Proof of Life

Silver in the Trees



Over the week that followed, Harry made himself scarce. He left home in the mornings to spend time with Lily at the Burrow, and catch up on his own reading, allowing Marietta and Severus to do their research undisturbed. Harry had a feeling that he couldn\'t trust himself not to interrupt; it seemed to him that something was left unsaid between him and Severus, and that unfathomable something continued to elude him.



Severus himself remained extremely reserved, as if compensating for his earlier outbursts. The silencing charm was back on his bedroom, presumably not to disturb Marietta while she was staying with them. And that Severus was having nightmares and getting little sleep was evident – as days went by, he looked more and more worn out. Still, he continued to work day after day, stubbornly pressing along in what seemed like one enormous, inhuman effort to prove something or bring at least one project to completion.



Harry knew better than to ask numerous questions, or pry into Severus\' research needlessly, but he found himself desperately hoping that Severus would be successful in his quest for creating the new version of the calming draught – for Neville\'s parents\' sake, and Severus\' as well. One professional triumph – just one – would go a long way towards convincing Severus that he was once again “in the game”.



~ * ~





Ron and Hermione dropped by the Burrow together on the last Friday afternoon of the month to check in and Harry could tell immediately that Ron had some information for him.



“I don\'t really know if this is news, exactly,” Ron said. “But it\'s something. Percy overheard a conversation in Diggory\'s office. Diggory was discussing something called Vector Magic with St. Mungo\'s. Though when Percy entered the office, the conversation stopped rather abruptly.” Ron reached into his work bag, pulling out an aged, decrepit bundle of parchments, loosely bound into something vaguely resembling a book. “I spent two weeks looking for information on Vector Magic. Most people didn\'t know anything about it: those who did, recoiled from me like I was asking for unicorn blood, or something. After I\'ve looked into that, I can see why – even though it\'s just theory, it seems like rather dangerous stuff.” Met with Harry\'s quizzical look, Ron elaborated, “This theory deals with – er, how do I say this – directional magic. Magic that enables someone to anchor his, ah, followers, and direct them to himself, magically, mentally, or even physically...”



“Like the magic contained in the Dark Marks?” Harry clarified, even as a small chill ran down his spine.



“Right,” Ron agreed. “I reckon Diggory and his people are trying to understand how the Underground are recreating the Dark Mark, and what exactly it will mean for everyone.”



“Huh.” Harry frowned, trying to process the scarce yet ominous information the best he could. Another idea, seemingly preposterous at first, crossed his mind, and he voiced it at once. “Ron, Hermione – about this Vector Magic – do you suppose it applies to the magic of slave bonds as well?”



Hermione\'s and Ron\'s eyes opened wide, as clearly neither of them had considered that possibility until Harry had mentioned it.



“All right,” Harry said, “let\'s read up on this and try to figure it out. I imagine you made a copy of the book?” Hermione actually smiled at that. “Why did I even need to ask. Well, let\'s read and get together to discuss it in a few weeks\' time, hmm?”



“Sure,” Hermione said. “Harry, what about Severus, are you going to show him the book? Ask for his input? He probably still knows more about the Dark Arts than all three of us put together.”



Harry shrugged a bit. “I don\'t know. I mean, you\'re right, but he\'s been a bit edgy lately – like he expects too much of himself, and... well, you understand.”



“I understand,” Hermione mused, nodding. “Well, you definitely don\'t want to pressure him to produce brilliant ideas at the drop of the hat. On the other hand...” A small mischievous glint sparked in her eye, causing Harry to smirk, as he caught on at once, concluding Hermione\'s thought,



“I guess it won\'t hurt to leave a copy of the book lying around where he can see it.”



~ * ~



When Harry arrived home, he could tell that something significant (of the good sort) had finally occurred, judging by the triumphant expressions on Marietta\'s and Severus\' faces. For a few minutes Marietta talked, explaining that they were successful in brewing the modified formula of the Calming draught. Although happy for their success, Harry found himself barely listening, as he continued to watch Severus with growing concern. Severus seemed to be worn out beyond all measure and almost ready to fall asleep on his feet. He looked thinner and paler, the two severe lines crossing his forehead seemed deeper, as if he\'d exhausted the last of his reserves in his quest for success, and had nothing but pure will power holding him up.



“Congratulations,” Harry said, desperately trying not to make a fuss over Severus\' obvious weariness.



“Thank you,” Severus said, his lips twisting into a wry and very satisfied smirk. “By the way, the modification algorithm that we\'ve developed can also be applied to brewing new versions of other potions. We managed to develop and brew the new formula of Dreamless Sleep as well.”



Harry nodded, relieved that the string of sleepless nights was coming to an end for Severus, at least for the time being. Harry knew enough about potions to realize that Dreamless Sleep couldn\'t be a permanent solution, but for now he was glad even for a temporary fix. Still, Harry couldn\'t help but ache for Severus and the years he\'d already spent using potions to hold himself together and keep going, until those remedies lost their effectiveness for him.



Harry shook his head, snapping out of his morose ruminations, and managing a small smile. “Well,” Harry said, addressing Marietta and Severus both, “shall we deliver the potion to the Longbottoms?”



But Marietta shook her head and bowed out of the visit to the Longbottoms. She was going to stay with Luna, Mareitta explained, as the Lovegoods had offered her a job with the Quibbler. Harry was about to suggest that she stay with them a bit longer, but by her small and sligtly dreamy smile he dared a guess that the new arrangement wasn\'t all about work, and the offer never left his lips. Marietta hugged him before leaving, and Harry hugged back, whispering a quiet thanks without elaborating what for.



After Marietta\'s departure, Harry and Severus took the Floo to the Leaky Cauldron. When Severus explained the findings to Hannah and Neville, and presented them with the vials, Harry could swear that he had never seen either of them so relieved. Severus lifted his hand to stop the stream of grateful exclamations in mid-sentence.



“How have you been?” he asked. “How\'s the greenhouse?”



“Fine,” Neville said. “Though some of the plants have begun to grow sick, and I\'m not quite sure what the problem is. But it\'s all right, I\'ll sort it out later.”



“I\'ll go take a look at them now, if you don\'t mind,” Severus said, and before Hannah could stop him, headed upstairs.



“Can I join you?” Harry asked. Choosing to take the indifferent shrug of Severus\' shoulders as a whole-hearted permission, he followed along, never taking his eyes off Severus\' narrow back that twitched with every step he took.



When they reached the rooftop garden, Harry saw instantly that Neville had underestimated the extent of the problem. Most of the plants were fine, but the Snow Angelica looked like it wasn\'t doing well at all – the stems had grown sickly yellow with a brown tinge; and the leaves looked almost grey.



“Hmm,” Severus muttered, taking a step towards the diseased plants.



“Going to cast diagnostic spells?” Harry asked.



Severus snorted under his breath, shook his head, tore off one of the yellowed leaves and bit into it, holding it on his tongue for a moment, as if trying to discern the taste. Harry watched him with curiosity, and somehow managed to shake off the sudden and rather out-of-place thought about how attractive those thin lips looked, even when twisted into a clearly displeased grimace.



Severus cringed, spat out the fragment of the leaf and got down on his knees in front of the raised tank with the earth. He stared at the plants briefly, as if thinking something over, then took off his robe, and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. For a few long moments, Harry simply stared, finding the sight of the sinewy, wiry arms and pointy elbows oddly endearing, and combating the nearly irresistible urge to reach out and touch.



Severus leaned forward and sank his hand into the moist, freshly upturned soil, obviously looking for something, and seeming too focused to notice Harry\'s staring. A moment later, Severus pulled out his hand from the soil, holding a small clump of dirt in his palm. He sniffed it, shook his head again, and threw the dirt back.



“The soil isn\'t acidic enough,” Severus said finally. “My guess is that Longbottom has mistakenly combined two fertilizing potions that he shouldn\'t have.” Severus sighed tiredly, and sat on the floor, leaning his back against the wooden flower tank.



“He\'s probably preoccupied with caring for his parents,” Harry pointed out, lowering himself to sit down next to Severus. “It\'s easy to make mistakes when you\'re stressed.”



“I realize that, Potter.” For a few minutes they sat together in a companionable silence, Severus clearly thinking something over. “I\'m thinking of staying at the Leaky Cauldron for a few days,” Severus said suddenly, startling Harry. “I\'ll offer the Longbottoms a hand here, before everything goes to the dogs.”



“That\'s a good idea,” Harry approved quickly, kicking himself that he didn\'t think of that sooner. “Maybe I\'ll do the same.”



Severus paused slightly before saying neutrally, “There can be such a thing as too much help.”



Harry processed the odd statement in silence. “You want to get away?” Harry clarified. “You can do that, sure. Or – if you prefer the house, I\'ll go stay at the Burrow for a few days...” He hoped that his voice didn\'t betray the pang of disappointment at Severus\' statement, and more than that, he didn\'t know what to make of Severus not quite meeting his eyes. “Um,” Harry dared to probe very cautiously, “I dread to ask – but did I do something wrong again?”



Severus gave him a firm shake of the head, his face completely blank.



“Then... why?”



“I just thought you\'d want some space this week,” Severus said calmly, without elaborating any further.



“This week?” Harry repeated automatically, trying to understand what was so special about this week, until finally something clicked for him, the end of October. “Oh. Anniversary of my parents\' death you mean?” Harry clarified.



A small, tight nod followed, with Severus staring away. Harry frowned, trying to understand whether Severus was simply trying to give him space, as he\'d said, or whether there was something more to the statement... was it that Severus was still feeling guilty over the one mistake that had already shaped the course of his life? Harry paused, taking the time to select his words, wanting to reassure Severus without making the conversation harder than it absolutely needed to be.



“No, I don\'t need space this week,” Harry said neutrally. “Not from you, anyway. It\'ll be good to have a friend around.”



Something softened in Severus\' expression. He let out a mild, slightly confused “oh”, looking oddly disarmed by Harry\'s statement.



“Can you tell me about my parents?” Harry asked suddenly, surprising himself. Severus appeared to be startled as well.



“I doubt I\'m the right person to ask,” Severus said, seeming to be ill at ease..



“Well... you\'re just about the only person to ask,” Harry pointed out. “Though if you don\'t want to – that\'s fine...”



“Hmm. Well. What... do you want to know?”



“Did you have feelings for my mum?” Harry shocked himself by asking, and braced himself for verbal slaughter.



Severus stared ahead numbly for a long minute, then shrugged. “You aren\'t going to like my answer, Potter.” When Harry did nothing to discouraged him from speaking, he paused, and then added. “The truth is that I don\'t remember.”



“How\'s that?”



Severus twitched, rather than shrugged this time. “The intensity of emotions fades with time. Old associations are erased, new ones form...” his voice trailed off, as if he was struggling to say something, but didn\'t quite know how to do that.



“Okay,” Harry said uncertainly, and decided to push his luck a bit further, albeit in a slightly different direction. “Will you tell me about your Patronus?”



“The one I can\'t generate anymore?” Severus said dryly. “Well. Yes. We – your mother and I – were friendly back then, although we started drifting apart to some extent, because of my interest in Dark Arts... and because of the company I kept.” Harry nodded slightly, listening attentively. “We had a misadventure in the Forbidden Forest. A small deer – a doe, was injured. She got caught herself in a magical leg-trap.” Severus smiled and added with a faint trace of nostalgic bemusement, “Your mother and I - we spent the day caring for the doe together. ” Severus\' pointy shoulders shifted slightly, and then he added with a bit of hesitation, “I was quite adept at Dark Arts spells for my age. I managed to use some of them to free the animal from the trap and induce it to drink the healing potion we\'d... acquired.”



“You mean, pilfered?” Harry asked in amusement, entertained in spite of himself by the mental image of teenage Snape stealing something.



“Acquired,” Severus repeated stubbornly. “Well, to cut the long story short, it worked. The doe recovered and ran off. At the end of the day, both still immensely excited by the outcome, we decided to try the Patronus charm together. We were successful – and what\'s more, our Patroni ended up looking identical.”



“Oh,” Harry mused, pausing to consider that piece of information. “I always assumed that your Patronus represented her.”



Severus seemed even more ill at ease than before. “I\'m sorry if that\'s not what you wanted to hear.”



“No,” Harry said quickly. “It\'s... it\'s really neat.”



“Neat,” Severus echoed, as if trying to reconcile the word with the story he\'d just told, and Harry added quickly,



“Well.. that your best memory has to do with doing something like that. Saving someone, or helping someone. I think that\'s really... special.”



Severus nodded again, and stretched out his legs, still leaning his back against the wooden side of the raised flower bed.



“I regret to say that that.. this story has ceased to have any meaning to me, Potter.”



“How so?” Harry asked softly, not really expecting an answer this time.



His words heavy with fatigue, Severus elaborated in a quiet voice that seemed distant and indifferent, in the contrast to his response.



“After the Death Eaters who captured me had reviewed my Pensieve, they found the story of my attachment to the Muggle-born girl who\'d withdrawn her offer of friendship from me very... entertaining. They wanted to know more. I lost count of how many times I had re-told that bloody story of the Doe Patronus for their amusement, simply to avoid another round of Cruciatus – or...” Severus shrugged listlessly. “Even the most sacred things tend to become meaningless when the man has nothing left to protect but his own hide – what\'s left of it, at any rate.”



Harry sniffed slightly, feeling the familiar pang of guilt about likely the most idiotic thing he\'d ever done in his life – leaving the Pensieve with Severus\' memories to sit in Dumbledore\'s office after viewing them . Without looking at him, Severus simply shook his head slightly, and Harry suppressed the familiar urge to apologize.



“Well, I think she\'ll be back soon. The Doe Patronus, I mean,” Harry said, wondering if he sounded as helpless as he felt at the moment. “You\'re already helping others – and... it makes you happy, doesn\'t it?” He cringed slightly at how naive his own words came out, but Severus didn\'t seem offended by the inane platitudes.



“Happy,” Severus mused. “Yes, I suppose so.”



“You\'re tired, aren\'t you?” Harry asked quietly, vaguely suspecting that Severus had just divulged things that he probably wouldn\'t have, if not for the mental and physical exhaustion that had left him either unable or unwilling to censor himself.



Severus mutely nodded in response.



“Well,” Harry said, “four months without proper sleep would do anyone in. But now that you have the Dreamless Sleep potion again, maybe you should do that. Just go easy on yourself and rest. You\'ve already achieved a great deal in the space of one week...”



“I should help the Longbottoms,” Severus repeated stubbornly, but Harry could tell that his resolve was beginning to wane.



“No. Just tell Neville what his mistake is, and he\'ll take it from there. I\'ll drop in every day to help out, too,” Harry insisted. “Come on.”



Harry stood up, extending his hand to Severus. He was reasonably certain that Severus would ignore his gesture like he had done many times in the past, but this time, only after a moment\'s hesitation, Severus\' hand reached for his, and their fingers laced together. Harry barely had the time to take in how cold Severus\' fingers were, and how much he\'d come to miss that touch over the last few months, when in one abrupt motion, Severus pulled himself up to his feet, coming to stand face to face with Harry. Their bodies mere inches away from each other, taken aback by the sudden nearness, and nearly intoxicated by it, Harry stood still, squeezing Severus\' hand in his and not wanting to do anything to disrupt the fragile moment.



Severus\' eyes were shut, and his lips moved slightly, as if in silent invitation of some sort – and for a brief moment, it occurred to Harry that their faces were in a perfect position for a kiss. Harry caught himself leaning forward instinctively, but what was still left of his common sense kicked in and he stopped himself just in time, before he had the chance to do something unthinkably stupid.



Severus, for his part, seemed to sense that something had passed between them. He pulled his hand out of Harry\'s grip, opened his eyes and took a step back, before bending down to pick up his robe.



“You\'ve convinced me, Mr. Potter,” Severus said in a completely mundane voice, as if absolutely nothing out of the ordinary had nearly taken place. “Let\'s go home, shall we?”



~ * ~



Strange. That was the only word that Severus could come up with, as he was getting ready for bed. He\'d noticed – or thought he did – Harry making a move to reach out for him, and pulling back as if catching himself at the last moment. He didn\'t know what to make of it, and eventually decided it probably didn\'t matter, even while finding himself wishing that it did.



He reached for the bedside table to pick up the vial of Dreamless Sleep potion. For a few seconds he held the vial in his hand, allowing himself a moment of silent celebration before drinking the potion, and stretching to lie on his back. His eyes were shut when he heard the floor tiles squeak, and a second later, the bed inclined slightly as Tripod jumped on, walked back and forth, and eventually decided to settle on Severus\' chest. As the cat tucked its face under Severus\' chin, he lifted his hand and petted the animal. His last thought was a vague, bittersweet longing for a memory of Harry falling asleep next to him, but he drifted off into a dreamless void, before that recollection could materialize into anything else.



To Be Continued...