Proof of Life

Tremors



Harry woke up with a start when he heard the crash from the living room. He bolted upright, grabbed his wand and glasses, and rushed downstairs, skipping steps.



Something had happened. Severus was lying on the floor, limbs tangled in his dressing gown, squeezing Lily\'s birth certificate in his hands.



“Severus,” Harry whispered, touching his bare shoulder, and nearly yelping at how hot Severus\' skin felt to touch. “Severus, wake up, please.”



Severus\' lips moved slightly, but he made no sound and didn\'t open his eyes. Harry moved to the hearth and firecalled Luna\'s place, praying that Marietta would be there. Thankfully she was, and she arrived promptly – Harry barely had the time to button up Severus\' dressing gown on him and move him to the couch by the time Marietta stepped out of the hearth, wand in hand.



She crouched by the couch next to the still unconscious Severus and began casting diagnostic spells one after another. Perching himself up on the armrest of the couch, Harry watched her expression while she worked, his heart sinking whenever she frowned, or bit her lip. When she was done, she set her wand aside.



“The symptoms,” Harry asked at once, “they\'re similar to the ones he had last time he was sick, aren\'t they?”



“Yes. Almost identical actually,” Marietta confirmed. “Fever, elevated blood pressure... as well as a substantial spike in brain activity. But there\'s no cause... well, none that I can find. Once again, I can\'t suggest a treatment, other than keeping him comfortable and hoping it will pass on its own.”



Harry nodded quickly. “Last time you said it could be psychosomatic. Some sort of flashback that he didn\'t know how to handle? Reaction to stressors or triggers? ” He realized he was grasping at straws, but the inability to work this out was nothing short of maddening.



“I don\'t know. Maybe. Did anything unusual happen in the last few days?”



For a few minutes he simply talked, while Marietta listened attentively. To his surprise, she didn\'t even bat an eyelid when he mentioned the “together” part.



“I see. Well, practising advanced nonverbal magic can put a stress on your system, if it\'s somewhat out of whack already. If someone has abandonment issues, seeing a close friend walk out on them might be intensely upsetting. As for you and Severus trying out an intimate relationship at this point...” she hesitated slightly before continuing, and Harry gave her a quizzical look. “Harry... It\'s a tricky matter, to enter a relationship with someone who is dependent on you to this extent. Are you sure he wants this as much as you do? That he didn\'t just convince himself of it to make you happy?”



“Of course I\'m sure!” Harry snapped, instantly defensive. “You know, stupid as it may sound, it just... happened. One thing led to another...and...”



Her expression softened slightly.



“I wasn\'t trying to pry or accuse you,” she said more mildly. “Though it\'s not easy to be with someone who is very sick. Takes a lot of energy...”



“I keep hearing that,” Harry said. “I suppose I don\'t really get it.” When Marietta gave him a quizzical look, he elaborated. “Being hurt, being sick and all that – that\'s just somehow seems normal. Maybe it doesn\'t weigh me down as much as it should because I don\'t expect people to be happy or healthy to begin with, you know?”



It took Marietta a long minute to take in his words.



“People – or yourself?”



“Well... yes. Both.”



Marietta let out a deep sigh, appearing to be absorbed in her own thoughts. “Maybe it\'s better this way,” she said quietly. “Better than the expectation some people place on themselves to never be weak, or ill, or anything less than perfectly well.”



For a second Harry wondered if she meant Snape, or herself, but then realized it could easily apply to both. He stared at Severus again, and reached for the sleeve on his left arm, rolling it up. The Dark Mark on Severus\' forearm was didn\'t just look bright again – it looked inflamed, with thin dark-red tendrils spreading outwards across his skin.



“Just like the last time,” Harry muttered, resting his palm atop the images of the skull and the serpent, and wincing at how hot Severus\' skin felt. “You know, maybe there\'s something more to this.” Confused, Marietta glanced at him, and Harry continued, “Remember, the Underground keep monkeying about with the Dark Mark, recreating it and all... and it\'s a dangerous thing to meddle in, unless you know exactly what you\'re doing. Maybe they fucked up somehow, and now everyone who is marked got sick. Including Severus.”



Marietta sighed. “Well, that would certainly account for me not being able to trace the cause of the illness. But there\'s no way of knowing... Harry! What if the... Underground... what if they\'ve found a way to direct some sort of curse aimed specifically at Severus? To use the Dark Mark connection to single him out and kill him?”



“Oh shit,” Harry whispered, gripping Severus\' hand tightly.



“Well,” Marietta said softly. “Just one more reason to bring them down.”



“The only question is how.” If he had had a way of doing so, he likely would have headed out to start seeking out and dismantling the remaining Underground compounds singlehandedly – and the inability to do something right away was infuriating beyond all reason.



For a while they were still silent, Harry holding Severus\' hand, and Marietta sitting on the floor, with her eyes shut, hugging her knees.



Harry\'s gaze rested on her wand, lying nearby.



“That\'s not Luna\'s. You got your wand back?”



Without opening her eyes, she gave a small nod of confirmation.



“Funny. Percy helped. Luna told her dad, he told Arthur, and I guess Arthur put in a good word for me.”



“Oh. Well, that\'s good.”



“Yeah. Makes me feel like we\'re just one big weird family,” Marietta said dryly. “The Light Brigade, the Weasleys, and Snape.”



“In a way, I think we are,” Harry mused, reaching down to take Severus\' hand in his. “Speaking of families. Did you ever make up with your mum?”



“No.”



“Sorry.”



“I\'ll live.” Marietta twitched, grabbed her wand and stood up abruptly. “Listen, do you need anything? Food? Do you want me to stick around and help?”



“No. It\'s all right, I\'ve got it. Thanks.”



“Okay. If he gets worse, or if anything unusual happens, firecall me right away, okay? I\'ll be either at Luna\'s, or at the Quibbler office.”



o-o-o-o-o



For some time after Marietta left, Harry simply sat on the floor next to the couch, watching Severus, who was tossing and turning, and gasping for air. Hesitantly, Harry stretched out his hand to touch Severus\' forehead, and he at once pressed his flushed face into Harry\'s palm, as if, even in his delirium, he was finding a measure of solace in the contact.



Severus woke in the late afternoon and sat up on the couch with Harry\'s help, but stared around, as if not recognizing his surroundings. Harry managed to get him to drink some juice, and even that took some time.



“Let\'s get you to bed,” Harry offered. “I\'ll help you upstairs.”



Severus gave him a vacant look, but when Harry repeated the statement he nodded mutely, and allowed himself to be helped to his feet.



It took them a while to get upstairs, with Severus leaning heavily on Harry\'s shoulder, and Harry bearing as much of his weight as he could.



Once they reached the bedroom, Severus sat on the edge of the bed, with his head bowed, seeming to be barely aware of what was going on. Tremors were running throughout his body and he was swaying from side to side, clutching his hands together, as if in an attempt to still himself.



“You should lie down and rest,” Harry said softly. Startled by his voice, Severus lifted his head to look up at Harry.



“You seem older than I remember you,” Severus muttered, his voice hoarse and brittle. “Tell me, how long has it been?”



“Since when?”



Severus fell silent, probably trying to recall his last memory. “I don\'t know,” he said finally, shaking his head in resignation. He dropped onto the bed to lie on top of the blanket, and stared up into the ceiling.



“How do you feel?” Harry asked, sitting on the bed next to him.



Severus frowned, as if trying to find the words. Eventually, he offered a quiet “wiped out.”



“You look very tired,” Harry said, taking Severus\' hand in his.



“No. It\'s not that,” Severus whispered, his fingers squeezing Harry\'s hand. There was an ache in Severus\' voice when he added, “We\'re lovers, it seems. Downstairs I saw a birth certificate. We have a daughter?”



“Yes.”



“Where is she?”



“With her mother. Ginny.”



“Ah. You know, I don\'t remember her. I barely remember you. It\'s maddening.” Severus pulled his hand out of Harry\'s, and grasped his own forearm at the site of the Dark Mark. “It burns again.” He turned his head and stared at Harry intently. “But it\'s not real, is it? The war is over?”



“Yes. It\'s been over for a long time now. We won.”



“I don\'t remember that either.” He let out a tired sigh and squeezed his eyes shut. “It is as if...I\'m being wiped out. Erased. Soon there will be nothing left.”



Harry settled down next to him, stretching out alongside and putting an arm around Severus.



“It won\'t happen. You were sick like this once before. It passed. You\'ll be okay again. You\'ll remember everything.”



Severus turned to lie on his side. His eyes shone with the intensity of a dying man, intent on seeing and remembering as much as possible in the brief time allotted to him.



“What if I don\'t?” he demanded in a hoarse whisper.



Harry held him tighter.



“Then we\'ll make new memories.”



o-o-o-o-o



Drifting in and out of unconsciousness, Severus didn\'t know anything else, other than that he was with Harry, and Harry was holding him.



The dark fiery river was still running through him, appearing intent on wiping everything out in its wake. But there was something else mixed into that. Harry\'s hands were on him, cool flattened palms pressing against his flushed skin.



It seemed as if his body and his mind were a battleground of some sort – the black fire flooding him, and Harry\'s touch responding to each twinge of pain, to each burst of that flame with an instant offer of something soothing and cooling to offset the suffering.



For the moment he couldn\'t recall the meaning of the magic that Harry was using on him. It was something... something that went deeper than anything else, something that took a hold of his very life force and sustained it with every touch.



For the briefest of moments he thought he should refuse this sort of aid, but a part of him already knew that there was no way he could handle this on his own. It seemed like a choice between living and dying – and... he knew he was home, he had some sort of life – he was certain of that, if nothing else. It didn\'t make sense to give up on it now, and with everything still left in him, without shame or reservation, he clung to Harry\'s touch.



-o-o-o-o-



When Severus woke up again the fever was gone, his thoughts cleared, at least enough to remember everything, including his delirious state. A part of him suspected he should have been ashamed – but somehow, being with Harry left little room for any self-recrimination or doubt.



He was still feeling weak as a newborn kitten, but he insisted on walking downstairs on his own. Harry made a meal – some sort of soup, and Severus picked at it unenthusiastically.



“Feeling better?” Harry asked.



“Yes.”



“Well, good. Well enough to talk?”



“Yes, fine,” Severus muttered, not quite sure what sort of conversation it was going to be. For a brief second he wondered if he had worn Harry out with his constant maladies, but the undisguised affection in Harry\'s expression made him dismiss his doubts almost instantly.



“Marietta and I were wondering,” Harry said, “Could it be that the Death Eaters are using the Dark Mark to make you sick? Possibly to kill you? Is it possible that they are directing some sort of curse or malicious spell through this connection, aimed specifically at you?”



Severus barely managed a crooked smirk; even his face felt tired.



“You tell me, Mister Potter. You have been studying the vector magic on your own for how long now? You should have a good grasp of the theory at this point.” His hand shook slightly when he flicked his wand to summon a piece of parchment and a quill, and drafted a simple diagram – a pyramid, with arrows pointing from the top down. He pushed the picture towards Harry, who took it in his hands and stared at it.



“Fuck,” Harry said, breathing out a sigh of relief. “No, that\'s not possible. It\'s a strict hierarchical structure. Voldemort used to be on top of it, but now that he\'s out of the picture, those who were originally marked form the top of the hierarchy. And you can can\'t single out and harm someone on top of this pyramid: such an action can only travel downwards.”



“Excellent. Ah, these rare wondrous occasions when you actually do bother to think...”



“I really hate it when you talk down to me, by the way.”



“Then you should never make any mistakes, or say anything stupid.”



Harry winked at him mischievously, sweeping the drawing away.



“You know what? I don\'t care what you say. I\'m very clever. If you don\'t recognize it, it\'s your loss.”



o-o-o-o



Severus spent most of the evening sitting in the armchair, resting. Harry fed him something, brought water, and threw a quilt on his lap to cover him – Severus barely remained half-awake through it all.



The feeling of malady had faded, and the only thing that remaining was the mind-numbingly pleasant lassitude, as if he had finally granted himself permission to be sick, without any guilt. He drifted off to sleep with Tripod on his lap, and woke only when someone stepped out of the Floo and the already familiar child\'s voice rang through the living room. He opened his eyes and turned his head to see Lily, jumping up and down impatiently, with Ginny\'s hand on her shoulder in a half-hearted attempt to restrain her enthusiasm.



“I\'m surprised you decided to bring Lily along,” Harry said in a half-whisper, coming up to them.“You know, us being a target and all...”



“Just this once,” Ginny murmured. “And only for a minute. Couldn\'t keep her back, she\'s incorrigible.”



“We heard you were sick so we came to visit!” Lily cried out and rushed to Severus. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Tripod. “You never said you had a cat!” she accused instantly.



Severus lifted an eyebrow at that. “I assumed you knew.”



Instantly mollified by his explanation she advanced, more slowly this time, and petted the cat who proceeded to lick her fingers and rub himself against her hand.



“He\'s so nice,” she whispered in awe, but then stared up at Severus, as if hesitating to ask the next question. “Why did you get sick? You didn\'t catch a cold when you took me flying, did you?”



Severus shook his head. “No. Absolutely not.”



“I was worried you got sick because of me.”



“You shouldn\'t be.” He stared at her intently, suddenly stunned by the sight of the tiny face in front of him, recognizing the features of different people that somehow all lived in that one small human being now – Lily Evans, Harry, Ginny, Molly... and seeing the deep frown forming between the tiny eyebrows, for a split second he thought he even recognized something of himself – the nagging worry that something was going to go wrong because of him. “Nothing bad will ever happen because of you,” he said firmly.



Satisfied, she leaped onto the armrest of the chair, and made herself at home next to him.



“Well, good. I really liked the flying. I want to fly someday.” She stared at him intently and then informed him, “Mum flies a lot. She has a game next week. Will you and dad come watch her play? Mum says you and dad should both come!” Still uncertain of his welcome to that event, Severus shrugged. Lily turned her head to stare across the room, where Harry and Ginny were talking quietly by the kitchen entrance. “Dad!” Lily shouted, a bit louder than she needed to. “You and Severus Snape are both coming to the big game, aren\'t you?”



“We\'ll try our best to make it,” Harry replied right away.



Ginny, standing on her tiptoes, whispered something in Harry\'s ear, and he snickered loudly. Ginny laughed as well, headed to the armchair and picked Lily up.



“All right, the minute is up. Time to go.”



Still laughing, Ginny nodded a quick goodbye to Severus, and stepped into the Floo, with Lily in her arms. Severus glanced at Harry who was still smirking.



“What\'s so funny?” Severus demanded, instantly irritated to be excluded from the amusement.



“She said it was funny that it took a finalized divorce to get me to come to one of her games,” Harry explained, grinning. “She\'s right. It is kind of funny.”



“That\'s not funny at all,” Severus muttered. “You\'re an arse, Potter. There\'s no other way of putting it.”



Harry\'s eyes flashed unrepentantly.



“Oh well. I guess you and I are well suited then, aren\'t we?”



To Be Continued....