Everything Happens Everything Changes

Everything Happens, Everything Changes
Chapter Four
I Don't Love Anything I Can't Put In an Envelope and Lick

Snape noticed the creak of a handle turning and the cool air that followed the door opening. The air rushed into the bathroom blowing across his exposed skin. Yes, his senses had defiantly begun to heighten with the loss of his sight. Not to mention years of being on edge as a spy. For some reason though he didn't stop what he was doing. His fingers continued to wrap around his cock, stroking himself to completion. It excited him even more knowing that James was still standing there, watching him. He had expected that the man would quickly shut the door and pretend like he hadn't seen anything. Instead though he had stayed, thinking Snape hadn't heard him entering. Snape couldn't help but smile to himself as he came, his own seed landing on his chest and hand. Sighing he lowered himself back into the water, hearing the bathroom door close quietly behind him.

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Harry leaned back against the closed bathroom door, breathing heavily from what he had seen. A pink flush had spread across his face and neck from the surprise that lay just on the other side of the door. Harry placed his hands over his eyes, willing for none of this to have happened. He had just spied on Severus Snape masturbating. Why hadn't he closed the bathroom door immediately after realizing what he had just walked in on? That would have been the normal reaction, the polite thing to do. But he wasn’t normal, was he? Frustration grew in the pit of his stomach as he became angry with himself.

"What's wrong with me?!" Harry thought, clenching his fists. Harry stormed out of his bedroom, making his way downstairs to the kitchen. His hands shook as he poured himself a glass of cold water. He quickly downed the glass in large gulps before refilling it and drinking that one as well. This had become his ritual. He finally put the glass down after seven full glasses. The water had to be cold. If it wasn't cold there was no way to quiet his inner feelings. He had been doing this forever it seemed. He even did it when he went to Hogwarts. It began shortly after those experiences with Cho.

Harry blamed this on his upbringing. It is not like his Aunt and Uncle had ever encouraged him to speak about his feelings openly. Harry had relied on his rituals to quiet the thoughts in the back of his mind. Like how he didn't ever like kissing Cho. Even worse how Ginny had left him feeling more like a six-year-old boy being forced to kiss a silly girl. Harry quickly refilled the glass remembering everything he tried to forget. He shouldn't feel this way. Everything he had ever heard his Uncle says about ‘fags’ quickly raced through his mind as he drank the water without breathing once. His hands were shaking as he threw the empty glass across the kitchen, shattering it to pieces. Wrapping his arms around himself Harry sank to the floor, staring at the shards of glass.

"Fucking fruits, god-damn freaks." Those hateful words repeated in his ears. It was Vernon’s voice in Harry's head that caused his eyes to begin to burn, tears threatening to come. His Uncle had referred to wizards the same way. "Freaks", that word played over and over again in Harry's mind.
"I'm a freak..."

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Snape had just finished tying his robe around him self when he heard something shatter downstairs. ‘What was going on?’ Snape couldn’t shake of the feeling that something was wrong. “Was it James? Had something happened to the man who had been looking after him?’ He had to go see if he was ok. With a steadying breath, Snape took a blind step forward.

He struggled to find the door, feeling around himself as he reached the bedroom. He tried to remember the layout of the room but continuously seemed to bang into everything as he reached the staircase railing. Even though he had to admit he was scared of trying to find James on his own, he had to find out was going on. Taking a deep breath, Snape stretched out his left foot towards the first stair awkwardly, his toes searching for solid ground.
Snape sighed with relief as his foot landed squarely on the carpeted step. Feeling more self-assured, Snape began his slow pace down stairs. His hands never left the railing until he had finally he reached the bottom. Trying to remember if the kitchen was to the left of the stairs or not, Snape stretched out his arms, searching for the wall. His hands followed its surface until reaching the door way. A cold sweat of nerves covered his entire body. Feeling rather exhausted by such a small adventure, he entered what he guessed to be the kitchen.

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Harry's head snapped up from his chest, his eyes widening in fear before he could say anything. It was like he was stuck in slow motion as he watched Snape step into the broken glass. Harry called out his name, it was too late though as the glass pierced the bottom of the blind man's foot. Snape quickly drew away, falling back wards to land out side of the kitchen on the carpeted floor of the hall. Harry rushed from his place over to Snape, not even noticing as the glass cut through his socks to his feet. Snape grimaced, his injured foot bleeding onto the beige carpet.

"Oh god Snape, I'm sorry! I thought you were in the bath...", Harry's words raced out of his mouth as he took the man's foot in his hands. He muttered something under his breath as a medical case came flying from upstairs to land by him. Snape only growled painfully in return. Severus felt like an idiot, a grown man completely helpless. He turned his head away in defeat as James slowly began to pull the shards of glass out of his foot before cleaning around the cuts. Harry pulled his wand from his sleeve, waving it over his old Professor's foot. It was only a simple soothing spell, but it would help calm and heal the wounds.

"The spell will help your foot heal quickly. I'm sorry about the glass. That was so stupid of me..." Harry began rambling when Snape still hadn't said anything. He always started going on like this when he didn’t know what to say or do. Snape grabbed his hand tightly, silencing him.

"I came down stairs to see what had made that noise." Snape said, a small smile on his lips. It was an odd sight to Harry, a very unfamiliar expression from his old teacher. "I guess I found it. Are you ok? Why was there broken glass on the floor?" Harry pulled his hand away from Snape's, helping the man to his feet.

"I accidentally dropped a glass, I was just about to sweep it up." Harry said, the lie falling out of his lips before he could stop it. Snape chuckled a little as Harry guided him back up the staircase. It was as if Snape could sense there was more to the situation that Harry wasn’t letting on.

"You know you could have just fixed it with a spell..." Snape said, some of his familiar wit returning into the small conversation.

"I know, I just..."

"You were just caught up in the moment?" Snape finished his thoughts as they reached the bedroom. Harry nodded even though he knew Snape couldn't see him. Snape stopped him with his arm, his head turning to Harry's direction. Snape took a deep breath before frowning.

"You're hurt..." He said grabbing Harry's arm. Harry hadn't even noticed his bloodied sock until now. Harry pulled out of the older man’s grasp suddenly, feeling awkward under his scrutinizing comments. Snape flinched a little at the broken contact, but didn’t say anything. Harry placed Snape on his, no, now their, bed. The older man pulled his robe more tightly across himself.

"How did you know I was hurt? You can't see..."

"I can smell the blood, to be honest. Are you ok?" Snape asked, concern clear in his voice. Harry quickly explained he must have accidentally stepped on some glass as well as he made his way into the bathroom to clean off his foot, throwing his socks into the small hamper. Harry blushed as he sat on the bathtub's edge, rinsing his foot in the cool water. His mind traveled to what had happened just a few minutes ago before the incident with the water and the glass. Harry remembered why he had been in the kitchen now as he tried to subdue his feelings of embarrassment. Snape called from the bedroom, asking if he was ok. Harry reassured the older man that he was fine just as he put the finishing touches of the healing spell on his foot before making his way back to the bedroom.

Snape sat on their bed in his white Holiday Inn bathrobe, leaning back on his arms as he held his injured foot raised slightly above the ground. There were still some small cuts but Harry was glad to see how quickly it was healing. The man's head turned to face him as Harry entered the room. Harry was grateful for once for the man's bandages. This way he couldn't see Harry's odd reaction to the half dressed man sitting on his bed. His entire body seemed to heat up underneath his clothes as his eyes traveled up the man's legs, lingering on the raised hem of the robe. Harry could almost see the man's inner thigh at the angle he was standing at. He tore his eyes away, cursing himself as he felt like a perverted school boy. A school boy who was obviously only tormenting himself for his own sick humor.

"Do you need me to change the bandages for you eyes?" Harry asked, changing the subject of his inner thoughts. Snape seemed to have been frozen, quiet as Harry had examined him. The man jumped a little at the sudden words.

"Oh yes, my eyes. I believe they put they put everything we'd need in my bag."

Harry went over to the corner where he had placed Snape's small traveling bag on the dresser. Finding the needed materials Harry made his way back over to a patiently waiting Snape. Harry leaned over the man, standing in front of him as he slowly pulled away the bandages. Harry's hands shook a little as he noted the small feeling of fear he had about seeing what Snape's eyes would be like. Would they be the same eyes that would glare at him from across the classroom? Would they still hold the same power over him that he felt then, now?

The bandages pulled away, exposing the man's blank stare. His eyes were still dark but with a slight sheen over them. They still tugged at the bottom of Harry’s stomach though. Harry held Snape's face with one hand as he grabbed the medicinal drops with the other. He told Snape what he was doing as he placed two drops into each eye. The older man blinked a little, his eyes starring off past Harry into nothing. Harry paused for a moment before putting away the drops. He stared at the man's face, studying the small changes that had happened since a year ago. The man looked oddly more youthful, even with his faraway stare.

"I'm sorry about the glass, Professor." Harry whispered before he could stop him self. His body went stiff at what he had said. "Professor" was something Harry had purposefully been trying not to say every time he saw the man.

Snape's expression widened, the words repeating in his head. A small thought came to the front of his mind, placing a name with the now familiar voice. Snape's hands shot up to Harry's face. Harry tried to pull away from Snape but he had grabbed onto his arm tightly as his other hand examined Harry, his fingers traveling over the unique features. They stopped right before reaching his scar though, the answer to who this was already clear to him.

"I'm assuming you got my letters then..." Snape whispered, his voice shaking. Before he realized what he was doing Snape leaned up, placing his lips on Harry's. Snape kissed the man in front of him as his hands traveled to the back of Harry's neck. He couldn’t stop him self.

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Harry froze as Snape's fingers traced over his features. They traveled over his lips and eye lids, stopping before reaching his scar. Harry felt his legs trembling slightly at such an intimate touch and out of fear of what would come next.

"I'm assuming you got my letters then..." Harry's knees almost buckled at these words.

He didn't even have time to register that the lips that these words came from were slowly coming towards his own. This was the last reaction he expected. He thought that maybe Snape would have cursed him, or thrown him away. Not a kiss. Snape's lips made contact with his own, warm against his chilled ones. Harry closed his eyes as he felt fingers entwine themselves in his hair. His brain raced, not knowing what to do. So instead his body took over. Harry scrambled backwards, falling to the ground and crawling almost crab like to the wall. His bran caught up with him, his first thoughts playing Uncle Vernon’s voice over and over in his head. Harry was hyperventilating as his hands covered his ears, trying to drown out his Uncle’s voice.


Harry placed himself over Snape, practically sitting on the man's lap. Before he realized it he was sitting with Snape between his legs, his own hands betraying him and going to the back of Snape's neck, pulling him closer. Harry could feel the warmth of Snape's body between his jean covered thighs, and began to tremble in the man's arms.

The kiss was brief and chaste, but the intimacy between them made up for anything that that might have been lacking. Harry felt like he could barely move as Snape pulled away, their foreheads still pressing against each others.

"Harry..." Snape began but Harry jumped, snapping back to reality. He was Harry Potter. Not a man named James who could get away with such an act. He practically fell out of the man's lap, his eyes wide in shock at what had just happened. It seemed to have come from nowhere but Harry knew why he had let it happen. He had been searching for this man for a year. He had been telling himself that he wanted to kill him. He realized though that it had been a lie. He had no idea that this could have been what he wanted. How in the world could he be harboring these feeling for the man that killed Dumbledore? It didn't make any sense and yet he wanted to kiss the man again. And again.

Harry watched as Snape covered his mouth with his hand, his face turning away from Harry with shame.

"I'm sorry Harry. I don't know why I did that. It was wrong of me, for so many obvious reasons." Harry's eyes burned at these words. Was it wrong of them though? When had they done anything they wanted before? Had either of them ever said no to another's request? Both of them had spent their lives living for others, making up for things that had happened in the past that neither of them really had a choice about.

Harry stared at the bandage that covered Snape's Dark Mark. They were both scarred with what had led them to their lives of service. Pulling courage from somewhere Harry was unsure of, he grasped the older man's arm. Harry studied the veins and lines that traveled up Snape’s arm to the bandage. His fingers followed these paths to covered flesh. He slowly peeled that bandages away, staring at the faint mark that scarred the skin of so many enemies. The skin around the mark was red with irritation and had visible blood underneath its surface. Harry gently stroked the mark with fascination as Snape remained quiet.

Harry leaned forward, his breath ghosting over the man's scarred arm before he placed a kiss on the Dark Mark. Snape shivered, his hands grabbing Harry's shoulders and stilling him. Snape grabbed Harry’s hand, pulling him up on the bed to sit next to him. The two men sat in silence for a moment as Harry stared at the man by him. Harry placed his hand on the other man's cheek, turning Snape's face towards him. Harry shyly kissed the other man. Snape placed a hand on Harry's back, pulling him closer to him. Both men were unsure of where all of this was coming from but no longer held the strength to fight it. Snape took the kiss to the next step by drawing Harry's bottom lip between his teeth, biting it softly. Harry gasped audibly at this act, his body reacting in ways that embarrassed him.

Snape noted the sudden intake of breath. It caused a question to rise in the back of his brain that made Snape feel a little uneasy. How many people had Harry kissed? Was he just nervous because he was kissing his old potion’s master and sworn enemy? That would have been enough to make most men run. Snape pulled away from the kiss, his other hand resting on the back of Harry's neck, noting how flushed the skin was there.

Harry stilled underneath his touch. Neither men said anything for a moment, the silence falling between them awkwardly.

"Every time there was a battle I searched for your face..." Harry broke the silence. “I'm not sure why, but I always hoped you would be there. Whether it was to kill me… or laugh at me. I just knew you'd always be there though. You never were." Snape heard the young man's voice crack a little as he admitted his fears.

"I waited for you to find us everyday. I barely slept, knowing that if I ever let my guard down that it would then that you would come. I waited for you to kill me Harry, I..." Snape was cut off by Harry's mouth covering his own. The boy’s body felt frantic against his. It was if Harry was trying to bury himself into Snape's chest as they kissed. Harry's tongue darted out, tasting Snape's lips for the first time. He tasted of bath salts and something Harry could imagine was the taste of a year spent on the run everyday.

Snape tasted him back and a small shiver ran through Harry’s body. Unfortunately though the necessity to breathe arose and both men broke apart. Snape’s arms wrapped around Harry’s waist as Harry closed his eyes and placed his head in the crook of Snape’s neck. Knowing the moment couldn’t last forever, Harry nuzzled into Snape’s touch one more time before pulling away. It had been so long since he had shared any kind of intimate contact with another person that he couldn’t help but be jealous. It was time to come back to reality though and figure out where this was all coming from.