For all Joy wants Eternity

Chapter 4

It didn\'t get any better.

It had been several days now, and it still felt just as
mercilessly sickening as it had the morning after, when
he had finally awakened only to find himself still lying
under the gentle smile of the marble angel towering
above him, under its widely spread wings that had
feigned shelter and caring. A tingling hysteria had crept
up inside him at the sight, which had threatened to make him
choke, along with a most inappropriate urge to burst into a
cruel mixture of laughing and crying uncontrollably.
Guardian angels...not for him. For him, there had been
no protection that night, no gentleness, no hope, and
the loving-kindness on the face of stone that had greeted
him while he was fighting to regain consciousness after
his worst nightmare had come true had turned his
stomach. Still unable to move sufficiently, all Severus
Snape managed to do was to roll over onto his side before
he had been extensively and violently sick.

It was still a mystery to him how he had
been able to return to Hogwarts, how he had actually
Apparated to the Shrieking Shack without distributing
his, no, *His* body all over the country. Everything about
his night in the graveyard seemed to have crawled behind
a thick, semi-opaque wall of swirling greyish fog, and so had
his recollection of all the following days. The only clear
memory that haunted him for the rest of the school year was
that of the damn white, shiny angel-face and how it had been
laughing at him with that serene smile that had been dripping
with acid sarcasm. It had followed him down to his dungeons,
to his private rooms, it had been dancing in front of his eyes
when he had reported to Dumbledore about his meeting with
the Dark Lord, he had felt its gaze on the back of his head in
the staff-room, it had grinned at him from every painting,
every tapestry, it had lurked behind pillars and in the shadows
of any alcove he passed, it had spread on the faces of
students, colleagues, even on that of Peeves. It had
slowly been driving him mad...

...until the green eyes in the unsmiling face of that
Potter-boy had locked with his own in the Great Hall at
the school year’s Leaving Feast. It had been a shock. A
healing one. It had been as if that shy, slightly insecure,
but all the same determined gaze had smashed right into
the very core of his being, shaking him awake from a
horrible dream that had been about to drag him down to
the bottom of a kind of desperation from which there
would have been no return. For some seconds, he had clung
to those eyes, feeding on them, clutching the anchor that had
been cast to him so very unintentionally, before his slowly,
finally returning self had forced him to turn away. Angrily he
asked himself how deep had he fallen to be ready to exploit
the precious energy of an innocent student, only to be able to
deal with his very own lack of strength.

He hadn\'t looked at Potter again that day.

And there had been no smiling angel anymore after that visual
contact.

Instead, it had become worse.

Because now he remembered everything.

He woke up every morning in a skin that wasn\'t his. The
bones forming his hands and arms, those most valuable
and astounding instruments of his very own magic and his
beloved potion-making, the flesh of the lips and tongue
that gave form to his thoughts, spells, curses and sometimes
even to his emotions, the guts that shivered with fear and joy,
with hope and disappointment, the eyes and ears, taking in
the life that surrounded him, giving the possibility to learn, to
scorn and to admire, all that didn\'t belong to him anymore.
He had forfeited the individual right to decide who he wanted
to touch, and who he wanted to touch him. He had lost the
only possibility given to a human to manifest his or her
unique spiritual, emotional and intellectual being in the
world.

Had he once really believed all the others who had judged
this body by the way it looked? Had e tre truly been enough
stupidity in him to finally accept their concept of physical quality
as the truth? Oh, if they had only known how very wrong they all
had been...if only he himself had known...this wasn\'t about
beauty or ugliness, not at all. It had never been about perfection
or lack thereof. As long as there was one muscle left that could
move a tongue to speak, one finger to sign a word, legs
to carry someone to where he or she chose to be, as long
as one single nerve could still respond to the stimuli of life
around and within a human being, as long as there was still a
patch of skin able to feel the warmth of another\'s touch, this
body, however it might look, however limited it might be in its
possibilities, was the most precious thing given to him.

And he had lost it! Lost it forever. Lost it to the man he had
finally learned to despise and to fight...

\"Severus?\"

With a start, the former Death Eater snapped back into
the here and now, finding himself in the company of and at the
focus of attention of several other wizards and witches
in the Headmaster\'s office. From behind his half-moon
spectacles, the blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore intensely
surveyed him, clearly asking the unspoken question: was
anything wrong? Severus could feel the honest concern
behind that gaze, a concern that had grown ever since he
had first reported back to the Headmaster after his...his
meeting with Voldemort. Severus had not told Dumbledore
anything about what was really troubling him then, and he
did not intend to do so now. And it was, after all, his very
own fault if he raised Albus\'s suspicion - he should at least
be able to follow the weekly meeting of the Order, even if it
didn\'t look as if anything decisive had happened since the
Dark Lord\'s return thus far. They had met to discuss their
actions of the near future, and here he was, day-dreaming
about what he couldn\'t change anymore anyway, and
probably missing important details.

He pulled himself together, swallowed and held the
Headmaster\'s gaze with a calmness he didn\'t feel at all.

\"I’m sorry, I must have dozed off. The last days have been a
little...exhausting.\" Lifting his hands in a rare apologetic
gesture, he glanced around, meeting every pair of eyes - and
in every single one Severus could read surprise at his
confessing something like weakness. \"Rest assured, it
won\'t happen again.\"

The Headmaster continued looking at him for a few seconds
more before he finally leaned back in his chair with a sigh.

\"Very well. Severus. I have just been informing the others that
there will be a few necessary changes concerning our plans.
I\'ve received information that it\'s getting...well, more and more
dangerous for some of our number to stay in hiding where they
are right now.\"

Mundungus Fletcher, who had put the index fingers of his
folded hands against his lips slowly shook his head.

\"But why has this changed so suddenly, Albus? I mean, it’s
been safe for Lupin to stay where he was for more than a
year now.\"

Severus turned all of his attention to his cup of tea, trying very
hard not to let his strong reaction to the mention of the
werewolf\'s name show. The highly ambivalent feelings that the
two words \"Remus Lupin\" regularly provoked in him had
always been extremely confusing. He didn\'t like it at all, that
emotional patchwork of a certain degree of affection (due to
a reason that Severus could not fathom), an immense amount
of true, strong fear (and there was no question where that came
from!), and more recently of a sense of guilt (since he had
contributed considerably to Lupin\'s leaving Hogwarts a little
more than a year ago).

He had never been able to deal with those contradictory
feelings effectively. And, right now, facing them at all was
simply too much for him.

He was just about to open his mouth with the determined
intention to apologize and leave the room, no matter what
that might look like, but Albus was too fast for him. When he
answered Mundungus Fletcher\'s question, Severus, who
quickly had lowered his glance to his tea again, thought he
could feel the Headmaster\'s gaze upon him.

\"It’s the way the Ministry is dealing with the situation,
Mundungus. I don\'t know if Fudge is still attempting to
dispel reactions to the events of the Final Test of the
Trimagical Tournament or not, but he obviously feels he
has to show *some* reaction to the growing agitation
among the wizarding community. So he falls back on the
usual suspects, such as werewolves, even though I\'m quite
sure he only wants to make sure he knows about their
residences for now. I think he\'s sporadically kept up with
Remus\'s whereabouts ever since he left Hogwarts, so it
won\'t take him long to find out exactly where he is.\"

The Headmaster paused and this time definitely fixed his gaze
upon his spy who was sitting opposite him. With nothing but
his will he seemed to force Severus to lift his head until their
eyes met before he continued speaking.

\"The point is that there\'s someone else staying with
Professor Lupin right now; and even though Fudge might only
be momentarily determined to keep a watchful eye upon
certain lycanthropes, should he find out about Remus\'s visitor
in the course of finding out where Remus is staying, the two
of them will be in really deep trouble.\"

Only Fawkes’s occasional chirping interrupted the silence
that followed this.

A strange feeling of dejá vu grabbed Severus. He knew
what would come next.

And Albus lost no time in proving him right.

\"I personally think that it would be best to let the two of
them go into hiding where we are able to immediately
intervene if it should ever be necessary - and see after
that it won\'t come that far in the first place. So I\'d suggest
the castle become their next hide-out, but of course
everyone is invited to openly voice any possible objections.\"

Severus tried to deal with the weight of all the eyes in the
room, which seemed to have crashed down upon him. For
the first time since his return from the cemetery, he felt some
of the quick-wittedness and irritability that once had been
part of what had defined him - but to his own surprise,
this exasperation wasn\'t directed at Black, or at Lupin, but at
the fact that, most obviously, everybody in the room expected
him not to be all in favour of accepting the two shape shifters
back at Hogwarts rather than exposing them to the danger of
Azkaban or execution. Totally oblivious to the fact that he had
already done more than enough to give rise to assumptions
like that, he felt anger grow with every second he had to stand
those half reproachful, half warning glances. Of course he
wasn\'t particularly keen on spending any time with Lupin under
the same roof, and it was also more than true that he\'d rather
never see Black again. But then, he\'d promised Dumbledore,
just for the sake of the case, to try and not fight the man who\'d
almost managed to get him killed, and so far, he\'d always kept
his word as far as his promises to the Headmaster were
concerned. But apparently nobody, including Albus, credited
him with being able to stick to his word now. Just as he opened
his mouth to get rid of at least some of his irritability, he noticed
with surprise how much it hurt to realize this lack of trust the
Headmaster had displayed.

\"I can hardly believe that all of you took the trouble to attend
this hastily called meeting just to seek *my* permission, of all
people, to supply Hagrid with two more magical creatures to
take care of. How very touching of you! Albus, really, I can\'t
begin to tell you how deeply I’m moved by this unique empathy
of yours.\"

Severus didn\'t care at all about the short flicker of
consternation in the Headmaster\'s eyes, nor the sharp
intake of breath that came from where Alastor Moody was
sitting. He knew that there had been more sarcasm in those
hissed words than he had originally planned, that his voice
had perhaps been a bit too piercing, his tone too hurtful.
But right now, none of that really bothered him. Nor did it keep
him from going on, in a much louder voice than before.

\"I have not the slightest intention to stand in the way of your
plans. Rest assured that under the recent circumstances,
there are worse things than dealing with Black and Lupin,
even to me!\" Putting his cup of tea down on the table and
pushing back his chair, the former Death Eater rose to
stand in front of a stunned and silent circle, even though
he wasn\'t aware anymore of all the other wizards and
witches present in the Headmaster\'s office. It was as if he
and Dumbledore were alone in the room, as if Albus was
the only one who could hear his voice, now totally calm,
but just as cold and cutting.

\"In light of the latest events I have indeed managed to
establish my priorities when it comes to the question of who I
will concentrate my hostility and destructive energy on –
and as unbelievable as this might sound to you, it\'s neither
that ragged dog nor his werewolf-friend. So, just proceed
as you see fit with the two of them. I will accept any of your
decisions without contradiction. I would only ask that you be
considerate enough not waste my time by calling me to...
*discussions* like this one about Black or Lupin ever again.\"

On that he turned and left the room, ignoring Minerva who
tried to put a hand on his arm, as well as the voice coming
through the door that clicked shut behind him. Definitely
calling his name. Definitely belonging to Albus Dumbledore.


-----------------------------


It had only been two hours later when two sensations at
one time shook Severus from his not very pleasant
musings. Sitting in front of the fireplace in his private
quarters where he had returned after having furiously
left the meeting of the Order, an unobtrusive, almost soft
knock at his door told him that Albus apparently thought
it was time to talk about what had happened - and the
horribly familiar, searing pain on his left forearm
informed him of the demands of the other most powerful
wizard he had met in his life.

Getting up from his armchair, merely able to call
\"Come\" towards the door through teeth gritted with pain,
Severus made his way to the magically hidden closet in
the wall opposite the fireplace that contained all he
needed to change into the Death Eater that he would have
to fake being once more.

It didn\'t take Albus long to get through the wards at the
door, nor to put them up again afterwards. His spy had
just taken mask and cloak out of the closet when he
heard the Headmaster enter his rooms and renew the
guarding spells with a whispering voice.

Severus didn\'t turn around, nor did he say anything to
greet his visitor. He knew that his face would have given
away all of the strangling fear he felt in the face of having
to return to Voldemort, and he didn\'t trust his voice not to
be coloured with the despair and panic that made his
hands wet with sweat and his throat tight, as if the Dark
Lord\'s hands themselves were throttling him.

\"Bad timing, right, Severus?\"

The soft, compassionate tone of those few words was
too much for the Slytherin. Dumbledore\'s sympathy
managed what Severus\'s dread of his former Master had
not been able to: the suffocating tension he felt eased into
hot, unfamiliar tears streaming down his face. Closing his
eyes, the former Death Eater leaned his forehead against
the cool stone-wall, felt the salty wetness making its way
to his trembling lips. Still unable to face the Headmaster,
still not in control of his voice, all he managed was a silent,
shaky nod against the comfortingly solid rock.

That voice again, soothingly touching him, like nobody
in this world would ever be able to do again.

\"Please, Severus, let me know when you\'re back.\"

Another nod, this time a little more self-confident than the first
had been. During the seconds of silence that followed it,
the shaken double agent was almost positive that
Dumbledore wanted to say something more. But then
he heard the other man retreating towards the door and
lowering the wards once again. With a last, low \"Good
luck\", the Headmaster was gone, leaving a slowly
recovering Severus Snape, who now hurried to complete
his preparations.

Only some moments after Dumbledore had returned to his
office, a Death Eater under an Invisibility Charm left the
castle, headed for the Whomping Willow and Disapparated
from the Shrieking Shack a few minutes later.


------------------------


Red eyes scrutinized the circle of masked faces.
Voldemort walked up and down the line of wizards and
witches that had gathered before him, inspecting the
instruments of his will that had returned to readily and
obediently serve him again.

They were all standing in a dark, damp room, lit only
by the gleaming tips of their wands. This was the first
meeting after the Dark Lord had regained his body a
little more than a week ago, and it was already
several hours old. It had all started with Severus\'s
report on the events that had lead to Barty Crouch,
Junior’s receiving the Dementor\'s kiss after Harry Potter
had returned to Hogwarts. There had been a long
process of re-organizing afterwards, in which the Death
Eaters had been divided up into subgroups of two to
three persons, with each of them given special
responsibilities and tasks. Severus had ended up with
Malfoy and Goyle, and of course they had to deal with
keeping up on what was going on in Hogwarts - and
Severus\'s field of competence explicitly contained
Dumbledore\'s activities, especially the precautions he
took to protect Harry Potter.

Only a few minutes ago, they had come to the end
of Voldemort’s instructing them as to how he proposed to locate
Karkaroff and what their jobs concerning this wouldlook like,
and since then, the Dark Lord had silently paced the circle of
his servants. Severus was sure that everyone else under
those masks longed for this to be over just as desperately as
he did. He couldn’t think of anything he longed more for right
now than to escape Voldemort\'s presence and this most
exhausting meeting, as well, as soon as possible. His brain
reeled with the load of information he had to force himself to
remember until he was able to report back to Albus, and it was
extremely tiring to keep up the concentration Voldemort always
demanded from the very first minute of those conferences.
The mental and physical state he had been in for the last several
days didn\'t really help, and Severus could feel the first
throbbing signs of a headache creeping up behind his right
temple. But as much as he prayed for the end of this
meeting, he dreaded that moment equally much. What would
happen afterwards? What more than his concentration and
detailed reports would Voldemort call for tonight? What exactly
would be the first instalment of the lifelong price he had agreed
to pay that night in the graveyard? What...

\"I hope that there are no questions anymore about what
we\'ve just discussed, my Death Eaters.\"

Forced to refocus to where and with whom he was, Severus
joined in the many-voiced, mumbling answers that erupted
from all sides on Voldemort\'s remark. As if anybody would
ever have dared to admit even the smallest moment of lack
of attention!

\"How very satisfactory indeed. But still, our return to power
is not about words but deeds, so I expect every single one
of you to bring me results when we meet again.\" Surveying
the circle around him one last time, a triumphant smile
contorted the lip-less mouth. \"So the Dark Mark is truly back,
my friends, and this time, we won\'t drop our guards by
making the same foolish mistakes of the past. This time,
nobody will hold us back.\"

Listening to his Death Eaters for some moments, who
almost fell over themselves to agree with their Master, the
Dark Lord folded his arms over his chest and finally
dismissed them all with a short nod. \"That\'s enough. You
may leave now.\"

Severus didn\'t believe his ears. Could it really be that easy?
Would he indeed get away just like that? He slowly bowed
deep to ground as all the others did, turned around with them
and took the first step away from him to whom he had lost all
of his physical existence, not at all trusting the treacherous
hope that shyly started to grow within him. Expecting to hear
that hated voice calling him back any moment.

The sound of it shot right through his entire body anyway
when it finally happened.

\"You should know better, my precious Snow White.\"

That pet name froze Severus into place immediately. His
insides clenched to an aching tangle of trembling flesh, and
the panic that started to capture him grew and spread with
every Death Eater that Disapparated, with every wand that
took its light out of the room until he remained alone with the
Dark Lord in a completely dark place.

Voldemort didn\'t seem to be in the mood for playing games
that night. Obviously not interested at all in demonstrating his
control over the situation, he didn\'t even bother to make use
of the advantage he enjoyed, now that Severus had lost all
orientation in the blackness that surrounded him. Maybe the
Dark Lord was already satisfied with the chilling fear he must
have been able to perceive from the frightened man in front of
him. Maybe he was simply in a generous mood just now. Not
even trying to move soundlessly, he let Severus easily follow
each of his steps, enabling him to always be sure of where his
former Master had to be.

\"You were late again tonight, Severus.\"

Dumbledore\'s spy swallowed hard and finally succeeded in
forcing his tongue to work.

\"Yes, my Lord.\"

\"Not for all the Banshees’ screams in the world would I want
to miss your excuses for that.\"

\"Thank you for your graciousness to hear me out, my
Lord...\" Severus felt a shudder running down his spine as he
heard Voldemort come closer from behind. It took all of
his self-control to master his voice and speak on.

\"My Lord, living with so many people in the same building
doesn\'t always allow me to simply leave as soon as your call
reaches me. It is necessary...indispensable...I mean, I have
to be sure that nobody is watching, my Lord...\"

Voldemort was standing right behind him now, but not
touching him - not yet. His voice seemed to wrap itself
around the former Death Eater’s neck, though, tightening
with every syllable.

\"Hm...that\'s all extremely interesting, my dear Severus. But
why are you withdrawn like that? Go on, go on.\"

\"Thank you, my Lord...as I said, it\'s difficult to get out of the
building unseen, and as you know there\'s a...as you know
it\'s not possible to Disapparate from Hogwarts Castle, so
the...the necessity to first leave the school grounds before
I can make it to your side, my Lord, most unfortunately
always delays my arrival...\"

The verbal snare was pulled even tighter.

\"As much sympathy as I have for this most complicated
situation you have to deal with, Severus, I expect you to
optimise your efforts to lose as little time as possible on
your problematic way to your Lord. Do you hear me?\"

\"Yes, I...I do hear you, my Lord.\"

And tighter yet.

\"You will arrive within an acceptable period of time when I
call for you next, or I\'m afraid I\'ll have to take the appropriate
measures.\"

Voldemort moved on and passed the man standing before
him, only to come to a halt face to face with the double agent,
capturing the eyes behind the wooden mask. Then he spoke
again.

Severus couldn\'t breath anymore.

\"I think you can imagine how very much I would hate to
have to punish you in front of everybody, Severus.\"

The former Death Eater did not know if the Dark Lord had
seen his weak attempt to nod. He began to feel slightly dizzy
due to lack of air.

\"So you had better manage to quickly gain control of those...
*logistic* problems you have fulfilling your duties in timely
manner, because I will not hesitate to do whatever I see fit if
you should fail me one more time.\"

This time, Severus didn\'t even know himself if he had moved
at all to wordlessly agree. His head had begun to spin
seriously.

And then the Dark Lord let him go.

Fng hng his lungs with the moist, slightly rotten air, Severus
struggled to keep his composure, as far as was possible. He
even managed to meet his former Master\'s red eyes before he
was ready to speak.

\"Rest assured, my Lord, that I...that next time, I will do
everything in my power not to disappoint you, my Lord.\"

\"I earnestly hope this will be enough, Severus.\"

\"Yes, my Lord. Thank you, my Lord...\"

The dense silence that followed was interrupted only by the
still slightly ragged breathing of the former Death Eater, who
desperately tried to hold Voldemort\'s gaze, which was the only
thing visible to him in the dark. Only when Severus thought he\'d
not be able to take the weight of those eyes any longer did the
Dark Lord pick up the conversation.

Kind of.

\"Take off your mask, my Death Eater.\"

The double agent sent a silent prayer to Salazar Slytherin
before he did as he was told and obediently loosened the
magical bonds around his head, catching the hated piece of
wood as soon as it fell from his face. He lifted his free hand
because he expected Voldemort to want him to remove the
hood as well, but the Dark Lord\'s soft laughter kept him from
doing so.

\"So eager tonight, my dear Severus? Relax, I don\'t intend
to spoil too much of your careful preparations for this evening.
All I need is free access to your mouth.\"

Severus felt his face burn with embarrassment. The last
thing he had wanted to do was show something like eager
obedience to comply with Voldemort’s sexual demands. More
than a little angry with himself, he wordlessly cursed the
reflexive reaction of his hand - until he felt ten fingertips
touching his face and lightly, caressingly stroking their way
under the heavy hood, gliding from his cheeks over his temples
and jawbone to the back of his head where they closed around
his skull in a very firm grip.

Severus knew that the softly whispered spell he now heard
had opened the Dark Lord\'s robes, and suddenly he was rather
thankful for the complete darkness that surrounded him. He
didn\'t want to see what it looked like those hands buried in
his hair were pulling his face toward—gently, but insistently, making
him bend his head forward. He tried to mentally prepare for
the contact with Voldemort\'s body, tried to imagine what it
would feel like, tried to recall the sensation of touching this dry,
shrivelled skin he had felt on his own for the last time only
a few days ago. It wouldn\'t be worse than that. He had
gone through this three times now, it couldn\'t possibly get
more unbearable...

His brow came to rest on the Dark Lord\'s sternum.

Involuntarily, both of Severus\'s hands clenched into tight fists,
one of them clutching the mask so hard in the process that
its knuckles smeared blood over its wooden surface, but the
former Death Eater wouldn\'t notice that until several hours
later. He could feel his own hot breath on his face when it
was reflected from the parchment-skin that stretched over
feather-edged bones, and a blurry vision of his head being
squashed between that chest and those hands came to his
mind...and was banished abruptly by both of his former
Master\'s thumbs that had wandered under his chin, now
lifting his face until Severus\'s lips were forced to touch the
body in front of him.

\"I want your tongue, sweet Snow White. Do you understand?\"

Voldemort\'s grip didn\'t allow him any movement of his head that
the Dark Lord didn\'t bring on with his own hands, so
Severus had no other choice but to speak, and with every
syllable his lips were brushing the taut desert-skin under
his mouth.

\"I understand, my Lord.\"

The former Death Eater felt Voldemort\'s ribcage vibrate with
a barely audible chuckle.

\"Luckily for you, Severus.\"

And with that, the Dark Lord began to guide the dark head in
his hands - and with it a tongue, almost as dry as his skin -
over his chest and down to his groin, gradually bringing the
man before him down to his knees.


---------------------------


The throbbing behind his right temple had developed into
the grandfather of all headaches. Grateful for the lack of light in
the Shrieking Shack, Severus took a deep breath just after
having Apparated. To evade the stabbing pain that exploded
above his right eyeball with every single one of its movements,
he carefully tried not to allow his eyes even the slightest
twitching. Here, he didn\'t need his vision anyway. Knowing
the place he was in as well as probably only one other
person in the whe world did, it didn\'t take him long to feel
his way to the damaged bed where he sat down on the mattress.
He needed to recover a little before reporting back to Albus. It
was impossible to face the Headmaster in the pathetic state he
was in right now, with shivering hands, one of them bleeding,
with the execration and horror of the last hours still written on
his face, with the taste of the Dark Lord\'s skin and cum still
on his lips and tongue. No, he needed time, he needed to be
alone for a few minutes...

And with that thought, Severus froze.

Because he suddenly felt that he wasn\'t.

Another body was breathing in this room with him - was lying on
the same bed actually! He could sense its presence so very
clearly now that it was a mystery to him why he hadn\'t
immediately noticed it after having materialized only moments
ago. No matter how strong his exhaustion and fatigue might have
been, how could he have allowed them to distract him like *that*,
when his life was at stake from everybody who\'d see him dressed
like that! Silently cursing his stupidity, Severus concentrated with
all his being on the unwelcome intruder, only to find out that he or
she must have noticed him as well, for the other’s breathing had
stopped as if someone was intensely listening, sensing into the
dense darkness - and then there was a sudden jerk moving the
mattress. Obviously indicating that the stranger had tried to get
off the bed.

Severus did not intend to take the risk of letting that someone
successfully attack him. Of course he was not sure if the other
person was a wizard or witch, but in all likelihood he was - and
even though the last thing he needed right now, weary and used
as he felt, was a magical duel, the quick reflexes of having been
a Death Eater *and* of being a spy got the better of him. With a
lithe movement, he rolled off the bed to the floor and then several
feet to the right to make sure to get away from the spot where his
opponent must have sensed him last. Severus waited silently until
he heard the slightest sound again, and, wand out, swiftly got to
his feet.

\"Expelliarmus!\"

Sending the curse in the direction where that last, barely audible
noise had come from, the former Death Eater moved sideways
again and observed to his own small surprise something that
sounded like a slender piece of wood falling to the ground. With
the first click of this noise, Severus was ready to press home the
advantage he apparently had gained. Aiming in the same direction,
he raised his wand again.

\"Impedimenta!\"

The Slytherin knew he was taking a risk with what he did next,
but if he had hit the intruder with his last curse, this was
his chance to end this now, even if the means were, well, rather
unorthodox. But it was important to make use of the surprise
effect that was still on his side, so Severus pushed away all
demurs and lunged where he assumed his opponent to be.

He made contact much earlier than he had expected.

Severus soon noticed that he had indeed managed to paralyse
the other\'s legs, so it was no problem at all to wrestle the stranger
to the ground. But the intruder was still able to use arms and
hands with an astonishing strength and determination, so it took
the double agent much longer than would have been good for him
in his jaded physical condition, but finally he managed to capture
both of his opponent\'s hands in a death grip behind the stranger\'s
head. Kneeling on the other\'s chest and putting the tip of his
wand to the stranger\'s brow, Severus\'s panted \"Lumos\",
immediately lighting the place where the two of them were lying
on the dusty floor.

And his exhausted mind, tortured with a still aggravating headache
and the events of the evening and night, refused to realize whose
face it was that was staring up at him in horror.


-------------------------------------


Petrified with Impedimenta and fear for his life, Remus Lupin was
sure to feel that his heart was thundering in his chest for the very
last time. How in the name of Merlin had a Death Eater managed
to find out about the Shrieking Shack? Why, for all of Fawkes\'s
tears, had this bastard managed to surprise him in his sleep - and
on the night after the full moon at that, when the transformation
always left him weak and weary to no end? He hadn’t had the
slightest chance, he hadn\'t even been able to think properly about
what to do after the presence of a second person in the room
had awakened him from his light sleep - and all of his reactions
had been so very predictable, he had been defeated much too
easily...

The touch of the wand against his brow not only reminded Remus
of his own imminent death, but also of what would happen to
all those students up at the school if this Death Eater should make
it back to his pack and inform them about the way he had found to
enter Hogwarts. All his former colleagues, Sirius (who was with
Dumbledore right now to let him know they had arrived at the
Shrieking Shack), Albus himself (the heart of the Order), Harry
(their most shining hope in this upcoming war)...no, this filthy,
pathetic excuse for a human being must not leave this place again,
there had to be something he could do, there had to be a possibility,
there had to be...

And then the filthy piece of flesh spoke.

\"Lupin!\"

The werwolf dif didn\'t believe his ears. That simply couldn\'t be!
After-transformation weariness or not, he would not have been
fooled like that! He would have recognized Severus, he would have
sensed his presence. The aura that belonged to the man he once
almost had killed was branded into his mind with an intensity with
which only a few others were, and this one above him didn\'t *feel*
like Severus at all, despite his voice being the same unmistakable
mixture of black silk and burning acid that he remembered from
the Potions Master. No, this had to be the result of some
Polyjuice, and that would mean that their situation was worse
than he had thought, because then, Severus would have been
taken. Severus as a member of the Order with all the precious
information he possessed, Severus tortured by them, Severus
suffering, Severus screaming as he had long ago when he had
recognized the wolf approaching him...

\"You really didn\'t waste any time getting here, did you, Lupin?\"

Remus listened to the man above him muttering some spells and
then watched how he raised his wand hand to take the mask
off. He had been prepared for the sight of the emerging familiar
features, but the strain and exhaustion he saw engraved in his face
really shocked him. What kind of physical and mental state did
the Slytherin have to be in if the Polyjuice with his hair or whatever
the bastards used made his double look like *that*?

Rage flooded the werewolf\'s system. He did not intend to let the
Death Eater kill him with the certainty that his victim believed it
was his former schoolmate and Dumbledore\'s ally who took his
life.

\"If you should think for one second that I believe this pathetic
performance that you\'re providing here, you\'re barking up the
wrong tree! I\'m more than aware that you\'re anyone but
Severus Snape.\"

Remus had to give the bastard credit; the surprise that flickered
over the face that still hovered above him was more than authentic.

\"What was that, Lupin?\"

\"I really don\'t see any sense in repeating myself, nor in
your denying the obvious. I know what I\'m talking about and...\"

\"Has that short time of living with Black finally driven you out of
your mind for good, Lupin? Would you please be so gracious as to
tell me, in Salazar Slytherin\'s name, who else I should be but my
very self?\"

But the werewolf didn\'t listen. Instead, for the first time since he
had noticed the Death Eater\'s presence, he did indeed sense some
thread of the Severus Snape he knew that was interweaving the
confusing swirl of unfamiliar energy he received from the man in
front of him. The colour, smell and vibration of the other\'s anger
and rage grew stronger with every single moment - and they were
unmistakable as well.

Remus stared at the double agent in sheerest, deepest shock.

This really *was* Severus!

Something pierced the werewolf\'s insides with an indefinable feeling
of horror. What had happened to the Slytherin to make all of himself,
except for some traces of his fury and rage, totally
unrecognisable? What had he gone through that had twisted so very
much of what had once defined him? Remus couldn\'t even begin to
fathom the events that could turn somebody inside out like that. With
a discomposure he had never felt before in his life, he slowly shook
his head, at a complete loss for words.

With a most irritable snort, Severus got up from Remus\'s chest,
where he had still been kneeling. The werewolf, still totally aghast
and fighting for the ability to speak, watched as the former Death
Eater in Death Eater\'s clothing stood motionlessly in the middle of
the room for some moments and then lifted his hand to slightly
massage his right temple. Pocketing his wand, his hand still rubbing
his head, the tall Slytherin slowly turned and headed towards the
door.

He already had made it halfway there when Remus, who was hit
by the realization of the most awkward situation he was in, had
finally found his voice again. Oh yes, this *had* to be Severus
Snape! The man really planned to walk off and leave him here,
lying still half-paralysed on the floor like this...

\"Severus!\"

He could clearly hear the other man\'s exasperated sigh, could
sense his former schoolmate in that sound as he hadn\'t been
able to so far tonight. From his helpless position on the ground,
he saw Severus stop and turn around, rolling his eyes as soon as
their glances met - and quickly closing them immediately after.

\"Oh, yes, of course. Well, Lupin, I’m sure you understand: since
I\'ve apparently not been *myself*, I think it\'s only too comprehensible
that I\'m not really up on what happened in here during the last
minutes, so forgive me the lack of presence of mind.\"

Deliberately ignoring the scathing sarcasm that rained down on
him, Remus actually managed to smile forgivingly up at the irascible
man who still didn’t move a finger to free the werewolf from his
uncomfortable position.

“I’m more than willing to explain all of this to you afterwards,
Severus, but please, would be so kind as to give me my legs back
first? I’d rather talk to you eye to eye than from the floor...”

The former Death Eater seemed to contemplate that request for
some moments. Then, with another quick gesture to his right temple,
the Slytherin drew his wand one more time and pointed it at the man
on the floor.

\"Finite incantatem.\"

Immediately, Remus recognized his legs as a part of his body again.
Quickly pulling himself up from the floor, the werewolf only noticed the
rapid movement at the door out of the corner of his eye. Turning
at once, he barely caught a final glimpse of the hem of a heavy black
cloak disappearing into the corridor that led to the castle’s grounds.

\"No, Severus, please...wait!\"

But before Remus managed to get back to his feet completely,
Severus Snape had left the Shrieking Shack.