Marriage Law Madness

He set her down in the dim hallway, surprising her by flipping a light switch, not pulling out his wand. “Grandmother was a Muggle,” he explained at her shocked look.

She gazed at him softly; suddenly shy. “Here we are, on our wedding night, and we know almost nothing about one another. I don’t even know simple things about you. I don’t know what your favorite foods are or what you don’t like, how you like your coffee or even when your birthday is…” She realized he was simply gaping at her as she rambled and burst into tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… Oh, I’ve managed to mess things up already!”

Unsure of what to do, he fished his wedding handkerchief out of his breast pocket and turned her to face him. He wiped the tears from her eyes, and then held the hankie to her nose. “Blow!” He ordered. After she complied, he quickly Scourgified the handkerchief and returned it to his pocket. Putting his hands on her shoulders, he looked her straight in the eye.

“Now listen here. You have not ‘messed things up.’ It is going to take us time to adjust to each other. I will admit that I am scared out of my mind. Marriage was NOT in my plans, ever, and I have no idea what I am doing. The one thing I know is that I will do everything in my power to be a good husband and not let the persona your children call the ‘greasy git’ or the ‘sarcastic bastard’ appear as often as usual. And I will never willingly let anyone or anything hurt you. At this point, that’s all I can promise.”

“I rather like your sense of humor, Severus. You always managed to make us laugh at least once during an Order meeting, even if you didn’t.” She squeezed his hand, offering him reassurance to continue.

“The answers to your questions, in no particular order, are that I take my coffee with cream and lots of sugar, My birthday is January 9th, I’ll be thirty seven. I love potatoes in any form, particularly baked and loaded with butter, with either sour cream or cream cheese; and chips that are a little too hot. Pancakes, corn on the cob or Philadelphia style, medium-well steak… I like my eggs scrambled or Sunnyside up. Porridge with white sugar, butter, dates and raisins.” He paused. “I loathe Brussels sprouts, and I will hex you if you try to make me eat liver.”

Molly made a gagging noise. “No chance of that.”

“Good. Let’s get out of these dress clothes and then I will finish answering your questions and ask some of my own. I suggest we use the time to get used to one another. We have a month before we “have” to be physically intimate due to the law requirement, as I have no wish for our son to have to fine his parents for lack of conjugal activity.” He broke off into a laugh at the sheer absurdity of that statement.

“I’ve never heard you laugh before – come to that, before today I’ve never seen you really smile. With the stories the kids told me, I guess it surprises me. I like it, but you need practice.”

“ Then I suggest we get ready for bed, get a drink and tell each other all about ourselves, and you can tell me some of the funny stories mothers always seem to have about their children so I can practice laughing. Plus, I can tease them about it later!” This time his face bore the smirk she knew so well from Order meetings. Taking her hand, he led her down the hall and into the bedroom. “I brought all your stuff over. I’ll go change in the guest room so you can have some privacy.”

Molly shook her head. “I can undo my hair and things on my own, but the robe has three dozen jet buttons down the back. Minerva buttoned them for me. He stood behind her and began unbuttoning her with trembling fingers. “Please understand that the last time I did this was when I was a fifth year. As I undid each button, it refastened itself. The buttons did this faster than I could get them, so I tried a severing charm that rebounded and struck me in the face. Madam Price, Madam Pomfrey’s predecessor, had to fix my nose back on. Unbeknownst to me, her mother had set them up to hex anyone of the opposite sex trying to unbutton them.”

“Good thing Ginny’s spoken for. I could see you doing that to some poor boy!”

“No, I’d just hire a security troll to chaperone.” Snape deadpanned.

“Ouch! No wonder the students are scared of you. Tonight was probably the first feast in ten years that you weren’t blasting necking couples out of rosebushes.”

“And the next time, it will be because the adults want the garden, not because I am so insanely jealous of their relationships. They think I hate them and want to make them miserable. I want to keep them from screwing up their lives like my sister did. Why else do they think I’ve brewed three cauldrons of contraceptive potion a month for the past fifteen years? I certainly didn’t need it.”

Molly snickered. “When he was a fifth year, Fred said that when things got too amorous and they didn’t have any potion, he did impressions of you during potions class to kill the mood. I wonder if he’s thought of that part of our relationship yet? We’ll be lucky to ever get grandkids from him.”

“I think they think I live under a rock and was the product between a greasy fry cook’s grill cleaner and a bat.”

“Actually, the most popular opinion is that he’s a vampire.” A new voice came from the fireplace in the other room, continuing plaintively. “Mom, we put the tickets in your purse and forgot to get them before we left. Can you give them to me? We can’t check in without them.”

“Her purse is in the other room. Be right back. Your mother is half unbuttoned.”
Severus retrieved the hotel reservation slip and tickets, placing a moisture-resistance charm on them before placing them in Fred’s mouth. “Have a nice time.” Fred’s head popped out of the fire with a nod, since he couldn’t reply without dropping the tickets.

Severus finished getting Molly unbuttoned, and she stepped out of her robe, wrapping herself in a thick dressing gown against the chill.

“Hey! That’s MY dressing gown!” Severus complained.

“We have matching ones, then. I love green, and I look awful in red due to my hair. Albus bought one for me for my birthday last year.” She took the dressing gown back off, exposing her new linen nightie (a gift from Minerva) and unconsciously giving him a lovely view as she walked towards the other armoire. The pounds she had shed due to not eating since Arthur’s death were very noticeable when she had so little on. She pulled out an identical dressing gown to the one Severus now wore and put it on.

“About your birthday. When is it, as you asked mine?”

“Umm…yesterday.” She seemed taken aback at this realization.

“WHAT!” her new husband thundered.

Molly looked apologetic. “With everything that has been going on, I forgot. And we haven’t celebrated my birthday in years, anyway. With the kids, it seemed more important to make the money stretch for theirs, rather than Arthur’s and mine.”

“Well, that’s the first thing on my list to change! Would you allow me to take you to dinner tomorrow night? Better late than not at all.”

He thought for a minute, then grinned devilishly. The man was full of surprises tonight. He’d laughed, and smiled not once, but TWICE. ‘ She’s either going to laugh or hate me. If this doesn’t break the ice, nothing will.’

After Molly’s accepting nod, he continued. “However, there is something that can be taken care of right now. He grabbed her arm and playfully flipped her over his lap. “And how old were you yesterday, wife?”

“Forty-three, sir.” She said this warily, not sure what to make of the change in his demeanor.

“I’ve married an older and more experienced woman. Thank goodness. One of us has to know what we’re doing.” With that, he brought his hand down teasingly but firmly. “One.” Molly gave a yelp as it made contact. He started counting, finally ending with, “And one to grow on!” bringing his hand down – but wandlessly flipping up her robe first.

“Yowch!” she squealed. He helped her up, tentatively gathering her in for a hug. To his surprise she snuggled against his chest, putting her arms around him and resting her cheek against the black silk of his shirt.

‘That worked better than I thought.’ Severus was kind of surprised, he wasn’t used to teasing like this.

He let her snuggle there for a few minutes before helping her up, “There, dear. You’ll grow perfectly next year. Good I did this then, if Fudge gets his way, you’ll be growing a lot. And we’ll have a lovely dinner tomorrow night. My father used to do that to my mother every year on her birthday, and me when I was small. At least until… no, we aren’t going to talk about that tonight. We’re only talking about happy things.”

He made a mental note to poke around in the family vaults tomorrow. He was sure to find something there that would be perfect. And it would mean more to her, being given a piece of jewelry only Snape women were allowed to wear. A house elf appeared in the doorway. “Tea is ready in the Library, Master.”

“Molly, this is Priscilla – Priscilla, this is my new wife, your mistress.”

“How do you do?” The house elf curtsied prettily.

“Now, back to your first question. I have a very sweet tooth, the favorites being Muggle chocolate covered raisins and caramels. Albus got me hooked on them. I also have an inordinate fondness for good ice cream, particularly Muggle again, brand name Ben & Jerry’s. Favorite flavors are butter pecan and chocolate cookie dough, with mint chip and plain vanilla a close tie for third. Albus keeps them in his private freezer for me, so I don’t have to Apparate to New York every time I want some. You like chocolate, I know. I’ll get Albus to get some with the next order.”

She nodded. “I also like cookie dough, but particularly between two warm chocolate chip cookies like a sandwich. Anything chocolate as long as it doesn’t have strawberry with it, I’m allergic. Other than sweets I have no idea what I really like to eat as I have only made what I know the rest of them would eat for the last twenty-five years.”

They talked and talked, learning everything possible about one another, hungry to know how to make one another happy. Severus, knowing his mind’s capacity for not remembering if too much was introduced at once, had a discreet dicto quill going in the background so he could have a list of what she liked. Upon seeing Molly stifle a yawn he finally looked at his watch. “Good Merlin! It’s almost three in the morning. Bedtime. We can talk tomorrow.”

Climbing into the heavy wood bed, they awkwardly said goodnight and fell asleep. Molly rolled over and nestled against him. Severus’ last thought before drifting into sleep was, ‘I could get used to this.’

~~~

Meanwhile, it being several hours earlier in the Carribean, the twins and their new respective spouses were just sitting down to the midnight buffet when Fred smacked his head and said, “Oh, Sweet Merlin, how could I have forgotten that!”

“Forgotten what?” Angelina asked curiously.

“Mum’s birthday!”

“Oh, Crap. I hope someone remembered. Our stepfather probably didn’t know.”

“Maybe we should Floo back and wish her happy birthday.” Fred worried.

“NO!” the women exclaimed in unison. “Fred, if you used the idea of your stepfather to kill a romantic mood, what would you do if you Flooed in on them? It’s their wedding night too you know!” Angelina laughed.

Fred, looking a little green, replied, “He did say she was half unbuttoned when I stopped by - Let’s just send flowers. FlooFlora can have them there first thing in the morning. Maybe a tropical fruit basket, too.”