Pains and Contradictions

Thanks to Torina for an excellent beta and to WhiteCotton for helping me plan out this chapter some months ago (before GC fic) so I wouldn't forget everything.

This is it, everyone! We're in the home stretch. I've told my beta to forbid me from participating in any other fests until P&C is finished. My goal is to have a chapter out every two weeks, and I think it's attainable.

Thank you to everyone who's stuck around all this time. Your patience is astounding.

**


“Heroes know that things must happen when it is time for them to happen. A quest may not simply be abandoned; unicorns may go unrescued for a long time, but not forever; a happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story.” Peter S. Beagle


“Again!”

The attack was brutal this time, and Harry struggled to defend himself against Dumbledore and Remus; each of them were advancing on him without mercy, as though their sparring really was a life-or-death battle.

They’d been dueling for hours and Harry felt his body tiring, sweat pouring off his brow and his muscles aching. Using all of the arcane shields Severus had taught him he defended himself well enough, but was hesitant to attack. He knew what Dumbledore wanted him to do, knew what he had to do, but he held off with each new attack for as long as possible, waiting until the very last second before he borrowed power from Severus. He fired off his strongest hexes and some weaker curses at Remus, then defended himself from Dumbledore. He felt Severus through the bond, knew the sparring had drained him far worse than he’d ever been drained while practicing in the Room of Requirement, and hated what he had to do.

When Remus made a mistake and left himself open for attack Harry felt for the bond, the cord that ran between him and Severus opening with practiced ease now, and blasted Remus against the wall of the cleared Potions classroom.

With one attacker down, Harry stepped up his attack on Dumbledore. Though Harry had always known that Dumbledore was the most powerful wizard alive, that fact had been made obvious to him in these sparring matches. The power with which Dumbledore attacked him was frightening, and Harry had to use all his strength just to defend himself. The few times he’d been able to cast his own spells had been ineffective, Dumbledore’s shielding being far stronger than anything Harry had ever experienced.

His entire body ached and he could feel Severus’ attention on him, wanting him to push harder, wanting him to be ready for what was to come. With an apology on his lips he stepped up his attack, Severus’ power flowing through him and renewing his energy, allowing his body to do what he’d been too exhausted to do before.

Through red spell light Harry saw Dumbledore give a dark smile as he stepped up his attack. Harry cursed under his breath, not wanting to use any more of Severus’ power than he had to and hating that Dumbledore was forcing him to do so now.

And though he loathed to take anything from Severus, Harry—staring down the most powerful wizard alive—now realized that Dumbledore had been right. He would need the bond to win his fight against Voldemort.

Dumbledore advanced and Harry used every spell in his arsenal to try to penetrate his shields, but nothing got through. He could feel Severus in the other room, weaker and in need of him, but the bond was humming in the back of his mind, reminding Harry that it was made for times like these. He silently apologized to Severus, then opened the bond to take what he needed to blast through Dumbledore’s shields.

He could feel Severus yielding to him, feel him gladly giving up his own power to aid Harry. The bond opened for him, stronger than it ever had been before, as Harry cast Bombarda and blasted Dumbledore off his feet.

And though he had known what he was capable of with Severus’ borrowed power, Harry still stood amazed at the image of Dumbledore on the floor, panting.

“Good, Harry. Very good,” he said, and Harry rushed to help him to his feet. “Much, much better. You took more from Severus that time, didn’t you?”

Harry closed his eyes as the bond vibrated through him. It was so much stronger than it had been, so open now that it knew Harry had true need of it, that it felt as though Severus was next to him, inside him, and Harry was nearly overwhelmed.

Barely casting a glance to make sure Remus was all right, he nodded, then said, “I have to go to Severus.”

“Severus can wait a moment,” Dumbledore said, “I want to test—”

“Later,” Harry said, already opening the door to Severus’ office and then walking through the door to their sitting room. He hardly cared if Dumbledore or Remus followed him. All he knew was that he had taken so much from Severus this time, more than he’d ever taken before. He needed to give that back to him now.

He walked through their sitting room, but Severus wasn’t in his chair. Walking closer to the bedroom, he turned as he saw a dark figure curled up on the sofa.

“Severus,” he breathed, frightened now that he saw Severus so weak.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled, as though he had to force the words out. Harry sat on the edge of the sofa and put his arms around him, letting his cheek touch Severus’ to give him as much physical contact as possible. “Harry, I’m fine. You did well.”

“You call this doing well?” Harry asked, hating what he’d done, and hating even more that it had been necessary.

“Extremely well,” Dumbledore said from behind him. He looked down on Severus as though it was completely normal to find him curled up on the sofa in front of people. “He was finally able to penetrate my shields.”

“Excellent,” Severus said, his voice still weak. “This is good news.”

Remaining silent, Harry struggled to lift Severus enough to sit underneath his head and shoulders, letting his face touch Severus’, their hands clasped together.

“I’ll be fine, Harry,” Severus said, though Harry could hear the soft sigh as he began to recover, the bond giving back what it had taken. The sparring had left Severus so weak he didn’t bother to demand Dumbledore and Remus leave the room, as Harry knew he would have if he were capable. That alone left Harry feeling miserable and shattered.

“Harry,” Remus said from behind Dumbledore, and Harry looked up through the corner of his eye. “This is what we’ve been waiting for. You don’t have anything to feel guilty about. This bond between you and Severus is what’s going to end this war.”

“I know, just—” He sat up straight and looked at Dumbledore and Remus. Both panting and sweating, Remus with a terrible cut across his cheek that Harry knew he’d given him with that last hex. “I think that’s enough for tonight.”

Nodding, Dumbledore laid a hand on Severus’ sleeve and said, “We’ll rest for a day, then try again. And next time, Harry, I don’t want you to hold back as much. Severus is stronger than you think he is.”

Severus grumbled something weakly that Harry didn’t catch before closing his eyes and leaning into Harry’s chest.

“I know,” Harry said, gripping Severus’ hand tighter, feeling the bond tug at him, telling what he already knew: Severus needed him. “Believe me, I know. Just...later, okay?”

Dumbledore nodded again, and he and Remus left the room.

Harry all but pounced on Severus.

“I’m so sorry!” he cried, fiddling with the buttons on Severus’ robes and then his shirt until he found bare flesh, then removed his own shirt to touch as much of Severus as possible. “I didn’t want to do it, but Dumbledore just wouldn’t stop.”

“Shh,” Severus said, his hand coming up to brush through Harry’s hair, shaking only slightly. The hand in his hair grasped his head weakly, and Severus gave a sigh of content. “Be quiet for a moment and feel this with me.”

“Feel what?” Harry asked. “I took too much from you, and now—.”

“No, Harry,” Severus said, “not that. Be quiet. I don’t want you to miss this because you were too busy being an idiot.”

“Hey!”

“Shh...”

With a firmer hand, Severus pulled Harry’s head to lay across his chest, their skin-to-skin contact just what Harry knew he needed right now. Closing his eyes, he began to feel the bond respond to what Severus needed, to give back what was taken.

It was when Severus gasped that Harry finally felt it.

His eyes closed and a heavy sensation ran through Harry, a feeling of elation and near euphoria. He felt the bond between them open in its entirety, the conduit of power flowing freely between them, more than it ever had before.

It was as though his power wasn’t his own anymore. With the bond open, Harry felt as though everything he was belonged not only to him, but also to Severus. Together, they were the most powerful wizard alive, more powerful than Dumbledore, more powerful than Voldemort.

Harry gasped and grasped Severus’ hand harder as felt Severus’ power move through him as though it was his own, and his power into Severus. It was like grasping hold of omnipotence, and he knew Severus was feeling the exact same way.

“Why does it feel that way?” he asked into Severus’ chest. “What is this?”

“The bond has finally realized its full potential. It’s...happy.”

Harry leaned up and frowned. “The bond can be happy?”

Scoffing, Severus pushed Harry’s face down upon his chest again. “The bond is a living magical entity that connects the two of us. When we were apart, didn’t you feel the pain of separation as an almost physical sensation? Did you not feel an unending urge to go to me?”

More than a little irritated, Harry bit the nearest skin he could find and said, “You know I did. Bastard.”

Severus’ hand stroked his hair again in apology. “Yes, I know. You felt that because the bond wanted us to be together; it needed us to be together in order for it to mature. It has now, and so this is the outcome.”

Closing his eyes again, Harry allowed himself to feel what was between them—to feel Severus’ happiness and pride, to feel this unnamed contentment that he now knew was the bond reaching its maturity. It vibrated between the two of them, and Harry had never felt as close to Severus as he did in that moment.

“It feels like it’s dancing,” Harry said into the silence.

“It was made for times such as these. It can do what it was created to do now.” Opening his eyes, Severus looked down and met Harry’s. “You will fight him, and you will win. Of this I’m sure.”

Harry paused and thought back to a moment a few weeks ago, when he and Severus had first emerged from their bedroom after days of solitude. It had seemed so impossible then. The idea that he could fight the most powerful dark wizard alive and win was something that couldn’t happen, and no amount of Severus’ faith could convince him.

But lying here now, feeling Severus’ power mingle with his own...

“It’s not just me that’s going to face him. It’ll be you, too. I couldn’t do it on my own.”

Severus squeezed him in response, then said, “You won’t have to.”

The bond sung between them as they lay in silence, Severus regaining his strength and Harry enjoying the peace after a long day of classes and fighting.

He let his fingers dance across Severus’ chest as he thought about his sparring session with Dumbledore and Remus, how he felt more prepared and ready than he ever had before. But being prepared was one thing. Actually fighting was something else.

“When is it going to happen?”

Severus was silent for a few moments, only responding when Harry began to fidget. “I don’t know.”

“I still think I should go out and face him,” Harry said, turning his head on Severus’ chest so he could look into the fire in the hearth. “How else is all this going to end?”

The arms holding him pulled him tighter. “You won’t face him alone. Not like that, Harry.” Severus sighed and Harry felt his worry. “We’ll think of something.”

“But what? What is there to think of? Voldemort is just going to keep destroying whatever he can until I go out and face him. I don’t know what else to do.”

“Not that. We’ll think of something, but you will not go out to face him alone. Now, I’m tired. Let’s go to bed.”

Harry nodded and sat up, helping Severus to his feet, though he seemed much stronger now than he had when Harry had first come into the room. They lay down together, shucking off their trousers quickly before getting under the covers.

Harry kissed Severus goodnight and took him in his arms, listening as his breathing evened out almost as soon as his head hit Harry’s chest. With Severus asleep, Harry allowed himself to think of what could be done, of any kind of plan that would allow him to engage Voldemort. He kept his eyes open in the darkness, gently stroking Severus’ hair as his mind ran through a hundred different plans and disposed of them just as quickly.

There had to be something they hadn’t thought of yet. Something that would bring all of this to end, to stop forcing Harry to hurt Severus when all he wanted to do was live. Live in a way neither of them had before. Severus made a low moan and burrowed further into Harry’s arms, and Harry gripped him tighter in the darkness.

Sleep was a long time coming.

*

A week later, Severus was no closer to coming up with an answer to their problem.

Now that he was no longer a spy there was no way of knowing if or when the Dark Lord would finally end all his pointless raids and attack Harry once and for all. And despite Harry’s protestations, Severus knew there was no way this fight would take place outside of Hogwarts’ grounds. There was no other place that was as fortified while also being removed from any large populations.

And yet there was no way Severus could think of to provoke the Dark Lord into attacking Hogwarts. Why attack a fortress when you could weaken the whole Wizarding world piece by piece? And what of the students in the castle? Who would protect them while the rest of the Order was battling Death Eaters?

And then there was the trouble with Harry, who was living in the dungeons with Severus. Aside from the two of them only three people knew where Harry was spending his nights, and Severus knew that the charade of Harry sleeping in a safe room somewhere in Hogwarts would only last so long. Sooner or later, one of the five of them—probably Granger or Harry himself—would make a slip and their cover would be blown. And what would happen then? What would happen to Harry if the world discovered he was living with a man twenty years his senior, a professor?

Resolving to discuss the matter again with Dumbledore, Severus forced his features to their regular sternness and walked the stairs from the dungeons to the Great Hall for lunch. At this point, even Lupin’s irritating and pointless chatter seemed better than the circular argument that was running through his thoughts.

He was thinking through their last training session, mentally reviewing whether anyone had seen them together, when Harry fell into step beside him.

“Hey.”

Severus’ eyes went wide as he watched Harry pull his bag tighter over his shoulder, walking with him through the halls—halls full of people!—as though this were perfectly normal behavior.

“Just what do you think you’re doing, Potter?” he hissed through his teeth.

Harry frowned and looked up, his steps never faltering. “Saying hello. And going to lunch. What are you doing?”

Severus turned away to look forward, schooling his face to impassivity, as though Harry wasn’t acting like a damn fool. “I meant what are you doing walking with me?”

He could almost hear Harry shrug. “Why wouldn’t I? I mean, everyone knows we’re training together. It’s not like it’s a big secret. I think that’s why everyone’s avoiding me. It’s like, if I can get along with you there must be something wrong with me.”

Processing this new information, Severus watched the faces of the students as they walked by. Many of them were avoiding walking next to the two of them, their eyes looking on them in wonder before glancing down to the floor.

“I thought that was because of me.”

Harry laughed. “I guess that’s the standard response. No, they’re doing it to me, too.”

“Stop laughing.” Quickly, he reached for his wand in his pocket and cast a privacy charm. “Harry, this is foolish. People, especially adolescents, are prone to gossip. Just one person has to speculate about the nature of our relationship for all of this to fall apart.”

“Okay, first of all,” Harry said, his tone so nonchalant that Severus wanted to throttle him, “no one would ever think that the two of us are together. We hated each other for far too long, and everyone knows that you’re teaching me dueling and defense at night. Second, just because you see two people walking together doesn’t mean they’re...you know, together. And no one knows I’m gay.”

“Oh? Finally discover the answer to that question?” Severus couldn’t resist asking.

“Says the man who fucked me last night. And shut up. You know what I meant. As far as everyone thinks, I’m going to settle down with a nice witch one day. And does anyone know you’re gay?”

Severus thought about this for a moment, and remembered the debacle with Lucius in his second year. The entire school had known his sexuality when he’d been a student, but if any of the current students had been informed it had yet to reach his ears. “It wasn’t a secret when I was in school. If any of the parents told their children—”

“I don’t think they did. If they had, I’d have heard about it by now. So relax,” Harry said, and Severus again looked over to see his easy step, looking far too peaceful while in the presence of his supposedly hated professor.

Wanting to end this foolishness now, Severus canceled the privacy charm and shouted, “Get to lunch, Potter!” before he swept away from Harry with all his usual vitriol. He felt a trickle of amusement mixed with annoyance through the bond and ignored it, trying to look as angry and put out as possible as he walked up to his usual seat at the Head Table.

Dumbledore was already there, and though he looked his usual cheerful self, Severus knew he’d witnessed Harry’s idiotic actions.

“Was something the matter with Harry?” he asked with a smile that did not match his soft, harsh tone.

“No. He seems to think the students are ostracizing him for his contact with me, and saw no reason not to walk openly with me in the halls.”

“You disabused him of this notion, I assume?”

“Of course I did,” Severus said with a scowl, then speared a bit of chicken. He was about to tell Dumbledore that it wouldn’t happen again when Lupin sat down next to him.

“Severus—”

“I’ve already been lectured once, Lupin,” he said, sending a glare towards the Gryffindor table for good measure. “I don’t need another one from you.”

“Maybe not, but Harry probably does. I don’t know what he was thinking.”

“He’s growing frustrated with our current stalemate,” Severus said, keeping his voice low enough so only Dumbledore and Lupin would hear. “I am as well, but I would never be so foolish as to advertise what needs to be kept secret.”

“He should know better than anyone that we’re working on the stalemate,” Dumbledore said under his breath before turning to laugh at something Filius had said. At once, Severus was glad that his usual demeanor meant he never had to fake happiness. Still, he grumbled to himself that they’d been working on the stalemate for weeks now with no end in sight. It wasn’t only Harry that was growing frustrated.

With Dumbledore occupied, Lupin began his regular useless chatter. “I know he’s anxious for all this to end. We all are. But he can’t do something this foolish, especially now.”

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know,” Severus grumbled, looking outward over the student body, which was far more silent than it had any right to be. Order members were guarding the doors like a fortress.

“Something has to be done. There must be some contingency, some plan that we haven’t thought of to tip the scales,” Severus said more to himself than to Lupin, putting down his fork and knife in consternation. “This can’t continue.”

“The Order is having another meeting tonight, but...” Lupin drifted off with a sigh, tapping his fingers on the table. The mutual frustration was not something Severus appreciated, the sounds of chatter and youthful laughter still strangely absent from the Great Hall. Living in an atmosphere of fear was weighing on everyone’s nerves, and children were even less capable of dealing with such stress than the Aurors in residence.

Taking care that no one was watching him, Severus cast a glance at Harry, noticing how all the seventh year Gryffindors were attempting to have a light-hearted conversation and failing. Granger seemed to be attempting to bring Harry into their discussion, but no one but Longbottom was speaking to him. The strain of the awkward conversation could be felt even from the Head Table, and Severus almost felt guilty for having chided Harry for talking to him in the halls.

Almost.

Lupin had started to speak again, and Severus had started to ignore him, when something Severus saw in the corner of his eye drew his attention to the windows. Severus gripped his fork tighter and he held his breath as he watched a great black owl fly over the students’ tables and head right for him.

It flew low over Severus’ head and dropped a black envelope on top of his lunch, and Dumbledore made a quick motion for Severus not to touch it. As though he would make such a mistake.

Fear

Knowing that a hundred eyes were upon him Severus did not look at Harry, instead taking his wand and casting spell after spell on the envelope. When he was certain it contained no portkey, curse, hex, or any other trace of dark magic, he carefully turned it over to open it.

The wax seal was blood red, the snake signet making it painfully obvious who had sent it.

Reaching out to open it, Severus realized the entire room had gone quiet, everyone seeming to hold their breath as he opened the letter.

There was no note, no signature. There wasn’t a need for one. The only thing in the envelope was a photograph, and as much as Severus tried to contain himself, he let out a soft gasp as he saw what it contained.

The picture had obviously been taken at night, but Severus recognized the place at once. The photo was of his house on Spinner’s End, burning to the ground.

No one at the Head Table said a word. Severus clenched the photo in his hand before he slid it back inside the envelope and continued eating his lunch. The students returned to their meals and half-whispered conversations.

In between bites of his potatoes, Lupin managed to mutter, “I’m sorry, Severus.” Severus sneered in return and tried to ignore the churning feeling in his stomach or the way his heart seemed to be beating madly in his chest.

Though he’d always had mixed feelings about his home on Spinner’s End, it had been his home. He hadn’t seen it in nearly a year now, and the fire hadn’t taken much. All of his books were in his rooms at Hogwarts, as were a few of his mother’s belongings that he’d wanted to keep, even most of his music. The keen sense of loss he felt was more melancholy than true pain, knowing that he could never return to that dingy little house ever again.

The thing that truly had his thoughts churning, his heart clenching in his chest, was the fact that the Dark Lord was sending him a very obvious message. There was no subtlety in this, no elegance, no grand plan. There was just Severus’ house burned to the ground and the knowledge that he was now being targeted by the Dark Lord.

Would this be the only attack or merely the first? Severus had been protecting Harry, spending so many hours worrying over him, that he hadn’t spared a thought for himself. He’d always known that he’d have to answer for his betrayal, but this attack was so deliberate, so personal that Severus had no idea how to defend against it.

Rage

Keeping his head down, Severus looked towards the Gryffindor table with caution, careful not to let anyone see him looking. His efforts were all in vain; Harry was unabashedly staring at him, his expression angry and his body tense. And though it was impossible that Harry knew exactly what had happened, Severus’ emotions must have made it clear enough.

And in that moment, Severus wasn’t sure what disturbed him more: the idea that the Dark Lord was targeting him for destruction or the look of cold determination on Harry’s face.

*

The Order meeting was in chaos.

Severus stood silently by Dumbledore, and Lupin stood between himself and Harry, watching as two dozen people shouted at the top of their lungs, all trying to be heard.

Looking around the room, Severus watched as Arabella Figg spoke in low tones to Dumbledore, looking to be the voice of reason that no one could hear. Elphias Doge was shouting as loud as possible to a man whose name Severus hadn’t bothered to learn before. Kingsley was busy trying to bring order to a room full of terrified, angry people and Moody was staring Severus down.

Having heard enough, Dumbledore got to his feet.

“Enough!” he cried, and put up his hands. The shouting stopped, but no one seemed calm. Severus thought nothing was likely to be accomplished with a room full of people who all seemed too angry and frightened to think logically. He was about to tell Lupin the same when Dumbledore started speaking.

“This bickering is getting us nowhere.”

“No, Albus, our inaction is getting us nowhere,” Moody said, taking a step from the crowd of people to address Dumbledore directly. “There has to be something that can be done. There aren’t enough of us to guard every Wizarding village in Britain.”

Dumbledore sighed and rested his hands on the edge of his desk. “I realize that, Alastor, however—”

“We lost five men in the last skirmish, Dumbledore,” Kingsley said from the corner of the room. “We can’t afford to lose any more. If you have some plan hidden up your sleeve, I think you should tell us about it now.”

Anguish

Guilt

Severus wanted nothing more than to physical restrain Harry from saying a word, but Lupin and his own sense of self preservation were standing in the way.

“We will engage Voldemort here, at Hogwarts,” Dumbledore said, “that has always been the plan. There’s no other place that’s as fortified—”

“But when, Albus?” Moody cried out, seeming far more upset than Severus had ever seen him. “And how would we lure him here? Why in Merlin’s name would he come to Hogwarts, where he knows he doesn’t stand half a chance as he does anywhere else?”

Severus could see Harry fidgeting out of the corner of his eye and bit his lip.

“Well, what would you suggest we do, Alastor?” Minerva asked from her position opposite Severus. “And what of the children in this castle? You seem to forget that Hogwarts was attacked not a month ago!”

“No,” Moody said, and Severus knew exactly what he was going to say before he said it. “Potter was attacked. Voldemort didn’t dare attack Hogwarts then, and he’s not going to attack Hogwarts now. We need a different plan, and in the meantime, I need more men to respond to these raids.”

“We have people who are in charge of recruiting, but I’m afraid we cannot devote so much time to that issue, Alastor,” Dumbledore said, sitting back down in his chair. “Now, back to the real issue—”

“I can think of one man who should be out there and isn’t.” Moody turned towards him and Severus sneered and threw back his shoulders, ready for an attack, when Moody surprised him. “Care to tell us why we’re out there fighting while Lupin is spending all his time in Hogwarts?”

Severus felt Harry’s guilt flare before Dumbledore stood again.

“Remus is here for a specific reason and at my request. Now back to our biggest concern—”

“We’re talking in circles, Dumbledore,” Kingsley said, obviously frustrated. “We realize you’re in a difficult situation, but whatever it is you’re doing isn’t working. We have to do something different.”

The room erupted into shouts once again, some defending Dumbledore’s leadership and others agreeing that something needed to be done differently. Dumbledore stood and tried to calm down the Order members as he’d done before, but there was no quieting them. The mood of the room grew from frightened to angry, and Severus watched as the shouts grew, as people who were on the same side screamed at each other, all of it pointless.

Worst of all, Severus could feel Harry’s emotions swirling, could feel him struggling with his own guilt. Severus wanted nothing more than to take him from the room but stayed still. Dumbledore might trust everyone in this room, but Severus did not.

“Harry, don’t...” Lupin said, and Severus turned, watching as Harry paled, then stepped towards the center of the room.

All conversations stopped and the room grew quickly silent, all focused on Harry as he struggled to find his words.

Severus mentally pleaded for him to stop, clenching his fists and praying Harry could feel his protests, only barely holding himself back from stopping Harry from what he was about to do.

“I could go meet him,” Harry said, his voice strong but wavering. “I could go to some place where I know I’d be followed, then lead him...somewhere. He wants me,” he said, turning to face Moody and Kingsley. “We know he wants me. And he’s doing all of this to draw me out.”

Nothing but silence met Harry’s statement, and Severus wished he could object, wished he could fall back into his old pattern of accusing Harry of egotism, but everyone in the room knew what Harry was saying was true.

“Harry, we’ve been over this,” Dumbledore said, holding out a hand to stop Kingsley and Moody from speaking. “You’ll not face him alone. We’re not about to use you as bait.”

“Why not?” Moody asked, his scarred face twisted in a sneer. “Potter’s right. It’s him Voldemort wants, and he’s obviously prepared to destroy everything he can if it means getting to Potter.” He looked at Harry, his stern gaze softening minutely before he said, “It’s not your fault, boy, but this is only going to end with you.”

Harry paled and seemed to shrink in his spot. “I know.”

Severus closed his eyes, and hoped he wasn’t about to damn himself. He removed himself from his position besides Dumbledore, and spoke directly to Moody.

“You’d send Potter out like a pig to slaughter?” Severus asked him, allowing all his disgust to bleed over into his tone. “Allow a boy to fight your battles for you?”

“You’re not the one on the front lines, Snape,” Moody said, his distorted features twisting with menace. “Don’t dare to judge me for wanting Potter to end it. You get to sit here in your school, you get to sleep peacefully at night and know that you’re going to wake up in the morning!”

“Be quiet!” Harry shouted, and for some reason everyone in the room listened. “Listen to me! All of this has to end, and it ends with me and Voldemort.”

“Harry, we’ve discussed this,” Dumbledore said, his features dark and angry. “You’re not going to go out on your own to meet him.”

“No, Potter, you’re not,” Severus said, ignoring his own good advice and grabbing Harry by the collar, bring up a sneer he hadn’t used in months. “Perhaps if you’d try a little harder in your dueling lessons you’d be ready by now.” He ignored the shocked, hurt look on Harry’s face and dragged him from the center of the room. Addressing Moody and Kingsley, he said with a sneer, “Unfortunately, any plan that revolves around Potter will have to wait until the boy wonder actually puts some effort into his training!”

Severus dragged Harry out of the room like an errant schoolboy, not bothering to care how that scene must have looked to the Order. He could feel Harry’s rage, his embarrassment and anger, but ignored it as he used all his strength to get him into the hallway.

When they were finally clear of the stairs Harry shook him off, his face pale and angry, his anger obvious. He was just about to begin shouting when Severus held up a hand, looking around the hallways of the castle to tell Harry the obvious.

Though it was past midnight, Severus didn’t trust the halls of Hogwarts to be void of nighttime wanderers. He silently started walking to the dungeons, Harry reluctantly following him, not looking forward to the spectacular argument they were about to have.

He heard a silencing charm and then Harry said, “I can’t believe you did that.”

“Oh?” he said, his tone snide and just as angry. “I think I could say the same of you.”

Harry gave a frustrated growl before he shouted, “What else is there to do? Everyone’s waiting on me, and there’s no reason to wait anymore! I’m ready! The bond is—”

“You’ll not face him alone,” Severus said, making his steps larger so Harry had to jog to keep up with him. “I refuse to allow you to face him alone.”

“But I wouldn’t be alone! You said it yourself that you’d be with me. The bond works over long distances. There’s no need for you to actually be there!”

They’d just reached the Entrance Hall when Severus found he couldn’t listen to this for another moment. He stopped and spun around, watching Harry’s angry face contort in the firelight from scattered candles and shouted, “What if it were me, Potter? Would you send me out to face him, alone? Could you?” Not caring if anyone was watching, he grabbed Harry’s body and pulled him against his own, needing to touch him, needing Harry to know that he couldn’t do what he was asking.

“Don’t do that,” Harry said, gripping Severus’ arms. “That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair, Potter—”

“Severus,” a voice said from behind him, and he spun around, covering Harry’s body with his own as he brandished his wand against the unknown voice.

Darkness obscured the figure and Severus canceled the silencing spell, waiting for whomever had spoken to reveal himself.

He heard Harry swear under his breath and step out from behind him as Draco Malfoy came into view. There was silence for a moment, Draco’s soft footsteps and Severus’ heartbeat the only noises audible to him. Draco looked thinner than he had a month ago, and Severus forced down his apprehension as he began to speak.

“This really isn’t a smart move on your behalf, Draco,” Severus said, noticing Harry take up a defensive position to his right. “What are you doing here?”

Draco’s face was paler than usual, and he put out his hands, showing that his wand was still in his pocket. “I came to warn you. Severus, he’s going to kill you.”

Fear

“He’ll try,” Severus said, his wand not dropping an inch. “I knew the possible consequences of my actions when I chose to switch sides...far before you ever came to Hogwarts.”

Shaking his head, Draco took another step forward.

“Stop right there, Malfoy,” Harry said, his voice carrying a deadly threat. “Don’t get anywhere near him.”

Draco turned to Harry, but the fear didn’t leave his face. “I came to warn him, that’s all. And to offer...” He turned his gaze back to Severus and said, “Severus, I can protect you. I know I can get him to forgive you if you come with me.”

Severus fought a dark chuckle. “Do you really believe that?”

Nodding, Draco said, “It’s the only way. I can protect you. I love you, Severus. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Tell him.

A soft voice spoke into Severus’ ear, the little hairs on his neck standing at attention. And though it had never been as clear before, Severus recognized it immediately, and felt his heart drop even as he gripped his wand tighter.

“God, you’re pathetic,” Harry sneered. “He doesn’t want you, Malfoy. He never did.”

“You’re being selfish,” Draco said to Harry. “You can’t protect him, and he’s going to die if he doesn’t come with me.”

Tell him.

Severus struggled to keep his focus on Draco, knowing that he couldn’t drop his guard for a moment. He ignored the voice, wanting to shout at it, curse it to the deepest layer of hell.

“You’re mad,” Harry whispered. “You think you can parade him in front of your lord, and he’ll be forgiven? Do you really believe that or is this some sick way of killing him for rejecting you?”

“I love him!” Draco shouted, even as Severus felt a pressure on head, his hand wavering as he struggled to ignore the voice of Fate.

Tell him!

“No,” he whispered, and suddenly it was as though time had slowed down, as though Harry and Draco were frozen in their contest of wills, the fight over him paused as Fate began to flash images in his mind.

He watched as the Wizarding world weakened, as villages were burned to the ground, as families were torn apart, as Order members were slain. He saw Lupin leaving the school to fight, and Harry mourning him when news of his death reached Hogwarts. Severus gasped and felt his heart clench as he saw the students, the Board of Governors turn against them as he and Harry were discovered, one overheard conversation revealing what he had struggled to keep hidden. He saw the world crumble to the point where there was so much less left to save.

Tell him now! the voice shouted and Severus gasped as he was released from the whirling vision, as Fate freed him from its grasp to do what was needed.

“You sick little worm,” Harry said with a sneer, wand aimed at Draco’s heart. “If you think I’ll let you anywhere near him—”

“We’re bonded,” Severus said suddenly, his strength renewed as he realized what had to be done. Draco’s face paled even further and his eyes went wide.

“What?” he asked in a whisper, his features twisting in sadness and disbelief.

“We’re bonded with the Geheald us Hal,” Severus said, his voice sounding far more confident than he felt. He slowly walked forward, looking Draco in the eye, the pale candlelight revealing his horror. “I could never want you, Draco. But even if I did, I could never act upon it.”

Astonishment

Terror

Severus ignored Harry for now, keeping his wand aimed at Draco’s heart as he stood over him, leaning closer and saying, “Go tell your master. The bond grows stronger with every passing day.” His voice dropped to a whisper and he said, “With every night I spend with Harry, our power grows exponentially.” He looked down at Draco, his expression heartbroken and terrified, and said, “Go. Tell him exactly what I’ve told you, and tell him we’ll be waiting.”

Without another word, Draco walked backwards into the shadows, then took off in a run, his footsteps loud in the now-silent hallway.

Like a coil that had been too tightly wound Severus deflated and closed his eyes, praying that he’d made the right decision, that all of this would soon come to an end.

“Severus,” Harry whispered, and he turned to look at Severus, his eyes never having looked so fearful. “What have you done?”