The Pains of Becoming

Finale Part 2: A Proof of Existence Textand here we are, the final piece.



A big Thank You to Ari, who had a lot of work with this chapter because I am not very good with writing action! I hope this now makes at least a bit of sense to you all. And of course I hope you are ok with the ending.



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Chapter 36

Finale Part 2: A Proof of Existence



She felt a hand closing around her arm and pulling her to her feet, quite like a few times before when she had not cared. But this was different; it was quiet around her now. The room was empty. There was only her empty body, and that of the person pulling her up, but no, there was another. A less forceful hand touched her arm as well, that hand was not giving her direction upwards like the other, it seemed unsure or without purpose. But the other was pulling her entire body to her feet, while its owner was talking to the other.



“Did you understand what I was telling you? Stop staring at her, look at me! Did you understand me?!”



“Yes,” said a young, defiant but yet obedient voice. And she felt that other hand putting a little more grip on her arm.



She stood, she did see blurry visions of two people, but did not care who they were, therefore did not bother to focus.



She was hastily wrapped into a blanket. Then the forceful hand was giving her a push towards the other person.



“Come on!” said the younger one impatiently and with fear in his voice as his hand insecurely pulled her into one direction. He sounded strangely familiar she noticed.



She did not feel right about this. It was not her Master ordering her and she doubted this feeble, insecure person was acting in her Master’s will, -or he would not have a reason to sound so nervous.



“Where are we going?” she asked with a voice that exclaimed raw vulnerability and emptiness at the same time. She did not recognize it as her own voice. The other one did not answer but pulled her along. The more demanding figure disappeared. She was pulled out the door and onto a large staircase. She was not sure about this.



“What are you doing? Let go of me!” she demanded feebly and pulled on her arm, trying to stay behind.



“Don’t be stupid!” called the scared voice and the person was pulling on her arm to make her come down the stairs with him, “don’t be stupid!”, he called again. She stumbled down the steps as he pulled, and was caught in his arms, her naked body exposed as the blanket opened. She recognized that person catching her. It was Draco.



She wanted to laugh, she wanted to push him away and make fun of him, but he was the only thing keeping her from falling.



“Draco”, she said, somewhat in wonderment. Where did he come from? What was he doing?



“Shut up and move!” he said shakily.



“Why?” she breathed and held onto him.



“I don’t want my life to be ruined because of a whore like you! So move!” and he dragged her down the stairs.



“I just wanted love!” she breathed in between her stumbling, she couldn’t even hear herself.



They reached the bottom of the stairs. She felt the presence of another person and they stopped in their tracks. Draco pulled her towards himself.



“Draco, what are you doing here?” she heard an unfamiliar voice asking.



“I’m….”, Draco trailed off and tightened his grip on her.



“Does your father know you are here?” the voice snarled.



“Well, I partly live in this place you know,” Draco said defiantly.

The other voice laughed.



“Did he give you the girl to play?” the voice asked.



“What do you think?” asked Draco.



“Good fun, she is. Nice and tight,” a hand grabbed her sex. Fingers pushed in, she only winced tiredly. That rough voice was very close she could feel it on her skin.



Draco pushed him away: “You had your fun, she’s my toy now, right?”



The man laughed and released her. In that moment she felt Draco let go of her as well.



“Stupify!” There was a flash of light and the man dropped to the floor.



“Obliviate!” said Draco firmly, his wand now steadily pointed at the man on the floor. He waited a few seconds, then put his wand away and pulled her along towards the door.



“Can’t let him tell father…” he muttered under his breath as though Kirsty had asked and they reached the door.



There the blast of an explosion sounded from upstairs. Shouting and the casting of spells echoed down the stairs. Draco turned around and his body tensed.



“Bastards!”, he shouted, let go of her and hurried back up the stairs, his wand raised. Kirsty wavered and dropped to the floor by the door. Draco heard her body hit the ground and turned his head back to her.



She felt cold and naked on the marble stone floor and tiredly pulled on the corners of the blanket, her eyes fixed on the patterns of the marble before her.



He hesitated. He looked back up the stairs where the now clear noise of fighting was coming from. He hesitated again, listening to the fighting. Curses hitting objects and people.



He turned and hurried back to her. He grabbed her arm and impatiently pulled her back to her feet. He put the blanket back around her.



Suddenly she found his steel blue eyes closely fixed on hers. She thought he was going to say something, but he didn’t. He pushed her out the door and followed.



“What are you doing?” she whispered as he dragged her down the steps of the country house.



“Shut up! I hate you!”



“Draco…” weakly she pulled back her arm, trying to slow him down.



“Shut up.”



“What are you doing? Draco?”



He turned back to her, securing his grip on her wrist.



“Don’t provoke me! I’m serious! Now shut your mouth and come along!”



“I don’t think I want to go with you!”



“Because you’re an idiot! Now if you don’t come along, I will just leave you here…or I will kill you!”



“My Master did not give me permission to leave. What if he still needs me?”



Draco gave a desperate laugh, but it sounded rather miserable.



“They have really fucked your brains out, woman!” he yanked her arm as hard as he could, “Now come along or I let go!”



“Do let go!” she pulled into the opposite direction. Draco made one more attempt and pulled on her arm with a cry of frustration. Then he gave up and simply let go. Kirsty stumbled backwards and fell into the grass. Draco stared at her.



“Then stay! What do I care?”, he hesitated. She stared ahead realizing she did not have the strength to stand up. Draco still stood there staring.



“Why don’t you go?”, she asked tiredly.



“Because I’m supposed to take you away from here…if you’re not coming, why would I leave? …When I could help my father instead?”



“What do you mean?”



Draco mentioned back to the house, “It’s Dumbledore’s people invading our holiday home. I was downstairs when Snape came and told me to get you and leave, because he had just heard that members of the Order of the Phoenix are going to be there any moment. They had some evidence that the Book of Forgotten Curses would be here”, he looked over to the house and stared a moment. There were flashes of light in the windows.



“Are you saying they are attacking him?”, she said quietly.



“If with HIM you are referring to my father, yes they are. And I should be there and fight for him, instead of rescuing stupid girls, that don’t want to be rescued.”



“I don’t need rescuing”, she said and forced herself up, “give me your cloak!”



Draco only stared.



“Give me your cloak! How am I supposed to fight in a blanket?!”



“You don’t have a wand.” He simply said as he took off his cloak and handed it to her.



She was to tired to argue with him and silently pulled on the cloak, fastened it and turned to march back to the house with wobbling knees.



He hesitated a moment then called: “Wait!” She didn’t listen, he ran after her, “Stop! I can’t let the Order have you! You know too much!”



“They are not going to have me!”



“You’re just a girl without a wand! How are you going to fight them off, huh?!”



She ignored him. She knew she was in no condition to fight, but if she had reached her end she would go fighting for her master, not running away. She had endured too much to run from him now. She needed to end this properly.



She reached the porch and hurried up to the door. She pulled it open and ran back inside. In the staircase she could hear the fighting so near. She did not hesitate and hurried up the stairs. Someone ran pass her down the stairs, blocking off a spell that shot his direction. For a moment the man’s eyes were fixed on her in surprise, that was enough to distract him as a stunning spell hit him and his rigid body dropped to the bottom of the stairs.



Kirsty looked up to where the spell had come from. It was Professor Lupin.



He looked at her with shock written across his face, she glared back. He rushed down to her and pulled her cloak closed more tightly. Was he seeing something he was uncomfortable with, she wondered?



“What are you doing still here? Are you ok? Where is Draco?”



She stared at him a moment, then looked down at his hands, which still held her cloak closed. She couldn’t help it, she hugged him tightly. She wanted to beg, but she did not know what for ´Save Lucius!`, ´Save Snape!`, ´Save me!`



Draco stumbled back in. He pointed his wand at Lupin, but did not dare to cast a spell as Lupin had been faster, and his wand was pointed at Draco.



“Werewolf, what a surprise”, Draco spat, “Is Dumbledore giving you some dog biscuits to survive on to do his dirty work?



“Draco, you should leave. It’s not save here.“



“How about you getting out of my house, werewolf?!”



“I can’t do that.”



“Hand over the girl.”



Lupin hesitated, as though he did not know of Snape’s plan to use Draco to bring Kirsty into safety, then he said quietly: “Go to him.” He gave Kirsty a small push. But Kirsty had no intention of going back to Draco. Angrily she stepped back.



A door on the first level burst open with a crash.



“Expelliamus!”



Draco’s wand was blasted out of his hand. Everyone looked up. MadEye Moody stood on the gallery his wand still pointed at Draco as a flash of light hit him and he fell over the railing. He did not move. Lupin was about to rush over to his motionless body but there Lucius emerged furiously out of the now open door, wisps of his silvery blond hair in his anger contorted face, his wand raised:



“Avada …”



“No!” Kirsty grabbed Lupin and pulled him out of the way with the weight of her entire body. They both fell down the stairs. There was a clinking sound. Lupin’s wand rolled over the floor. Draco grabbed it and broke it in two.



Lupin and Kirsty hurried to their feet, paying no attention to Draco they turned towards Lucius who came down the stairs his wand pointed at them. Kirsty stepped in front of Lupin, who immediately tried to push her aside, she stepped out of his reach, but stayed between him and her master.



“Get out of here, Draco”, Lucius said.



“What about…”



“Do as I said! Now!” he snarled.



Draco hesitated then stepped backwards, sulking. Lucius flicked his wand in his directing quickly and Draco held his cheek.



“Go!”



Draco scowled, turned and left the house with one last reluctant look.



Kirsty struggled to stay in front of Lupin, he was being persistent about pushing her out of the way.



“You are whoring with animals now, pet?” Lucius hissed, giving the last word an angry tone.



“No”, she said, daring to look at her Master from under her eyelashes, “I just don’t want you to kill him.”



Lupin tried to push her away again, but she held her ground and gave him an angry jab with her elbow in his ribs to make him stop.



Lucius briefly looked amused, then his expression went cold again.



“Why do you think that it would matter to me that you are in the way, when I kill the werewolf.”



“I don’t”, she whispered.



His eyes narrowed, something was happening in her little head, that he recognised, in that moment she suddenly jumped at him and threw him over, trying to wrestle the wand out of his hand.



“Run!” she shouted, “leave! And don’t come back! Please!” Lupin looked startled for a moment, not having expected Kirsty to suddenly attack Lucius in such a reckless way. Then he jumped forward to help her as Lucius was rolling on top of her, pinning her to the ground. His grip on his wand was iron. She bit into his hand as hard as she could. He screamed angrily and his grip on his wand loosened. She pulled and the cold, metal snake was in her hand. She turned and saw Lupin grabbing for it.



“Expelliamus”, she shouted and Lupin lost his grip on the wand he had only barely touched, flew across the room and was thrown to the ground.



“Go! Go! For Merlin’s sake go!! Gooooo!”, she screamed her lungs out and even Lucius stopped after struggling to get up. He stood still and hesitated.



Lucius and Lupin both stood there, Kirsty kneeled on the floor between them, her arm was shaking as she still pointed Lucius’ wand at Lupin.



“Goooo!” she screamed at Lupin again. A door on the gallery opened, Kirsty did not care who it was and pointed her wand up at where the noise came from.



“Avada…-” “Don’t!” Lupin shouted., “-Kadavera!”



A person collapsed on the gallery.



Kirsty breathed, staring at Lupin. Lupin stared back.



“Go!! Go! Please!” she cried.



Lupin did not move. She heard slow but heavy steps behind her. She could feel him. She could feel her Master coming for her. Her rebellion was over and she did not want witnesses.



“Oh do stay, Werwolf.” she heard her Master snarl very close behind her.



Kirsty felt tears coming over her, she blinked and breathed deeply. Lupin would not go.



“Petrificus Totalus”, she cried. Lupin froze where he was standing and slowly fell backwards against the wall. She lowered the wand slowly and gave into the crying.



Then she remembered who was standing behind her. She turned to him on her hands and knees, trying her best to get her emotions back under control. Slowly she held up his wand for him to take. It was deadly quiet now. She could only hear the echo of her hard breathing.



Just as slowly he extended his hand and took the wand from her.



She was not sure what she was waiting for. But she fixed her eyes on his boots and the marble before her and did not dare move.



She felt him use the tip of his wand to stroke strands of her hair out of her face.



“That was a Death Eater who you just killed”, he said somewhat softly.



With an inner disturbance she noticed that she was longing for him to rape her hard right there on the cold, marble floor in front of Lupin, who had to watch. But she knew they were way past that.



“I should just end it here and now”, she heard him say quietly as the tip of his wand traced down the side of her face and down her neck. She remembered the first time she had felt his wand on her skin, when they first met. She closed her eyes. She had no further use for her life if he had none. She only wanted to wait for his judgment.



It was like time had stopped. Kirsty sat there, listening to her own panting, wondering which intake of breath was going to be her last, gazing at his boots, ready to part with her life. This was it. This was as far as it could ever go. He was right; she did not want to be a Death Eater. But she also knew, she was not fighting on the other side either. She had always been caught up with fighting for herself. –Too caught up to commit to him for real, to busy fighting her own battles...



She could feel his wand pointed at her head now. She was prepared. She welcomed his final punishment. She had earned it and this one would give her final peace.



“Father!”



Kirsty looked up. Draco stood in the door again. He was pale as a sheet and looked like he was going to throw up.



“I told you to leave, Draco”, Lucius hissed. Kirsty shook at the sound of his voice, and fixed her eyes on his boots again.



“Aurors. There are aurors coming.”



“Get the hell out of here, Draco!”



Draco hesitated. He seemed strangely calm.



“You have to come, too. There are too many.”



“I will follow.”



Draco hesitated again.



“You’re going to kill her”, he said quietly as though he was telling his father something he did not know.



“Things have to be done”, Lucius said with a certainty that gave Kirsty shivers, “One day you will learn that, this isn’t the time. Go now!”



“I can’t!” Draco shouted suddenly. He was staring at Kirsty. It looked as though he was trying to explain his reason but there were no more words left in his mouth. He looked anxiously at his father and back at Kirsty.



There was the sound of fighting coming nearer from outside.



“Father?” Draco sounded scared now, “Father, lets just go!”



Kirsty heard Lucius mutter something angrily under his breath and she closed her eyes. It did not sound like the killing curse. Nothing happened. Kirsty did not dare to move her head. Fighting was still going on somewhere outside, but inside the hall it was silent. There was only the sound of her breathing. She was still breathing.



Eventually, after what seemed to be eternity she opened her eyes. Lucius was not standing before her anymore. There was nothingness instead and the cold marble floor. It was so quiet she felt as though she could hear the air. Slowly she picked up her head and looked around her. There was Lupin, still stiff and motionless against the wall. And there a few meters next to him leaned Professor Snape, as though he had been there all along. He too was motionless, except for a slow blink; as though he was not too impressed with the show he was given.



She turned away again, resuming her stare at the floor and gave a deep sigh.