Our Lives Are Not Our Own

Disclaimers in Part 00

Part 03 - To Hell and Back Again

Harry apparated into the Leaky Cauldron with a feeling of trepidation. Now that he was actually there, what had felt like just a nightmare just became very real.

Taking a deep breath, he started to look around and quickly spotted the white blonde hair that he was looking for. He had been hoping that the other man, with all his intricacies would have told the Ministry to go bugger themselves and find another unwilling participant in this farce. However, there he was, sitting in one of the booths, holding a wine glass and glaring at anyone who even dared to bother him. It seemed that even Lucius Malfoy couldn't defy the ministry in this thing.

Moving over to the table, Harry forced his hands to stay flat at his sides. It wouldn't do him any good to hex the man that was supposed to be the father of his first child. They hadn't gotten along during the war, and he was certain tonight wasn't going to be any different. Oh yes, they had worked together on occasion, but even the few hours that they spent in the same company was strained. It was clear to everyone around them how much the two men hated each other.

Stopping just before he reached the table it was all Harry could do not to stick his hands in his pocket and look like a sullen child. Taking a deep breath, he took those last few steps towards the table and looked down at the man sitting there. "Mr. Malfoy," he could be respectful if he tried.

"Potter."

It was the only response he got. "So..." He wondered where the hell his Gryffindor courage went. He had it while he had been at home talking himself into being able to do this.

He could feel Malfoy's eyes sweep over him, as if his gaze could take in all of the little imperfections in his attire. He was glad that he had chosen to wear his best clothing to this engagement. The robes had been specially made and only worn once before to the awards ceremony. The pants only one more time than that; to Remus' funeral. He had spent a fair amount of money on his clothing at the insistence of Ginny (which he now assumed was from Draco's influence). Harry hoped it was enough.

He knew he wasn't the most desirable person on the face of the earth. The new scar that littered his face made him feel more conscious of his flaws. Even after the six months it had adorned his skin, it was still was red and raw. At least the people around him didn't see the scar that adorned his leg, it only produced a slight limp as he couldn't bend his knee or hip the way he used to. However, unless people were looking for it, it wasn't noticeable, as Madam Pomfrey (the only med witch he really trusted) kept telling him. It was the nagging doubt that was at the edge of his mind... why was Ginny sleeping with other men if he was still desirable though? He had to admit that Draco was one of the better-looking men from his class, but his personality left something to be desired.

"So Lucius," he was about to sleep with the man after all, "when did the Ministry inform you of this arrangement?" He didn't feel like making small talk and he had been wondering when the other father had been told about this.

He can still feel that gaze sweeping over his body while Lucius speaks again, having completely ignored his question.

"You are not quite up to my usual standards, but given that we do not have a choice in the matter... Lets not waste the time on mindless chatter. I very much doubt that you can say anything worthwhile in any case." Standing, Lucius started to move towards the staircase, naturally assuming that Harry will follow. "I have acquired a room within this 'establishment'." the word was said with scorn.

Quickly, not wanting to lose track of the other man, Harry followed in his wake, feeling much like a wayward child. "You know the Ministry will be... footing the bill for this... right?" Even to his own ears, it sounded like less than stimulating conversation. However, maybe he did just feel like having some small talk. He really did want to put this off as long as possible.

"Do you always state the obvious, Mr. Potter?" Having come to the top of the stairs and starting down a hallway. Not another soul could be seen.

Getting fed up, he spat out, "It's not like either of us want this."

At the end of the hallway, Lucius stops, opens a door and goes in. Only waiting long enough for Harry to enter behind him before closing and locking it behind them. "Oh, but you are wrong there Mr. Potter. Why would I not want this?" His smile was enough to make Harry shiver.

Looking around, Harry could tell that Lucius was not sparing a knut of the Ministry's money. It was a large spacious room, with a fire going in both fireplaces. Two large leather wingback chairs were in fron one one fire and a large comfortable looking couch in front of the other. Closer to the center of roomroom there was a mahogany table with a couple of dining chairs around it. However, it was the bed that took up most of his vision... it was larger than a king size.

Without looking at Lucius he answers. "Lets see, you are being forced to have a child with your enemy?" a bit of that so-called Gryffindor courage showing through. For some reason, he found this harder to deal with than when he had faced Voldemort in the end. Perhaps it was because he had been given fair warning and was able to prepare, where as this was only something he had been told about this morning.

Smirking, "Yes, there is that. However..." Lucius takes Harry by the chin and forces him to look him in the eye. "This is your first time with a man, is it not?"

Seeing that smirk, he tries to lie, "No."

Coming even closer to him, Lucius pushes hody ody up against him, making Harry try and break away from the hand that is holding his chin. Lucius' eyes burn into Harry's, "You are a very bad liar, Mr. Potter." Letting go of the younger man.

Harry backs away a few steps, bumping into the table that is now right behind him as Lucius continues to speak. "Shall I tell you the reasons why I would want this?"

Unable to find his voice, Harry motions with hand for Lucius to elaborate.

"I find it so much more stimulating if my partner knows some of what is going to happen to them." Even though his tone was comforting, there was the air of mocking behind it.

Never changing his tone, "I hate you Mr. Potter. I have never made that a secret. Though, you have never made it a secret that you have hated me either, just because of my son's actions at that fools school." Taking a step towards Harry, "And now I have a blushing little virgin, in my hands for the night. Isn't that precious?"

'No, that isn't ~precious~." He hissed out the word.

"So glad you see it my way." The unpleasant smile that had been adorning his lips became even more so.

"You are such a bastard. I don't see why the Ministry chose you." He spat out.

"Perhaps because I am a powerful wizard?"

"There are those who are more powerful than you."

"Perhaps, but I am here and they are not."

Stalling as the man moves forward again. "You know this child is ~mine~, not yours."

Taking that final step forward, Lucius towered over him, close enough that he couldn't moway way if he wanted to, yet was not being touched in any way. "Technically, the child will not be yours either. It will belong to the ministry." He takes the collar of Harry's robe between two fingers and rubs the fabric between two fingers as if testing the quality. "Let me guess, you played dress up for me, how cute."

Not letting it show, Harry is once again glad that he wore his best robes to this... meeting. "Actually, I read the entirety of that bloody document that I was given this morning. It is ~my~ choice who the child belongs to. Not theirs."

"Did you bother to read the fine print as well?"

"Why the hell do you think it too me SIX hours to get though it after finding out? That bloody document was over 300 pages long. I had to read it ~twice~ to make complete sence of it."

Letting go of the collar, he steps back just one step. "No doubt for a reason. However, I tired of your talking, let’s get on with it, shall we?" His trademark sneer back in place, "Strip. Now." His voice cold and hard, leaving no room for argument.

Refusing to just follow Lucius orders, he reaches into his pants pocket. "Potion first. If you ~read~ everything, you know it has to be taken ~before~ we start." He holds up the little bottle between his thumb and forefinger. The midnight black liquid swirls around in it, only enough for the one dosage. "I didn't want to take any chances of you deciding that this was pointless and not showing up."

Moving out of reach of Lucius, he takes a seat in one of the two chairs at the table and un-corks the bottle. "I hope this tastes better than it looks" With the ease of someone who has been swallowing distasteful potions for years, he downs the foul tasting potion. For a moment it looks like he is about to bring it right back up, yet somehow he keeps it down. "It looks like my hopes were dashed." He closes his eyes, feeling it start to make it's way throughout his system.

With his eyes closed, he could not see the glare that he was receiving from the other man. Lucius was not used to being defied; even in a small way.

With his eyes still closed, Harry bent over and started to take off his dragon hide boots. The soft leather had been molded to fit his legs like a second skin. It had been one of the few extravagant purchases he had allowed himself when he had left school. He had known that dragon hide was the very best and would stand up to the rigorous activities he would have to perform during the war, where his trainers would not. They didn't quite have the same gleam they once had, but considering they had been his soul pair of footwear for five years, they were in amazing condition.

"Perhaps you need some help, Mr. Potter."

Opening his eyes and looking up, "Why would you want to help me? I thought you didn't help anyone."

"Oh you will find that I can be very helpful when I want to be." With that Lucius forcefully pulled him to his feet and pushed him up against the table.

Grasping out for support, Harry glared up at the taller man. "What in Merlin’s' name do you think you are doing?"

The look that was on Lucius' face was unreadable. "Helping," with that one word he pulled out a very sharp looking knife from his robes.

"What in the seven levels of hell do you think that you are going to do with that?" If he could have, Harry would have backed up further into the table, he decided to try and change tactics. "If there are any damages done you will have to pay full restitution."

"I assure you, any expenses will be paid in full by the ministry. Aren't we fortunate?"

He straightens up so that he's standing at his full height, even if it is nothing compared to Lucius, refusing to show his fear when seeing that knife. "So I've been told. Though I believe there are limits to their generosity."

With an unpleasant smile, Lucius grabbed him by the shoulders, spun him around and bent him over the table so that his waist was digging painfully into the edge of it. "True, we'll find out won't we?"

Before Harry could even think about trying to move from the position that he had been forced into, Lucius had whispered a spell and he found himself bound to the table. "Bloody hell! What do you think you are doing?"

"Tsk tsk, language, Mr. Potter...." as Harry felt the knife pass very close to his skin, his robes being parted quite expertly from top to bottom, straight down the middle. "You are a bit slow aren’t you?" He could hear the knife being placed on the table near him, "Obviously you need some education. Seeing as I am a helpful man, this is what I shall provide for you. An education."

Harry started to fight the bindings, even thought he could barely move a muscle from his waist up. He could just imagine that Lucius relished the thought of having him spread out on this table.

He feels his back start to tense as he hears a slight metallic sound and a rustle. He knows that sound far better than anyone should, it may have been years, but he knows the sound of a belt being removed from a pair of pants.

"Let me share a little secret with you Mr. Potter..."

Trying to turn his head so he could see Lucius, yet unable to actually get a good view of him, "What kind of secret?"

He could almost hear the smirk in the older mans voice, "You really want to know it? Very well then..." The first of several blows land onto his back. He yelps once in surprise and pain, but then bites down onto his lover lip, refusing to make another sound. "Pain and pleasure can be one and the same thing...However, I prefer to share it...Pain for you...pleasure for me. It's very fair don't you think?" The blows become even harder as Harry can feel the anger that Lucius is putting into every blow.

The blows became even more precise as if Lucius was trying to make Harry cry out in pain. However, he would not let the sounds exit his mouth, even though he had bitten a hole in his lip to keep from making them. Although a whimper would escape from time to time, he would not allow anything louder to come out.

All of a sudden the belt stops hitting his skin, and Harry slumps into the table, taking in a few deep breaths before he feels the knife on his body again, this time slicing the pants off of him. An amused chuckle comes from behind him, "Well well Mr. Potter, no underwear, just like a common slut expecting to get some at any moment. How apt."

Feeling the need to justify himself, "More li lef leftover from the war. If you had spent as much time on the field as I did, you wouldn't wear any either."

"Did I hit a bit too close to home, since you feel such urgent need to defend yourself?"

"I am not defending myself. I am telling you why. This is why..." He snarls, "You and your family got to stay in your nice cushy home, while I had to be out ie mie middle of bloody no where, fighting with your old... friends and watching those I care about die at their hands, before I took them down. I had to make choices, Underwear or food. I choose food. We couldn't go apparating all over creation in case we were tracked."

"Pity poor Potter week, is it?"

Snorts, "Poor Potter? I'd say poor Malfoy, at least I know who your daughter-in-law is going to"
"

"And who might that be?" Harry could hear the curiosity in the other mans voice.

He just can't help himself, "And I always thought that Malfoy's hated Weasleys. Cut them out of the family tree a couple of generations ago." Snickers, "At least that was until Draco started taking Ginny to 'La Chat Noir'." He knew he sho't b't be saying this, but he was still hurt by her betrayal, even if he tried to hide it. There was almost a sadistic pleasure in letting this little tidbit of information out.

Lucius' voice turns to ice, "Oh I see. Your girl... and my boy... How ironic."

"As I pointed out to her this afternoon." He tried to shift on the table; the scar that marred his hip down to his calf was starting to ache from the constant pressure of the table.

"I am thinking that I should give you a little present-as thanks for this information. Some keepsake, something to remember me by."

"Like carrying and giving birth to your child won't be enough?"

"Potter Potter... so quick with your mouth..." Harry shivered as he felt a finger running down the almost nerveless scar and then back up again. The finger then trailing from the hip to his arse where it pinches.

The next thing Harry knew, he could feel the knife cutting into his skin. Once again he bit into his lip, refusing to cry out in pain, though the whimpers are inevitable. Ever since the incident where the Death Eaters captured him three years before, he has always been sensitive about being cut and bleeding freely.

He can almost tell that it will scar from the very cuts the man in making into his skin. It feels as if there is a river of blood running down his thigh. Once the knife is removed from his skin, a hand starts to gather up the blood. "I suggest that you relax, Mr. Potter... This... might sting a bit."

He tries to relax, but finds it impossible to relax between the bleeding and being bound to the desk. When he feels his legs being spread even further apart and the feel of cool metal being pressed against his intimacy, he lets out a strangled scream.

Before he had had a chance to get used to the idea of the head of Lucius's cane pressing against him, it was forcefully pushed in. The only thing making the way any easier being the blood from his leg. As it enters, the sharp edges tear the sensitive skin and then continue to do so as it is pulled back out. As much as he fights against the invading object, there is just no way that he can stop it. The more that he tenses up, the more he can feel the cane ripping him apart. He can feel his throat becoming raw from the screaming.

Even as Lucius continues with the cane, a rustle of cloth can be heard, and then he stabehibehind Harry, moving the unresponsive body into a better position before ripping out the cane. The blood having aroused him.

Although it can't be any worse than what just happened, Harry whimpers in fear, knowing that he doesn't have any choice in this. He screams out again as Lucius pushes into him, the abused flesh spasming around him. Yeomehomehow Lucius keeps hitting a spot within him he has never known that shoots pleasure mixed with the pain. His mind keeps screaming out that this is wrong and that he has to get away from Lucius, even though he knows he has to stay until the completion of this horrid act.

"That's right, Harry... scream for me..." Lucius's hand drifts down to the mark he made, digging three fingers into the fresh wound-drawing more blood as he gives Harry a first time he'll certainly remember for as long as he lives.

Mercifully, for Harry, Lucius becomes quite intoxicated with the sight and with the almost melodic screams ringing in his ears. There is not much else he needs to slip over that edge, groaning with the pleasure.

Not one to care about his partner’s satisfaction, Lucius pulled out of Harry with a sickening pop. Harry just laid across the table, breathing in short, painful breaths, waiting to be released from the invisible bonds that held him. He could feel the blood running down his leg.

When he heard the other man start to move away from him, he choked out, "Malfoy, let me up!"

He could hear the satisfaction in his voice, "Oh no Mr. Potter, someone in your delicate condition shouldn’t be moving ab" Th" There was a caress on his back, the blood now a sticky mess. "I must be going, I have a pressing appointment that has just come to my attention." The voice grew hard.

"Malfoy you can't just leave me here, I'll bleed to death!"

"I know exactly what I am doing," a finger trails over his hyper sensitive skin, "you won't bleed to death." A short cold laugh, "The bonds will dissolve in a couple of hours. We really shouldn't let you move so much, mother to be as you are."

Snarling back at the older man, "The potion will make sure that I won't lose this child."

"Have a good day, Mr. Potter"

"Fuck you Malfoy."

Harry sagged against the table, finally allowing the tears he had been fighting off, to fall, hearing the distinctive pop of someone apparating.

The wait was going to seem like forever.