Hidden Love

lordoberon, allow me to start of with a

*tacklehugtillyoucantbreathandfinallyletyougo*

Now that we have that messy bussines out of the way this chapter is allllllllll for you. I love that I converted you =). To be honest the pair came out of no where for me as well I'm the kind of girl who loves all that angst and I thought who would be the most drama ridden couple that's not already a mainstay in fiction and I thought of these two and the more I thought about it the more I knew i'd totally love all over it. As for my reaction to your reviews i almost had a heart attack I was like 'bloody hell...3 to 8 wtf" and now I'm happy. I was so worried about the last couple chapters that they were complete poo because they' were more a 'stuffing' for my fat smutty turkey. Annnyways I hope you enjoy this chapter. Oh oh I almost forgot I almost feel bad because I like Tonks :| but...I have plans in my ebil mind love that's kicked aside can do strange things to people I just have to see if the plot bunnies agree.

Wow...that was a long ass note oh well hope you enjoy <(^ . ^)>




He's done all the motion's but his body had been on automatic. His mind so far away form his body. All he could think about was the truth, nothing but lies. She'd sworn to him that nothing would happen and instead Molly said it had been horrible. Greyback had lead the assult, she'd said the blood was everywhere and the few that had survived they wouldn't ever be right again. As his thoughts slowly slowed and he was able to focus he could still feel it deep inside. The pure rage and hate that thumped kept in check by a sheer force of willpower.If she'd lied about this what else had she lied about and then all of it, all the noise in his head was silenced. He didn't hear Molly, He didn't hear the cries, and he didn't worry about the lies. Only one thing was important now.

She was going to be in his bedroom.

That was what drove him through the rest of the night. When he moved slowly up the stairs his clothes sticking to his body from the sweat of the labor to clean up Greyback's slaughter and he shoved open his door forcefull and then kicked it hust behind him. But she wasn't there yet. Grabbing a glass from his beside he pulled out the bottle of firewhiskey Arthur had given him for his last brithday and then second gussed the cup and drank straight from the bottle. Dropping himself into the chair along the side of the room he waited and continued to drink.

His thoughts were so very unlike the normal him. Greyback almost was enough to put his teeth on edge but the senseless slaughter of children he pushed him past reason. That first time, when she'd stuck down Luna he'd wanted to shake her, hell he'd wanted to hit her, but while he'd been so very angry with her, he hadn't wanted to break her as he wanted to do so now. The pure pleasure he would take from breaking her kept him content and as the candle burning on the otherside of his room slowly started to fade out and leave him in darkness all he could do was plan.


Bellatrix Lestrange knew her place in life. She was to serve the dark lord until the last breath left her body and four half her life she'd done just that. Then a stuffy, irritating, werewolf had stumbled into her life. Annoying do gooder that he was but even when he'd first started to cause havok on her way of life she'd never questioned her Dark Lord. She's lived for the killings but then he'd come along and no matter how bloody had she tried she did 'care' about the prat. But as she waited for the potion to wear off so she looked like herself again she couldn't help but remember this was the first time since their 'relationship' that she'd outright lied to him. He wasn't going to understand that it had been for his own damn good.

Playing both sides was a pain in her ass

To Remus, she'd lied. Betrayed that fragil bit of trust and sent people to their death while she took shots at Tonks and made nice with his closet friends. How was he going to understand that by allowing those people to die her Dark Lord would believe whatever she told him none of the other death eaters would question her. She'd be able to give them just enough information to keep them happy but not enough to have Remus wind up dead

But he wasn't going to understand that.

He wouldn't be able to look past the blood and Greyback and split and maybe if i had been someone other then that mangey mutt she could have made him look past it but she knew what she would be heading into. He's be angry, hurting, and looking for some measure of revenge. Thankfully, she knew first hand Remus Lupin didn't do violence well.

"I like you better with the blonde hair, that can be tainted" She turned to fine Fenrir behind what could only be described as a snarl curving his laps. His ratty hair plastered to his face res streaks all over him. He's had fun, it was obvious

"Was there something you need I'm busy at the moment"

"Just...smelling" She narrowed her eyes at him and he stood his ground for a moment before giving a mock bow and taking his leave. She really detested that man but at the moment he was the last of her worries. Her Dark Lord hadn't wanted to speak to her, competely trusting in her and s she'd been left to wait it out. Soon enough she was back to her old self and closing her eyes for a moment she reopened them to find herself standing in the darkness of his room. Moving by memory to the dresser she lit a couple of the candels and watched the flame slowly brighten the room.


Her watched her silently the whiskey bottle hanging limply from his hand, the longer he stared at her the more intense his hate became. She didn't seem to have a care at all as if he wouldn't be bothered by the lies she'd fed him the lies he'd been dumb enough to believe. As she came to his feet he spoke the silencing spell aloud. She slowly turn to look at him and titled her head to the side the teasing mocking grin he used to flash at him spread wise on her face.

"You're going to be difficult about this arn't you Remus?"

"Di..difficult" His anger choked his words off and for a moment all he could do was stand and stare at her and then the bottle was fllying across the room she jerked to the left as it exploded against the wall behind her. Glass fell to the floor and he watched that last few drops of the bottle trickle down his wall before his gaze snapped back to her " You.."

"Say it, get it all out Remus. I know you, I know what it's doing to you. Tearing you apart you feel like something inside you is festering. Destroying you from the inside little bit by little bit. I'm a big girl I can handle whatever words you want to throw my way."

"You don't know anything. Children Bellatrix he killed children and I was bloody stupid enough to listen to you, to believe you and what did it get me in the end? It sure as hell didn't get me love, or even respect no in the end all it got was the blood of children on my hands"

"Poor little Remus with the weight of the world on his shoulders. If only he hadn't been getting a hand job in the movie he could have saved them all."

"Dont, don't you dare. Rather then doing my job what is expected of me I was busy catering to the jealous tantrum my...whatever the hell you are. I was sucked into some personal joke of yours one at my own personal expense so you could what? Keep us busy, job completed Bellatrix now why the fuck are you here."

She watched him for a moment before walking toward him and glared up at him defint as ever "You stupid wolf you can't see past your own self imposed punishment can you?"

He reacted without thinking and watched her head snap to the side from the force of his blow when she slowly moved her face to look at him again her pale skin was tinted pink. "Stop...just stop talking as if you understand anything about me tonight proved you don't."

"I don't have words to explain how stupid you're being right now it's almost painful. I lies to you for your own bloody good Remus. I know you're hurting right now but they died and now you are your merry little bunch are safe. It looks like i set you up a-"

"YOU DID SET ME UP" She sighed , as if he was a small child unable to understand something simple and he lost it. "That...that's what you're going to try and feed me? That you did it for me? You think THAT will make me feel better? 'Those children died so you could live' No I don't buy it. I was out of my mind to ever....you're not even worth the words. I'm giving you one chance to leave this room and never come back Bellatrix."

One of her eyebrows slowly archd up "Or what? Violence is beyond you Remus Lupin. You're going to run out of steam soon enough and then you're going to cry because that's why you're so angry. Your heart is breaking and you can't stop it from happening. You take everything so fucking personal and if I leave who will be here to pick up all ther peices? Tonks? Harry?"

Each word, it was like a blow. She was taking something so important to him and she was tainting it. Part of it was his anger, part of it was him hurting, and the other part was the bottle of whiskey but one momen't she'd been talking to him in that pitying tone and the next his hands were around her slender neck, shoving her hard against the wall. When her eyes focused on him he barely noticed the dazed look. He jerked her forward and slammed her back againt the wall took pleasure as he heard the windget knocked out of her. So focused on what he was doing he missed her hand reaching for his dresser, or at least he missed it until the candle stick slammed into the side of his face. He stubled back his hands dropping to his side. She was breathing heavy and after a few moments of silence she spoke

"Calm down before you end up getting hurt"

She watched him, her throat hurt and she had no doubt evidence of his attack would remain. SHe hadn't expected that the few times he'd actually grabbed her it had never been like that. He'd always seemed to be fighting with it trying not to give in but that....there'd been no self control.

"I'm the last person you should be worrying about Bellatrix"

No more Bella, he'd dropped the nickname for her ever since she'd shown up poor thing thought it proved how much he no longer cared. It jut proved how much he did. Before she could respond he was reaching out for her again and she managed to dodge him but as she moved to put space behind them he dove and actually taackled her to the ground rolling her so that she was under him. His knees on either side of her stomach trapping her and then with a blank stare his hands were back around his neck. But just crushing it didn't seem to be enough because he lifted slightly and slammed her head down. The crack it made on the floor was loud and vulgar. As the room began to fade around her and the blackness sank in he started to shake her before her head bounced off the floor for a second time. She tried to flex her fingers she'd survived that bloody prison she wasn't about to go out this way. Finding her hand to be empty she franticly moved her hand around trying to find it and finally her finger tips fell on top of the cool metal of the candle stick. Grabbing it she swung up and at his heda for the second time but he'd been ready and moving out of the way his hands faltered and she sucked in a deep breath before twisting and trying to scramble away from him. But he went after her grabbing first her ankle and yanking back hard. Her hands buckled under her and she hit the floor with a grunt.

"Let go of me Remus"

"Whats the matter Bellatrix I thought you liked the pain."

He was moving again and she felt his fingers tangle in her long hair, twisting tightly his grip unyielding and tugging back she let out a small noise and then he slammed her face first into the foor. She heard the satter of bone, couldn't stop the cry of pain nor her shot from rendering her motionless. She tasted blood on her lips felt it running freely from her nose and could do nothing but blink up at him as he roughly flipped her onto her back again. Her body not listening to her and her brain slowly shutting down. She watched unable to do anything about it as his hand pulled back and in a move that was so unlike her she clentched her eyes shut unable to watch the blow come. When nothing happened she slowly opened her eyes back up to find his fist rested beside his head and a look of complete horror on his face.

He was shaking, his entire body. Rage and Whiskey had dulled his mind and she'd been nothing but a Death Eater to him but the moment she'd closed her eyes it was like he'd been punched in the stomach. She was scared of him, scared of what he was going to do to her, and in that instant all the anger had left him. As he finally calmed down he took her in. Blood running from her nose, the bruise on the side of her cheek, and the nasty marks around er neck. He scrambled off of her as quickly as he could and turned to the side before emptying the contents of his stomach. His arms braced him, shaking violently and he wanted nothing more then to throw up again he'd been...he'd almost punched her he was no better then the people he fought. So caught up in his thoughts he didn't hear her move and jerked back when her hand settled on his arm. Turning his head slightly he came face to face with her and felt nothing but shame. He sucked in a breath as her arms went around him...she was hugging him

"Let it out Remus."

"B..Bella"

But she said nothing just held him close. Slowly he gan to pull himself together, putting this night away in a corner of his mind with no plans to revist it. Grabbing her arms gently he pulled away from her putting space between them and just looked at her. Her hair was ratty hanging around her face, her nose was still bleeding, and her cheek was like a kick to the balls because he'd done it all. Ignoring his attempt to get away from her she reached forward and traced a cut near his temple and he felt the throbbing in response.

"You'll probably have a bruise in the morning but I didn't hit you that hard."

"I..what.."

"Shh, go change and get in bed Remus you're a shitty drunk" The eyes looking back at her were filled with pain and she stroked his cheek again "I knew you'd be angry with me given I didn't expect all this but I didn't expect something. I'm fine Remus I've taken far worse from my dark lord" He flinched at her use of adjective but she ignored it "You simply caught be off guard. You're always wound so tight you were bound to act out sooner or later."

Standing to her feet she waited for him to stand and on shakey legs he did. He looked old and tired. She tugged the shirt up and over his head before starting to undo his pants as they slipped from his hips to the floor he just watched her just saying nothing which was most likely for the best. Leading him over to the bed she pulled his shoddy blanket over his frame and turned to clean up the mess they'd made only to have him grab her wrist haulting her movements. Turning she looked down at him and his face said it all. In silence she removed her own clothing and slipped under the blanket with him.

He still felt sick, couldn't understand why she wasn't hexing him and most of all he couldn't understand why she'd actually lay there with him. The really were a fucked out duo. The relantionship for lack of a better word had been doomed from the start but they'd both continued none the less and even now she didn't seem any more likely to leave him then before. What the hell did she go through with her 'dark lord'. That set his raw emotions on edge but he controlled it now was so not the time to bring that complex problem up. Pulling her close he rolled her under him and she watched his face not an ounce of worry on hers.

"I'm sorry"

"I know you are."

He leaned down and kissed her cheek softly before trailing his mouth down to her neck and kissing the marks he'd made there as well. She titled her head to give him better access and he trailed his mouth back up before pressing a tender kiss to the corner of her mouth. His hands slid down the side of her body to rest on her hips before he slid them around and under lifting her slightly and ever so slowly he started to push in and his mouth on her cheek he started to ramble as he slowly pushed in and out of her.

"Im sorry...I'm so sorry...so so sorry"

Over and over again the words left his mouth, tumbled as if he couldn't not say them. Her arms went around his neck and she arched her body to press close to him and he sank deeper. She turned her head and caught his mouth in a kiss. His hands returned to her hips and held tightly and he continued to move. His movements started to speed up still repeating how sorry he was. He moved a hand to the side of her face and touched it gently and her eyes opened to look at him. He felt it, felt the change, felt the importance this time was different.

"I love you Bella" She watched him before leaning up to kiss him and before he knew it he was on his back. Her beautiful body over him her knees clentched around his waist and her hands on his chest. She leaned forward her hair falling around their bodys and she moved up and down pumping him. She wimpered and suddenly slammed down hard but still she didn't respond to his words. He tried to not let it bother him but it was hard not to. His hand slid over her cheek and into her hair pulling her mouth down to his "Please say it Bella, even if it's a lie please just say it."

"Remus..."

"Just once, I just need to hear it. To know you don't hate me."

"I don't hate you Remus, know don't ever doubt that"

"But you don't love me like him" She'd jerked back at that, finally he had a reaction.

"Don't go down that road Remus"

That was all she said, dont go down that road. Rolling them again he started to move hard and he lifted her hips to meet his movements. Resentment building in his chest he slammed in hard and that was all it took. She came contracting her legs to pull him in closer and he lost it as well. Spent he slowly pushed himself up and off her falling to his back to stare at the celing. He couldn't keep doing this

"I can't keep doing this"

"Hm?"

"I need you to go."

There was a long silence that followed the words, finally the bed shifted as she stood to her feet and he turned his head to look at her "I was your enemy and now I'm your whore."

"I don't want to fight anymore, I don't want to feel sick, and I don't want to hurt you ever again. I can't keep doing this Bella. Now more then ever I can't"

"You put to much in words Remus John Lupin"

"And you don't? He's not yours you're not his? But what am I to you Bella? That's my point... I can't...I wont be apart of something that's so one sided"

"You're an idiot. One bloody sided? Sometimes Remus I want to hex you"

And then she was gone, leaving him alone.