Doubts and Desires

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! I love getting them, and I\'m SO glad everyone is enjoying the story so far. I truly am trying to live up to everyone\'s expectations. Thank you so much for the reviews again. Keep them coming! And, yes, this does show a more human Severus, although he\'s still a god! Mmmm...sex god...oh, yes....coming in future chapters...promise!


Chapter Five: Aftermath


Severus woke up feeling like he had spent an eternity underneath the Cruciatus Curse. He felt like his head had split open. He went to move his hand to his head and felt something soft and fuzzy there. Slowly, he opened his eyes and tilted his head up, spotting Hermione slouched over in the chair as her head rested beside of his hand. He wondered where he was and why she was there when he got a flash of what had happened. There was an explosion. He could still remember it ringing in his ears and flying backwards, seeing no more until now. Slowly he struggled to sit up in the dim room. He realized that he was in the Hospital Wing. After a few moments and steadying himself, he stood up and half-walked/half-stumbled into the area of the room beyond his curtain-closed area. He looked around as his eyes adjusted to the dim light. He noticed three of the students sleeping in the beds. He turned and saw the other student that didn’t look too well. He saw the chart and picked it up, wanting to find out how Mr. Morgan was doing. He didn’t get a chance though as a hand lightly touched his arm.

“You should be in bed, Severus.” Hermione said, having gotten up to find him out of bed and about to look in a student’s personal medical file. She took the file from his hands and sat it back in its place beside of the bed. “Come on, Severus.” Her tone was gentle and calm.

Severus looked at her. “Is he going to be alright?” he asked in an unfamiliar tone of sincerity and vulnerability.

“He’ll be just fine, Severus. Come back to bed.” Hermione said, leading him back to his bed. In that moment, she would have given the world to hear him call her a silly girl or given her a hard glare. It pained her. He looked so broken and lost, almost childlike.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at her. “What have I done, Hermione?” he asked in ispeisper. He didn’t have all the answers for once. He felt vulnerable. Human. He never wanted to harm his students. Sure, he made threats and such, but they were HIS students. They were in HIS care.

Hermione sat down beside of him and took his hands in hers. “Severus, listen to me. It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone. Just lie down and get some rest. You need to rest. You suffered quite a head injury and lost a lot of blood.”

Severus looked at her, staring into her soft cinnamon eyes. He wanted to believe her, but he didn’t think that this accident could happen to anyone. It had happened to him, and he was supposed to know better. He just nodded slowly, careful not to move too quickly. He lay back down in the bed, still looking at Hermione.

Hermione gave him a sympathetic look and patted his hand. She stood up and left him for a moment to get the Dreamless Sleep Potion as well as a Pain-relieving Potion. “Drink this, Severus.” she instructed. He did not put up an argument and drank the potion, soon falling back asleep. She sat down by his bedside and watched him sleep. It frightened her slightly to see him like this. She wanted her Potions Master back, not the broken man who had made a terrible mistake and couldn’t deal with it yet. She kept her silent vigil into the morning when she heard the students in the Hospital Wing wake up.

She walked over to them. “Goorninrning.” she said as cheery as she could to help their spirits and even her own as she checked them over. “Yhreehree are free to go. If you feel any dizziness or sudden headaches, please come back though, and do take it easy.” She dismissed the three students who had stayed the night. She then went over to check on her other student that was left. He had not woken up yet, and it worried her. She checked his vitals, and he was still stable. As she was checking on him, he woke up and looked at her. “Good morning, Mr. Morgan. Nice to see you awake. Now, how are you feeling?” she asked as she held the clipboard to write down what he said.

The boy looked at her and blinked. “I’m sore,” he said. “What happened?”

She sighed. Sometimes amnesia was present in cases like this. “What is the last thing you remember, Mr. Morgan?”

The boy cast a thoughtful look. “I remember being in the Potions classroom, adding my last ingredients…er…the Daisy roots, I think.”

She wrote this down. He obviously didn’t remember Severus, which she was thankful for actually. “There was a potions accident, and you were injured. Your parents are arriving this morning to check up on you. Now, I’m going to do a few tests. Can you feel this?” she asked as she ran a feather over his arms and hands. The boy nodded. “Good. This?” she asked, touching the feather to his feet. She waited, noticing the boy’s blank look. She swallowed hard.

“Why can’t I feel my legs?” the boy asked in a fearful and innocent tone.

She patted his arm. “I think we need to discuss this with your parents, Mr. Morgan.” She had put the feather away and was about to set the clipboard down and ask Mr. Morgan if he would like something to drink when Dumbledore entered with two, clearly Muggle middle-aged parents.

“Miss Granger, this is Mr. and Mrs. Morgan,” Albus said. The father just looked at her while the mother went over and embraced her son.

“What is his condition?” the father asked in a fairly stern tone.

“We need to discuss this. Do you want to talk without your son?” Hermione stated, trying to keep privacy.

“Anything you have to say can be said here,” the bomothmother stated firmly.

“I’ll let you tell them, Miss Granger.” Albus stated, taking his leave as it was a private affair and that he had to gather the two from St. Mungo’s who were going to transport him for the Morgans.

“Mr. and Mrs. Morgan, your son was quite injured in the accident. He was stable the entire time, but he took a bad fall behind the table after the explosion. There was some swelling in his spinal area. Now, I was able to relieve some of it, but he is currently paralyzed from the waist down, BUT that does not mean with more help that he could walk again.” Hermione stated, keeping a professional tone.

The mother looked at her son and with a quivering lip buried her head in her hands and began to cry. The father looked furious. “I knew that we should have never allowed him go to this damn school,” he spat. He looked at Hermione. “Did you do all that you could? Did you work on him first?”

Hermione looked at him. “When I found him, I made sure he was stable and got him on a stretcher to be brought here. I had other students to look for and take care of as well as the professor, Mr. Morgan. I had to take care of those that were more seriously injured. When I did get back to him, the area around his spinal cord had been swollen. I did all I could.”

“Well, it was obviously not enough. How old are you?” Mr. Morgan asked suddenly.

“My age is none of your concern. I have been well-trained. I did all I could, and I had to treat the most injured first.” She had backed away from him slightly.

“You probably didn’t care that he was Muggle-born. All you wizards are the same.” The man had gotten dangerously close to Hermione. He was obviously very upset about his son. “It’s your fault that he can’t walk now. You should have treated him FIRST.”

“For your information, I am a Muggle-born witch. I had to treat those that were worse, Mr. Morgan. I’m sorry that he has been injured, but there is a good chance that he will be able to walk again once he heals more.” Hermione stated, taking another step back. She fingered her wand, not wanting to have to use it on him, but he clearly needed to be calmed down before he did something he regretted.

“If he doesn’t walk again, it is YOUR fault.” Mr. Morgan spat at her as he grabbed her suddenly by the arms.

“Get. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Her.” came the forced reply. Hermione looked, noticing the fire in Severus’ eyes as he pointed his wand at Mr. Morgan.

Mr. Morgan noticed the menacing glare and quickly released Hermione and backed away.

Hermione went over to Severus and made him lower the wand. “It’s okay, Severus,” she spoke softly. “You should be resting.”

Severus was suddenly very tired and nodded, although he did give another glare at Mr. Morgan. He allowed Hermione to take him back to his closed off section of the room and sat back down on the bed.

Albus had come back in with the two mediwizards from St. Mungo’s. Hermione told them what she had done and gave them a copy of the chart that she had kept on the boy. She was thankful that Albus had come when he did as he took Mr. and Mrs. Morgan out as the boy was taken by the mediwizards.

After they left, Hermione went back to check on Severus. He was still sitting on the bed where she had left him. “Severus?” she asked softly.
He looked up at her. “Did he hurt you?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Good.”

“Severus? Are you okay?”

He looked at her and slowly shook his head. “It’s all my fault, Hermione.” He bowed his head, looking at his hands. “If I had noticed the potion, I would have known that he had missed a step. It’s all my fault.”

She moved her hand and lightly touched his chin, lifting it until his black eyes met her cinnamon ones. “Severus, listen to me. It was an accident. I’m sure that the boy will be just fine. You have to believe this.”

He looked at her, not removing his gaze from hers. She was someone he could hold onto, he thought. He felt so lost in a way. He had done many horrible things in his life, but he had done them on his own free will. Yes, this was an accident, but it seemed to be the final straw of all the things he had done wrong in his life. “I never meant to hurt him,” he said in a small voice.

She felt lost in his gaze. He was so human at that moment, and she felt like her heart was breaking seeing him like this. The pain and hurt coming from him that had seemed built up by years of it was palpable. Suddenly, she leaned over and kissed him lightly on the forehead. “I know you didn’t mean to, Severus.” She lightly touched his cheek. “Get some rest. You need it.”

He closed his eyes when he felt her soft lips upon his forehead and nodded, lying back down in the bed. He took the potions she offered and slipped into blissful unconsciousness.

After he fell asleep, Hermione kept another bedside vigil. She was frightened of this Severus, but in a different way from the other Severus. He was no longer her normal potions master. She took a deep breath, noticing the now empty bed of the other student. She felt a stab of guilt. She had worked on Severus first, which was the right thing. She couldn’t deny that, but she doubted her abilities. What if she hadn’t done enough? She should have done more. She could have, couldn’t she? Ime wme way…perhaps? The potions accident was an accident, but her abilities should have been able to fix the boy. She closed her eyes and bowed her head as she let her guilt wash over her. She had failed so many already. She didn’t want to fail any more. She glanced over to Severus, silently vowing not to fail him.


A/N: Now that you have read, please review. It only takes a moment. *grins*