The Sins Of A Father

Chapter Six: Many To Come Soon





We were at McDonalds, as I had promised. I watched Harry eating his meal while I had just a portion of chips. I wanted to eat at home, since it wouldn’t be fair for Lily to cook without me eating with her. Harry had already shopped for Jimmy’s present at Argos, and I still had not had our little chat with him.



How can I bring it up? I thought. Would it be safe to discuss it here while he ate? Well, it\'s not that people knew us or even watching us so…Why not?



I cleared my throat, and then grinned. It was best to start with my own sexuality, and I admit I was enjoying this a little too much. “You know, Draco is cute. You have good taste.” I reached for a chip and ate it with a munch.



Harry dropped his Big Mac into its container.



“Hmm. I myself have a thing for blondes, you know…” I winked and gave a cheeky smile.



Still, Harry looked dumbstruck.



I sighed, “Harry I’m bisexual, it\'s ok. I also know about you and Draco.”



He gulped then took a sip of his coke. “Does Mum know?” he asked a little timidly.



I leaned against the booth as I raised my eyebrow. “What part, son?”



He blushed so adorably. “Both…” he whispered.



I grinned again. “She knows that I’m bi, Harry. And about you…Well, I just only found out about it at the match today when Draco’s father told me.” I reached over and lightly brushed away the few locks covering his eyes to show some form of reassurance. “I’m all right with it, son; just know that you can talk to me about anything, alright?”



He took a deep breath and smiled. “Thanks, Papa. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”



I went back to my chips. “I understand, and I’m sure your mother also will. But that part is up to you.”



He nodded and went back to his burger.



I smirked. I just HAD to say this. “Just remember always use protection. I find Durex is very suitable for these occasions. You can borrow some of mine, if you would like?”



He dropped his burger once again.



I laughed at his sputtering. “You know, if you keep on dropping that burger, it will eventually fall onto the floor…”



Harry started to eat his chips instead.



I picked up my Coke and took a sip. Now I was getting slightly curious…“So Harry, how long have you known you liked blokes?…Or do you still like girls, too?”



He blushed very deeply. It was interesting for me, but embarrassing for him. How would you like one of your parents asking about your sexual relations?



I smiled reassuringly. Maybe I should start off with mine? “You know, Harry, when I was in my school years I always liked both genders. It’s a perfectly a natural thing. I just finally noticed men as more than a pretty face when I started to like my drama teacher. It was nothing more than a schoolboy crush, but it got me noticing other blokes, too…So, don’t worry about something being wrong, no matter who or what it is. If it FEELS right, then it is most probably right, Harry.”



I saw him take a deep breath. He took another nibble at a chip, then started to speak softly., staring at anything but me, I noticed. “I just like…blokes, Papa. I mean, I went out with a couple of girls to be sure, but…there was nothing there to hold my interest. I mean, they’re nice people ‘n all, but just not for me, you know?”



I smiled, softly saying, “And what about Draco? Is he for you, son?”



He opened his mouth a few times, but nothing came out.



To say that I was curious was an understatement, so I simply raised my eyebrow and waited.



He blushed now, but he looked as if he was debating over something. He finally spoke. “I like him, Papa. He’s a nice person, once you get past the ’git’ he portrays…And we have some things in common we really like, but…“ He then played with his chips. “I like someone else. He knows who, I mean, I told him. He keeps a good secret, when you need him to. I’m sure he’s all right about me liking another man, I mean he SEEMS all right about it. We just started to see each other a few weeks ago. Properly, I mean. It\'s just that…I like someone else a lot more than him, and I can’t seem to let go…”



It\'s interesting, is it not? That I was all but throwing a hissy fit about my son all growing up, but now… I can safely say I did not know what to think then.



All I knew, all I WANTED to do then, was hold him, kiss him on his mop of black hair and protect him away from anything hurting my Harry.



But all I did was reach over and hold his smaller, soft hand into my solid, rougher, and bigger hands, and gave him a few more words. “What is this person like, son? Have you ever thought about telling him?”



He shook his head. Rather forcefully, if you ask me. “No, I can’t tell him. He’s really serious about someone else, someone that I really care about, too, but not in that way. It\'s just that I\'ve know this person all my life, and she loves that person that I…” he closed his eyes, “love.” He whispered that last part so sadly that it broke my hope to make him happy.



Love. He was 15, how did he know what love was? I only found out about love seven years ago when I met Lily. I’m thirty eight now!



But I’m not Harry, am I? And Harry did not live like I did, he knew what love was when he was born. Even if it was by only by his mother. I did not grow up with love, the only affection I knew of was to fuck something with a hole and let my thoughts disappear for how long I can in that night.



I kissed him on his hand softly. “Let\'s talk somewhere private, Harry.” I let go of his hand and picked up the present and his untouched ice cream. I walked towards the car park, him following by my side, still looked heartbroken as he walked.



So quiet.



He looked like he lost the will to live, his beautiful green eyes lost their shine, even.



Their brightness. His Happiness.



His soul.



I was wondering how much did he truly love this person? Is that person even worthy for my Harry’s love?



He’s just a boy. He shouldn’t know this pain.



He doesn’t deserve this one bit! He deserves to be happy.



We arrived at my car, I unlocked it with the key lock button then gave Harry the ice cream. He opened the door to the passenger seat on the left and sat in it with a closed thud of the door. I opened the boot and laid Jimmy’s present in it and closed it once done. I took a deep calming breath, held it for a few seconds before breathing out.



I had a sudden urge to run over that person with my car who stole my boy’s heart without knowing it, but I had that little voice in my head suggesting IF I did run over that man, Harry would certainly feel worse.



Damn voice.



I walked up to the driver side, no turning back, opened the door, sat in it, closed the door.



And the first thing I noticed was how inside was so quiet compared to outside.



Silence. Total, utter silence.



I looked over at Harry. He had his head bent down, looking into his ice cream blindly, his black, thin glasses hanging by the tip of his nose.



His eyes in a silent cry.



I turned around to sit more comfortably to look at him properly. I reached over a little to push up his glasses. “Does he know?…About your feelings?” I said very softly, but clearly.



Harry shook his head. Then looked out through the window watching cars coming and going by.



I did not know what else to say.



But that didn’t last quite long.



“I’ve known him for a good few years now, Papa. I know he cares about me; he always tries to make me happy. He knows nearly everything about me. Knows my past, my favourite things, favourite foods. Knows my habits and everything I can just about think of.” I noticed in his reflection of the window that he lowered his eyes in defeat. “But, like I said, he just doesn’t like me like that…I know for a fact he doesn’t like me the way he likes my…friend”



He stopped speaking. I took his ice cream out of his hand and placed it on the dashboard. I reached over as much as I could and held him close to my chest.



But he didn’t cry. I think he had cried too much over it to cry again.



Then I heard his slightly muffled voice while curling against my chest more. “I don’t know if he knows about me liking ‘im. I mean, I seem to cover up my emotions nearly all the time when I see him with my friend. But sometimes, I kinda let it…slip. But I don’t think he even notices that, Papa. I tell him that I love him sometimes, but he thinks it\'s in a caring way. It is! But…More than that. I\'ve known for a long time that nothing will happen between us; he loves the other person more. You can tell. I know I bloody can…And the thing is that my friend loves him, too. And it hurts even more. I don’t want them ending up hurt \'cause of me. They love each other and they do deserve each other…”



He stopped talking again. No tears, but you don’t need that to hear the hurt in his voice. “And what about you, son?” I whispered into his hair, kissing him softly.



I felt his shrug. “Like I said, Papa, I’ve liked him for a good few years. And I know this is going to sound so overdramatic but…I’m used to it. Being in the background, and all. I just have to take his love in any way he can give it, and that’s like being a part of a family love. It has to do…So that’s why I try to forget it. Try to get over him…”



“Going out with Draco,” I said. He nodded and pulled away.



Harry was such a little soldier, trying to do everything that’s right. He deserved so much better then this. So much more. I really did hope he got over him for his sake. I didn’t want my little Harry to suffer anymore.



In a matter of fact, WHO would want to suffer in this way?



I brushed my fingers over his hair making it even more unruly, if that was even more possible, got hold of his ice cream with my other hand. “I really don’t know what to say, Harry. All that I can say: you’re a very brave young man to go through this alone. I think it\'s best that you try to forget him. Probably it was never meant to be and he doesn’t deserve you at all.” Gods, why did I feel like it was a cold hearted way to say forget him? WHAT could I say? “Harry, they are plenty of other people that can show you love. If you believe in it, you’ll see,” I scooped up a spoonful of ice cream and put it towards his red, full lips. I smiled. “Come on, son, if you leave this ice cream to long without touching it, you’ll soon be able to drink it”



His lips curved into the tiniest of smiles.



It was not like his other smiles, but it was better than nothing.



He took half a bite of the ice cream and then lifted the plastic spoon and the small tub out of my hands. He then lifted the spoon of the other half of ice-cream to my lips. I quirked the said lips a little. That little suggestion was his way of forgetting. I took the bite and sat properly on my seat to start the car.



“Don’t forget the seatbelt, son”



I backed up the car and drove off.



But this incident was one the many to come soon.



***

Again, THANK YOU for the lovely reviews. Its so very nice to hear wonderful things people would like to say. It makes my day I tell you that! I also would like to point out that this is Snarry , but it would happen later on in the story. But right now the plot is playing out lol. I believe plot before smut, because it makes it that much sweeter! But now you would see how Harry is…Well, no need to spoil it. Trust me, it will be all explained later on. Oh and Jimmy IS Snape’s biological son. Its just that when I was thinking of a name for the child, Jimmy was the first thing came into my head. Lol, I never knew Jimmy was a nickname for James…Damn! Again, thank you for the reviews!