Going Through the Motions

A/N: Not too much to say here, but there\'s more comments on the bottom, about the chapter...

Thanks to Cy and all those who\'ve read my story!!

Disclaimer: I don\'t own Harry Potter or anything connected to it; that would be JK Rowling and Scholastic Books. So don\'t sue; I\'m broke.. heh..

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Going Through the Motions
by Squall Thrawn

Chapter 4 - I\'ll Never Tell

“He said yes?!” exclaimed Hermione. “I can’t believe it!” She, along with Ron and Neville, were sitting in the Great Hall, eating breakfast. Harry had told Ron that he would catch up to them in a little while; he said he wanted to get some more sleep.

“I know!” exclaimed Ron. “I would have bet money that Harry would refuse to play!” He shook his head disbelievingly.

“I wonder how Seamus did it?” mused Neville. Even though he had a room to himself, he had been hanging out in the one that Seamus shared with Dean when Seamus had appeared with the biggest grin on his face.

“Didn’t he tell you?” questioned Hermione.

Neville shook his head. “No, he didn’t. He just told us that he had a meaningful conversation with Harry and that afterwards, Harry agreed to play Truth or Dare on one condition.”

“Harry didn’t mention the condition when he talked to me,” said Ron. “He just said thaamusamus had talked him into playing Truth or Dare, and that we’ve been underestimating him all of these years.”

“Well, of course you have,” said Seamus, sitting down next to Neville. Dean and Ginny were right behind him and sat down as well.

“Conceited much?” asked Ron sarcastically. Seamus merely gave him an unrepentant smile. “So what’s this condition you agreed to?”

“Oh, I’m sure you can guess,” said Seamus. “Harry doesn’t feel like answering questions about what he’s feeling, last summer, that sort of thing.” Seamus looked pointedly at Ron and Hermione. “He seems to think that certain people might use the opportunity to interrogate him on those subjects.”

Ron looked slightly uncomfortable, but Hermione looked unabashed. “Can you blame me for thinking that?” she asked. “I do worry about him, after all.\"

“We all do, Hermione,” said Ginny, frowning briefly. “But as Seamus said last night, the whole purpose of this game was so Harry could have a chance to have fun without thinking about all that stuff.”

“I mean, we’re not asking Harry to just forget all that stuff,” said Seamus. “Even if we did, he wouldn’t listen. You know how he is.” Seamus smiled briefly.

“Talking about me again?” said a voice from above them. Harry was smiling slightly as he sat down next to Ron.

“Naturally!” said Seamus, grinning. “We were just discussing Neville’s major crush on you!”

Harry’s only reaction was to offer Seamus a tight-lipped smile very reminiscent of Professor McGonagall. Neville’s reaction was much more satisfying; he seemed to be resembling a goldfish.

“Ease up, Neville,” said Ginny soothingly. “Seamus is just yanking your chain.” She glared at Seamus, whose grin didn’t falter in the least. Neville’s face finally started turning back from the bright crimson it had been.

As the others continued to harangue the Irish boy over his embarrassment of Neville, Harry got to work. He managed to spread the food in his plate around to make it appear as if he’d already eaten. After his talk with Seamus the night before, Harry had managed to block out his problems for a while, enough to actually fool Ron into thinking that he was actually getting better. But as he was lying in his bed, his recurring gloomy thoughts had returned full force. Though Harry appreciated Seamus’ gesture, that meant that he now had to keep the Irish boy at a distance in addition to Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and probably Neville as well. And now Harry was hurtiven ven more. Seamus had been completely honest with him, had just wanted to become Harry’s friend; and Harry still had to keep him at arm’s length. As a result, Harry had managed perhaps two hours of sleep at most. Granted, on the plus side, that had meant less chance of a horrible nightmare, which he had been fortunate to avoid that night. But Harry was positive that, given a couple of days, Seamus would soon start cropping up in his nightmares on a regular basis, as the others did already.

Abruptly, Harry stood up. “Guys, I’m going for a walk. I should be back in time for lunch.” Without further ado, Harry started walking off. His friends sitting at the table looked at his retreating back before glancing at one another with worried looks. Hermione sighed, before silently continuing to eat her breakfast. The others followed suit. Most of the others. However, there were two pairs of eyes that gazed at the doors that Harry had just left through.

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It was another beautiful afternoon at Hogwarts as Harry sat below a shady beech tree that was overlooking the lake. Since he hadn’t been in the mood for receiving frequent inquiring looks by his well-meaning friends, Harry had elected to skip lunch and grab some food from the kitchen afterwards. The giant squid was lazily swimming across the lake as Harry sat there under the tree; but for all that he noticed, the squid could have been doing the foxtrot with Snape and he wouldn’t have realized it. Involved in a deep inner monologue, Harry didn’t even notice the sun being blocked out by somebody standing in front of him. He only noticed when that somebody finally spoke.

“Trying to ignore me, Potter?” said a familiar drawling voice. Harry knew before he looked up that his visitor was none other than one Draco Malfoy.

“Would it work, Malfoy?” asked Harry, somewhat wryly. Before this year, Harry had hated Malfoy with a fiery passion that had often led the two of them to frequent impromptu duels in the corridors or angry words exchanged. But at this point, any anger Harry still had was overshadowed by the sheer pain that Harry still felt for the loss of his godfather and Cedric. Malfoy was simply a secondary concern.

“Not hardly, Potter, ” snarled Malfoy. “You’ve got a lot of balls to come back here this year. I’m going to make you regret sending my father to Azkaban.” With that, Malfoy whipped out his wand.

“That’s probably not a good idea,foy,foy,” said Harry, not moving a muscle. “I seriously doubt that I’m sitting here unsupervised. After all, I don’t think Dumbledore’s going to just let me go wherever I want without protection when there are Death Eater wannabes running around.” Harry arched an eyebrow. “Do you want to sit down?”

“I.. You..” sputtered Malfoy, caught completely flatfooted. “Did you just ask me to sit down?”

“Well, yeah,” said Harry, smiling slightly. “Because my neck’s hurting something terrible from having to look up all this time. Besides, it’s such a nice day out, and there’s plenty of shade under this tree.”

Malfoy actually looked like he was considering Harry’s last statement, before he managed to regain his regular sneer. “Not on your life, Potter!” With that, Malfoy stomped off angrily.

Harry grinned a little before leaning his head back against the tree again. It seemed that tactic had worked more than he had thought it would.

“All right there, Harry?” A voice came from behind him that he recognized, but Harry didn’t feel like turning to find out. Though it sounded like something Colin Creevey would say. “Harry?” Now the voice was in front of him. Harry opened his eyes to be greeted by Seamus’ worried face.

“If this keeps up, I’m g tog to start thinking that you’re stalking me, Irishman,” said Harry without changing his expression.

Seamus grinned for a second. “I saw Malfoy standing over you, and thought the worst; after all, he tried to ambush you on the Hogwarts Express last year.”

Harry snorted. “Now that Crabbe and Goyle are gone, Malfoy isn’t nearly as brave. A good bluff was all it took to scare him away. Also, there’s something off about him this year. Not sure what it is, though. I did notice last night that he doesn’t seem to have control of Slytherin House anymore.” Harry laughed lightly. “But more to the point, what’s on your mind, Seamus? I do know that I’m far enough away from the castle that the only way you’d be able to see my confrontation with Malfoy would be if you were heading this way anyway.”

“Guilty as charged,” said Seamus, grinning sheepishly. “Ron and Hermione didn’t see you at lunch, and were wondering if they’d missed you or what. But I’m guessing you didn’t eat at all.”

“Seamus…” said Harry, sighing. “If you don’t mind, I just want to be left alone. I don’t feel like talking, and I’m not at all hungry.” Just then, his stomach betrayed him by growling loudly.

Seamus arched an eyebrow, but didn’t call attention to Harry’s blatant lie. “If you say so, Harry. If you don’t mind then, I’ll just sit and picnic here and leave you alone.” With that, the Irish boy sat down next to Harry and pulled out quite a bit of food left over from lunch. Mostly rolls and other breads, but there was also a chicken leg wrapped up in a thin plastic. “Me mam taught me that spell; she used to use it for my lunches.” said Seamus, gesturing towards the wrapping. Tapping the chicken with his wand, the wrapping disappeared. Setting down all the food between himself and Harry, Seamus sampled one of the rolls. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to eat all this food by myself, though,” he said, thoughtfully. “Too bad there’s nobody around who’s hungry at all…”

Harry looked at the food in front of him for a moment, before giving in and picking up the chicken leg. “Thanks, Seamus,” said Harry simply.

“No worries, mate,” replied Seamus. “For once, I know exactly why you’re doing what you’re doing.” He left it at that, and so did Harry. The two of them sat there in silence, looking at the lake while polishing off the food Seamus had brought.

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“Okay, let’s get this evening started!” said Seamus with a huge smile on his face. Dean Thomas nodded and pulled a small crate out from under Seamus’ bed. After he opened it, the others looked in it to find about two dozen bottles of butterbeer. Seamus grinned at them. “Don’t ask me how I did it; let’s just say I have connections.”

Dean started passing a bottle of butterbeer to everybody in the room. Hermione, Ron, and Harry were sitting on Seamus’s bed, while Ginny was sitting on Dean’s bed. Neville was sitting on a comfortable chair next to Seamus’s bed. Dean finished distributing the bottles, handing Seamus one before sitting down next to Ginny.

“Ok, let’s get the rules straight,” said Seamus, opening up his butterbeer. “We all know the first one, don’t bother Harry with any stupid prying questions.” Harry grimaced as the others glanced his way. “Next, when it’s your turn, pick different people each time. It’s no fun if you just concentrate on one person. There’ll be no dares that are dangerous or would get somebody into serious trouble here at school. Other than that, anything goes. Finally, if you refuse to perform a dare or answer a question, you have to finish your bottle of butterbeer.. And if you’re almost done with it when that happens, you havefinifinish it and empty another one while you’re at it. Everybody clear?” The others nodded.

“Since this was all Seamus’s idea, he should go first,” said Ron, nodding at the Irish boy.

“Well, you’re right on that account, Ron,” said Seamus as he settled down on the other side of Dean. “But this game slash party is in honor of Harry over there, so it’s only right that he go first.”

“Fine, I will,” said Harry. He willed himself not to think about Voldemort, or the prop, or, or the deaths of Sirius and Cedric. He was here to forget all that, and to have fun, and he was bloody well going to! Time to start the game. Harry turned to Neville, grinning suddenly. “Neville.” The chubby boy turned quickly to Harry. “Truth or Dare, Neville?”

“Umm.. Truth,” said Neville diffidently.

The grin on Harry’s face was positively evil. “In the average week, how many times do you wank?”

Neville’s face drained of all color. Seamus and Dean both snickered. Neville looked like he was going to refuse and drink his so far untouched butterbeer, but then he steeled his expression. “About three times a week, Harry.”

The others cheered at Neville’s bravery, while Seamus wolf-whistled at him. Harry grinned at Neville. Neville smiled back at him, and took a long swig of his butterbeer.

“Ginny.” Neville looked at the short red-haired girl. “Truth or Dare.”

“Truth, Neville,” said Ginny calmly. She wasn’t too worried about what Neville could come up with.

“Ginny, how far have you gotten with Dean? First base, third base, what?” Harry’s and Hermione’s mouths dropped open after hearing Neville’s response. Ginny and Dean were looking very uncomfortable while Ron looked thunderstruck. Seamus merely looked on delightedly.

“Second base,” said Ginny, finally. She then turned to Ron. “Don’t say a word, Ron. Except one, that is. Truth or Dare, Ron?” She schooled her face into one of complete innocence.

Since he’d lived with her for so long, Ron wasn’t fooled by Ginny’s expression. But the butterbeer was giving him some courage, which led him to say, “Dare.”

Ginny smiled at Neville devilishly for a second before turning to Ron. “Ron, I dare you to moon Neville here.”

Except for Ron and Neville who were sitting there looking shocked to the core and Ginny who was looking content with herself, the remaining people in the room started giggling.

“Ginny…” Ron started whining. “I’m your brother, for Merlin’s sake.”

“Are you going to be the brother that wimped out?” asked Ginny calmly. Ron glared at her fiercely; she seemed to ignore it. “Come on, Ron. Five seconds, that’s all. Surely your pride can survive that long.”

Muttering under his breath, Ron walked over to Neville, who seemed horrified at what was about to happen. Turning around, Ron lifted up his robes and pulled at his trousers. “Time me,” said Ron, grimacing. With a heave, he pulled down his boxer shorts. The others couldn’t see a thing because of his robes, but from the look on Neville’s face, Ron was definitely mooning him.

“Time’s up,” said Hermione with a giggle. She definitely found the whole deal rather amusing. Nor was she the only one; Seamus looked like he was about to cry, he was laughing so hard.

Ron quickly pulled up his boxers and trousers, and straightened out his robes.

“Get a good look, Nev?” asked Seamus, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Neville swallowed audibly, before grinning and looking back at Seamus. “Enough to know that you’re right, Seamus. His bum is better looking than his face.” With that comment, everybody started laughing again, except for Ron, naturally.

“You’ll pay for that one, Longbottom,” said Ron threateningly, before smiling briefly at the boy to show he was kidding. “Now, who’s going to be my target?

And the game went on. After Ginny’s outlandish dare, there were quite a few truths revealed before anybody had the guts to do any dares. And as a result, Harry found out things about his fellowffinffindors that he hadn’t known before. He found out about how Seamus, over the course of the previous summer, had lost a bet to Dean and had been forced to walk around the whole day in drag. Ron was forced to recount the time when Fred and George woke him up one morning with a garden gnome in his face and Ron wet himself. And with her face blushing, Hermione told them all about the day when she played doctor with the boy who lived next door.

Eventually, though, after enough butterbeer, everybody started loosening up and the word dare was used much more frequently. And the mooning incident started looking tame in comparison. Harry dared Hermione to pretend that she was Crookshanks and sniff Ron’s arse before rubbing up against him. Hermione in turn dared Dean to give Ginny a sexy lap dance and strip tease down to his drawers. Ron had looked a tad shocked at that one, but held his tongue. As Dean pulled his clothes back on, he turned to his best friend, the one who had been mocking him the entire time he was stripping.

“Truth or Dare, Seamus.” Dean looked determined to get back at the Irish boy.

“Dare,” said Seamus, grinning.

“Ok, Seamus,” said Dean, evilly. “Since you enjoyed making fun of my body while I was stripping, let’s see you do better. I dare you to strip in front of all of us. And…” Dean picked up a plastic cup from a nearby table. “This is all you get to wear until the end of your next turn.”

Seamus took the cup gingerly from Dean. Then he glanced at Harry and grinned wickedly. Pulling off his robes, Seamus started dancing to the beat of some unheard music as he slowly pulled his shirt off. Harry couldn’t help but notice Seamus’ trim, fit body, his hairless chest. Seamus didn’t throw his shirt away, but instead started swinging it around with one hand. Finally tossing it, Seamus unbuckled his belt, and pulled it off as well.

“Hey, keep that belt out for Neville,” slurred Ron. “He might want to use it later.” Neville stared daggers at Ron, who didn’t seem to notice. The others weren’t paying attention either; Ginny and Hermione were watching Seamus’ performance, entranced, as was Harry, despite his best efforts not to. Dean was half shocked, and half awed at his best friend’s antics. It seemed as if Seamus was actually trying to give the performance of a lifetime.

Seamus, who hadn’t listened to Ron’s colorful comment, continued his dance, still listening to that inner soundtrack. Unbuttoning his pants, he stopped there for a moment to run his hands over his taut chest. Then, his hands crept down and pulled down his trousers. Quickly kicking off his pants, Seamus continued to dance in his boxers while the others gasped. Even Ron and Neville were watching his dance, with their mouths open. Seamus gyrated back and forth, his muscles flexing as he moved. Suddenly grinning at them, Seamus moved so that his back was to everybody. Still moving, Seamus suddenly pulled his boxers down and everybody was abruptly greeted with the sight of Seamus’s white bum. The Irish boy continued dancing with his back to them, then suddenly grabbed the plastic cup, placed it over his crotch, and sat down next to Dean as if nothing had happened.

Seamus looked around at the others, who seemed to have no words to describe what they had just seen; and were still seeing. So he nonchalantly turned to Ginny.

“Truth or Dare, Ginny,” said Seamus calmly. The others stared at him for a moment, then the game resumed.

A few more people went, as the last butterbeer was drained. Neville had just found out about a stuffed animal Ron had owned when he was a kid, and Ron was now surveying the room. And saw the one person he hadn’t gotten properly yet. “Harry, Truth or Dare?”

“Dare, naturally,” said Harry, grinning. Ron hadn’t come up with a decent dare so far that night.

“Very well,” said Ron, grinning. He had it all planned out: kill two birds with one stone. “I dare you… to pull down your trousers enough so that Dean can grab your arse with both hands for ten seconds.”

Harry glared at Ron. ‘Yeah, now he comes up with a good one,’ thought Harry wryly. And then a thought came to him as he looked from Ron to the plastic cup-clad Seamus. He would play along with this, but Ron was going down after this.

“Come on, Dean,” said Harry, gesturing to the tall black boy. Dean gingerly got up from his seat, walking towards the smaller boy. Harry quickly whispered his plan into Dean’s ear, who was soon grinning from ear to ear. “Let’s just get this over with,” said Harry in a normal tone. He slowly and deliberately pulled down his trousers, mooning Ron in the process. “Why don’t you kiss this, Ron?” taunted Harry.

Hermione and Ginny looked rather shocked at this; in fact, they had done so every time that Harry had acted atypically. But Hermione also realized that Harry so seldom had a chance to lower his guard, be himself, and not have any expectations of what he was supposed to say and do.

Shaking his head, Dean quickly grasped Harry’s arse with both hands while Ginny timed them. Once the ten seconds were up, Dean quickly removed his hands and retreated back towards Ginny while giving her an apologetic look. The red-headed girl merely laughed and put her hand on Dean’s leg in a sympathetic way.

“So.. It’s my turn, is it?” asked Harry in a sing-song voice. “I wonder who I should pick?” Ron looked uneasily at Harry as the shorter boy paced around the room lost in thought. Ron audibly gulped when Harry suddenly turned towards him. “I’ve decided,” said Harry firmly. “Truth or Dareeamueamus!” He spun towards his intended victim.

The sandy-haired boy jumped when he heard his name called. He could tell by the look in Harry’s face that he had a good dare in mind, most likely aimed at Ron. For a second, Seamus almost said ‘Truth,’ but he resisted the urge. Despite what he might be forced to do, it would probably be worth it to see the look on Ron’s face. And besides, it was for his newest friend.

“Dare,” replied Seamus, nodding towards Harry. “Do your worst.”

“Oh, I intend to, Irishman,id Hid Harry, grinning. He fully realized what Seamus was doing for him. “For ten seconds… you must… make out with Ron.”

Seamus had been right; the look on Ron’s face was priceless. As were the looks on the faces of all the others. Ignoring the fact that he was clad only in a plastic cup, Seamus stood up and faced Ron. “Ravish me, you red-headed god,” said Seamus in a dramatic v.
.

Ron looked at a practically naked Seamus in horror. His pale face turned a nice shade of red. ‘Payback’s a bitch,’ thought Ron numbly. And if he wimped out now, he’d never hear the end of it. He wasn’t going to be the one that ducked out in this game. Ron looked around for more butterbeer, but it was all gone. “No tongues, Seamus,” threatened Ron. “Or I’m kneeing you in your cup.” The others burst out laughing at his threat, but Seamus could tell he was serious.

“Ready, Ginny?” asked Ron. His sister nodded, still shocked at what was about to happen. Fred and George would never believe her. Ron bent down slightly, and touched his lips to Seamus’.

“Hey, that’s not making out, Ron,” said Dean, angrily. But before they could do anything about it, Seamus grabbed Ron’s head with one hand (the other holding his cup), and kissed him fully on the lips.

It was only ten seconds, but felt like a millennium for Ron. ‘If I never kiss a guy again in my life,’ thought Ron, ‘it’ll be too soon.’ Unlike some guys who, at one point or another, questioned their sexuality, for Ron Weasley it had never been an issue. He liked girls, simple as that. When Ginny called time, Ron pulled his head back from Seamus so fast that he almost whiplash. Ignoring Neville’s protests, Ron grabbed Neville’s half-empty bottle of butterbeer and downed it in one big gulp.

“He’s a terrible kisser,” murmured Seamus to Harry in a stage whisper. Harry snickered, as did Dean and Neville. Ron merely scowled.

“You can put your clothes on now, Seamus,” said Hermione, smiling. “Your dare’s over.”

Seamus pulled on his boxers and trousers, but left his shirt off. As he did so, he noticed the slight look of disappointment that flashed across Harry’s face when he pulled on his trousers. Seamus had been prepared to ask Hermione Truth or Dare, when he thought of something he’d been wondering in the back of his mind for a while. “Harry, Truth or Dare.”

“My turn already?” asked Harry, not bothering to hide his confusion. “Fine, Truth.”

‘Yes,’ thought Seamus jubilantly. He knew Harry wouldn’t pick Dare. “Who gave you your first kiss?”

Ron and Hermione groaned in disappointment, and Ginny shook her head. “Why couldn’t you pick a better question, Seamus?” Hermione asked. “Most of us know that already. It was Cho Chang.” She turned to Harry for confirmation, and was shocked to see Harry’s expression.

Seamus was shocked as well. Instead of seeing Harry look all embarrassed as he always did when discussing his disastrous fling with the Ravenclaw Seeker, Harry’s face was a wall of unreadable emotion. Well, almost unreadable. Pain and loss were clearly etched in Harry’s features.

“Harry?” asked Ron. “Are you alright?”

“Does he look all right to you, Ron?” asked Hermione. “So, it wasn’t Cho Chang?” she asked in a quiet voice. Harry didn’t say anything, but nodded his head.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” said Seamus, feeling tremendously guilty for asking. “You don’t have to answer that. Bloody hell, I promised that I wouldn’t let the others ask you questions that would hurt you, and I’m the one who does it.” Seamus hung his head in shame. Only Harry saw the single tear that ran down Seamus’ face.

“It’s ok, Seamus, you didn’t know,” Harry managed to croak out. “After all, my life’s so complicated, it’s impossible to tell exactly how it all intersects.” Harry shook his head. “But, honestly, I don’t want to tell you.”

“Then don’t worry about it,” said Hermione, calmly. “Let’s just leave it at that, and call it a night.”

“Hermione,” said Harry, his voice still betraying his pain, “I said I didn’t want to tell you... But I’m going to, just the same. It’s something I’ve needed to tell you for a while now. I simply ask all of you not to judge me; I don’t think I can take that right now.”

“Never, Harry,” said Seamus, firmly. “We’re with ya all the way.“ Hermione and Ron echoed his statement.

“The first person who gave me my first kiss… was Cedric Diggory.”

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A/N: Whew!! That took a while to write! Don\'t expect chapters this long all the time, though. One note: please don\'t carp about any out of character issues; this is the one time they can let it all hang loose. That, and they\'re all repressed teenagers who aren\'t getting any.. haha..

Please read and review!!