Dead Inside

Usual Disclaimer as Chapter 1.

Finally finished my SLA campaign so should be able to update more frequently now. I seem to have got into the habit of writing little bits and pieces of other chapters instead of finishing the one I\'m on and it really annoys me. Oh well.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed it makes my day :-)


*****


Dead Inside.

Chapter 4 - The Morning After

I wake on the lounge carpet having at some point fallen off the sofa I have no recollection of passing out on. I am uncomfortable and stiff, with my throbbing forehead pressed against one of the legs of the coffee table and a mouth that probably tastes like the carpet I\'m lying on.

For one brief, blessed moment I think I\'m fine then the surge of nausea has me scrabbling to my feet and bolting for the toilet. Draco is already there the bastard! Not only that, he has the prime toilet-bowl position so I have to collapse in front of the bath rather that fight it out with him and probably really embarrass myself.

Never again! Never again am I engaging in any form of alcohol consumption with him, never confessing anything to anyone again.
I relay this information between heaves, he lifts his head long enough to echo my sentiments. With this mutual agreement I give my full attention to the task of not falling face first into the bath in front of me and vomiting in stereo with Draco until momacomach calms enough for me to get a hang-over potion or six.

*****

Some time, a couple of potions and cleaning charms later we are sitting nursing cups of strong sweet tea. Draco still looks like crap, smugly I seem to remember him drinking significantly more than me, it\'s a wonder the boy has a liver that still functions.

\"Do you want something to eat?\"

He goes slightly green at the suggestion and shakes his head.

\"Well you\'re bloody well having something.\"

I force some dry toast down him and send him up to my spare room with orders to get some decent sleep. Shows how bad he\'s feeling with the speed he complies.

This leaves me with one problem. I said I\'d check up on Snape and I don\'t know if he took that as an order to stay where he is until I do.
Summoning the Handbook (how crass is that, may as well call it \'Your first Death Eater and how cope with it\') I check up on how much Snape can actually do whilst feeling extraordinarily guilty about doing so the whole time. Ten minutes later and with the sense of being vaguely unclean I go take a proper shower musing at what I\'ve just forced myself to read.

Rug thg the bafterfter I\'ve finished and dressed I bite the bullet so to speak and mentally gird myself for the whole naked Snape thing I avoided yesterday.
Whilst the tub finishes filling I add Patchouli scented bubbles, a long soak always makes me feel better and whilst I doubt the Professor is in any position to enjoy it the experience it makes me feel happier that I have made an effort.

He is lying in the same hateful coveralls on top of the blanket, eyes staring at the ceiling. As I enter the room his face turns to me but once again he focuses just to one side of me.
According to the manual this is so I won\'t feel intimidated by a Death Eaters direct gaze, though quite frankly it pisses me off no end and is disconcerting when applied to someone who\'s sharp regard felt like he was peeling away all the layers of your mind to see what made you tick.

\"There is a bath run for you, please take your time, but when you\'ve finished could you let the water out and please wear something other than those Ministry things. Breakfast will be ready for you when you come down.\"

Sighing I lean against the door frame.

\"Please look at me instead of over my shoulder, it makes me think there\'s something going on behind me.\"

His head moves just enough to face me directly and nodding to myself I go back downstairs, peeking in on a sleeping Draco on my way.

*****

An hour later and I\'ve added another twelve inches of scrawl to my notes for today\'s work, I see him before I hear him. Damn but the man moves like a cat, and that he can still do it now proves it\'s not all put on for show but natural sneakiness.
Gone are the white coveralls and he looks more normal in his usual clothes, no teaching robes though, I didn\'t think that was a good idea. Although for who\'s benefit that was I\'m not sure.

Sitting him at the table again I make bacon sandwiches and my poor excuse for tea. I don\'t know what he used to drink and it shames me to think that even when visiting the Order I didn\'t think highly enough of him to even notice. I make myself busy whilst he eats, gathering my first-aid kit whilst he finishes.

\"can I see the bandages on youm plm please?\"

Harry did this last time and I wish he were here now, feeling decidedly uncomfortable I take his arm, unbuttoning the shirt to the elbow. His wrist feels delicate and warm, the skin like roughened silk, pulse low and steady.

Carefully I unwrap the bandages and peel the dressing from the wound, nervous I start speaking, anything to break the silence as I clean and douse the significantly healed flesh with fresh potion.

\"I\'m sorry Professor, I know how much you would have hated this. I mean you were so self reliant, capable of taking care of yourself, not that you always did...\"

Furious at myself for the lump in my throat I finish bandaging. Draco\'s words from last night and my promise haunt me.

\"...You were always so very proud, this feels like it would have been an insult. Damn it it is! I worry so much about everything now, The boys, even you, I don\'t have all the answers anymore and that scares me. Perhaps he\'s right, better off to be dead than helpless and at the mercy of those who hate you, would you have wanted that too? Would I really have the courage to....sod it, why is nothing simple anymore?!\"

Sharply I stand, the chair scraping the floor loudly.

\"Draco\'s going to be out for another couple of hours at least, gives me time to get on with some work. Could you come with me, I\'d appreciate a hand?\"

He won\'t answer I know this but still I have to try to make everything seem more normal. I could leave him sitting at the kitchen table but that would make the change in him even more jarring and I would worry and with that comes remembrance. I can\'t believe I voiced those previous thoughts out loud, controlling my mouth has never been one of my strong points I guess.

He follows me to my Lab, sitting on a stool at the back. I start the brewing process of each variant of my new assignment, once again uncomfortable with his silent presence I start babbling, at first nothing in particular, details that would have driven him to yelling, but quickly I find myself almost without realising it explaining my theories and telling him about the potions I am brewing and I manage to loose myself in my work.

****

My work done faster than I had anticipated I get on with the task of contacting the elusive creature known as Ron. Now sitting in front of the floo in my lounge I throw a small amount of the powder and call Ron\'s flat.
No response.
Next I try his work, he\'s on holiday and should be back next Wednesday.
Lovely, that doesn\'t help me any. I try his home again.

\"Hey Ron! Ron, answer the damn floo. It\'s Hermione, I know you\'re there!\"

Still nothing.

\"Ron Weasley if you don\'t answer now I\'m coming over there and hunting you down!\"

Sod all.

Perhaps he really is on holiday. If he is Molly will know. Another pinch of floo powder and I\'m speaking to the matriarch of the Weasley family, her head poking green and insubstantial from the fireplace beams as she sees it\'s me.

\"Why hello Hermione dear, what can I do for you?\"

\"I was wondering if Ron was there?\"

Concern clouds her features.

\"Is there something wrong dear? Only we haven\'t seen all that much of him ourselves after...well you know.\"

\"I was kind of hoping you might know where he is. You see he\'s been avoiding us as well and we need to contact him...we miss him.\"

\"I understand, if we see him we\'ll tell him. We are all worried about him.\"

I converse with Molly for the better part of an hour, catching up and reaffirming old ties. It is nice to talk with her again even if under uncomfortable circumstances.
That Ron has been avoiding his own family disturbs me, for someone who\'s family were their life it is just so out of character. Perhaps tying him to a chair isn\'t such a silly idea...just have to find him first.

Snape and I make our way back into the kitchen to the view of a freshly showered, half naked Draco cooking what looks suspiciously like a fry-up whilst singing to Rammstein.

Wincing at his off-key rendition of \'Sonne\' I turn the music down better to yell at him.

\"Draco Malfoy! What are you doing prancing round, undressed and using the entire contents of my fridge!\"

\"I am making breakfast \'Mione, I emademade some some for you two.\"

\"It\'s two o\'clock!\"

\"Brunch then.\"

He rolls his eyes, grabbing a shirt thrown over one of the chairs.

\"Happy now?\"

\"It\'s an improvement. Hangover gone then?\"

\"You brew the best cures Hermione. There done.\"

He dishes the greasy looking mess on three plates and proceeds to tuck into his. I stare somewhat warily at mine.

\"It wont kill you you know.\"

No probably not. Give me major arterial blockages in later life but not directly kill me. Oh hell! I gingerly follow his lead finding myself hungrier than I\'d thought and tell him of my talk with Molly.

*****
The rest of the day is fairly uneventful, surprisingly comfortable considering the revelations of the past night. I suppose we both know each others darkest secrets, well at least a couple of them. Harry is meeting us tomorrow to discuss \'the plan\' and I\'ve given Snape a list of things he can do in the morning without me having to stand over him, it is some independence from me, even if it is an illusion because I had to tell him to do them in the first place.

Draco Is staying again, hopefully we will make it to our respective beds tonight. I admit I\'m not eager to see him disappear off to where-ever he goes when not here, his presence has stopped me spending too tim time fretting over Snape and it means I know where he is, even if it is his mission to eat me out of house and home.

*****

The repeated buzzing of the doorbell and frenzied hammering at he front door wrench me violently from a rather odd dream. Swearing explosively I grab my dressing gown and storm down the stairs. Unlocking and unwarding the door I yank it open, unbalancing my visitor, sending him stumbling inside. I at least have the presence of mind to close the door before letting rip.

\"Do you have ANY idea of what the time is Harry? I was asleep, people normally are at five in the sodding morning! Now give me a damn good reason I shouldn\'t hex your balls into next Tuesday!\"

Harry is almost bouncing where he stands, grinning in a way I haven\'t seen for so long.

\"How\'s Snape?\"

Seething I barely notice Draco\'s appearance at the top of the stairs.

\"You wake me now to ask me THAT!\"

Unable to contain himself he laughs.

\"What if I told told you i know where his soul is?\"

*****

tbc

*****


WizardingAngel - Thank-you :-) Glad you liked it.

Deb >^..^< . - I always had a soft spot for Draco (does it show?:->) and I didn\'t think that anyone would have got away from the war unscathed, unfortunately this story called for extra special nastiness to bring the characters together and the conversation hopefully went towards healing some of the harm already done...:-)

Susan - Nah, that\'s fine I wanted to make Pansy really hateable and in this story she is a bitch. More on her fate later. :-)

Bambu - Thank-you for the review :-) The conversation leading up to the eye-popping I can actually see and spent enough time chuckling over it I got odd looks at home. I must admit feeling more sorry for Draco than Hermione in some ways, his world would have been shattered and he had no friends to turn to, at least Hermione had people she could depend upon.