A Turn for the Better

Chapter 47 ~ More Clarification

Snape sat in the chair, receiving Hermione's kisses, her arms wrapped around his neck as their lips connected. The Potions master held his hands limply at his sides as her soft, sweet mouth pressed against his over and over. He returned her kisses carefully and chastely, not allowing her tender ministrations to take him over. It would be nothing but torment to lose himself in her and be unable to consummate his desire.

There were potions that were known to temporarily stop a menstrual cycle, but there could be complications with interfering with the process, a build-up of fluids and lining, very severe cramping, possibly infection. The dark wizard wasn't willing to take that chance with the witch, and hoped she didn't suggest he do such a thing. He'd have to deny her.

Hermione stopped kissing him, her brown eyes locking with his.

"Why aren't you holding me?" she asked him. "Caressing me? Don't you feel anything?"

The truth was, after all of his control, the reality that he could at last touch Hermione was a bit . . . daunting. It wasn't that he didn't want to do it, but he felt a bit of residual hesitance.

"Of course I feel something," he told her softly, his dark eyes gazing at her as he felt her closeness and weight on his thighs. He was glad his cock was in a rather upright position so she wasn't in contact with it. He was semi-rigid already. Any connection would put him at full attention.

"Well, show me you do," Hermione murmured to him, "touch me, Severus."

She kissed him again, and the wizard allowed one hand to rest against her upper back. She was in the house robe, but he could still feel her heat through the fabric and slowly drew his hand down to the small of her back, feeling her slight musculature. She seemed so delicate, although he knew she wasn't. He remembered how rough he was with her that night so long ago and how strong she was.

How good.

He felt a tightening in his loins and he pressed her against his body tighter, his other hand rising and his arm slipping around her as he took over the kissing, raising the bar as he tapped at her lips helplessly with his tongue, wanting to explore the soft warmth of her mouth. Hermione remembered this kind of kiss. She had only received one other like it, from him so long ago, although Victor Krum did his best to give her a refresher at the Tri-wizard ball.

Hermione opened her mouth, desire and happiness washing over her as their kisses became more intimate, the professor pulling her as close as he could, one hand now resting against the back of her head, caressing and entangling in her hair as his passion for her revealed itself. He tasted of Firewhiskey and smelled of spices, everything around them seeming to blur, and Hermione beginning to feel intoxicated by the taste and feel of him.

Snape kissed her like a starving man, exploring every sweet part of her mouth, his tongue caressing and curling around her tongue, longing thrumming through every part of his body. At last the barriers of time had fallen. At last, the revelation given all those years ago had finally come to pass. At last, the serpent and his lioness could be as one.

As soon as Aunt Flow moved on, that is.

Hermione's senses were whirling, and her small hands moved over the wizard's shoulders and back, feeling his lean, muscular frame beneath the fabric of his robes, the only thing that separated her fingers from his skin. How she wanted to touch his skin, to feel it warm and alive against her own flesh. This feeling was maddening, beautiful, overwhelming.

"I love you," she gasped at the wizard, who suddenly stopped kissing her, releasing his hold and drawing her back slightly, his eyes hungry and liquid as his chest rose and fell with emotion and need.

"Desire isn't love, Hermione," he said to her gently. "It might feel as if it is, but love, true love is something more. As time passes . . ."

"Did you and Neville read the same book or something?" Hermione hissed at him. "Don't you think I know what I feel? I know this is more than desire or infatuation. I would die for you!"

"And I for you, Hermione, more than once if it were possible. But, if you do indeed love me, you love the man who has been rather kind and doting over the past several years. I don't believe you've ever felt as if I've wronged or abused you," he told her.

Hermione shook her head.

"You've always looked out for me," she said softly, leaning in to kiss him again, but Snape drew back, a bit of sadness in his eyes.

"It is easy to have feelings for someone who is good to you, Hermione. For someone you feel treats you with respect, who takes your feelings into consideration. But what if that someone became demanding, coarse, and treated you like a servant? What if he browbeat you, constantly criticized you? Do you think then you could love that person?"

Hermione frowned at him. She knew this was some kind of trick question.

"What are you talking about?" she asked him, refusing to give him an answer to such a loaded question.

"Hermione, you are my apprentice now, and to be honest, I must treat you as such so you develop the strength, will and even the cold disregard necessary to be a Potions mistress of worth. Kindness has no place in your development, and it is not only your skill in potions that must be developed, but your character has to be tried by fire so you are secure and impenetrable as to who you are. You will need that strength to be truly effective at your art. Emotion cannot ever take over a Potions master when he focuses on his art. The only way to accomplish this . . . is by being broken down in spirit and rebuilt in strength."

Hermione stared at him.

"Severus, again I ask you what are you talking about?"

Snape sighed.

"This was what I wanted to speak to you about before you climbed into my lap and made me lose my train of thought, Hermione. As your Potions master . . . I am required to be . . . a total bastard. Not because I wish to make you miserable, but make you strong and not full of yourself. False pride can cost a life just as well as an explosion in this field. There are going to be times . . . that you feel you hate me. If there aren't, then I won't be doing right by you and your education."

"Hate you? I'd never hate you, Severus," she said to him. "I'll understand why you're doing what you're doing."

Snape smirked, but it wasn't a happy smirk.

"You might understand it, but it will affect how you feel about me just the same. Do you really think you'll want to be in my arms after I've given you some godsforsaken chore to do? Or after I've browbeaten you for a mistake anyone could make? Because, that's what it is to be a Potions master training an apprentice. To be challenging, demanding, almost heartless in the manner you teach. By the time I finish with you, Hermione, you will be able to practice your art and maintain your control no matter how difficult the situation you find yourself in. A horde of Manticore could be charging down on you, and you wouldn't miss a step in brewing. You will be unshakable if I do my job correctly. And I have to do my best to make you so."

Hermione didn't say anything, so the professor kept going.

"Hermione, I have looked out for you in my way for many years, and it was my intentions to help you become all you could be, even if you didn't accept me. Now that you have accepted me, I am honor-bound to continue to follow that path with even more alacrity, my main focus being that you will indeed be as exemplary as I believe you can be. Even if you turn away from me, I will still teach you and guide you and show you all I can. I am prepared for the worst, however, in order to insure that you receive the best. For the first time in your life, you will be experiencing what I am like with most of my pupils. You will not receive any preferential treatment. At least, not when we are in master/apprentice mode. And as you know, I can be very harsh. But it is all for the greater good."

Hermione knew those words from the other timeline. The term "It is all for the Greater Good," was mostly used to describe a necessary and often painful sacrifice in order to secure a positive outcome later on.

"When will you start my training?" she asked him.

"If I were a smart man, I would wait until your 'time' passed, and we became intimate at least once before I began your apprenticeship proper. I consider myself a fairly intelligent individual, however, it would not be fair to you if I waited just because I want you to feel favorably toward me. It would be manipulation of the worst sort. This way, you can still decide whether or not you will indeed become . . . my witch. If you decide in the negative, I will accept your choice and pursue nothing further between us."

Hermione stared at him.

"I think we should wait to start my apprenticeship, Severus," she said softly. "I don't want to be angry with you . . ."

"Because you know it will affect your feelings for me. The love you feel will fade away quickly, as will your desire."

Some of the light went out of Snape's eyes as he said this. He knew he was risking everything he had hoped for. But, he was being truthful and honorable. Everything inside him screamed not to be, but he couldn't let desire overrule what was right to do.

"No. It's just that . . . this is the realization of a fantasy for me . . . for us. I know you have to feel close to the way I do. I don't want reality rushing in so fast," she said, stroking his pale cheek with her hand. "Can't you just wait a week? Please?"

Snape shook his head slowly, not wanting to tell her no.

"Then, then can you give me a potion that will temporarily stop my period so we can be intimate tonight?" she asked him, her eyes glistening.

Here it was.

"Those potions are risky, Hermione. They can cause complications," he replied, his eyes full of concern.

"I don't care about complications. I don't want anything ruining this for us!" she said desperately. "I want to feel good about you, about what we do. I don't want to resent you."

"Resentment is par for the course when it comes to apprenticeship . . . a true apprenticeship. If I treated you any differently, you might as well be one of those pampered boy-toys displayed at the Meeting of the Masters today," he responded, his heart heavy. "I intend to be a teacher to you, Hermione Granger."

Where there was passion before, now was only anger and resentment. Hermione got off the wizard's lap.

"You just don't want to be with me, do you?" she asked him accusingly. "You're coming up with all kinds of excuses to keep us apart and unhappy. This isn't remotely fair! I've waited so long for you, for the moment to be right . . . and now that's it's almost here, you throw this at me? That you're going to treat me terribly starting tomorrow? Severus, it's not fair. You won't make any concessions for me. I love you . . . but you . . . you don't love me!"

Hermione burst into tears and ran into her bedroom as Snape looked after her, misery in his eyes.

"But I do love you, Hermione Granger," he said softly, "I've loved you from the moment I discovered you were real."

The wizard sat there for a few minutes, listening to the witch he loved sobbing her heart out until he could no longer stand it, and left her premises.

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Snape stripped down, took a shower and retired to his bed. He lay there, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about what Hermione had said about concessions. He wasn't a man for concessions. He had never been, but then again, he had never been in this situation before. He really did have Hermione's best interests at heart.

But now, she was miserable and believed he didn't love her. He hadn't gotten around to telling her he did, so her feelings made the situation so much worse. When she told him she loved him, he immediately launched into a little lecture about desire not being love, and the problems that were going to come up . . .

He should have just told her he felt the same way.

Snape realized that he was a true pessimist. Always thinking of the worst case scenarios. But that was the way he was. Thinking that way allowed him to come up with contingency plans to avoid those scenarios. But those scenarios only involved one person.

Him.

Now, there was Hermione to consider. He couldn't continue to operate as if it were just he alone. Her thoughts and feelings had to be taken into consideration as well, and he had to change some aspects about himself in order to accommodate her, if he truly wanted her.

And he did, more than he had ever wanted anything.

Maybe, maybe a few concessions were in order . . . at least right now. He wanted to do the proper thing, but Hermione didn't want him to in this case. She wanted to be happily in love when they came together, not cursing him for making her collect niffler shit or something equally vile. And she would be doing quite a few vile chores, not to mention be treated like his personal servant, fetching his paper every morning, brewing him tea, ordering his breakfast, lunch and dinner when he ate in, darning his socks, (magically) and things of that nature. It was standard apprentice fare.

Snape looked thoughtful as he turned on his side.

Maybe it would be best to wait to start Hermione's training. In the meantime she could work on the basilisk head, and he would treat her as he did while she was in detention. He was tough but she still kept her feelings for him.

Yes. Yes, that's what he would do. He would wait as she asked him to do.

Hopefully, she'd be happy about it.

If not . . . the fantasy would be over before it ever truly began.

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A/N: Ooh. Difficult chapter to write, but had to go there. At least he made the concession. He really is smart. Lol. Thanks for reading.