Doubts and Desires

A/N: Thank you so much Rilla, Deb, Soggie, Helena, deblovesdragon, shemhamforash, Nightflower, moi, Fish, TheGreyLady, kirienn, Anna, Hawk, Sandy, and Anon for leaving such wonderful reviews! I appreciate them so very much. (Hopes I didn\'t leave anyone out). I\'m so glad everyone enjoys this story so far. Also, if you like this one, then you might like my other one that I have up \"Where the Heart Is.\" It is a SS/OC pairing, and yes, this is a shameless plug for it. Anyways, thank you again for the reviews. Now on with the chapter....


Chapter Six: Trying to Deal


Severus woke up later on, not realizing what time it was. He ached slightly and turned his head, noticing that Albus was there beside of him.

“Good evening, Severus. How are you feeling?” Albus asked gently.

“I’ve been better,” he replied honestly as he sat up and looked around. “Where’s Hermione?”

“I sent her off for a little bit. She needed to get away from here. Get something to eat as well. She’s very worried about you.” Albus looked him straight in the eye. “I am too, Severus. Are you okay?”

Severus shifted slightly. “I’ll be fine, headmaster. I…I just need a little time, I think.”

Albus nodded slowly. “I think you do need a few days of rest, Severus. I’ve asked Hermione to fill in with your classes. She has agreed.”

He fought down the worry that surfaced suddenly. “Are you sure that’s safe?” he asked in spite of himself.

The eldizarizard noticed Severus’ reaction (as minor of a reaction as it was). “It will be quite safe, Severus. Don’t worry. She’s quite capable to fill in for you for a few days.”

He nodded although he was unconvinced. “Albus, do you think that boy will be okay? I never meant for this to happen.”

Albus’ blue eyes met Severus’ dark ones. “Severus, my boy, I’m sure that the boy will be fine. I talked with his parents. They accepted that it was an accident after the initial shock. They know that there was no malice meant.”

Severus nodded again and grew quiet. He only looked up when he heard Hermione enter.

“I can take over now, Albus.” she said. Albus nodded and took her aside for a moment.

“I need you to watch over him, Hermione. He’s having a hard time. I don’t want anything to happen to him.” he said quietly to her in a serious tone. He knew what Severus was capable of, and he didn’t want the worse thing to happen.

“I’ll watch him, Albus. I won’t let anything happen.” she promised.

“Good. If you need me, call.” The wizard then turned and the them.

Hermione went over to her patient and took out her wand, checking his vitals. “How are you feeling, Severus?” she asked as she leaned over to take off his head bandage to check how it was healing up.

“I’ve been better,” he said, trying to keep his voice calm as he practically had his face in her breasts as she leaned in to him. Not that he minded, exactly. It had been quite a while, after all. At least the accident didn’t render him completely useless, he thought almost bitterly.

She put a new bandage on. “Well, I think you should be fine to go back to your own quarters tomorrow morning. Would you like something to eat?” He nodded. “Good.” She called up a house elf and allowed him to place an order. She also ordered a little bit to eat as well. While she was away from Severus, she had just walked around, trying to think through what had happened. No matter how much she thought of her actions, she believed that she had done everything that she could. She followed procedure. She used the best spells and potions that she knew of. She wanted to check a few books though before she would be satisfied with her work and know that she did all she could. That would have to wait until later though.

They ate dinner in quiet. A few years ago, she never would have thought that she would be here having dinner with Severus Snape in the Hospital Wing. She never expected to have him under her care. Then again, she didn’t fully expect to become a mediwitch either.

He glanced over at her as he ate. She had been so kind to him, even though he didn’t deserve it. He hadn’t been nice to her over the years. Frankly, he had been downright rude and nasty to her. She had grown up quite a bit over the years. “I hear you are going to teach my classes.” he stated suddenly as he finished eating.

She nodded. “Albus asked me. It’ll just be until you are better. If you are good, then you can go back to work on Monday.”
“Yes, Miss Granger.” Severus said, giving a hint of a smile. He was glad for a few days off. He wasn’t ready to go back and have to face his students. He wasn’t ready to face potions again.

She smiled and patted his arm. “And, if you are really good, then you might even get a sponge bath from your favorite mediwitch.” she joked.

He chuckled actually, catching the joke, despite a lower part of him that jumped at the thought. “I’ll have to be good then.”

She laughed. “Who would have ever known for you to have a sense of humor?” she asked with a smile. “Now, you have rested for a while. You can either go back to sleep or we can do something else.”

“Do you have a book perhaps? I’m not quite tired yet.” He wanted her to stay beside of him. He actually was enjoying her company. She felt safe and secure. She was also very lovely. Boy, Severus, you must have really gotten hit hard, he thought to himself.

“Yes, I do. I’ll be right back.” She went off to her private quarters and got a book that he might be interested in. She came back out, showing him the book.

“Read to me.” he asked, his eyes slightly pleading.

She smiled. “Sure.” She read to him, noticing that he had that lost boy look again. It was cute, although she wouldn’t mind having one of his famous glares again. He just needed time, she figured. It was quite a shock to him, and he was genuinely sorry. Once he fell asleep, she stopped reading and resumed her vigil at his bedside, despite the fact that she needed rest as well.

* * * * *

Sunday night came all too quickly for Severus. His progress was slow. True, his physical wounds were completely healed. Hermione was a brilliant mediwitch and had done an excellent job at restoring him back to health. His headaches had even stopped. Emotionally, he was a wreck. Outwardly, he had resumed his normal demur for the most part and had even managed to go to the Great Hall for dinner that evening. Of course, he only went because the Headmaster had insisted. He was unsure about tomorrow though. It would be the first time that he had a potions class since the accident. He had tried to start up an easy potion by himself, but he couldn’t do it. His hands would shake. He broke out in a cold sweat. He was filled with self-doubt. He didn’t know how he was going to get through this. He had even considered quitting, but he didn’t know what else he would do with his time. Plus, Hogwarts was more of a home to him than even his family home ever was. He looked up from his seat when Hermione entered. She had done his rounds tonight. He patted the seat beside of him, motioning for her to sit down. “How did it go?”

She sat down, giving a tired sigh. “If we were ever that bad, I am so sorry.”

He laughed slightly. “That bad?”

“Yes. Either the students are bolder this year or I’m just not scary enough.” Hermione said with a smile.

“I think it can be a little bit of both.” Severus was so grateful for all of Hermione’s assistance the last few days. She had taken over his classes as well as kept up with the Hospital Wing and managed to spend time with him until he fell asleep. He was beginning to worry about her though. She had darkened circles under her eyes. “Are you okay, Hermione? You look tired.”

She gave him a gentle smile and patted his hand. “I’m fine. Just been quite busy these last few days. Are you ready to go back to work tomorrow?”

He looked at her, wanting to say yes, but the words wouldn’t form. He slowly shook his head. “Not exactly. It’s just…I don’t know.”

“If you need me at all tomorrow, just call. You can take it easy. The students have been quite good and understanding about all of this actually.” She leaned her head against the sofa and looked over at him. “It’s okay not to be completely ready, Severus. No one expects you to just jump back in there.”

“Yes, I guess so.” He was not convinced. He was Severus Snape. He should just be able to deal with it and act like nothing had happened. It was harder this time though, and he didn’t understand why. Perhaps he had just lost his edge once the war had ended. He didn’t have the visible demons to fight any more or maybe he just didn’t have any fight lefr thr the hidden ones. He didn’t know any more. He looked over at her and smiled slightly. She had fallen asleep. He quietly stood up and got a pillow for her and a blanket. Gently, he laid her down on the couch and covered her up. “Good night, Hermione,” he said quietly as he went into his own room to go to bed. He didn’t sleep though. He thought about his life and other things. He never would have imagined this turn of events, but he was going to have to deal with them. He had to get back to teaching. What else was there left for him to do if he didn’t have that? He just hated the doubts. The fear.


A/N: Please review. Only takes a moment and it makes me happy and willing to update more. *winkwinknudgenudge*