Everything Happens Everything Changes

Everything Happens Everything Changes
Chapter Six
Insomnia

Snape awoke to the sensation of someone moving in his arms. He breathed in deeply, for a moment forgetting all that had happened to him. But suddenly he noticed the smell of the person in his arms. This wasn’t Draco, Draco had a distinct lavender smell, with a hint of saltiness about him. This person smelled more like grass on a hot day. The body stirred again and Snape realized who ever was in his arms was definitely awake. Currently said person was in the process of removing Snape’s robe from his upper body. And then is all came back to him.

“Harry?” The body next to him stilled, almost guiltily. A hot hand was spread on his chest, a finger resting over one of his nipples. Severus hissed as the hand slid to his ribs, leaving a burning hot trail before resting on his side.

“What are you doing? What time is it…”, Snape didn’t really need an answer to either of these questions but he was unsure of what else to say. Harry definitely held a certain amount of control over the temporarily blinded man. The two men had fallen asleep as they had held each other. Severus hadn’t meant to but listening to Harry’s steadying breaths and lured him to sleep.

“ I think I bruised you arms, Severus… I didn’t mean to.”, Harry whispered as he stretched to kiss the dark marks he had left on the man‘s arms. Snape chuckled, reaching out to run his fingers over Harry’s neck where he had latched onto earlier. He ran his fingertips over where he had no doubted left marks as well.

“And what about these, Harry?”, Snape asked, “Should I kiss them better for you?”

“Please…”, Harry almost hissed in response. Snape couldn’t help but moan as pulled the young man against his, now exposed, chest. He was pleasantly surprised to find that Harry had taken his shirt off as well, making the contact skin to skin. Snape gently lapped at the area he had bitten earlier with his tongue, before moving on to suck in one small earlobe for a moment before kissing up Harry’s jaw line. Suddenly he was hesitant to kiss Harry again. Earlier it had been so heated and in the moment. Now it would be completely different. Both had sampled the other. Now came decision time. Where to go from here?

Harry seemed to sense the other man’s hesitation and gave his own answer by finishing the motions and sealing their lips into a simple, gentle kiss. Snape knew he wanted Harry but the question was, did Harry want him? Harry was only 17. Legal age in the Wizarding World but still so young compared to him.

“Harry, I shouldn’t being doing this. I’m too old for you…” But Harry wouldn’t let him go on, his grip tightened on Snape, tugging his body against him.

“What’s that suppose to mean? What, you weren’t too old for Draco? I can read between the lines you know, Snape. If you want Draco just say so! But please, please don’t make excuses for me! I can handle the truth.”, Harry’s voice rose almost to a shout, anguish a high note in his words.

“Do you really see me as only a boy? Could only a boy defeat Voldemort? Could only a boy take a sworn enemy into his house to take care of him. Could only a boy kiss you like this?”

Snape’s lips were crushed under Harry’s. The younger man crashed against him like a tide. He swept away Snape’s uncertainty and doubts as he pulled back, leaving him breathless.

“Does a boy have hands like these?”, Harry asked as he rubbed his palms over Snape’s arms before taking both Snape’s hands into his. “Does a boy have these?” Harry brought Snape’s hands up to his chest, making him feel the knots and scars covering his torso.

“No one should Harry…”

“Yet you do, Severus! How can you be such a hypocrite to me when you know I’m telling the truth. I’m no boy Severus. And I trusted you to realize that.”

Silence fell between to two men. Slowly Harry pulled out of Snape’s arms, turning away from the older man. Snape shivered without the heated body next to him, unsure if it was from the cool air or the cold treatment he was receiving from Harry.

“But you never did see the best in me, did you? You know, you had me fooled with those letters. I actually believed you when you wrote that you knew I would succeed. I can’t believe you said you admired the strength I had in my school days.”, Harry’s words ripped through Snape.

“Harry, I’ve always seen the best in you. I acted the way I did because… because I knew it would be impossible for you to ever see the real me. I could never let you see the real me, or any one for that matter. I was jealous of how open you were, how honest you could be with the world. The only thing I’ve lied about, denied from you, was the effect you’ve always had on me.”

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Hermione had finally left Draco to go back to sleep, it was almost three in the morning. So, he thought to himself, I’ve been out for nearly five days. That wasn’t really surprising to him though, he had been exhausted for almost two years now. His body had probably taken the chance at a good rest a bit over board. Ever since he found out he was to be assigned to kill Dumbledore, Draco had found it near impossible to relax. True, over the past year he had found many alternative methods to falling asleep. Drinking himself into a stupor had been the most efficient. But now he was left here, at three a.m. in a hospital with way too much information to mull over.

The main thing troubling him was the fact the Hermione had informed him Snape was staying at Potter’s? He could only imagine how that was going, not well. Also Snape it seemed had been injured when they were captured. Those bastards better not have permanently damaged Snape’s eye sight. As a Potions Master that was one of the top priority senses. All Draco could do though was hope Snape was safe and healing. .

Soon Severus’s and his story would go in front of the court. They would have a lot of explaining to do, but thankfully Dumbledore had left several memories with Snape that would prove their story to be true. Draco knew this wouldn’t be enough for many. Draco knew his life would never be the same. His family was trash now to the Wizarding World, he knew he had no future here. Draco would be viewed as a traitor on both sides, a person who could never be fully trusted again. Once his future had seemed so bright That felt like a long time ago now. Once he would have graduated Hogwarts at the top of his class, well, maybe second to Hermione, his aristocratic family ensured him an easy position on top of the social ladder. Everything would have been laid out for him. No unexpected turns or hard working jobs. And now, now he was bordering on alcoholism and being exiled from the magical world forever. Tomorrow evening he would be taken to Potter’s house to wait with Snape for their impending trial. Draco wasn’t sure which was worse. Relying on Harry Potter or being thrown to the dogs, as Severus would say.

The thing that bothered Draco the most though, if he was honest with himself, was the fact that he no longer cared for the things he lost. In fact, he didn’t even view them as losses. Somehow, Draco had lived more in the past year than his entire life. Without his parents ever watching stares and societies demands of a pure blood young man, Draco had become someone different. Someone who he could almost acutally respect. Yes, he was still horribly flawed. He doubted drinking every night was a very positive step in his life. Besides a few things though, he had in a way accepted himself for what he was. He hadn’t defined what he had become yet, but at the same time didn’t want to.

“Merlin, there is no way I’m going to fall asleep tonight…”

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Harry lay on his side, staring off at his bedroom wall. His alarm clock was blinking three a.m. on his nightstand and the bathroom light was still on. Every things was where it should be and nothing was out of the ordinary. Except the small luggage bag in the corner of his room with the initials S.S. on them. Harry could also picture the out of place comb on his bathroom sink that had a few long strands of black hair in its teeth. There was the broken glass from his cup earlier which was now in his trash can down stairs. Besides all of that there was the minor detail of the man laying next to him. That was definitely out of place.

Harry no longer knew what to say, what to do, or what to think. An effect Severus Snape always seemed to have on him. He didn’t know why he was reacting to the man like he was. Sure, he was gay, but just because Severus Snape happened to be male didn’t mean Harry had to be attracted to him. If all things were right in the world the two men would be sleeping in separate rooms right now with a mutual agreement, a truce of sorts, between them. But things weren’t all right in the world. To prove this point Harry Potter had just finished admitting his unexpected feelings towards his ex-Potions Professor after they had violently made out with each other.

True, Harry wasn’t the only guilty party in this scenario. That he could take little comfort in though, because the scenario was still playing out. Were both of them so desperate for human affection that they had turned to each other with out any thought to the consequences? Harry kept telling himself that, but he knew deep down this it was not what he truly wanted to hear. He wanted Severus Snape to want him. Like no one else had. Harry knew he was loved but he had never felt “wanted” like that before. Harry had even said he needed Severus Snape, something he would never have said to someone in the past. It didn’t look good when a savior went around saying “I need you to…” to anything. One must be self reliant.

Harry Potter felt far from self reliant at the moment. In fact he definitely needed Snape to roll over and scoop him up in his arms. He need Severus to say “I, Severus Snape, need you Harry Potter.” And then Harry would know what it felt like to be needed like that and maybe his whole crazy life would have been worth it. Just to know a moment like that.

“Harry?”, Snape spoke quietly as his hand reached out to touch Harry’s back. “I’m sorry.”

“I know…”, he didn’t know what else to say. What does a person say after they have exposed themselves so fully to another person. How do people do this? And just as Harry started to focus on the things that hadn’t changed, a strong arm pulled him back next to the body by him. Harry didn’t struggle or fight him, nor did he assist. If Severus Snape wanted him, now would be the time to prove so. Harry had said enough for the moment, If Severus was having problems finding the right words he better find the right actions.

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Severus had forgotten how stubborn Potters could be. As he pulled Harry back against him, he had to fight back a small smile. Severus knew he wanted something with Harry. But if he wanted this to last longer than tonight he knew he had to find out some more information first. At the moment though, he needed to fix his last mistake. As he turned Harry over to face him, Severus never whished to see more in his life than this moment. To see that messy dark hair and those intense, green eyes as he held the smaller man in his arms would have meant the world to Severus. Instead though, all he could do was feel.

He sought out Harry’s mouth this time with no hesitation. Their noses met awkwardly for a moment before the connection was sealed with their lips. Harry seemed to melt in his arms, all tension leaving his body. Severus’s free hand began to explore Harry’s chest. Running down over his nipples before exploring over his side to rest on the small of his back. And that’s when Harry tensed in his arms as Severus’s fingers brushed over the waist line on the back of his jeans. The momentary flinch made Snape pause as he felt an unspoken question had been answered in his mind.

“Harry, how many people have you been with?”, Severus’s asked, breaking this kiss.

Harry tucked his head under Severus’s chin before quietly answering.
“Well, I… um, I dated Cho and Ginny back in school and…”, Harry stumbled on his answer, trying to find sufficient enough people to tell Severus.

“How about men, Harry? Have you ever dated a man?”, Severus thought he knew the answer to this question already.

“Well, technically, no.”

“What do you mean technically?”

“I once kissed Fred.”

“As in Fred Weasley?”

“Yes, Fred Weasley. Do you have a problem with that?”

“No, of course not. I’m just surprised. Did anything ever come of it?” Merlin, had Harry gone and kissed all the Weasley’s he could? Please just don’t let him say he dated Ron.

“What do you mean? We didn’t date, I already told you.”

“I mean sexually, Harry. Did anything sexual ever come of you kissing Mr. Weasely?”

“No, of course not. It was before the war was over and…”, at this Harry cut himself off, his body stiffening against Severus. “Never mind.”

“Why do you say it was because the war wasn’t over, Harry? Tell me, and be honest.”, Severus could tell this wasn’t going to be pretty.

“I never did ‘that’ with anyone because I was afraid Voldemort would be able to sense who ever it was I loved and kill them. I couldn’t let that happen. I’ve always been afraid people died because they loved me. I had lost so many friends already just because they knew me…”, Harry spoke barely above a whisper.

‘Voldemort was always in my thoughts. Physically and emotionally it seemed. I couldn’t take that chance. ” Harry paused, seeming to think over what to say next. “I understand if you don’t want to be with someone as inexperienced as me Severus. It would be weird to most, I’m sure.”

“Harry, we’ve already gone over this. I said that I want to be with you. But now that I know this I can’t just ignore it….”

“Oh please Severus, just act like I’m a normal man you are attracted to. Don’t let all of this effect what you’re thinking…”

“Harry, even if you had been with a thousand people I wouldn’t have had sex tonight with you. Harry, I want to figure this out and take it slow. And when we do make love for the first time, I want to at least have my eyesight back. I want to see you, like that.”

Harry couldn’t help himself. He could feel his body slowly melting at these words and the whole time his heart raced.

“Oh, of course. Silly me.”