The Death of a Soul

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Chapter Thirty Six

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Severus spent the night pacing. He went over and over in his mind the last words Healer Graham had said.

“I would like you to think about the possibility of Harry never being happy if you two were still married and how it would make you feel.

“What does it matter how I feel if we’re no longer married?” Severus said out loud to no one.

Severus scoffed and continued pacing, opening and closing his fists.

“…and even possibly end up hating you for the rest of your life.”

“He won’t hate me! He doesn’t hate me!” Severus cried out in his cell.

“Severus, have you ever asked him what would make him happy?”

Severus stopped and hung his head and sighed. He rubbed his face with his hands and sat down on the edge of his cot. He did try to make Harry happy. He never understood why Harry wasn’t happy and why he considered Severus such a terrible husband. Everything that he knew Harry would want, he gave him. As far as Severus was concerned, he did everything possible to insure Harry's happiness.

“He said he’d rather be dead than to be married to me!”

Severus fell backwards and stared at the ceiling. He was convinced that Harry just said those things in anger and that if they were married just a little while longer, Harry never would have wanted to leave him.

Ever.

Severus fell asleep with a smile on his face.


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Severus woke up with a frown on his face. He had a dream last night and now for the life of him, couldn’t remember what it was about. He did know it wasn’t a pleasant one. Severus tried to recall something – anything – but nothing came to mind. Suddenly, Severus remembered. Harry was in it. And Severus was angry with him.

“Nonsense,” Severus said to himself. “It was a dream brought on by that meddling healer. There’s no reason why I’d be angry with my husband.”

Severus nodded assuredly and began to get ready for his day.


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“Good afternoon, Severus.”

Severus smirked at Healer Graham and bowed his head in a mock greeting. “Afternoon, Alexander.”

Graham raised a questioning eyebrow at the informality. He gave Severus a half-smile and then spoke as if nothing unusual had been said.

“Today I would like to continue our discussion from yesterday.”

Severus nodded curtly.

“Have you thought about what we talked about? About Harry’s feelings towards you?”

“I did.”

“And what are your thoughts today?”

“No different than yesterday,” Severus said.

“I see. Would you mind elaborating?”

Severus sneered. “He was angry with me,” he said shortly.

Healer Graham nodded. “He is still very angry at you.”

Severus sat up tall in the sofa chair. “Not for much longer.”

Graham looked him curiously. “What do you mean?”

Severus scoffed. “What I mean,” he began slowly as if Graham was a child who needed things spelled out. “Is that he will not be angry at me for much longer.”

“And how do you know that, Severus?”

Severus gripped the armrests in frustration. “That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?”

There was a slight pause.

Finally, Graham replied, “What do you believe the reason to be here is, Severus?”

Severus made a grunting noise in the back of his throat. “So my husband and I can reconcile, obviously.”

Graham folded his hands, placed them on the desk and leaned forward. “Severus, you do realise that you and Harry are no longer married.”

“Of course, I know that!” Severus snapped. He stopped for a moment, then sat back and smirked. “But there still is the bond.”

That caught Graham’s attention. “You are aware of the bond?”

Severus continued to smirk. “I am.”

“Does the bond still exist?”

Severus nodded once.

“Do you know how to remove it, as well?”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “Now why on earth would I want to do that?”

Even though Graham wanted desperately to continue, he decided to change the subject. He knew there would be plenty of time to discuss the importance of the bond in the future. He also knew that in Severus’s present state of mind, it would be fruitless.

“Severus, you said yesterday that you love Harry.”

Severus raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised that Graham did not ask any further questions. Then he sneered. “Are you questioning my sincerity?” Severus said.

“No, of course not. Of course not.” Graham said, shaking his head. “Harry is a wonderful man, and it’s easy to see how anyone would be able to fall in love with him.”

Severus sat up proudly and nodded.

“But I would like to know what you love about Harry?”

Severus narrowed his eyes. “What kind of question is that?”

“Forgive me, Severus, for asking, but I am merely curious because there was a time when there was a great deal of … animosity between the two of you.”

“What does that matter? That was in the past and people change,” Severus replied scornfully.

“Yes, that is true. And Harry has indeed changed.”

Severus smirked. “You see?”

“I am told, however, that part of him has changed for the worse.”

Severus grit his teeth. “I will admit that he has had a hard time accepting our relationship, but, as you very well know, he finally came around at the end.”

“Those months before that must have been very hard on you.”

“I managed,” Severus said smugly.

“Yes, you did. And I commend you for your patience.”

“And why is that?” Severus drawled.

“I do not believe that I would be able to handle being married to someone who was constantly angry. It must have been extremely frustrating for you.”

“Like I said,” Severus growled. “I managed.”

“And you did it brilliantly,” Graham said, smiling approvingly. He tilted his head to the side and pinched his brows together. “But I am still curious, Severus. What exactly do you love about Harry?”

“Everything!”

Graham nodded. “And when did your feelings towards Harry change?”

“The moment we were married.”

Graham looked at him thoughtfully. “You mean you fell in love with Harry the moment he became your husband?”

Severus pursed his lips together. “Not immediately, no.”

“So it was over time.”

“Yes,” Severus replied shortly.

Graham nodded again. “Yes, that’s usually how it happens. And, of course, the longer you spent time with him, your feelings towards him grew,” Graham surmised.

“Yes,” Severus hissed.

“Am I correct in assuming that one of the things you love about Harry is his wonderful sense of humour? His generous nature?”

“I’ve already told you! It is everything!”

Graham continued to nod “And Harry is very intelligent,” Graham stated.

“Yes, he is,” Severus agreed smugly.

“Did you enjoy having stimulating conversations with him?”

A sly smirk crossed Severus’s features. “Indeed.”

Graham ignored the innuendo. “Did he confide in you?”

There was a short moment of silence. Finally, Severus said evenly, “My husband was extremely busy, so there wasn’t much time for idle conversations.”

“Did he confide to his friends?”

“Do you have a point?” Severus sneered.

“Well, from what I understand, Harry had alienated himself from everyone. Including his friends.”

“He brought that on himself,” Severus said in a low and dangerous voice.

Graham frowned. “You seem to be angry with Harry.”

Severus clenched his jaw, but said nothing.

“Well, that is understandable. It must have been difficult for you. To have your husband isolate himself and you being unable to help him.”

“I did try to help him!” Severus said, raising his voice.

“Yes, I’m sure you did. But Harry never accepted your help, did he, Severus? Nor from his friends.”

“I am tired of repeating myself, Healer Graham,” Severus snapped. “My husband had a difficult time adjusting to our marriage!”

Graham nodded in agreement, then looked at Severus sadly. “Do you know the reason why?”

Severus’s breathing accelerated and glared at Graham.

Graham glanced at the clock on the mantel, and then looked back at Severus. “I see that our time is up.”

Severus stood up abruptly and marched towards the door.

“Severus, I would like you to think about something for our next session.”

Severus glanced over his shoulder. “And what would that be?” Severus asked mockingly.

“For the past hour, you have not once called Harry by name. You have only referred to him as ‘your husband’.”

Severus’s nostrils flared.

“Good evening, Severus.”


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