Should Have Been

Should Have Been

Note: Oddly enough I completed this chapter before I even started chapter five. …that doesn’t mean anything, I was just sharing. I don’t really have anything else to say this chapter, other than Sirius kind of hurts Snape’s feelings. I know, I knohockhocking…Snape having feelings doesn’t surprise anyone more than it does me.

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Chapter Six

Twelve Years Gone

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Sirius winced and put his finger in his mouth, glaring at the pan that had burned him. Evil pan…how Remus managed to come from a wizarding family yet still master the art of cooking was beyond him. He’d spent years in the kitchen, with the servants when he was young, yet couldn’t make a sausage without causing himself seriously bodily harm.



Soft footsteps drew his attention from his injured finger to the doorway, where his son was watching him with wide blue eyes. Siri’s hair was damp and instead of him leaving it loose as he had been, it was done in a messy and hastily done braid. He was already dressed, in spite of the early hour, and had his shoes in one hand. He’d obviously been intended to go somewhere.



Sirius managed a feeble smile, not honest in the least. He was a touch nervous, wondering if the teen was aware of what had been going on in the room below him. It’d been two weeks since he‘d arrived here, and probably the most happy Sirius had been in a very long time.

Siri padded over to him and glanced into the pan. He was still for a moment then grabbed a potholder and held it out to him. Sirius took it, wondering if the teen intended to speak.



The answer, it seemed, was no. He just began to drift around the room, cleaning up the mess Sirius had successfully made.

“What’re you up to today?”

“Gonna visit Chase.” The teen said simply as he pushed a bunch of egg shells into the garbage. “Uncle Severus’ son.”

That peaked Sirius’ interest. “Snape’s son? He’s not as big a git as his father is, is he?”

“You’re as bad as Da.” The teen rolled his eyes.

“If by bad you mean honest, than yes, I am. Snape has always, and will always, be a greasy haired bastard. Nothing short of the end of the world will convince me otherwise.” He realized, with a start, he was waving a wooden spoon at the teen who was having a very hard time keeping a straight face. So much for imposing and stern.

“Well Chase…he’s not exactly a lot like Severus, or a git or a bastard if you really want to know. He just…knows everything. Literally, actually. He’s a seer which, I think, is why he always beats me in every game we play.” Siri shrugged. “It can, and does, get a bit annoying after a few hours of it, but he can’t help it.”

“A seer…” The was familiar. He’d known of a seer when he was younger… “Autumn. His mother, his mother’s name is Autumn.”

“Yep. You knew her?”

“A little. She was a year ahead of me. A bit of a-”

“Nutter? Chase said she was a psycho bitch, but Da says I shouldn’t repeat that.”

“Then you shouldn’t. But she was.” The more Sirius though about it, the more he remembered. A year ahead of him, she’d literally dropped out of Hogwarts during his fifth, amid rumors of insanity, murder, and pregnancy. Yet for the next two years she was spotted a few times, by him and Remus mostly, with Severus Snape, inside of Hogwarts.

Sirius had always thought it odd, an older (beautiful) Gryffindor in the company of a sniveling bastard like Snape, but who was he to challenge it?

Besides, she’d ended up fucking Voldemort (And going down in History as the most deadly female witch of her time while doing it) and losing her mind. The Death Eaters in Azkaban hated her almost as much as Wormtail. As a seer they all felt she should have seen their Lord’s downfall, yet she either hadn’t or hadn’t spoken of it.

“And she had a kid with Snape. Poor guy.”

“Chase or Uncle Severus?”

“Both, actually.” The woman had been totally off her rocker.

They fell into silence after that. Siri sat down at the table and watched him silently, head propped up on his palms with blue eyes following his every move. It was a little unnerving to have the teen’s absolute concentration on him. …actually, it was a lot unnerving. He wondered if the teen watched Remus as intently…but doubted it. Remus was likely to have a breakdown of sorts under this much scrutiny.

“I’m not really much of a cook so…you might want to poke it to make sure it’s not alive.” He advised, setting a plate of slightly burnt French toast and sausage in front of Siri who smiled wryly then poked his food obligingly.

“Remus knows you’re going?”

“That’s arguable. If I’m not here when he wakes up he always knows where to find me, but he never actually gives permission. I think, were I to ask, he’d have a heart attack from the shock.”



Sirius smiled, deciding to take the teen’s word for it, then went about making a plate for Remus with the intention of taking it to him once Siri left. Siri ate wordlessly, but Sirius was more concerned about whether or not he’d just poisoned his child. Siri seemed okay though and put his plate in the sink when he was finished.

“Later. Tell Da good morning. And that a shower would be appreciated, if he plans on keeping secrets.” Siri called, scooping up his shoes and leaving the kitchen. Sirius frowned, wondering what exactly that was supposed to mean.

He heard the front door shut a few seconds later and, shrugging mentally, grabbed Remus’ plate. He stopped to survey the mess he’d made of Remus’ kitchen (even with the work Siri had done it was still a sty) then walked out, making a mental note to get that mess later on.



He found Remus in his bedroom, pouring over some books. A pair of oval wire-rim glasses sat on the end of the brunette’s nose and Sirius was willing to bet they were the same reading glasses he had back at Hogwarts. Remus’ eyesight was, naturally, better than that of your average person. So good, in fact, that he got headaches from it without the enchanted glasses he wore.

He set the plate on the desk and Remus blinked then looked up at him, confusion giving way to a slightly bemused look. He scratched his head, pulling more hair from its already messy tail and took his glasses off.



“You…cooked? And nothing burnt down?”



“No, nothing burned down.” Sirius’ tone was nothing short of mocking. “Do you have no faith in me Remus?”



Remus smiled slightly but Sirius caught the small flicker of pain in his expression. He tilted his head off to the side, wondering if he should ask when Remus sniffed the plate, then made a slight face, and held the fork out to him.



“You try it first.”



Sirius narrowed his eyes in false anger. “Are you trying to say something Remmie?”



“Not trying to, no. I thought it was rather clear. You can’t cook, so you eat it first.”

“Siri ate it.”

“He’s thirteen; he can and will eat anything. I’m…a considerable amount older.”

“Thirty-seven.” Sirius supplied. Remus stared at him, managing to look quite aghast, as if Sirius had just said something that wasn’t meant to ever be said. “Well you are. Quit looking at me like that.”

“Do you want to sleep in the guest bedroom?”

“The question isn’t do I want to, it’s do you really want me to?” Sirius said, smirking. Remus just laughed quietly then, smiling mildly, leaned back in his seat.

“I don’t believe we actually grew up. I’m quite in awe.”

“Now now Wendy, growing older doesn’t always involve growing up. You‘re just as immature as I remember you. Which isn’t saying a lot, since you were always the most mature, stick-up-the-arse person I knew.”

Remus’ hand shot out but Sirius ducked. “Bugger off and quit trying to stall.”

Sirius rolled his eyes but picked up the fork all the same. Giving Remus a rather pointed look he took a bite of the French toast. He blinked then licked a stray dribble of syrup from his lip before nodding to himself.



“That actually taste pretty good.” He made to go from another piece but Remus swatted his hand away. “Remmie! You didn’t want it.”



Remus took back the fork. “I said nothing of the sort. Just that I was more comfortable with you trying it first. Besides, didn’t you make some for yourself, oh master chef?”



“…no.” Sirius shrugged some. “You don’t have any more eggs.”



Remus stopped, fork a few inches from his mouth. “I just bought some yesterday.”



Sirius scratched his head, looking sheepish. “Well it took a few tries to get it right.”



Remus just stared at him for a long moment then snorted. Sirius watched him eat for a moment then looked around the bedroom, trying to think of what he should be doing. He’d have to check in with Albus eventually, but he knew the minute was aware that he was doing fine he’d have to leave in order to handle Order affairs and he really didn’t want to.



“I should write Harry and see how he’s doing.” He said absently. He looked back at the other man when Remus started choking on his food. Sirius looked down at him, alarmed. Maybe the taste was deceiving. Maybe more than one bite sent a person straight to the grave.

Maybe being thirteen really did give one a stomach of iron. He distinctly recalled eating all sorts of junk when he was that age.

Remus held up a hand to show he was okay then took a deep breath to calm himself.

“I completely forgot.” Remus said, more to himself then to Sirius. He opened the drawer of the desk and pulled out a folded piece of parchment. “Hedwig brought this a little while ago. I meant to give it to you but…I got distracted. Sorry.”

Sirius shrugged and took the letter from him, unraveling it quickly. “I understand. It‘s been a touch hectic.”

“If by hectic you mean I’ve been having a hard chance getting you to let me out of the bedroom, then yes, I agree.” Sirius studiously ignored him and made himself focus on his godson’s small, but less than neat, print.

Damn Remus and his thinly veiled sexual invitations…



Dear Snuffles,

I just wanted to make sure you were okay after everything that happened and that you made it to Remus‘ without any trouble. I made it back home all right and the Dursley’s aren’t bothering me anymore, so you don’t need to worry about any of that. I’ll be careful as well, so don’t worry about that either. I think Dumbledore might let me go visit the Weasley’s later on in the summer, so I have something to look forward to at least.

Write back when you can and tell Remus I said hi. I hope you two are still getting along okay.

Harry.



He refolded the letter and glanced at Remus who was staring at him. He raised an eyebrow then grinned as a blush spread across the man’s cheeks.



“He just wanted to make sure I was alright. Went through a lot of trouble to assure me he was fine-”

“And, with your overly suspicious mind, you fail to believe him.”

“You always did know me better than I knew myself. He says hi by the way. Hopes we‘re getting along.” Remus’ lips twitched and, undoubtedly, his mind was on a purity level akin to that of a French sewer. That did bring up a good point though. “Do you think I should…tell him about this?”



“Well…I suppose it’s not really up to me. Harry’s your godson and Siri is your son, I think…you should decide.” He looked up at the cei and and Sirius knew something was weighing on his mind heavily.

“Out with it Remus.”

“You know I adore Harry.” Remus’ tone softened. “But Siri is my son and I don’t want anything to happen to him. Harry has a tendency to…well, he’s nearly killed at least once a year, every year, and usually a lot more. It’s…worrisome. And this stuff, with Voldemort being back and the Order being reformed…”



Sirius pursed his lips and sat on the bed, resting his elbows on his knees. “You don’t want Siri involved in any of it.”

Remus turned in his chair so they were facing each other. “No, I suppose I don’t. I talked to Albus about it and he made a good argument. Siri would be a great help at Brookridge or Hogwarts, if we wanted to transfer him out.” Sirius couldn’t help but pick up on the ‘we’ in Remus’ statement. He smiled slightly. “And he can more than take care of himself…but, by that same token, he’s a child. It’s bad enough Harry has the weight of the world on his shoulders, I don’t want to force that on Siri as well.”

“Does Siri have an opinion?” Sirius wanted all sides before he gave his opinion.

“Oh please, he’s thirteen. Of course he wants to be involved.” Remus rolled his eyes dismissible. “But he also likes Snape, so I’m forced to call all of his decisions into speculation.”

“Well…if he could be a help, and he wants to help, telling him no is likely to do nothing but make him dig his heels in more. That’s what it would have done to us.” Sirius was sure he saw Remus’ eye twitch. “I get why you don’t him involved. Its dangerous…but don’t you think keeping in the dark will just make it more dangerous than if he realized what was going on.”

“…I hate it when you’re right.” Remus muttered, slumping low in his chair. “Do you think I’m wrong for wanting to keep him here? He keeps telling me he isn’t a child anymore but…he’s still my cub. I can’t just let go.”

Sirius nodded. “It’s not wrong, I don’t think. Just…what you want.”

“You know what else I want?” Remus said, sitting up. His eyes were bright and Sirius had the strangest feeling that onl only was the conversation over, but more interesting pursuits would be explored. He certainly had no objections.

“No, but I’m sure you’d like to show-” A loud buzzing sound filled the house and Sirius blinked owlishly. “Me. What’s that?”

“Alarm system. The Ministry likes to make surprise visits from time to time, to ensure that nothing weird is going on, and it gets to be a pain in the ass to have child services clucking disapprovingly while Siri and I stand in the doorway covered in what was meant to be dinner.”

“I would imagine so. Can you tell them to go away?”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Remus said, standing up and walking towards the door. Sirius changed into his dog form and trotted after him. The world was so much different when it was in black and white, that much was for sure.

He followed Remus to the front door and sat back on his haunches while the werewolf opened the door. A scent he knew, and loathed, drifted to him and he growled, while changing back. He stayed away from the front door nonetheless, you never knew who could be standing around, watching. Remus sighed, making a face but standing aside to let the man in.

“Snape.”

“Lupin. Black.” The man hesitated a moment then arched an eyebrow. “You couldn’t refrain from having sex for even a week could you? You couldn‘t at least shower before answering the door?”

Remus turned pink and took a step back, looking something close to mortified. “You can smell it can’t you?” Snape just stared. “No wonder Siri ran the minute he woke up.” He turned and started walking away and Sirius was sure he heard something about being a horrible father.

“What?”

“I can smell you two all over each other.” Snape said, shutting the door behind him.

“And if he can smell it, Siri had to.” Remus’ voice was coming from God only knew where within the house. “Master vampire or not, Snape isn’t as good as Siri.”

Sirius considered that, and his son’s comment about showering, with a slightly frown. “Ah.”

“I think you may overestimate you son Lupin.” Snape said, walking deeper into the house. Sirius crossed his arms over his chest, wondering if it’d be bad manners to rip off Snape’s arms and beat him with them. He said as much and heard Remus snort then choke.

“I wouldn’t. The Scottish Den would be forced to avenge my death.” Snape didn’t even look back at him. “And I imagine Siri would be upset.”

The buzzing stopped suddenly and Remus walked out of a large closet, wiping his hands on his pants leg. “Because you’re armless, or because Chase would have to take over?”

“Take over what?” Snape’s mouth twisted. “As the figure head of the most boring group of vampires to ever grace the face of the earth? He’d probably do a better job than I do.”

“Right.” Remus looked skeptical, then glanced over Snapehoulhoulder at Sirius. “I’ll have to show you a picture of Chase, but try to imagine a 5’4 boy with bleach blond hair and about earrearrings. Not exactly Master Vampire material.”

“Uh hu. Why is Snape a Master Vampire?”

Master Vampires were the ones who ruled over a Den, a Den being for vampires what a Pack was for werewolves. If Sirius remembered his history correctly, and he probably didn’t, they were determined by blood lines as well as power. A Master Vampire was to be respected and obeyed by his Den, and even the Ministry steered clear of their sort.

…But it was Snape.

“While you were in Azkaban-” Sirius couldn’t help but fell a dark shiver run up his spine. “The former leader decided it was time to move on. I was forced to take over, after a fashion. As long as my father is alive I don’t have to do anything, and I fail to see what could happen to him in St. Mungo’s.”

“Is everyone you know insane?” Sirius asked. Remus glowered at him and he shrugged. It was a perfectly legitimate question. Snape’s gaze turned even colder than it normally was and Sirius frowned. Right. Vampire, Snape was a vampire. Vampire who’d worked for Voldemort at one point, and had probably killed more people than he’d slept with. (Not to say the number of people he’d slept with was an overly high number…)

Where as he was just…well, him.

Why did he continually forget that? …maybe because Snape was an idiot all through school? It was very hard to reconcile his image of Snape with the new ‘big leader of the Scsh Dsh Den’ vampire bloke.

“I came to talk to you about Chase.”

“Is he okay?” Remus asked, walking towards the kitchen. Sirius winced slightly and considered leaving the room. It wasn’t like Remus had any interest in Snape and Snape pretty much hated them, order to be civil aside. He sincerely doubted he had anything to worry about. “Oh my god. Sirius, what did you do to my kitchen!”

Yeah, time to go. “I’m going to take a shower.”

He glared at Snape, trying to indicate that he didn’t care how much he’d changed, he was still the little greasy haired punk from Hogwarts. But the vampire just snarled back, not looking impressed. A pot came flying from somewhere and both men ducked. It sailed over their heads and out of a window. Sirius blinked.

“That was rather uncalled for.” Sirius muttered, before dashing away, lest Remus get it into his head to throw something else. He was halfway down the hall when he paused, considering.

He trusted Remus…but again, this was Snape. It was his experience that Snape would, and had, done everything in his endless quest to annoy the living hell out him. (Not that Sirius hadn’t given as good as he’d gotten over the years…)

He sighed, turning around. He’d take a shower after Snape got lost. He was walking back when he heard Remus speak, a touch of sheepishness to his voice.

“Sorry about that. Sirius wouldn’t have left if not for the threat of bodily harm.” That made Sirius arch an eyebrow. Remus had been trying to get rid of him? Already he was glad he’d forgone the shower. He stayed still, knowing any noise out of the ordinary would alert Remus and Snape to the fact he was…well…

Okay, he was eavesdropping. But it was for the greater good.

“I noticed.”

“What’s wrong with Chase?”

“Beyond the obvious mind numbing visions of a near apocalyptic future?” Snape deadpanned. “And the increasing prospect of insanity before he graduates from school? I’d have to say he’s rather well.”

“Snape-” Remus sounded oddly soothing. It wasn’t a tone Sirius would have thought he’d hear anyone take with Snape, let alone Remus, but there it was.

“You should teach your dog to think before he speaks.” Snape’s voice sounded very…strained. Sirius bit his lower lip. “Or at least to choose his supposed insults more wisely.”

“He doesn’t know.” Remus said, his voice so quiet Sirius nearly missed it. “Its not easy to try and fill someone in on twelve years of a life they‘ve missed.”

Remus was apologizing on his behalf.

He almost wanted to laugh. It was a bit likeng ing in school. When he would pull a prank and end up hurting people in the process, Remus was always ready to placate who’d ever been caught in the crossfire and sooth over hurt feelings.

Two decades later and Remus was still cleaning up his mess.

He couldn’t help but feel, as he walked to the bathroom slowly, that he should be doing more than laying around with Remus all day. He had missed over ten years of life, and he still only had small pieces oft hat had gone on.

And, because of that, he’d actually managed to hurt the likes of Severus Snape, who was supposed to be heartless. Or…maybe hurt was too broad a term…he’d affected him at least. Once upon a time he probably would have marked this day off on a calendar and declared it an unofficial holiday, worthy of skipping class, work, and anything else that needed to be done.

But, and this must have been that whole growing up thing Remus was in awe of, he found it didn’t feel that good. It was kind of…hollow.