counter curse."



"What is it?" Harry inquired furiously.



"It's a very dark curse, Harry but Dumbledore should know how to help him. Literally translated it means 'to burn the body.' It's a nasty curse because it starts on the inside and eats its way out. Right now poor Severus' bones are on fire."



Harry listened to what Remus was saying, his face pale. He went over to where Snape was lying on the bed, still thrashing about. Now that the adrenaline rush was over and they were safely inside Hogwarts, Harry felt the weight of what had just occurred settle on his body.



"Voldemort gave him to Malfoy. Said that teachers only needed their minds and their tongues and that he could play with the rest," Harry said with a look of utter revulsion on his face. "What's going to happen to him? I mean, other than horrible pain, what does the curse do?"



Remus approached Harry's seat, "Well, that's what is so insidious about it. It's a bit like the Cruciatus curse, in a way. Only the Cruciatus requires concentration and the presence of the wizard who is casting the spell. As you can see, Malfoy's spell is still active even though he's miles away."



Harry paled as he thought of the Longbottoms wasting away in St. Mungo's. "What's going to happen to him, Remus?"



Remus hesitated but asked, "Could you hazard a guess as to how long Severus has been under the curse, Harry?"



Harry thought for a moment. It took him a few moments to mentally retrace his steps. Mrs. Figg, Dumbledore in the fire, the graveyard, the hallway, the throne room, Hogsmeade.



"About twenty or thirty minutes. Maybe a bit less depending on how long they did....that... to him," Harry waved his hand at the numerous cuts littering the Potions Master's chest and leg.



Remus' face grew grave. "Albus should be here soon," he seemed to say mostly to himself.



Harry really didn't like the sound of the normally kind and optimistic man's voice. "Remus, what could happen to him? If Dumbledore doesn't get here in time?"



Remus spoke slowly, "Nerve damage, first. That wouldn't be too difficult to heal, we do have potions for that. I'm sure Severus even has some in his stores for times when his meetings are especially rough..." Remus could see Harry wouldn't be distracted and continued, "after that it's difficult to say. His brain function would be effected."



That was really all Remus had to say. Harry knew the rest. Snape would lose his mind. There was no way he could entertain the idea of the the dark and foreboding Potions Master walking aimlessly in hospital white pajamas around the halls of St. Mungo's Long-Term Ward. Where was Dumbledore?



Madam Pomfrey's face darkened as she reached the wounds on Snape's face. Harry heard her muttering diagnostic charms.



"Remus, I'm having trouble healing these wounds. I think I know what this is but I'm not entirely certain."



Remus quickly walked over to Snape, drawing his wand. He muttered the same diagnostic charms and Harry saw his eyes grow cold.



"Sectumsempra. They used his own spell against him," Remus said, his voice low.



"His own spell?" Harry questioned.



"Yes, Harry. Our Severus is quite the genius when it comes to creating spells. This is one that James and Sirius walked into a few times when Severus was trying to defend himself. I know the counter curse, Poppy," and with that he leaned over Snape's face and started whispering something Harry could not hear.



Harry looked on, marveled as he saw the wounds begin to close. There was still blood on his face as Remus straightened up and immediately stepped away from the suffering man.



"Using Severus' own curse against him sounds exactly like something Malfoy would do. He always did have a flare for the dramatic," Remus said stepping away from the bed.



"How'd you know the counter curse?" Harry asked.



Remus frowned and said, "Severus taught it to me after we began to see it being used by Death Eaters on muggle raids."



Oh, Harry thought. Snape taught it to the Death Eaters, Harry inferred. He thought back to their conversation on the train when he had told Harry that he actually had been a Death Eater and did things that Death Eaters did. It was difficult to reconcile the man in front of him with what he knew to be true.



Harry took in all this and slumped in the chair he was sitting in, his face in his hands, his body visibly shaking. There was nothing he could do to help the man in front of him. Harry had felt what he thought was helplessness before. He felt trapped when he first learned that his name was entered in the Tri-Wizard Tournament and when he thought Voldemort was torturing Sirius at the Department of Mysteries. He'd felt it yesterday when he couldn't get out from behind Snape when the man was physically shielding him with his body.



But none of that even compared to the helplessness he felt as he watched Snape being tortured from the inside out. The man who usually held himself with such grace and control was literally screaming himself raw right in front of him. And there wasn't a thing he could do but watch. Even holding the man's hand would have hurt him.



Not that Snape would want Harry holding his hand.



Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw the fireplace in the infirmary flash green and turned his head in time to see Albus Dumbledore gracefully walk from the flames and directly to the bed that held the now beyond hoarse Severus Snape.



"I'm sorry, Remus. I arrived as soon as possible. What did they do to him?"



"Incendio Corpus Corporis. Do you know the counter curse, Albus?"



"Yes, thank Merlin. I told Severus this would not end well. What that boy continues to put himself through..."



"You of all people should know why he puts himself through it," Harry said from his spot on the chair. His eyes were red and his face pale and his entire body seemed to be vibrating.



He said nothing else but Dumbledore was still shocked to hear the words of criticism come from his mouth. In a glance, he took in Harry's face and reminded himself again that something had changed tonight. Even when he was so angry with him last year over his failure to help Sirius, Harry had never so openly criticized him.



Nor had he ever been so correct in his criticism.



Dumbledore ignored Harry's statement for now, took out his wand and started muttering what sounded like singing in Latin.



Harry had no idea what Dumbledore was saying, he had never been confident in his Latin. But after a few minutes the change on the professor became evident. The hoarse, bitter screaming stopped and quiet moans of pain took over.



Remus watched this and quietly stepped over to Harry, "Harry, you shouldn't speak to the Headmaster like that. You should know by now that he cares for you and for Severus."



Harry looked up at Remus, his eyes large and angry, "Dumbledore has no right to tell Snape "I told you so" when he's the one who put him up to spying in the first place. You don't know what that Snape's been through. He has no right to be judging what he does to help the Order."



Remus seemed to look over the younger man as if truly seeing him for the first time tonight. With all that had just happened, Remus had forgotten all that Harry had been through in the last twenty four hours. "Harry, I'm very sorry about what happened yesterday. I knew Ron and he was a good man. I know he was your best friend and I'm very sorry that this happened to him, to you."



Remus put a hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry shuddered, a tear falling from his eye. Remus took a piece of chocolate from his pocket and offered it to him. Harry wiped his cheek and looked at the chocolate with a bewildered expression on his face.



It was like the sun rising in the east or Hermione harping on about studying. If Remus Lupin was present there was bound to be chocolate about.



"Do you carry around a sweet shop in your pockets, Remus?"



Remus chuckled, "I've been known to have a Cockroach Cluster on me from time to time. Not usually in the summer though, it gets a big messy, so today must be your lucky day."



The faces of both men fell after that brief moment of levity and Remus look decidedly contrite. Harry decided to rescue him.



"I thought that was a cure for a Dementor attack?"



Remus smiled sadly, "Chocolate's a good cure-all. Between you and me, had I written Richard III, it would have said, 'My kingdom for a bar of Honeyduke's Finest.'"



Harry smiled and took a bite. After the adrenaline rush and subsequent let down, he had to admit that the treat was a welcome respite.



The whispered singing stopped and Dumbledore looked at Remus, pale in his face and said, "Remus, I trust you would be able to tell the higher strength healing and cooling potions from those less potent?"



"I took a NEWT in potions," the man assured him.



"Good. I need you to go down to Severus' office. Behind the portrait of the bubbling cauldron there's a safe. Inside there are several of these potions. I need you to bring them to me quickly. The password for the safe is 'hemlock.' The wards will allow you inside."



Remus nodded and walked to the floo calling out, "Severus Snape's office," and then he was gone.



Dumbledore turned to Harry and summoned a chair. He looked older and more troubled than Harry had ever seen him in all his years here. He seemed to have aged a decade in the last ten minutes.



"You are, of course, correct, Harry. I have no right to judge what Severus does or does not do. He doesn't realize how incredibly brave he is, you see. He's still trying to attain some form of retribution, forgiveness for his past sins. What he hasn't learned yet is that he's earned that many times over. I had hoped that when you offered your forgiveness, he'd put an end to all this but I was, again, obviously wrong."



Harry looked the Headmaster in the eyes and said more than asked, "He told you that he told me about the prophecy. About how he was the one who went to Voldemort?"



"Yes, Harry, Severus informed me. He was rather distraught about it, as you can imagine."



Harry's eyebrows wrinkled, "Distraught? No, I... well, we did have a really... er, intense conversation in the carriage on the Hogwarts Express but I didn't think he would have been upset about it."



Dumbledore smiled. "I believe he was not at all prepared for your reaction to his news. If you had cursed him, spat at him and swore vengeance, I think he would have taken it much better than he did."



For just a moment Harry saw the twinkle return to Dumbledore's aged blue eyes before he seemed to remember where they were. "Severus hasn't had an easy life, Harry, as you probably know by now. He isn't used to kindness, both because of his, well... misanthropic personality but also because of the mistakes he made in his past. He had been waiting to have that conversation with you nearly all your life. I think you surprised him."



Harry was confused by this. During that bout of yelling on the train, he had confessed at least a part of what he had suffered this past year; the guilt and regret that he lived with on a daily basis. How could Snape think that he would cause him more torment after he learned that Snape had felt the same despair?



"But why would that surprise him, sir? I told him things that... well, that I've never told anyone. I understand, sir. Maybe not all of it because it's been so long, but I understand what he's gone through. The regret he feels, all of that. How could he think I would want to punish him after knowing what's it like to be in his place?"



Dumbledore sighed and took in the young man in front of him. Harry may have never been a child, like he once thought. No, the weight of the war and the trials he endured from his family had assured that even before he came to Hogwarts. But he had been childish. Dumbledore watched as he saw the changes that only a day had brought in the young man before him.



"Sometimes, Harry, when one lives with guilt for so long the moment of reckoning can be... incomprehensible. Severus has dealt with many things in his life but he has never been confronted with such compassion."



Harry thought on that for only a moment when the fireplace flashed green again and Remus Lupin returned, arms full of small bottles.



"Severus was prepared for an epidemic... or an epic battle. He had stored so many strong healing potions I wasn't sure which to bring, so I brought them all," Remus said as he gave them to Madam Pomfrey who in turn began to administer them to the Potions Master.



"Excellent, Remus, thank you," he said as he turned to Harry, "I don't think Severus will suffer any long term damage. If you had not reached him in time I doubt that the counter curse would have worked. And there was no way we could have past the wards."



Harry blinked at that. "Wards? But there were no wards surrounding Riddle Manor. I was surprised but I just walked inside and apparated with Snape without any trouble from the wards."



Dumbledore smiled, "Harry, there were indeed wards. Strong wards. When Remus' patronus reached me, I was beyond the Riddle graveyard with Alastor and some other members of the Order attempting to dismantle the most indestructible wards I've seen in quite some time. Which, incidentally, is why it took me so long to return to Hogwarts."



Harry was more than confused. This kind of thing happened to him all the time and it was never good. "How then?" he asked, a noticeable level of nervousness in his voice.



Dumbledore's smile was mischievous, "It seems Voldemort keyed the wards to his own blood and conveniently forgot where that blood came from."