Torment

A/n: Here we go, next chapter. Thank you everyone who has reviewed so far. I LOVE REVIEWS! Please let me know how you feel about this chapter.

I do not own Harry Potter


Chapter 5: Memories and Visions

The next two days were rather eventful for Ron, Hermione, Harry and Draco. Harry was released the day after he hung himself and was beseeched by questions of why he tried to kill himself. Nobody apart from the group at the hospital wing, Draco and the teachers knew what Harry had tried to do. In class, just like Draco had said, Harry was kept away from sharp objects and anything that could harm him, while also being carefully watched by the teachers. Thankfully, none of them asked him why h tried to commit suicide. Also, Neville, Dean, Seamus, Ginny, Lavender and Parvati were told by Ron and Hermione what Harry‘s Uncle did to him and signed a sheet of paper to say that they would not tell anyone and if they did, a nasty hex by Hermione would hit them. They also helped with comforting Harry about it, which he was grateful for.

Eventually, Friday arrived. Harry was rather worried about this and what he would have to tell Snape. In Harry’s eyes, the day went rather quickly and soon Harry, Ron, Hermione and Draco were making their way to Snape’s office. Draco knocked on the door and the four entered, taking seats in three chairs that had been conjured in front of Snape’s desk. The potions master looked up at them, his fingers steepled and his face blank. They waited for him to speak but he didn’t, he just looked at them impassively.

‘Can we get this over with? I don’t want to be here and I’m sure you didn’t ask for the job so let’s get on with it,’ Harry said.

‘You are wrong, Mr Potter, if you believe that I did not ask for this job because I did,’ Snape replied.

‘What?’

‘Dumbledore suggested someone else take this job but I insisted that I do it.’

‘Why?’ Harry asked, completely dumbfounded at why Snape would want to do this.

‘I have my reasons but, like you said, I should get on with it,’ Snape said steadily.

‘Fine, ask your questions,’ Harry muttered.

‘Mr Potter, why exactly did you try to kill yourself?’

‘Didn’t Dumbledore tell you?’

‘He did but I want to hear it from you.’

‘Fine, my Uncle raped me, is that clear enough?’

‘It is,’ Snape said as a quill next to him started to jot down notes on a roll of parchment. ‘Tell me what you felt when it happened.’

‘Scared, angry, humiliated, pain, sadness.’

Snape raised an eyebrow. ‘Anything else?’

Harry turned away from him. ‘No,’ he said firmly.

‘Mr Potter, do not lie to me.’

Harry glared at him. ‘If you really want to know, use Occlumency, it’ll be easier.’

‘I do not want to have to do that, that will not help you get past this.’

‘What happens if I don’t want to get past this?’ Harry asked.

Instantly, Ron, Hermione and Draco turned to look at him. ‘Harry…?’ Draco said. The brunette sighed but didn’t answer.

‘Mr Potter, I’m sure that somewhere inside you, you do want to get over this but I cannot help if you do not cooperate.’

‘God, I really think I’ve gone insane,’ Harry muttered quietly but not quietly enough because Snape heard him.

Snape stared at him. ‘Why do you think that?’ Harry didn’t answer but glared at the floor. ‘Mr Potter, please answer my questions. Why do you think you’ve gone insane?’

‘Because of something I felt and how I feel,’ the boy said.

‘What did you feel?’

‘Doesn’t matter.’

‘Mr Potter, if this feeling makes you feel like you’ve gone insane then it is important. What did you feel?’

Harry stood up, anger taking hold of him. Why couldn’t Snape just drop it? Why did he have to continue? ‘You want to know how I felt? You want to know that while he was doing it, some part of me liked it? YOU WANT TO KNOW THAT HE FUCKING RAPED ME AND I ENJOYED IT? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW?’ By the time Harry had finished, he was shouting as loud as he could. Snape didn’t move at the outburst, he just sat there, calm and composed. Ron, Hermione and Draco were looking up at him shocked. He ignored them as he turned around and made his way over to the door. Before he could pull it open though, Snape’s voice reached his ears.

‘Mr Potter, come back.’

Harry spun around. ‘Why should I?’

‘Well, I may have a reason to why you felt like that.’ Harry stared at Snape as the potions master gestured towards the chair that Harry had recently vacated. Harry glared for a moment but then trudged back over and sank into the chair, ignoring the other three’s looks as he sat. ‘Mr Potter, have you ever considered that you may be gay?’

Harry gapped. ‘Well, no… I’ve never considered it. Anyway, even if I am, that’s no reason to feel the way I did.’

‘Mr Potter, was that your first experience with sex?’

Harry stared at Snape incredulously. How could he ask him that? ‘Well, yes, but what does that have to do with it?’

‘Well, Mr Potter, considering that you had never had sex before, then it is natural to feel something like that, no matter who it was or how it came to be.’

Harry sighed. ‘I guess…’

‘Also, for the record, if you are gay, don’t let this experience put you off. Having sex with a man is not that painful. Do not just give up, no matter who you fall for.’ As Snape said this, he glanced across at Draco. Harry saw the glance and turned to Draco. He noticed that the Slytherin was blushing slightly. Harry frowned before turning his attention back to Snape.

‘Do I even want to know how you know that?’

‘Well, in the past I have… experimented. But that’s not the reason we’re here,’ Snape said.

‘Fine, what else do you want to know?’

‘How was your life before you came to Hogwarts and found out that you were a wizard?’

Harry snorted. ‘Oh my life was brilliant. Dumbledore sending me there was the best thing he could have done,’ he said sarcastically.

‘This is no time to be sarcastic, Mr Potter,’ Snape said lightly.

‘Fine,’ Harry grumbled. ‘For eleven years I slept under the cupboard under the stairs. I hardly got any food and if I did magic, even by accident, I was locked in the cupboard and sometimes went for days without food, it depended on what I did. My cousin, Dudley, tormented me. He would call me names, make up lies about me so I would be punished and used me as his punching bag when we got older. I was forced to cook meals and do most of the chores around the house.’

‘What happened when you returned after your first year?’

‘Things got worse. They became afraid that I would use magic on them and so gave me Dudley’s second bedroom while my trunk and wand were locked in the cupboard I used to sleep in. Dudley stopped hitting me but a after a few weeks, when they found out that I couldn’t use magic outside school or I’d get expelled, Vernon started to hit me. The first time, he just came bursting into my room and punched me. I hadn’t done anything though. I had no idea what was going on so I started yelling at him and he kept hitting me until I stopped. After that I learnt not to argue or it would be worse.
Every time something bad would happen, they would blame it on me, that I cursed their family or something like that. They knew I hadn’t though because I didn’t get expelled but they still blamed it on me. One of the worst beatings I had was when I met Dobby, Mr Malfoy’s old house-elf. He came to me, telling me not to return to Hogwarts but I didn’t listen, he didn’t understand what went on in that house. I said that I had to go back and then he dropped a cake on top of a visitor’s head. Vernon was livid after that, thinking I had done it, just like the Ministry. He had lost quite a bit of money over that and practically beat me into a coma. When I recovered, I found out that he had put bars on my windows and locks on my door. He said I was never going back to Hogwarts but the Weasely family got me out of there.’

‘Mr Potter, why didn’t you tell anyone, social services?’

Harry gave a light snort. ‘Oh yeah, like I would have ever been able to tell social services. I was never let out of the house except when I walked out or they took me out. If I had told social services, they wouldn’t have found anything and the charges would’ve been dropped. My Uncle has friends in high places and could’ve pulled some strings.’

‘Why didn’t you tell anyone here at Hogwarts?’

‘Do you really think I needed that, for people to know that I have an abusive family? I’m in the limelight enough, I don’t care what they did but I didn’t want anymore attention, especially from something like that. It was pity that stopped me from telling. As it is I get enough of it because of my parents but I don’t think I would’ve been able to bare the looks on their faces at that, knowing that I would have to go back there each summer because of the protection charm. It didn’t matter to me, I got used to it and I learnt to block it out. But I’m still grateful for them, still grateful after everything they did.’

Snape looked a little shocked at Harry’s words. ‘Grateful? You’re still grateful after all of that? Why?’

‘You probably won’t understand but I’m grateful for the treatment. Most people think I had a wonderful childhood and that I’m probably spoilt and snobby. I’m grateful because I’m not like that. I don’t think myself better and I’m grateful because they helped me withstand pain, they helped me become the person I am today. The person that is going to rid this world of Voldemort once and for all. I have my problems, I admit it but I was severely depressed when I tried to commit suicide. At that time, it was too much. I was confused, upset and I made a wrong choice. Now I’m never going to give up, not until Voldemort is in the ground, where he belongs.’

‘Are you sure that is how you really feel? Are you sure you won’t go back into a depression?’ Snape asked.

Harry looked Snape directly in the eye. ‘Yes.’

Snape nodded. ‘Mr potter, I know you probably don’t want to do this, but would you mind if I used Occlumency on you?’

‘I thought you said that you didn’t want to use it?’ Harry asked, a little worried at the things Snape might see.

‘I know I did but it would help if I could witness the things you have talked about. If you want me to stop, just say so.’

Harry sighed. ‘All right. Will this be like when we had lessons in fifth year?’

‘No, I won’t be attacking your mind, trying to get though your defences. I want you to open your mind to me. The more you fight, the harder it will be on you.’ Harry nodded in understanding. ‘Are you ready?’ Another nod from the brunette. Snape pointed his wand at the boy and muttered, ‘Legilimens!’

Instantly, flashes of memories began to flicker in both of their visions. Harry being chased by Dudley as a child, Harry locked in the cupboard under the stairs, the battle with Quirrel and Voldemort in first year, Vernon beating Harry after his first year, the Basilisk in second year, Dementors, the Graveyard with Voldemort, Sirius dying and finally, Vernon raping Harry.


Meanwhile, Ron, Hermione and Draco were watching Harry and Snape. Harry’s eyes were closed while Snape’s were glazed over. Suddenly, every muscle in Harry’s body tensed. His hands balled into fists, his jaw clenched and a tear trickled down his cheek as he began to breath in heavy pants. Ron, Hermione and Draco shared a look. Draco stood up and walked around the desk until he was standing next to Snape. He leant forward. ‘Sev, stop, Sev!’ he said as he gently shook Snape’s shoulder. Immediately, Snape’s eyes regained their focus and he turned to Draco.

‘What?’ Draco didn’t answer but pointed at Harry, who now had silent tears running down his face and was shaking slightly. Snape stood up and walked around the side of his desk. ‘Mr Potter?’ Harry didn’t answer so Snape reached out a hand and gently shook his shoulder. Harry’s reaction was instant. He gave a yelp as his eyes opened wide. He toppled out of his chair and crawled away to a corner of the room where he backed up against the wall, brought his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around them. Draco was by him in an instant and called Harry’s name a number of times, but the boy was unresponsive. Draco looked up at Snape for help. ‘Mr Weasely, Miss Granger, I’m going to need you to hold Mr Potter down.’

‘What for?’ Hermione asked, a little fearful.

‘I’m going to use Occlumency again, to find out what is making Mr Potter act like this. He may fight it so I’ll need you to keep him still,’ Snape replied. Hermione nodded and both her and Ron moved forward and grabbed both of Harry’s shoulders. He struggled but he could not get them off. Snape pointed his wand at Harry again and said, ‘Legilimens!’ again.


The potions master was pulled into Harry’s mind, watching from the sidelines. He looked around. He was in a graveyard, the shadow of a large house up on a hill not far from where he was. There were tombs and headstones littering the ground, some chipped and weathered away while others were covered in foliage. It was night, a full moon high in the sky, making the surrounding area look ghostly pale. It looked like the Graveyard that Voldemort was re-born in. Snape spotted Harry lying on the ground, looking scared while a man towered over him. The cloak man turned his face towards Snape and he could make out the snow white skin, cat-like red eyes and snake-like nose of Lord Voldemort. Voldemort sneered at Harry, the boy sporting a number of cuts and bruises and had a bloodied lip.

‘When I’m finished with you, you’ll be begging for death,’ the pale man hissed. Harry tried to crawl away but Voldemort muttered, ‘Pretificus Totalus!’ Harry was hit by the body bind curse, turning as stiff as a board as his arms and legs snapped together. The only thing he could move were his eyes, which were looking up, panicky, at Voldemort. The man waved his wand at Harry again and the boy felt his mouth un-clench so that he could speak. ’No you don’t. I think I’m going to enjoy this.’ Harry’s eyes widened as Voldemort bent down next to him. He struggled with the curse as he was flipped over onto his stomach but it was a futile effort. Snape watched as Voldemort unsheathed his robes, pulled his trousers down and then pulled Harry’s down. Harry gave a small whimper as he felt Voldemort’s hard cock pushing into his arse, forcing its way into him. Voldemort pulled back, only to thrust back into him, making Harry scream in pain. Each thrust rewarding Voldemort with more yells of pain from the boy, each seeming to make Voldemort more aroused. Snape grimaced and pulled out of Harry’s mind, having seen enough. When his mind came back to his body, he found Ron and Hermione forcefully holding Harry down as he was writhing and screaming in pain on the floor.

‘What happened? What did you see?’ Draco asked as soon as he saw his godfather regain his senses.

‘Let him go, I’ll sort this out,’ Snape said, ignoring Draco’s questions. Ron and Hermione obeyed, releasing Harry as he continued to scream in pain. Snape quickly went over to one of the many shelves in the room and grabbed a turquoise blue potion. He hurried back over to Harry, knelt down by the boy’s side and rested one hand on the boy’s chest while the other forced the potion down his throat. For a moment, Harry continued to shudder and yell but then he fell still and silent. Slowly, he opened his eyes and sat up, gazing blearily a the occupants in the room, Snape’s hand still on his chest. ‘Are you all right, Mr Potter?’ Snape asked.

Harry nodded his head. ‘What… What happened?’

‘I’m not so sure. It appeared that you were reliving a memory, one concerning the dark lord.’

Harry looked confused for a moment but then his eyes widened in horror and realisation. Voldemort… he was raping him. Harry shook his head franticly from side to side, on the verge of panic. ‘No,’ he muttered. ‘No, no, no, no, no… He can’t… He can’t… Oh god,’ Harry said as he let his head drop into his hands. Not a moment later, Harry raised his head again, clapped a hand to the lightning bolt scar on his forehead and hissed in pain. ‘You bastard,’ he hissed. ‘You sick fucking bastard, I’m going to kill you!’

‘Mr Potter?’ Harry looked up at Snape who was looking worriedly at him, as well as his friends. ‘What I witnessed, was that a memory?’

Harry shook his head. ‘No, he… Voldemort, he was showing me.’

’Showing you what?’

’What he’s going to do to me. What he wants to do to me. I can still hear his voice, in my head.’ Harry fixed his gaze on the floor, not looking up at any of them.

‘Mr Potter, I’m just going to go and have a word with Miss Granger, Mr Weasely and Mr Malfoy,’ Snape said. Harry nodded but didn’t look up, keeping his blank gaze on the cold flagstone floor. Snape beckoned Ron, Hermione and Draco over to a corner of the room, out of earshot of Harry. As soon as they were there, Ron rounded on Snape.

‘What happened? What’s Harry going on about?

‘As you well know, Mr Potter’s scar is a link between his mind and the dark lord’s and vice versa. This allows both of them to see into each other’s minds. Mr Potter, for a while now, has often been able to feel the dark lord’s emotions when they are strong and sometimes gets flashes of what the dark lord sees. In fifth year, the dark lord was able to project an image into Mr Potter’s mind, making him think that it was a vision.’

‘I remember that, the so called ‘vision’ was of Sirius being tortured by Voldemort,’ Hermione said. Snape hissed at Voldemort’s name but didn’t comment.

‘Yes, I think that is what happened mow. I think the dark lord was able to see Mr Potter’s memories when I used Occlumency, the last one being of what Mr Potter’s Uncle did to him. I think the dark lord witnessed this.’

‘Sir, what does this have to do with what Harry said?’ Hermione asked.

‘The vision the dark lord showed Harry was of himself and the boy, alone. The dark lord then proceeded to do what Mr Potter’s Uncle did.’ Silence met this statement. It was thick and tense as the three teenagers absorbed these words and the implications of them. Finally, Hermione spoke.

‘You mean… Voldemort wants to… to rape him?’

Snape sighed. ‘I’m afraid so. I’ll inform Dumbledore immediately and see what he can come up with. For now though, you had best be going, it’s getting rather late. I’ll give Mr Potter a dreamless sleep potion in case of nightmares but be careful that he only takes it one every other day. We do not want him over dosing on it.’ With that, Snape went back over to the shelf he had taken the blue potion from and brought down a light green coloured one. He handed it to Hermione. ‘I want you four back here next Friday at the same time.’

Hermione, Ron and Draco nodded before turning around and making their way over to Harry, who was still staring at the floor. He looked up as they knelt down beside him, his face a mask of pure misery. ‘Harry? Are you OK?’ Hermione asked tentatively.

Ron gently smacked her on the arm. ‘Of course he’s not OK. Look, I think we should go somewhere to talk, somewhere private where we won’t be overhead. Our common rooms are out of the question. Any ideas?’

‘We could go to the Room of Requirement on the seventh floor. We shouldn’t be disturbed there,’ Hermione said. Ron and Draco nodded. ‘Right, you should get your invisibility cloak though, Harry. We have no idea how long we’re going to be out.’ The two boys nodded again and Harry looked up at her. She gave him a comforting smile and he tried to get to his feet. As he tried to stand, a sudden wave of dizziness hit him and he almost collapsed. Draco saw that he was about to fall but steadied him quickly, setting him back on his feet. Harry smiled slightly at the blonde before making his way to the door, Draco still keeping a firm grip on him.

‘Bye, Sev,’ Draco said. His only reply was a dismissive wave from the potions master as the cloaked man sat down behind his desk, taking a large gulp of some firewhisky he had poured. Draco sighed as the four of them left the room, heading for Gryffindor Tower. ’Hey, I’ll meet you by the tapestry,’ the blonde said. The other three nodded and Draco disappeared. They continued walking, Ron and Hermione keeping Harry steady. They eventually made it to the portrait of the fat lady, said the password and entered the revealed hole as the portrait swung open to admit them. Harry quickly dashed up to the seventh year boys dormitory and returned a minute later with his cloak stuffed safely in his pocket. They left the common room hurriedly, not wanting to be called back by any of the people milling around in the room. They continued onwards, eventually making it to the seventh floor. They turned the corner and came face to face with Draco, the youth standing next to an old tapestry. He was leaning against the wall but looked up and grinned when he heard them approaching.

A/N: There we go, chapter five done. I knoe that Harry has been acting a bit OCC in earlier chapters but hopefully it'll get better. Anyway, lots of smut next chapter. Please review!