Proof of Life

In Sickness and Health



Severus walked the street until the houses were left behind, and he found himself staring at the large meadow and a hill with a lone rowan tree on top of it. A narrow, barely noticeable path led to the top of the hill and Severus began to walk it, feeling the thick blades of wet grass strike against his legs.



Although the elevation wasn\'t significant by any means, Severus found himself out of breath after only five or so minutes of walking. He shrugged his shoulders in irritation, suddenly remembering that at one time, admittedly a long time ago, he used to be an excellent runner; now it seemed that every step he took only reminded him of how much of his life – and him – had been lost.



He gritted his teeth and continued to walk without stopping or slowing down until he reached the top of the hill.



Once there, he took cover under the rowan tree and sat on the damp ground, hugging his knees, looking at the small village. From this vantage point, the houses seemed tiny as children\'s toys, barely real, and he simply stared at them numbly, wondering how it happened that his life had shrunk so much that one of those small things could contain it.



The rain had receded to a faint drizzle, and the sky on the horizon slowly began to turn from murky grey into a shining, almost incandescent silver glow that was slowly spreading throughout the sky. For a few minutes he simply looked at the soothing, peaceful scenery, until out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a small figure in the distance. Instinctively he reached for his wand, only to recognize Potter\'s silhouette a moment later.



He smiled mirthlessly, wondering if he should be feeling guilty over the half an hour of solitude that now seemed stolen, rather than something he had a rightful claim to. A few long minutes later, Harry covered the distance between them and stopped a few feet of him. Severus acknowledged him with a tight nod.



“May I join you?” Harry asked.



“If you must.”



Harry crouched on the ground next to him, his fingers wandering aimlessly through the the red herringbones of the fallen rowan leaves. For a brief moment, Severus involuntarily recalled the touch of those calloused fingers, sorting through his hair – and the memory brought with it so much ache, that he almost wished he could return to his former state of innocent, naive frailty, when finding comfort in Harry\'s hands seemed neither strange nor pitiable.



Wincing at the unexpected direction his thoughts took, he looked away quickly, and for a few minutes, they were quiet together, until Harry finally broke the silence.



“How are you doing?”



Severus shook his head mutely.



“I\'ve got a hangover potion at home,” Harry said. “Hermione\'s brew. Tastes horrible, but works wonders.”



“I\'m fine.”



“You look really... tired,” Harry said hesitantly, shifting uncomfortably in his spot.



“I am tired,” Severus admitted absently, having no energy left for dissembling. “I\'m tired of being incompetent and useless. I\'m tired of waking up not remembering where I am. I\'m tired of being wrong and apologizing...”



“You don\'t need to...” Harry began to say, but Severus shook his head.



“Yes I do. Need to apologize that is. I\'m sorry for the scene last night. Also... I\'m sorry if I\'ve disrupted your... romantic interlude.”



Harry shrugged slightly. “Uh, you probably don\'t even care anymore at this point, now that you\'re sober - but... Marietta and I weren\'t romancing each other. She had a rough day, and she crashed on my couch... look, the bottom line is, she\'s a lesbian, and we didn\'t even sleep in the same bedroom – I went out for a walk, and then went to sleep in Lily\'s old room.”



“Oh,” Severus muttered awkwardly, both relieved by that simple, matter-of-fact explanation, and immensely irritated by how much he\'d allowed something as mundane as Potter\'s social life – or lack of it – to affect him. “You don\'t need to explain yourself to me,” Severus said, as indifferently as he could manage under the circumstances. “Whether or not you\'re dating is hardly relevant. I really... don\'t know what came over me, Potter. I\'ve... never acted that way before.”



Harry appeared to consider his words in silence, and then gave him a tiny smile of encouragement.



“Well, you\'re under a great deal of stress to begin with. And if you assumed that I was... dating – then... I think I understand your reaction.”



Involuntarily, Severus found himself freezing at Harry\'s words. For a few brief seconds, he felt as if, all his denials aside, everything about him was completely on display, including the depth of his ridiculous infatuation. He gritted his teeth, wishing that the earth would just open and swallow him whole to spare him any further embarrassment.



Harry seemed to notice his tension, because he added quickly, “Er, that probably didn\'t come out right. I don\'t mean anything by it – other than that, even under normal circumstances, a single person can feel displaced... when his close friend – or friends become romantically involved. I know that I acted like a complete idiot when Hermione and Ron got engaged.” Met with Severus\' surprised gaze, Harry explained, “Don\'t get me wrong, I was really happy for them, but it was still difficult. I mean – the three of us had been best friends since first year, and... the engagement really drove it home for me that, from then on, they\'d always come first with each other, and I\'d... be on the outside, sort of.” Harry grinned sheepishly, and Severus allowed himself a small smile as well, even though he fully realized that it wasn\'t exactly a compliment to his personality that he was reassured by Harry\'s confession of his own insecurities.



“I see,” Severus whispered, taken aback by Harry\'s unexpectedly merciful interpretation of his tantrum.



“I guess rather than try to guess what you\'re thinking, I should ask you... about last night... were you just angry, or... did you actually mean anything more by it?” Harry asked quietly.



Barely able to credit how hard that simple question hit him, Severus cast another fleeting glance at Harry. Harry face, slightly reddened from the chill of the autumn morning, and still bearing the streaks of the recent rain, nonetheless looked unbelievably... warm - like a small pocket of summer that still lingered behind. For a quick, insane second, Severus imagined reaching out for that warmth uninvited – until his better judgement caught up with him, and he willed the thought away, deciding that the two of them had had enough awkwardness to last them a lifetime, and then some.



“I was just drunk and angry,” Severus said evenly, suddenly feeling everything inside him twist with those words. “I didn\'t mean anything by it.”



If Harry were intensely relieved by Severus\' words, he gave absolutely no indication of it. Instead, Harry simply rose to his feet in silence, Severus following suit.



“Shall we go home?” Harry said. “We can go out later again, if you like, but I really should check on Marietta.”



“What happened to her?” Severus asked instantly.



“She\'s run into some problems,” Harry answered noncommittally, beginning to lead the way home, with Severus following closely behind, “but I\'ll let her be the one to tell you...”



“Was she attacked?” Severus demanded, the fingers of his right hand curling around the wand in his pocket.



“No, no, nothing like that,” Harry said quickly. “She\'s safe.”



“Good,” Severus said.



“Yes,” Harry said, without turning around. “Though speaking of being safe – it\'s not such a wonderful idea for you to roam around on your own, you realize that?”



Severus winced involuntarily, as the full scope of his mindless recklessness finally caught up with him.



“Yes, I do,” he said reluctantly. “I suppose I got lucky that neither the Ministry officials nor the Death Eaters were watching your house this early in the morning.”



Harry\'s shoulders twitched slightly, but he didn\'t slow down. “Well, some of it was luck,” he said. “Last night, after our... argument, I went out for a walk. I inspected the area around the house, and found a perimeter of monitoring spells, set to go off whenever you exit the house on your own.”



“Monitoring spells,” Severus echoed quietly. A small chill ran down his spine.



“I couldn\'t trace them to the source,” Harry said matter-of-factly, “though the configuration suggests Ministry work.”



“Did you dismantle them, then?” Severus asked, wondering why he wasn\'t apprehended given the scope of the surveillance placed on him.



“No. I scrambled them. Whoever had set those spells is certain that the surveillance is still working – but it really isn\'t. I was going to tell you, but I wanted to wait until you were sober and... not quite so... temperamental,” Harry said wryly.



“You identified and scrambled the Ministry\'s surveillance spells in one night?” Severus clarified, more than slightly stunned by Harry\'s words. “It takes days, if not weeks, to do that.”



Harry turned around to face him. Harry\'s lips twitched just a bit, but this time his smile faded before having a chance to fully materialize.



“Flattery won\'t get you anywhere,” he warned. “You really scared me. When I woke up and you weren\'t home...” Harry paused slightly, clearly battling with himself regarding what to say next. “Look. I want you to promise me you won\'t do it again. Go out on your own until it\'s safe to do so. ”



Severus sighed slightly and inclined his head. Harry continued to stare at him, not backing down, clearly expecting a verbal response of some sort, and Severus said reluctantly, “Potter, in spite of my ongoing frustration with just about everyone and everything around me, I have no death wish. I will... avoid dangerous melodrama in the future.”



“Good,” Harry said seriously. “I know it\'s frustrating. But it won\'t last. We\'re working on it.”



~ * ~



When they returned home, Harry was pleasantly surprised to see Marietta already up and about, making tea in the kitchen. She gave them both a cheerful smile, clearly appearing to be in better spirits than she was the night before. However, to Harry\'s surprise, Neville was there as well, looking a bit nervous, squeezing a mug of hot tea in his hands.



Neville cast a cautious glance at Severus and offered a good morning that sounded so anxious and shy that Harry instantly thought back to their school years.



“Sorry to barge in uninvited,” Neville said, “but I really wanted to apologize.”



Harry didn\'t know what had transpired between Neville and Severus yesterday, but from the momentary look of utter confusion on Severus\' face, Harry realized that Neville\'s apology was an unexpected development.



“You wanted to apologize?” Severus asked, his lips twisting into an ironic smirk. “Well, do go on.”



Shifting uncomfortably in his chair, Neville smiled sheepishly. “Uh – well, I just got overexcited over the spell you\'d created and... didn\'t notice how disappointed you were that it wasn\'t going to do what you had intended it for... so...”



For a long moment or two, Severus clearly enjoyed watching Neville squirm, but then, shook his head, and waved his hand dismissively.



“Longbottom, it\'s not necessary for you apologize, and I admit to having overreacted yesterday. Next time, don\'t attempt to patronize me. It rarely works out well.”



“But I wasn\'t patronizing!” Neville protested at once. “The spell is quite brilliant in its own right – do you realize how incredible it is to create a dynamic stasis field for embedding organic matter within...”



For a quick second, Severus looked irritated again, but then, took a deep breath, and said with uncharacteristic patience, “Longbottom, the level of brilliance is irrelevant when one fails to achieve the desired results.”



“Well, I disagree,” Neville protested stubbornly. “Just because the spell wasn\'t useful for grafting, it doesn\'t mean it can\'t be used for something else later on... but anyway, I guess we won\'t get anywhere arguing about it now, huh?”



“Probably not,” Severus conceded.



“Fine. Anyway – do you still want to work together?”



Severus nodded slowly. “Yes. I am just not certain how to proceed.”



“Me neither,” Neville confessed. “It seemed like a great idea, but... maybe we should just focus on growing the herbs we already have. At least that will bring in some income.”



“All right,” Severus muttered.



“Besides, I\'ll probably be mostly indisposed for the next few weeks,” Neville added with obvious reluctance. “I doubt I\'ll be able to brainstorm about new ideas...”



Seeing the troubled look on Neville\'s face, Harry felt the need to ask, “What\'s going on?”



Briefly, Neville cast a wary glance in Marietta\'s direction, but answered the question. “It\'s my parents. They tend to get a bit... anxious around this time of year. I think it\'s the autumn... the environmental cues and such – maybe on some level they still remember what happened. Hannah and I have to spend a lot of time with them...”



“Oh,” Harry muttered. The familiar chill ran down his spine at the mention of Neville\'s parents, and once again he wondered how Neville was managing this sort of responsibility with nobody but Hannah to help him. “What about the Calming Draught?” Harry asked, probably very predictably.



Neville shook his head listlessly. “They were fed Calming Draught for over a decade and a half at St. Mungo\'s on a regular basis. Over the years, they built up a resistance to it, and...” Neville shook his head again and gave Harry a faint, awkward smile. “It\'s all right though. Hannah and I have got to be quite good at it. I\'ll see you all later, okay?”



Harry opened his mouth to offer some help, but Neville stood up abruptly, setting the half-empty mug on the table, and walked out of the kitchen, taking the Floo back to the Leaky Cauldron.



~ * ~



With Neville\'s departure, the mood dampened noticeably. Harry cast a cautious glance at Severus who appeared to be absorbed in his own thoughts to the point of forgetting to ask Marietta about the trouble she had run into. Harry turned his attention to Marietta, who was sitting on the kitchen chair, leaning forward so that her elbows were resting on her knees, appearing to be lost in her thoughts as well.



“I don\'t remember a great deal from advanced Potions,” Harry said softly, “but if someone develops a resistance to a certain draught, but then doesn\'t take it for a while – shouldn\'t the resistance decline with time, like with... well, Muggle drugs?”



Marietta shook her head mutely, and Severus answered the question. “No, Potter. Once someone has abused a certain potion for too long, it becomes ineffective permanently...”



“Oh,” Harry muttered, suddenly desperately wishing he knew more about Potions. “Well, what about Muggle drugs? With Alice and Frank – would something like, let\'s say, Valium help?”



“No,” Marietta muttered, “we tried it at St. Mungo\'s... but, unsurprisingly, Dark Magic curses screw up one\'s nervous system in a very unique way – the regular Muggle\'s anxiolytics aren\'t effective in counteracting the lingering effects of the curses...”



“So... it\'s an unsolvable problem, then?” Harry asked, vaguely suspecting that he had no right to be irritated by either Marietta\'s sullenness, or Severus\' withdrawn attitude, but feeling annoyed nonetheless.



“I\'m not sure,” Marietta said quietly, intercepting Harry\'s gaze. “Back at St. Mungo\'s, I was trying to develop a variation of the current formula of the Calming Potion, but... it\'s a lengthy process, and I got stuck at some point, and didn\'t know how to get unstuck... and none of my coworkers were interested in this sort of research, so...”



“Do you still have your notes?” Severus asked suddenly.



“They\'re terrible,” Marietta protested. “Disorganized, chaotic... they won\'t make any sense to any reasonable person...”



Harry couldn\'t suppress a smirk when he noticed Severus lift an eyebrow in irony.



“I make no claims to being reasonable, but I\'d like to see them,” Severus said. “Come on, Miss Edgecombe – I solemnly promise not to take any points from Ravenclaw.”



She stood up abruptly and headed back to the living room to retrieve her knapsack. When she returned, she placed a large, and dreadfully messy pile of notes on the kitchen table in front of Severus.



“Here,” she said.



Severus was clearly attempting to be gracious, and almost succeeding at it – the expression of distaste on his face was barely noticeable, while he scanned through the coffee-stained, half-torn pages rapidly, arranging them in some sort of order that apparently made sense to him, and possibly, Marietta.



“Not bad,” Severus said a few minutes later. “You\'ve made some progress. The idea to change the base, and substitute some of the problematic ingredients, was a sound one... and now...”



“And now, with all the permutations and combinations those substitutions create, all I need to do is write out about two hundred possible potion recipes, and start testing them, one by one?” Marietta asked, the first sign of ill-temper entering her voice. “Sorry,” she apologized promptly.



Severus waved his hand dismissively. “It\'s unnecessary to test all of them,” he said. “You need to eliminate those that will be obviously unsuccessful, which is about half of them. Then, rank the rest according to probability of success. If we\'re clever about it, we\'ll only need to test about fifteen formulas, before finding the one that works, if, in fact, such a formula is possible...”



“If we do three formulas per day, we\'ll be done in less than a week,” Marietta said excitedly. “Should we give it a go?”



“We may as well,” Severus said with a small nod. “I\'ve got the brewing equipment and most of the ingredients available – I brought them back from Spinner\'s End months ago.”



Marietta turned to stare at Harry. “I realize this isn\'t exactly what I\'ve planned but... would it really be all right if I crashed at your place for a few days while trying to test those formulas? If this works...”



Harry nodded enthusiastically. “If it works, I think it will help Neville\'s parents a great deal. As for you staying here...” he cast a playful glance at Severus and asked in his best childish tone, “she followed me home; can we keep her?”



To Harry\'s delighted surprise, Severus burst into laughter that seemed more genuine and carefree than Harry had ever remembered coming from the man. Marietta snickered as well. When Severus finally calmed, he gave Marietta a firm nod of approval.



Marietta beamed at him. “You really don\'t mind? And you\'ll be helping me?”



Severus shook his head, and stood straight and tall, giving her a slightly affronted look, before responding in the most condescending way possible, “I\'ll be supervising you.”



To Be Continued...