Bonds of Affection

Harry was holding Severus in his arms, while the man\'s body was shuddering in agony. Harry\'s first natural reaction was to panic, or to sink into despair, but he bit down on his lip and forced himself to calm down. Second time around it was easier, and besides, this time he knew what was going on.



Harry turned Severus to lie on his back. He unbuttoned the shirt and loosened his robe, and then, sat by his side, holding his hand, and absorbing every tremor and convulsion that coursed through the man\'s body.



The silent torment went on for a several hours, and then, it looked like the agony began to dissipate. Severus started breathing more slowly and evenly. Harry rested his head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat. They slept together until early morning the following day, waking up only briefly to kiss each other, and drift off back to sleep instantly. Eventually, Severus shifted slightly, and made a move to get up. Harry\'s hands held him back.



“Severus,” Harry said softly. “How are you feeling?”



“Good. Rested,” he said sincerely. “Having you here helped. Thank you.”



Harry was looking at him with a sad smile, his hands trailing along the folds of the heavy black robe.



“May I... undress you?” Harry asked hesitantly.



Severus looked at him in disbelief. “What?”



“I want to see you,” Harry insisted. “Please?”



Severus nodded reluctantly.



Harry smiled a little, and reached to remove his robe. Underneath, Severus wore a thick black old-fashioned overshirt, with buttons alongside the sleeves, as well as from the collar all the way down. Slowly and unhurriedly, Harry worked to undo them all, even as Severus was tense and numb under his touch.



“Are you embarrassed?” Harry asked.



Severus just shook his head absently. “No. Believe me, Harry, I have no ego left at this point. I just don\'t want you to be disturbed.”



Harry nodded a little, but did not stop. He removed the overshirt, and quickly unbuttoned the white old-fashioned overshirt, that was drenched in his sweat, slowly revealing the muscular, firm body underneath it. Severus looked down , barely breathing, as Harry stared at his nearly hairless, sculpted chest, firm abdomen, and two deep scars that ran across his entire torso.



“What are those?” Harry demanded instantly.



Severus took a deep breath and said quietly:



“From the raids, Harry. When I had been participating. With Voldemort.”



Harry took a deep breath and touched them, fingers contacting the old scar tissue and trailing along. The scars... obtained while fighting and killing others – people... people like Harry\'s parents. Harry felt a lump at the back of his throat, and sat quietly for a minute, not moving. Next to him, Severus appeared to be frozen as well.



“Why didn\'t you remove them?” Harry asked in a low voice. “Your noble way of torturing yourself?”



Severus smiled without happiness, or regret. “Not at all. It is my Master\'s wish that I keep them. He never wants his servants to be whole.”



Harry sighed a little, and embraced Severus, the scars pressed against his own body, hidden between them. Severus tensed even more. Harry kissed his shoulder, sensing the smell of mildew and soil on his skin.



“Come on,” Harry urged him, pulling him off the bed.



Severus stood up numbly, looking away. Harry unbuttoned his trousers, and completed undressing him, which Severus permitted without uttering a word. Harry shed his own clothing quickly, and lead Severus into the ensuite bathroom. He was surprised at what he saw – no tub, just an enormous shower, with a tiled floor, and multiple showerheads hanging overhead. He nudged Severus inside, and they stood together, as the streams of hot water rained over them both.



Severus stood motionless, allowing himself to be held. Slowly, Harry guided him to sit on the tiled floor, under the streams of water pouring from above. Leaning over Severus, Harry washed his hair with gentleness, rinsing out the smell of decay that he had brought in with him from the meeting with Voldemort. Severus sighed deeply, and leaned back slightly, pressing his head against Harry\'s thigh.



Eventually, Harry slid to the floor next to him, and they lay on the floor together facing each other, touching each other slightly. The water engulfed them, and fell on the floor heavily, rapping against the tiles, and streaming away. Severus looked at Harry with a sad smile.



“Does it scare you?” he asked. “To see me so... weak?”



Harry caressed his face gently, fingers stroking his cheekbones.



“Why would it? Because a Master shouldn\'t have a single weak bone in his body?” Harry asked, a little ironically.



“Something like that.”



“You are not weak,” Harry said firmly. “You are human. No, it doesn\'t scare me. If anything, it makes me feel safer with you.”



Harry moved his hands to Severus\' chest, and traced the old scars with his fingers, gently and cautiously, as if trying to soothe the pain that was no longer there. Severus shut his eyes, but a disbelieving smile crossed his lips and lingered on them.



Harry shifted and reached up to kiss his lips, and Severus kissed back, first absently, but then, with renewed passion and vigor, caressing Harry\'s tongue, sucking on his lower lip. Harry moaned quietly, and wrapped his arms around Severus, pressing firmly against him. Severus moved his kisses to Harry\'s neck, each application of the lips and teeth leaving a faint love bite mark that faded almost instantly. Harry found his breath becoming heavier and shorter.



“I want to make love to you,” Severus said suddenly. “May I?”



Harry lifted himself on his elbow and smiled a little. “You don\'t ever need to ask,” Harry told him. “Just do as you like. Anytime.”



Harry turned to lie on his belly, his body pressing against the firm tiles of the floor. Severus was stroking his damp back gently, fingers and streams of water caressing his skin together. Harry felt kisses travel along his spine, descending lower and lower, until tongue circled the small of his back. He trembled slightly, and lifted his hips a bit, feeling a hand slide between his cheeks, caressing his cleft, teasing and probing his opening. A sleek finger entered it and teased it. Harry groaned quietly, and pushed back against it, gulping when the tip brushed against his prostate. Another finger was added, and then one more. The caresses became more intense, almost painful, but each time his deep point of pleasure was touched, Harry\'s hips bucked involuntarily, and he pushed himself against the tormenting fingers. Severus slid his other hand underneath Harry\'s chest, finding his nipples, squeezing them slightly, one after another, sending ripples of ecstasy through Harry\'s body. His erect member pressing against the firm floor, his entire body overwhelmed with sensation, Harry begged finally:



“Now... Please...”



Severus sat on top of him, straddling his hips, the head of his cock pressing against Harry\'s opening. Harry trembled furiously, and mumbled something incoherent when he was entered. He shuddered helplessly as Severus moved inside him, slow, measured, unhurried thrusts pushing further and further in. Still thrusting, Severus leaned forward, kissing Harry\'s back with every movement, even as his hands caressed Harry\'s shoulders.



The consummate, careful tenderness of the lovemaking was so unexpected, and so blissful, that Harry found his eyes welling up with tears. Then, in spite of the brilliant ecstasy that was gripping and rocking his body, tears fell, of their own accord, mingling with the torrents of water descending on him from above. He cried soundlessly, cried from the joy of being held and filled, from heartache at the thought that their time together would be too short, from the anguish he had witnessed only a few hours ago, from gratitude, affection, remorse, and wonder.



Strong fingers held his shoulders, steadying him, soothing him. Soft voice spoke something above him, reassuring, comforting, instilling untenable hopes.



He felt Severus tense and climax inside him, and then, Harry spilled himself on the floor with a loud groan.



Exhausted and spent, they lay together on the floor, side by side, facing each other.



The streams of water continued to fall on them and lave them, as if seeking to erase all signs of fatigue and exertion from their bodies: the sweat, the traces of release, the droplets of tears, and the shadows of anguish, recent and distant.