Journey To Passion

Chapter Five –






Chapter Five – A Precious Gift

 

 

“Professor Snape?”

He heard the voice coming from behind
him and recognized the sweet sound immediately. Only Jessica was capable of
making every single blood cell in his body tingle and then go numb by simply
speaking his name. It was a feeling he both loved and hated at the same time.

What he loved and hated even more than
that was turning around to lock his dark eyes with those beautiful emerald
green ones. That’s exactly what he did. Standing half way between the Quidditch
field and the castle, Snape turned himself around to see Jessica standing there
alone, her emerald eyes staring right back at him. For the love of Merlin! Why
did she have to be so beautiful? If it was possible, she looked even more
desirable than she did a week ago.

Snape quickly looked down her slender
body, caressing her with his hungry eyes and devouring the lovesick craving he
had for her. Her open overcoat exposed more curves than he could handle and
displayed how marvellously her body fit into that maroon velvet dress.

“Well, well, well,” Snape began as he
looked back up into her eyes. “If it isn’t the ambivalent bane of my
existence.” His arms crossed over his chest and his lips spread into what any
Hogwarts student would refer to as his trademark sinister smile. It was a sneer
Jessica was quickly beginning to recognize for herself.

And of course, what good was the
trademark smile if it didn’t have an insolent remark to go with it? Jessica
smiled at him anyway, knowing by now that his impertinence was just something
he couldn’t help.

“Now is that any way to treat a lady?”
Jessica asked playfully.

It most certainly wasn’t, but Snape
wasn’t about to let her believe he didn’t think so. Letting his guard down like
that would only assure Jessica that he was vulnerable.

“I saw you in the stands,” Jessica told
him and began to walk along side of him up towards the castle. “Why don’t you
watch the game with the other professors?”

“I wasn’t there to watch the game,”
Snape spat at her.

“Then why were you there?”

“That isn’t important.”

“Of course it isn’t,” she agreed
sarcastically. “I’ve come to realize that a lot of unimportant things require
your full attention.”

Snape stopped immediately and looked at
Jessica. The black look in his eyes told her he resented her comment. “What I
meant to say was-”

“It’s none of my business,” Jessica
finished for him. It probably wasn’t any of her business, but a part of her was
hoping that over the last week Snape had given at least some thought to
willingly letting her in on a fraction of what he did in his everyday life
besides send his students up to the Hospital Wing in handfuls.

“Right,” Snape muttered softly and
shifted uncomfortably. “Well,” he began as they continued walking together.
“It’s nothing personal, Jessica. Some things I know are no one’s business.”

Feeling a bit better by these words,
Jessica smiled up at him and skipped a couple of steps to keep up to his long,
quick strides. “I understand,” she said. “You’re not the only one around here
burdened by a life of secrets.”

Snape looked sideways at her and
watched Jessica pick the hem of her dress up into her hands as she stepped over
a wet puddle of slush. The half green, half white field was full of slushy
puddles due to the refreshing afternoon sunshine. Snape could hear the sopping
wet grass squish and slosh beneath their shoes as they walked.

“What makes you so sure everything’s a secret?”
Snape quizzed as he curiously glared at her through the narrow slits of his
eyes.

“It appears quite obvious, don’t you think?”
Jessica shot back. She turned her head towards him at an awkward angle and
hopped over another puddle of slush. “What you won’t tell me, you won’t tell my
uncle, and whatever he doesn’t know is undoubtedly a complete mystery to the
rest of the world.”

“Had it ever occurred to you that
perhaps your uncle does know the entirety of my cautious procedures and
is keeping you in the dark simply because it is in fact NOTHING for you to
become aware of?” Snape lifted his eyebrows in satisfaction and eyed Jessica
feeling certain that his negation had rendered her speechless. For a moment he
had been successful, augh ugh as soon as he saw Jessica open her mouth to
speak, the confident look on her face assured him that he was in for a
disappointment.

“Had it ever occurred to you,
Professor Snape, that just because you can’t tell me some things about
yourself doesn’t exactly mean you can’t indulge me in anything about you at
all?”

“What the hell do you want to know
about me?” he questioned irritably and began walking a pace faster.

“I don’t care,” she said. “But you’re
going to have to start talking to me about something if you ever want to
find out where I’ve decided to place my heart.” By trying to keep up to his
quickening pace, Jessica failed to notice a large puddle in front of her and
she instantly felt a gush of ice-cold water penetrate through her left shoe and
soak all the way up to her ankle. She quietly cursed at the dismay and then
stopped before the puddles could create any further hassle.

“What makes you so sure I want to do
that all of a sudden?” he asked, ignoring her inconveniences.

“Look, will you just stop for a
moment!” Jessica demanded after growing tired of having to skip about to keep
up with him. Several steps ahead of her, Snape did halt to a stop and then
turned around to look at her. His hands clamped to his hips and the
unenthusiastic look on his face once again made Jessica feel like she was only
wasting her time with him. “I just know, all right!”

Snape rolled his eyes in disbelief and
then sighed at her.

This is going to go no where, Jessica thought to herself. No matter
how badly she wanted to break through the barrier between them, Jessica
couldn’t stand putting herself through this vicious cycle any longer. Before
long the heartache would be too much. If she walked away from him now, at least
then she’d only have to suffer one week’s worth of emotional turmoil opposed to
the heartache she would endure if she continued to put up with Snape’s childish
insol.
.

“You know what,” she began. “I’m tired
of this. I’m tired of seeing that monotonous expression of yours every time I
try to befriend you. Clearly I’ve made a mistake in wanting to place my heart
in the hands of a man who refuses to admit that he wants what’s right in front
of him.”

Her words struck him like a bolt of
lightening and the fiery look in her eyes met his fierce glare and – to Snape’s
utter shock - suddenly melted the armour encompassing his heart. He hadn’t
expected to hear this from her! Only hours ago he had been certain Jessica had
every intention to keep her heart to herself. Not only was he wrong, but now he
had given her another good reason (as if she didn’t already have enough) to
want to keep it to herself.

Dammed!

Feeling more heartbroken than she ever
had before in her entire life, Jessica slowly picked up the hem of her dress
and stepped over another puddle as she walked around the silent and distraught
professor. Just as she brushed her shoulder against his arm, Jessica felt a
firm hand grasp around the inside of her arm.

Snape pulled her back until she was
standing in front of him and then loosened his grip around her arm. He couldn’t
quite bring himself to completely let go of her in case this was the last
chance he’d ever have to touch her. He looked deep into her eyes and fought as
best he could the temptation he had to pull her into a deep, passionate kiss
that would assure her that having her heart in his hands was his deepest and
utmost desire right now. Instead, Snape reluctantly let Jessica pull her arm out
of his grasp and he watched her take one step away from him.

“Just because I don’t express my
emotions doesn’t mean they don’t exist,” he told her. “I harbour my feelings as
I see fit, and the better of those feelings aren’t appropriate for Daily Prophet
headlines.”

“I’m not asking you to broadcast
yourself across the country,” Jessica assured.

“I know that,” he said. “I’ve spent a
lifetime learning the hard way that sentiment only renders one’s vulnerability.
If you ever experience the things I’ve experienced, you’ll understand why I
think it’s best not to value anything that can be taken away in a heartbeat.
It’s not easy and it’s not always what I want.”

Jessica opened her ears to him and then
placed a firm hand overtop of his own. At the very moment she touched him,
Snape felt as if a serge of power penetrated throughout his entire body. “Then
tell me what you do want, Severus,” Jessica requested, her voice sounding like
a million echoes bouncing off of every corner in Snape’s head.

His heart skipped a beat… maybe even two. Whether
she had realized it or not, Jessica had called him by his first name for the
first time. He’d never dreamed such a thing would have this great an effect.
Every morsel of his body was warmed by the sound of her tender voice speaking
his name. He loved how the sweet sound echoed between his ears.

If he still hadn’t been so taken aback, then maybe
he’d have been able to squeeze her hand back when she slipped her fingers
around his hand. Instead he looked down at her hand in his and felt entire body
turning numb again. He could no more stop himself from feeling this astonished
than he could keep the earth from spinning around.

After a long hard look at what was happening, Snape
finally pulled himself together and looked straight into the elegant green eyes
in front of him. As his thumb began soothingly rubbing Jessica’s hand, her grip
around his fingers tightened.

“I do fancy you, Jessica,” was all he could manage
to say at first. He wasn’t exactly sure if he wanted to admit that just yet,
but something about the way she made him feel forced the words right out of
him.

Her head nodded almost unnoticeably and her eyes
continued to gaze up at him in anticipation to hear more. There was plenty more
he could tell her, both good and bad things. By closer scrutiny, it didn’t seem
that it mattered to Jessica whether or not what he had to tell her was good or
bad, but rather that he just told her some truth. If it was the truth she
wanted, he’d give her all she could handle.

“I came to Hogwarts after living a long hard life of
falsehood, evil, and despair. I was doomed for a life of eternal imprisonment
and only one person was able to save me from what any wizard would call a life
worse than death itself. Just before Albus brought me here, everything that was
precious to me was destroyed and every bit of strength I had was stripped away.
Sometimes I wish I had died.” The grip around Jessica’s hand became tighter and
the gaze of sheer abhorrence that burned in his dark eyes was so intense Jessica
could no longer remember to keep breathing. She looked down at his white
knuckled and wondered if he even realized how tight a grip he had on her.
“These last few years I’ve tried very hard to ignore every feeling, every
desire and every avid notion that has ever been brought upon me in fear that my
acquisition could only be taken away again. Until now I’ve been completely
successful. I despise myself now knowing that I’ve allowed these feelings to
return only long enough for me to fall for you.”

Snape loosened his grip around Jessica’s hand and
then gradually let go of her after making the painful decision that it would be
best if he never touched her again. Surly, one way or another, he’d only lose
her.

Quickly, Jessica took his hand back and squeezed him
once more. The same overpowering feeling returned when she touched him, but it
wasn’t nearly as strong as it had been the first time.

A curious pair of eyes looked up at him and Jessica
bit her bottom lip before asking him one last question. “Do you want me,
Severus?”

His head nodded slowly. “I do want you, Jessica,” he
assured. If he never saw her again after today, that was the one thing he
wanted her to be sure of. Then, before he could even put the words together in
his head, the rest of the words trickled out of his mouth. “I love you and I
want you in my life.”

Half way between her chest and her throat, Jessica
could feel her heart pounding out of control. Her eyes stung as the tears
threatened to pour down her cheeks. If she blinked at all, they inevitably
would. She never suspected she’d hear him say such powerful words to her.

‘I love you and I want you in my life.’

The words played over and over in her head until
Jessica could no longer keep her eyes open. She quickly pulled her hand away
from his and closed her eyes. She felt the warm moisture drip down each side of
her face. Touched by the chill of the afternoon wind, the trail of tears turned
cold and Jessica opened her eyes to shamefully wipe the tears away.

Snape reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a
clean jade coloured handkerchief and held it out to Jessica. “I never thought
there would finally come a day where I’d see you cry.”

Jessica giggled at her own embarrassment and timidly
took the handkerchief. “Thank you,” she whispered softly as she dotted beneath
her eyes. When she handed the square cloth material back to him, Snape pushed
her hands away and nodded his head.

“Keep it,” he said. “I’ve got plenty more.”

Jessica looked closely at the black embroidery in
the corner of the handkerchief and read his initials out loud. “S. S. How
sweet, you’re giving me your snot rag.”

“I beg your pardon?” Snape demanded. Although his
face twisted up in one of his nasty faces again, Jessica was certain she could
see a smile beneath the hideous scowl. “That happens to be a fine piece of
handcrafted material. If you’re really that repulsed I’ll take it back,” he
said and reached his hand out to retrieve the handkerchief.

“No, no, no,” she said and clutched it against her
chest. “It’s perfectly all right, Severus.”

She’d done it again. Jessica called him by his first
name, and just like the last time, the sound of it warmed his body from head to
toe. Damn the power she had to do that! He was supposed to be walking away from
her, not allowing himself to be drawn to her fatal attraction.

“No man’s ever given me his personalized hankie
before.” She folded the material in half and gently tucked it in the cuff of
her sleeve.

“You deserve much more than an insignificant,
personalized snot rag,” Snape told her. He knew he shouldn’t be trying to
dazzle her, but his yearning to romance her now was far greater than it ever
had been before, and his pain filled decision to walk away from her today was
quickly disintegrating. “Perhaps a personalized tour of Hogwarts is in order.”

Knowing that Jessica was keen on seeing every inch
of the castle, Snape hoped that his offer was one that wouldn’t go
unappreciated. A moment later her head nodded accepting his offer.

“Well, well, well; the notorious Severus Snape has a
soft spot after all.” A sweet smile finally appeared on Jessica’s face and
Snape became overwhelmed with joy to see her take one step closer to him. She
walked into his embrace and then delicately moved the strand of hair that had
been hanging in his face off to the side. “I can sense what you’re thinking
right now, Severus,” she said in a soft whisper. “Go right ahead and kiss me. I
promise I won’t hurt you this time.” With her lips spread into the slightest
jovial smile, Jessica pressed her hands to his chest and closed her eyes as she
awaited his kiss.

Across the field dividing the school
from the Quidditch pitch there were still several students and teachers
scattered around still making their way back up to the school. Snape knew that
if he kissed Jessica now, some of them were bound to catch a glimpse of their
intimate moment.

He imagined some of the students
pointing, laughing, gasping – whatever. It didn’t really matter what they did
if they saw him kiss her. In all honesty, he hoped that someone would notice.
Something about holding Jessica - the most beautiful woman to ever walk the
grounds of Hogwarts - made Snape want to proclaim to the whole school that this
particular woman was his!

It was the strangest feeling he’d ever
felt before. Nonetheless, it was a pleasant feeling. A joyous and blissful
feeling. For a man who’d always kept to himself and never bothered to let
anyone know his heart actually existed, this feeling was unusual, but quite
satisfying. He’d certainly never experienced that before.

His breath caught in his throat and it
seemed that Jessica’s kiss was all that would be able to revive him. Unwilling
to waste any more time, Snape looked down at Jessica’s peaceful expression and
framed her face in his hands. He hesitated at first but then moved closer to
the beckoning of her kiss. Gently placing his lips overtop of hers, Snape
pulled her closer to him and indulged in the full experience of claiming her
sweet kiss. His hands moved gradually down her neck and over her shoulders.

Her soft velvet dress felt wonderful to
his touch. With his body pressed so closely to hers, Snape could feel the
warmth of Jessica’s body spreading to his. It was warmth he had never
experienced before. Although he had been passionate with other women in his
past, Snape knew that every taste of passion he shared with Jessica was going
to make a world of difference. He’d already told Jessica he loved her, and that
was something he’d never told anyone before.

 

 

* * *

 

Well, this has been the icebreaker. I hope you’ve enjoyed
“Journey to Passion” so far. Now that Jess and Sevi are on the same page it’s
time to learn some of those secrets about Jessica… even the ones she’s unaware
of.

 

Thanks
for the reviews!